Manager 1: So, tell me Gina.
Gwen: Oh, aha, actually it's Gwen-
Manager 1: With so many other good candidates... Why should we hire you?
Gwen: Um, *cough* okay...
Well, you see, I...
Manager 2: So tell me, Gidget...
Gwen: It's, uh-
Manager 2: What would you say is your biggest weakness...
...That's actually a strength?
One that we can exploit?
Manager 3: So tell me, Gustava...
Gwen: For fuck's sa-....
Manager 3: Where do you see yourself in five years, and why aren't you there yet?
Manager 4: How overly underqualified for this job would you say that you aren't?
Manager 5: What's the most obnoxious interview question we could ask that would trigger your worst anxieties?
Manager 6: NOT ENOUGH REFERENCES
Space Kid: Hey...Gwen... I'm standing in ants....
What should I do?
Should I move?
SHOULD I MOVE?!
There's a place I know that's tucked away.
A place where you and I can stay.
Where we can go to laugh and play
And have adventures everyday
I know it sounds hard to believe but guys and gals it's true!
Camp Campbell is the place for me and you!
We'll swim through lakes and climb up trees,
catch fish, bugs, bears, and honeybees!
There's endless possibilities,
And NO that's not hyperbole!
Our motto's Campe Diem and that means I'm telling you...
Archery, Hiking, Search & Rescue, Biking, Horseback, Training that will save you from a heart attack,
Scuba diving, Miming,
Football, Limbo, Science, Stunting, Pre-Calc, Spaceships, Treasure hunting,
Bomb defusal, No refusal, Fantasy, Circus trapeze,
and Fights, and Ghosts, and Paints, and Snakes, and Knives, and Chess, and Dance, and Weights–
Its Camp Camp!
David: Oh, don't worry about it Gwen. I know you tried.
Let ME deal with Nurf's Automated Wedgie Machine that he wedgied Neil into building for him.
YOU rest up while I tag in.
After all there's only one both of us!
The fuck are these?
Gwen: Hey, what are you doing here?
Love letters? Ransom notes for all those kids you're holding hostage?
Gwen: Max, that is none of your business!
And also a federal offense.
Max: "Dear Griselda, please see below all the reasons we find you to be unqualified for the position...
cross-referenced by all the reasons we just don't like you?"
Gwen: Gimme that!
Max: Wait, are these all the job rejection letters you've ever gotten?
Those are last months.
THESE are all the job rejection letters I've ever gotten.
You've gone on a thousand interviews since you came to Camp Campbell?
Gwen: Since before.
You think this was my first choice? This wasn't even my last choice.
And you couldn't get past a single interview?
How is it you don't know how to bullshit? You were a liberal arts major!
Gwen: Hey, with a dual major in psych.
Max: AND the masters in getting psyched out, apparently.
So how do you think David's gonna feel if he finds out
you've been trying to bail?
Gwen: You wouldn't.
David: Gwen, I just wanted to send you some strength and let you know
how thankful I am that I can always depend on you.
You're the best.
I'll love you forever because I know you'd never leave me.
Counselor Buddies For Life! CBFL.
Max: You were saying something?
Gwen: David can't find out, Max, it would crush him, destroy him, and worse,
I'd probably lose my job.
Max: Oh, I know. so that's why...
Gwen: You're blackmailing me?
Max: I'm blackmailing you.
All right, what do you want?
Max: I have no idea. That's why this is gonna be fun.
Gwen: Say what?
Max: I've seen and done just about everything there is to do around here.
But I can't stop thinking I'm missing something and I'll be damned if I don't know what it is.
Gwen: You're blackmailing me...
Into giving you something...
You don't even know you want?
Max: Yeah-huh. And you've got till the end of the day to give it to me.
Unless you want David to find out you're not REALLY CBFLs.
Gwen: Rock and a hard place, huh?
Max: And this camp's the hardest place of all.
Neil: Wait, something's not right.
Nikki: Yeah, what's making my skin crawl all of a sudden?
Oh, right, the ants.
Max: Hey, gang, what's going on?
Neil: Hmm. You've got that insidious look in your eye.
