Practice English Speaking&Listening with: DragonBall Z Abridged: Episode 33 - TeamFourStar (TFS)

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FREEZA: The following is a non-profit fan-based parody.

Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, and Dragon Ball GT-GT-GT-GT-

T-T-T-T-T-T-T-(etc...) KING COLD: Oh, my! Um...

[King Cold reading the above] [Please keep these captions clean for those who need them. Funny extras can be added to the English (Canada) subs. Thank you!]

{BZZZT}

FREEZA: Absalon.

VEGETA: Alright, Freeza's just over this next formation.

Now before we move in, we need a plan.

So here it is:

All of you will attack from the front, and while you're being slaughtered,

I'll flank him, taking him from behind and securing the kill!

Ready? Break!

PICCOLO: No.

TIEN: Yeah, no.

YAMCHA: Personally, I don't think Bulma should be here; a battlefield is no place for a lady.

VEGETA: And yet, you're sticking around.

YAMCHA: I'm serious! I worry about her safety!

And as my close, personal friend, possibly even bestie,

I think we need to consider--

AAagh!

BULMA: Anyone want to explain to Yamcha here what ten pounds of torque does to a human ear?

GOHAN: Rips it off?

BULMA: Very good, Gohan!

[Laughing]

KRILLIN: Ahh...

we're gonna f*cking die.

[♫ "Cha-La Head-Cha-La" ♫]

CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA

Egao urutora zetto de ♫ (With a smile thats Ultra-Z)

Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫ (Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)

Sparking! [fading echo] ♫

KING COLD: So is this him, sweetie? Is this the man who hurt you so?

FREEZA: No, Daddy.

This is a new one...

(???): So... you must be Friza.

FREEZA: Actually, it's Lord Freeza.

(???): Really? Then why is there an "i" in it?

FREEZA: There *isn't*.

(???): Huh. Gonna have to fix that one when I get back, then.

Anyway, I'm here to kill you.

FREEZA: Ohohohohohoho, my my! Not five minutes on this wayward rock and we already have a volunteer-teer-teer--

{BZZZT}

dead man.

Soldiers! Do your jobs!

STRAW: Lord Freeza, with all due respect--

FREEZA: This sounds like insubordination.

STRAW: He just turned an entire squad into a pile of limbs!

FREEZA: And that sounds like it's not my problem!

CHAYOTE: Man, moving your bitchin' bitch-ass over, bitch.

[Rapid Scouter beeping]

What, power level of five?

Shit, ain't nobody got time for dat!

...Well, that ain't right...

(???): Consider that a warning! Either leave now, or die!

FREEZA: Ooh, is that an ultimatum?! I love ultimatums!

Here's mine:

Either die to him or die to me!

What... what just happened?

(???): Give it a second.

FREEZA: No, really, they're just--

(???): No, no, hold on!

Yeah, took me a whole three months to get that one down. They make it look a lot easier than it really is.

Real hard part was that guy's armor!

I ended up going through a dozen mannequins before I cinched that one.

FREEZA [off-screen]: You missed a spot.

MINION: Augghhhh...!

Lord Freeza...

...the f*ck?

KING COLD: You know that was our last minion, right?

FREEZA: Who cares? We have more at home.

KING COLD: No, I mean now we have no one to fly the ship!

FREEZA: I can fly it!

KING COLD: Son, we do not fly ourselves; flying is for the help!

(???): So, uh... curious; what's with all the spare parts sticking out of you?

FREEZA: Impudent little...!

These are not "spare parts"!

What you are looking at is the ultimate culmination of science and nature!

(???): Oh, wow! I've...

never seen that before...

FREEZA: You know, the only reason you continue to breathe is because I need something to entertain me until the Super Saiyan arrives.

(???): Oh, really?

Because if it's a Super Saiyan you're looking for...

I can fill the part.

FREEZA: What?!

(Laughing)

Oh, you hear that, Daddy?!

"I can fill the part!"

It's like a five year old trying to play police officer.

KING COLD: Or like how you play Pretty Pink Princess?

[♫ "BPBattle Point Unlimited" fades in ♫] FREEZA [o-s]: Daddy, not in front of the malcontent!

KING COLD [o-s]: But it's so *cute* when you do it!

FREEZA: I haven't done that since I was eight-eight-ei-eight--

{BZZZT} FREEZA: I haven't done that since I was eight-eight-ei-eight--

my Quinceañera.

TRUNKS: HAAAAAAA!

FREEZA: What?! TRUNKS: AAAAAAAA!

KING COLD: Zounds! TRUNKS: AAAAAAAA!

TRUNKS: AAAAAAAA!

TRUNKS: AAAAAAAA!!

TRUNKS: AAAAAAAA!!!

[♫ "BPBattle Point Unlimited" fades out ♫] PICCOLO: (Gasp) VEGETA: (Gasp)

GOHAN: That's... that's my Dad!

KRILLIN: You sure, Gohan?

