Practice English Speaking&Listening with: Aziz Ansari and Jimmy Dramatically Read More Bad Yelp Reviews

♪ Dramatic Yelp Reviews ♪

-Now, you should know that all these Yelp reviews and responses

are 100% real.

For each of these, I'll be playing the customer,

and Aziz will be playing the owner, okay?

[ Clears throat ]

Here's the first one.

I'll get in character.

[ Dramatic music plays ]

[ Light laughter ]

[ Laughter and applause ]

[ Laughter ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

What?

-Wow.

-Wow!

Whoa! My bad.

-That got heated -- That got heated fast.

-Real quick.

Whoa.

That's the owner saying that.

All right, here we go.

Whew.

Let's do another one here.

-All right.

[ Dramatic music plays ]

[ Light laughter ]

-[ Scoffs ]

[ Laughter ]

[ Laughter and applause ]

[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]

-That would be good

if they did sign up for that loyalty program.

[ Both laugh ]

All right, so we switched it up a little bit on this next one.

This one is for a dentist's office.

-Oh.

Okay.

-Yeah.

[ Dramatic music plays ]

[ Laughter ]

[ Laughter ]

[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]

-Ooh!

Ohh!

All right.

I -- I feel like any film

where within the first five minutes

there's topless women "prancing around,"

it's pretty apparent from the cover that's what you're in for.

[ Laughter ]

-Exactly.

I-I don't even know -- Yeah.

Why would you even --

Well, why would you choose that film?

-Also, if you're the dentist,

just take the one with nudity out.

[ Laughter ]

Who's like, "You got anything with a little nudity,

maybe a little Diane Lane 'Unfaithful' action?

I want to see a little

bonin' while I'm getting my cavity filled."

[ Laughter ]

You can say "boning"!

[ Laughter ]

-No. -They're not bleeping --

You don't need to bleep -- You don't --

If anyone here is a guest on a late-night talk show,

just so you know,

"boning" doesn't need to be bleeped, as far as I know.

[ Laughter ]

-I don't know for a fact.

-I wonder what's happening at home right now.

Is that being bleeped?

Do they know what I'm saying?

-No, we describe it as something else --

-Spelled B-O-N-I-N-G.

[ Laughter and applause ]

-And it involves --

the definition is taking a bone out of a steak.

-Yes, exactly.

[ Laughter ]

-Legally, I think, now we can say "boning."

[ Laughter ]

If you give it --

No, it's when you take a bone and you shove it into a --

-Hey, hey, whoa, no, hey!

[ Laughter ]

-I mean, that would be de-boning.

-I just want to get my --

I just want to get my cavity filled.

That's all I...

[ Laughter ]

I didn't -- They made that joke.

I didn't make that joke.

-Exactly.

-You made it, yourself.

They made that joke themselves.

-We were talking about teeth.

We were talking about the dentist, teeth, exactly.

-Next time, we should actually get these people in here

so we can find out what really happened.

-Yeah, I would do that. I would do that.

Just want to see actually what happened.

'Cause they're real people.

-I'd love to meet that crazy dentist.

[ Laughter ]

-Here we go. We have time for one more.

This one's actually from an auto-repair shop, okay?

[ Dramatic music plays ]

[ Laughter ]

[ Laughter ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪

[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]

That is up for an Emmy Award, right there!

Aziz Ansari!