Nikki: I don't know about insidious, but it's definitely sneaky and filled with ill intent.
Max: This day is gonna be one for the history books!
Gwen's gonna leave Camp Campbell and she's mine to torture till she's gone.
Nikki: Gwen's leaving?
Max: Yeah, yeah, yeah, but keep it on the DL
and whatever you do...
Do not tell David.
I'm gonna go raid the pantry while he deals with that wedgie machine you built.
Nice work, by the way.
Gwen: Neil, Nikki!
You got to help me! This is the most important thing you will ever do!
Nikki: Anything!/Neil: What?
How do I make Max happy?
Neil: Are you feeling okay, Gwen?
You've got that "I'm being blackmailed" look in your eye.
Nikki: I don't know about blackmail, but it's definitely like someone's demanded a favor from her in return for-
Gwen: Please, kids!
I do not have time for this and I need you to focus!
Think! What does he need? What's he missing?
Nikki: ...Missing, hmm.
Well, there was the other night.
Neil: The night of the raid.
Gwen: The what now.
Nikki: The night the Wood Scouts invaded!
Neil: Yeah, you know how they are.
Constantly antagonizing us because we're better than them.
Gwen: When was this? How did I miss it?
WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!
THEY'RE INSIDE THE CAMP!
Costu-Co, desu ka?
Gwen: Yeeeeeeeeah, make his ass take you to Costco.
Neil: Seems like he's been looking for something ever since.
Gwen: Yeah, now that you mention it, he did seem to be looking for something earlier.
Nikki: Maybe they took something.
Gwen: What? What was it?
Neil: Hey, yeah. He did have something.
He seemed kind of freaked at first, but eventually blew it off and said it didn't matter.
Nikki: He kind of said that a lot.
That it was no big deal.
Gwen: But he made a big deal out of it not being a big deal?
Gwen: GOD, you kids are no help, but it's the only lead I've got.
I'm out! Don't burn down the camp!
Ered:So, like what was that about?
Nikki: Gwen's leaving the camp, for some reason?
Neil: Yeah. But keep it on the down low.
Nikki: And don't tell David.
Preston: Why not?
Neil: I don't know it's a Max thing.
Nurf: Yeah, right, idiot. Gwen would never leave us.
She's probably just going out for cigarettes. She'll be back.
Oh, god, who am I kidding.
SK: But who's gonna remind me to breathe when I take off my helmet?
Preston: How am I supposed to make edgy art without authority figure to rebel against?
Ered: Who's gonna threaten us into submission?
Nurf: My time has come.
Pikeman: Wood Scouts. I want good ideas, and I want them now.
We've only got a month left before our popcorn sale starts.
and we still don't have a strategy to beat those Flower Scouts
and the unshakable hold their cookies have on the door-to-door sweet selling market.
Snake: We kill them.
Pikeman: No. Dammit, Snake!
For- we can't kill them. We've been over this.
Snake: It was Petrol's idea.
Gwen: All right, which one of you benzoyl peroxide covered bastards has it?
Look who it is boys.
I told you she wanted a piece of the old Pikeman.
Gwen: Come near me and I'll kick you in the nards so hard
It'll reverse your puberty. I'm here for something you have.
Pikeman: Ah, Gwen, your lips say no, but your--- *chokes*
but your eyes say they're gonna kill me!
Gwen: Where's Max's stuff?
Pikeman: What? Oh, I see...
Little Maxwell has sent you here to do his bidding.
No no no!
You tell him we're not going to give it up so easily. Not something so valuable.
Gwen: What the fuck is this thing that has you drooling more than usual?
Pikeman: What it is matters not. It's what you're willing to do in order to get it. First, win the Pinewood derby of peril.
Defeat us in the disc golf tournament of death.
Come in first place in the paper boat race. It's not quite deadly yet, but we're working on it!
I could just tell you how to beat the Flower Scouts cookie sale. Would that take care of it?
Pikeman: You think you know how to defeat Flower Scouts cookie sales? Wood Scouts across the nation have been studying the problem for decades.