GOHAN: Either that or we just felt Freeza's mom.

KRILLIN: Who here just thought of Freeza with boobs?

...Really?

I'm the only one?

VEGETA: Yes!

'He must never know...'

FREEZA: Those... those eyes...!

They're the same as...!

FLASHBACK GOKU: 'Pizza...!'

FREEZA: No...!

FREEZA: No...! No!

FREEZA: No...! No! NO!

FREEZA: No...! No! NO! NO!

FREEZA: No...! No! NO! NO! *NO*!

FREEZA: No...! No! NO! NO! *NO*! KILL!

{BZZZT} FREEZA: No...! No! NO! NO! *NO*! KILL!

FREEZA: No...! No! NO! NO! *NO*! KILL! MURDER!

{BZZZT} FREEZA: No...! No! NO! NO! *NO*! KILL! MURDER!

FREEZA: No...! No! NO! NO! *NO*! KILL! MURDER! DESTROY!

{BZZZT} FREEZA: No...! No! NO! NO! *NO*! KILL! MURDER! DESTROY!

FREEZA: No...! No! NO! NO! *NO*! KILL! MURDER! DESTROY! EXTERMINATE!

FREEZA: No...! No! NO! NO! *NO*! KILL! MURDER! DESTROY! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!

Uh-hu,

Uh-hu, u-ha-ha,

Uh-hu, u-ha-ha, a-ha-ha,

Uh-hu, u-ha-ha, a-ha-ha, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...!

KING COLD: Alright, get down here; I'm going to call Space Triple A and have them tow us, thank you very much!

What?!

FREEZA: *What*?!

[♫ The Lion King's "Circle of Life" ♫]

KING COLD: Freeza, what did you do?!

FREEZA: DADDY, NOT NOW!

Grrrrh...!

(???): Well, Freeza, looks like you *dropped the ball*.

*Dropped the ball*.

...Drrrrropped the ba--

FREEZA: AAAGH!

[Screaming and yelling]

KING COLD: You almost destroyed the whole planet there.

FREEZA: Sorry - I got a little bit carried away. Doesn't matter now, though;

[♫ "BPBattle Point Unlimited" fades in ♫] our little Super Saiyan is dead-dead-dead--

{BZZZT} our little Super Saiyan is dead-dead-dead--

cadaverific.

(???): Hey, Freeza!

FREEZA: *WHAT*?!

(???): You should split!

FREEZA: If you're trying to be clever, you're sorely lacking--

(???): Hiiiyaaaaaaaaahhhh! FREEZA: If you're trying to be clever, you're sorely lacking--

(???): Hiiiyaaaaaaaaahhhh! FREEZA: Huh?!

(???): Hiiiyaaaaaaaaahhhh-!

FREEZA: Aaaaaaaaahhhhh-!

(???): -Aaaaaaaaaahhhh-!

FREEZA: -Aaaaaaaaaahhhh-!

(???): -Aaaaaaahhhh-!

FREEZA: -Aaaaaaahhhh-!

(???): -Aaaahhhh-!

FREEZA: -Aaaahhhh-!

(???): -Aaaahhhh-!

FREEZA: -Aaaahhhh-!

(???): -Aaaahhhh-!

FREEZA: -Aaaahhhh!

(???): -HI-YAH! FREEZA: -Aaaahhhh!

[♫ "BPBattle Point Unlimited" pauses ♫] FREEZA: (Computer-like yelling)

FREEZA: (Computer-like yelling)

[Windows error sound]

[♫ "BPBattle Point Unlimited" resumes ♫] [Many Windows error sounds]

[Many Windows error sounds]

KING COLD: *My baby boy*...!

KRILLIN: We're finally here!

Where's Freeza-- Oh!

There he is!

And there...

And there--

[♫ "BPBattle Point Unlimited" cuts-off ♫]

And here...

Is that his brain...?

GOHAN: Guys... I think that person is a Super Saiyan!

VEGETA: Like hell he is!

KRILLIN: Spiky gold hair? Incredible power?

VEGETA: You don't know that he's a Super Saiyan! Maybe he's Super *Human*, huh?!

Maybe you slackers just haven't been trying hard enough!

TIEN: Says the *non*-Super Saiyan.

VEGETA: F*ck off!

KING COLD: You murdered my Princess!

Oh well - you win some, you lose some.

(???): ...Children?

KING COLD: Yeah.

(???): Okay... sorta thought you'd be a little more pissed.

KING COLD: Oh, blindingly so. Mind if I see your sword?

(???): What? Why?

KING COLD: I just wish to hold it.

(???): No!

KING COLD: Oh, come on, be neighborly!

(???): I'm not your neighbor.

I also think I hate you.

KING COLD: Look, after what you did, I can fit what's left of my son into a meat pie!

Let me see your stupid sword!

(???): (Sigh) Fine...

KING COLD: See? Nothing nefarious; I just wanted to inspect the craftsmanship...

