( music playing )
Now lately the news has been mostly bad.
- Mm-hmm. - Like truly awful.
Like unbelievably, constantly, never-endingly,
reign of unholy pre-apocalyptic omen-style bad.
But sometimes the headlines are so bizarrely bad
that they become entertaining.
It's time for...
"Blank all about it"?
"Blank all about it."
I am going to be presenting to you
a headline from the news verbatim, okay?
Except with a blank, right?
Typically, with the click-baity titles these days,
they don't put blanks because no one wants to click on
- something they don't know what it is. - Right, yes.
That's what I'm doing for you.
- And I'm filling in the blank? - You have to fill in the blank.
- Now, no choices... - Ha!
...so this is gonna be particularly difficult.
- Oh, yeah. - So, what I'm saying is,
- if you get one of these right... - Oh, gosh.
- ...just one of these right... - Setting the bar real low.
...then you win a tasty treat.
- Oh, I'm hungry. - If you don't get any of these right,
if you have a negative queen sweep...
- Okay. - ...then that tasty treat is going to be burnt to a crisp
in honor of our time with Padmé...
I want to call her Padmé, it's Padma.
- Yeah, that's right. - This is not "Star Wars."
At least you didn't actually say that when she was here.
I probably did, but we somehow edited it out.
( slow-motion ) Padmé.
- Are you ready? - Mm, that's sad.
Yeah, I'm ready.
And you still have to eat it.
Here's the first headline.
This headlines starts with a bang, but ends with a blank.
That's the most interesting part there.
- Right. - She's trying to eliminate
I probably would do the same thing
if I had one.
- What would you do? - How would I kill my look-alike?
Well, I'd probably offer him beans first.
You know he would take beans.
Maybe I would go broad.
And I would offer peanut butter
because, as we've learned,
it's very painful
- and it could kill you. - How 'bout this?
"Women accused of poisoning her look-alike
( laughter )
Ha! I beat the system again!
Right on the nose, huh?
- Is that your final answer? - Is that not it?
Uh, no, the answer is "cheesecake."
Oh, come on! How? What?
I told you it was gonna be difficult!
Here's the story, a Russian-native woman
laced a cheesecake with tranquilizers
in an attempt to murder and steal the identity
of a Queens woman
who looked kinda like her.
The subsect-- the suspect apparently
fled Russia for Brooklyn
after allegedly drugging and killing a woman there.
Woman be shopping... for false identities.
Okay, wow, all right.
is an actual cheesecake flavor in Russia.
Planning on having one.
You got that one wrong, that's your tasty treat.
It's tranquilizer-flavored cheesecake,
but it is not actually damaging to your system.
That's a weird shaped slice, I will say that.
- It's kinda stumpy. - Yeah.
- The pie is only that big? - It's also gonna be burnt
- if you don't get any right. - Okay.
We've got hospitality at its finest, Rhett.
Here's the headline...
What? This is so weird.
First of all, Tang Plaza,
is it sponsored by Tang?
Is Tang making a comeback sponsoring plazas?
Tang's always hanging around.
"Asks for photo of blank next to bed, hotel delivers."
Again, I have kinda to personalize this,
what would I want next to my bed?
I'll say a photo of...
Alicia Silverstone as Batgirl.
In some strange...
I've made that request before,
it's never been honored.
If you went to Tang Plaza, it would be,
but you're wrong, the answer is...
Hold on, hold on! ( stammers )
- That's your answer. - That's a joke answer.
- Well... - Come on, man.
your real answer's not gonna get it either.
- Himself. - Oh.
He wants himself because he wants people to think
that... "This is my room, I own it."
You put a picture of yourself in your hotel room.
- It's wrong. - ( buzzer )
The answer is "Jeff Goldblum."
Oh, okay, "The Fly."
"The guest, identified only as Elliot,
was surprised and delighted by the hotel's follow-through."
Look at that, they posted it on his...
- Oh, wow. - ...on his mirror, that's a good picture.
- Oh, there's more. - And they got more, yeah.
Link: They put 'em everywhere.
Rhett: Oh, man, it keeps happening.
Link: There's another one. Everywhere he looks,
it's like, "Fine, you asked for it.
I gotta go to the Tang Plaza now.
It would've been cool if they had pictures of him,
that would've been weird, though.
How would they have...?
- Anyway... - Yeah.