Yes, I'd trade if you could figure it out.
Which you never-
Gwen: Just move your sale one month early genius.
Pikeman: Huh, but I-
Gwen: Undercut the demand for cookies with popcorn. It's like
That would mean we'd have to cancel the paper boat race.
Pikeman: We'll make that work! Very well, we shall tell you where your prize is buried.
Gwen: You've gotta be fucking kidding me.
Nurf: Okay, now that I'm your new Gwen, we're going to make some changes around here.
Starting with using our teamwork skills to get that wedgie machine back up and running!
Neil: I'll be honest, I'm pretty confused how you ended up-
Nurf: Get used to it nerd! I'm Gwen now, and nothing's gonna change that!
Gwen: Alright, where the fuck is he?!
Nurf: Oh man, life comes at you fast.
David: What's all the hullabaloo?
SK: Oh, Gwen's leaving camp, but don't tell David.
Gwen: I've got your prize, you little shit!
Max: Just in under the wire. Haha! This is gonna be awesome!
Just in under the wire. Haha this is gonna be awesome
So what is it? Self-driving car? Ground-to-air missile?
Do you have any idea what you put me through today?
Max : No, but I also don't really care---
Gwen: I had to wring out what little information I could from your conversationally-challenged friends,
deal with the Wood Scouts' shitty popcorn sales and other problems,
the least of which is Pikeman's general understanding of how to talk to women,
hiked up a mountain, dug through the mud and almost got struck by lightning,
Max: Mr. HoneyNuts! I thought I'd never see you again!
Gwen: This is my life!
This is rock fucking bottom: blackmailed by a ten-year-old to keep my worthless job hunt a secret,
so I wouldn't lose my current worthless job.
David: *Gasp* Gwen!
Gwen: David! Uh, you're dreaming!
David: Nice try, Gwen, but I won't fall for that a third time!
Nice try, Gwen, but I won't fall for that a third time.
Max : Uh, Gwen? The bear please?
Uh, Gwen, the bear please.
Gwen: *Sobbing* Goddammit all to hell...!!!
David: Gwen? It's okay.
Gwen: *sniffles* Ge-wha'?
David: I'm lucky that I'm already where I want to be.
Working at Camp Campbell is all I've ever dreamed of, but if you don't feel the same way,
if you hear something else calling to you, you have to go after it.
I'll be sad to lose you,
but I'd be happier knowing you were pursuing what you were meant to do.
And I'd be even happier knowing it was your time here at Camp Campbell
that taught you what you needed to go succeed in life!
Gwen: Taught me to succeed?
What are you talking about?
Max: Seriously, bear please!
Seriously, bear please!
(just give him the bear already)
David: Well, you said it yourself!
You communicated effectively with teammates, demonstrated project management skills,
showed unwavering determination,
and that was just today!
Gwen: You mean it?
David: Of course!
Of course! And that doesn't even count the years of high stress and low budget work you've done for practically no pay!
And that doesn't even count the years of high stress and low budget work you've done for practically no pay!
Gwen: Hey, you're right.
David: Practically none!
Gwen: Okay, I get it.
Okay, I get it.
I guess I was just afraid you'd be upset at me for trying to leave.
David: I'll miss you, of course, but I could never be upset with you for chasing your dreams. I want to support you!
Heck, I'll drive you to go apply for your next big job right now if I have to!
Those managers would be fools not to hire someone who can do all that!
David: Everyone wish Gwen luck! I'm taking her to a job interview.
Gwen: Yeah, let's do it!
Yeah, let's do it!
Oh, and Max has a teddy bear!
Eat shit, Satan! Whoo!
Nurf! You're in charge.
Nerf! You're in charge
Nurf: I'm back! First order of business is...
I'm back! First order of business is...
Gwen: And with all those skills, you would be a fool not to hire someone like me.
And with all those skills you would be a fool not to hire someone like me.
Manager 1: Wow, yeah, you're right.
Wow, yeah, you're right.
You've clearly got an abundance of skills!
So much so, that I think I have to say you're overqualified for this position.
"Underpaid and Overqualified" by Richie Branson