Admire the temper...

Test its edge on YOU, YOU INSUBORDINATE HICK!

Ah... Still not sure if you hate me...?

(???): Actually, that pretty much sealed it.

KING COLD: AAAGHaaaagh...!

(Gasp) No...! N-no, wait, please I...! W-We can make a deal!

If you spare my life I'll... give you a planet...?

*Three* planets!

Two and a half?

(???): You just went down.

KING COLD: I'm a haggler...?

WEEEGHH...!

KRILLIN: ...Good work, team!

(???): Hey there, guys!

VEGETA [o-s]: F*ck this guy!

(???): I'm about to go meet Goku; just follow me!

GOHAN: Wait... did he just say my Dad?!

KRILLIN: Wait, Gohan...

We don't know if we can trust this guy...

(???): I also brought snacks!

KRILLIN: But, the Bible does say, "love thy neighbor".

GOHAN: You're a Buddhist.

KRILLIN: A *hungry* Buddhist!

GPS: Fly three hundred meters northwest, then land near "Idiot Rock".

(???): So that's what they called it before "Idiot Crater".

Now, I'm sure you're all wondering why I brought you here.

KRILLIN: Snacks!

YAMCHA: To kill us!

VEGETA: To kill snacks!

(???): Goku is going to land near here in approximately three hours.

Until then...

Let's all have a drink.

I've got soda, beer, and Hetap.

TIEN: Isn't it a little early to start drinking?

BULMA: Hey, five o'clock was twenty hours ago!

KRILLIN: So, stranger, what's your name?

(???): Can't say.

KRILLIN: Well, Mr. Can't Say, I'm Krillin!

(???): That's not funny.

KRILLIN: What isn't?

GOHAN: So... you know my Dad, right?

(???): Well, sort of. Really, I've just heard a lot about him.

It's kind of--

BULMA: So, hey like, just gonna throw this out there...

You're really cute.

(???): Uh... well, you know, my Mom always said I was a cute kid.

BULMA: Oh, a mamma's boy, huh?

I'll be your mommy...

(???): 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAA--'

KRILLIN: Can I have another Hetap?

(???): YE-HES, YES YOU CAN.

BULMA: By the way, that jacket is awfully familiar...

(???): Uhm...

BULMA: Yeah - I even made it myself!

Capsule Corp logo, even cut it short to show off my midriff.

VEGETA: 'If he's never met him before, how the hell does this kid know where Kakarot is going to land?'

(???): I love everything about Capsule Corp! VEGETA: 'And he can't actually be a damn Saiyan...'

VEGETA: 'Either he's a liar, or...'

(???): Yep, love storing things... VEGETA: '...'

(???): Yep, love storing things... VEGETA: '...maybe...'

(???): Yep, love storing things... VEGETA: '...'

VEGETA: '...Wait a second...!'

Did someone drink the last Hetap?! I'll kill you!

KRILLIN [o-s]: Whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop!

CHIAOTZU: Tieeenn~... I'm booooored...

TIEN: Chiaotzu, we only have to wait a little while longer.

We'll say hello to Goku, and then we'll go home.

CHIAOTZU: Can we get McDonalds?

TIEN: Only if you're good.

CHIAOTZU: Awww...

VEGETA: What? What are you lookin' at?!

What, do you like what you see?!

Yeah, that's right, eyes to yourself.

I don't swing that way; I'm a real man!

GOHAN: Hey, Mr Piccolo?

PICCOLO: Yeah?

GOHAN: I was wondering - why didn't you go with the rest of the Namekians to your home planet?

PICCOLO: Oh, I don't know; why don't you just go to Vegeta with the rest of the Saiyans?!

VEGETA: Hey, I've already got one hitting on me over here, I don't need another!

[Beeping]

(???): 'Oh, thank God.' [Beeping]

Alright, everybody - Goku should be landing any moment now.

GOHAN: (Inhales)

VEGETA: Well I don't see him, so you're wrong.

I think you've been lying to us the whole time!

There's no way you could--

{TCHING} There's no way you could--

{WHOOSH}

{WHOOSH}

{BOOM}

...that could be anyone.

GOKU: GUYS, WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME! FREEZER'S HERE AND--

[Cheering]

Yaaaay... Heheheh... Wha...? [Cheering]

[♫ Closing theme (DBZ intermission) ♫]

BULMA: So... do you think the carpet matches the drapes?

KRILLIN: I dunno. Do yours?

BULMA: KRILLIN!

KRILLIN: What? It was a leGINAmate question--!

I mean a legitimate ques-- whatever.

BULMA: It's just very personal! I mean, do *yours*?!

KRILLIN: Yeah.

BULMA: What?!

KRILLIN: It's called manscaping.

BULMA: It's weird.

KRILLIN: It's *hygenic*!

The Description of DragonBall Z Abridged: Episode 33 - TeamFourStar (TFS)