- This is gonna be burnt. - Yeah.
Well, I've got three more chances.
Here's another one...
Well, there's two blanks in there, in that thing.
"Man uses blank blank."
Oh, that's right, two blanks.
"Car explodes after..."
If you get either one of these blanks right,
you get the cheesecake.
"Car explodes after man uses...
cigarette lighter, lights cigarette."
No, that's not right.
It's gotta be something you put in your car that,
then if you light a match, it explodes.
Or does it?
Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo-whoo!
Tell me I'm wrong.
The correct answer is "body spray."
I'm gonna give it to you!
- You got the word "spray!" - I got a blank!
I got a blank, man!
But look at this thing.
He lit the cigarette and it ignited fumes
and the whole car exploded.
Rhett: It blew the top right off.
Link: Can you-- I mean,
that dude was slathering
a bunch of that spray everywhere!
Rhett: That is a PT Cruiser, though, it deserved it.
( laughter )
Paramedics said the man was okay,
but smelled absolutely awful.
One could only imagine.
Wow. You know what? You can start eating it.
Wait, give him a fork.
- Yeah, please. - That's good.
Just take a little bite as a reward.
You pulled it off, Rhett, already,
I can't believe it.
- Yeah. - Here's another one...
Again, two blanks.
"Hawk blank blank"?
I'll give you another piece of cheesecake.
What kind of hawk activities
would get the people of the East Village excited?
I hate to say it, but...
Spoiler alert, any hawk activities get them excited.
Hawk sexual extravaganza.
( laughter )
- That's your final answer? - Yep.
The correct answer is "Hawk love triangle."
I mean, I'm in the ballpark.
Well, no, a love-- it...
well, let's watch the video
'cause there's actually video of this.
It's not really a love extravaganza.
Reporter: They named her Nora, as in not Dora.
When they first met, the two females,
they didn't like the sight of each other.
Reporter: So Nora moved to the other side of the park
and this feathered Casanova is splitting his time
between two nests.
Experts say hawks mate for life
and the tangled love web is incredibly rare.
We're just waiting to see what happens.
Well, it's probably gonna be a sexual extravaganza.
Stick around long enough, I'll be right.
I think it's gonna be a showdown!
Oh, we're gonna watch that one closely, guys, don't worry.
- Yeah, real close. - All right, here's another one...
First thing that comes to mind is Squat Magic.
- You know? - It's a good question.
After we talked about Squat Magic,
I'm sure the sales went through the rood.
Mm-hmm, people are losing thousands over it.
But you gotta-- he bought a lot of them.
That's probably not right.
They say there are a few things that
you should not buy on the internet.
One of the things you should not purchase on the internet
is an animal.
You're on the right track.
- Really? - Yes.
You have to be more specific, though.
It's gotta be an exotic animal,
that's just the way this goes down.
Could be any animal.
No, it is a monkey.
Really, it is an animal?
Yeah, the story's pretty incredible.
"Don Abrego from Wyoming, Michigan
was in search for a new pet quoted as saying,
'I needed a monkey, I needed to be different.'
After finding a capuchin monkey seller online,
he was shocked that he got scammed,
even after employees at Walgreens and CVS told him
paying thousands via Amazon gift cards
was a bad idea."
- Yeah. - You think?
"Don said he thought he did enough
when he asked the seller for I.D.
Turned out that the I.D. that he was given was literally
the McLovin's fake I.D. from the movie 'Superbad.'"
Well, he hadn't seen it.
He hadn't seen it!
Remember, kids, never buy a monkey online,
do not do it, you gotta buy 'em from a reputable
- monkey sales representative. - Monkey dealer, right, that's right.
- In person. - That's right.
You gotta touch and see that monkey.
Yeah, or just don't buy a monkey, how about that?
Don't buy a monkey.
Enjoy them in the wild.
And you continue to enjoy that, you earned it, Rhett...
- I will. - ...by guessing "spray!"
Thank you for liking, commenting and subscribing.
You know what time it is.
Hey, it's Justin, I'm in Orlando, Florida
and it's time to spin the Wheel of Mythicality.
- Yeah. - Hey, Justin.
Click the bottom link to watch this episode from the beginning.
And click the top link to watch Rhett finish his cheesecake
while we open mail with Jen from you!
And to find out where the Wheel of Mythicality is going to land.
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available at mythical.store.