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Practice English Speaking&Listening with: Charge Of The Light Brigade

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[Man] DRAW...

SWORDS.

11TH HUSSARS PRESENT AND READY FOR YOUR INSPECTION, MY LORD.

♪[Band plays]

[Lord Cardigan] I DO NOT PROPOSE TO RECOUNT MY LIFE

IN ANY DETAIL WHAT IS WHAT.

NO DAMN BUSINESS OF ANYONE WHAT IS WHAT.

I AM LORD CARDIGAN. THAT IS WHAT.

THEM CHERRYBUMS, YOU SEE THEM TIGHT,

MY CHERRYBUMS, I KEEP THEM TIGHT.

10,000 A YEAR OUT OF MY OWN POCKET I SPEND TO CLOTHE THEM.

A MASTER CUTLER SHARPS THEIR SWORDS,

AND I KEEP THEM TIGHT-STITCHED, CUT TO A SHADOW.

GOOD.

IF THEY CAN'T FORNICATE, THEY CAN'T FIGHT

AND IF THEY DON'T FIGHT HARD,

I'LL FLOG THEIR BACKS RAW,

FOR ALL THEIR FINE LOOKS.

NOLAN. IT'S NOLAN.

THERE. LEWIS!

NOLAN!

HE'S SEEN US.

I'VE NOT SEEN HIM FOR YEARS, AND YET IT WILL BE LIKE YESTERDAY.

I HOPE I CAN LOVE HIM AS YOU DO.

DEAR FRIEND!

DEAR FRIEND!

[Both laugh]

DEAR FRIEND.

THIS IS CLARISSA?

THIS IS MY DEAR CLARISSA.

I'VE--I'VE LANDED 2 DAYS. WE WERE HANDED LETTERS AT ADEN.

YOU DO SCRIBBLE A LOT, WILLIAM.

[Laughing]

STILL, DEAR FRIEND, I'M HERE.

I AM GAZETTED TO THE 11TH HUSSARS, YOU KNOW THAT.

MY BROTHER'S TO JOIN THE 11TH HUSSARS, CAPT. NOLAN.

AH, WELL, I'M PLAYING THE SPY IN MUFTI.

I'VE NOT JOINED YET, YOU SEE, SO I TOOK THE OPPORTUNITY OF A SPY'S EYE AT THEM.

ARE THEY GOOD, WILLIAM?

THEY LOOK GOOD. CARDIGAN HAS THEM LOOKING GOOD.

YES, THE MOUNTS DO LOOK PRETTY DRESSED UP.

STILL...

IT IS GOOD TO SEE YOU BOTH, AND HERE OF ALL PLACES.

IT IS GOOD.

ENGLAND IS LOOKING WELL.

[Church bells chime]

[Chattering]

♪[Violin playing]

FANNY!

CLARISSA!

[Both laughing]

[Inaudible]

[Laughing and shouting]

[Man] LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

I AM SURE YOU WILL BE VERY GLAD TO JOIN WITH ME

IN WISHING THE YOUNG COUPLE LONG LIFE,

HAPPINESS, AND ALL THAT THEY WISH THEMSELVES.

[All] HEAR, HEAR.

THE BRIDE AND BRIDEGROOM.

[Applauding]

[Chattering]

[Cheering]

[All laughing]

♪[Violin plays]

[Clapping]

[Baby crying]

[Corbett] YOUNG MEN OF LONDON, FALL IN AND FOLLOW ME, BOYS.

YOUNG MEN OF LONDON,

IF YOU WOULD NOT BE STARVED BY CRUEL MASTERS,

IF YOU WOULD NOT BE RULED BY ANYONE

EXCEPT THE QUEEN, GOD BLESS HER,

BUT WHO DO HAVE THE URGE TO SEEK WEALTH, FINE CLOTHES, AND GLORY,

YOU CAN DO NO BETTER THAN TO ENLIST

FOR THE 11TH REGIMENT OF HUSSARS.

AYE.

[Pig squeals]

CULLODEN. FLANDERS. SALAMANCA. WATERLOO.

AH.

AN ESCORT TO PRINCE ALBERT ON THE OCCASION OF HIS WEDDING,

AFTER WHICH HE CALLED US HIS OWN. GOD BLESS HIM.

OUR DRESS IS BRIGHT AND WARM.

OUR MOUNTS IS MASTERED AND MANNERED,

GENTLE IN RIDE AND CALM IN BATTLE.

AND OUR OFFICERS JUST WHISPER.

THEY BEING OF THE OPINION, LIKE TO MYSELF,

THAT MORE CAN BE DONE GLORIOUS BY LEADING FROM THE FRONT

THAN CAN EVER BE BROUGHT OFF BY PRODS UP THE ARSE FROM THE REAR.

[Laughing]

HOLD YOUR HEAD UP, SIR.

I BELIEVE YOU WOULD LOOK A RARE TREAT IN STABLE DRESS.

ARE YOU RESPECTABLE?

I'VE OFTEN THOUGHT OF ENLISTING.

I THOUGHT YOU HAD, BY THE FINE WAY YOU CARRY YOURSELF.

I'M A BAD CHARACTER, JUST OUT OF JAIL.

IN THAT CASE, YOU'VE ALREADY SERVED HER MAJESTY.

[Laughing]

LORD CARDIGAN'S CHERRYBUMS, FOLLOW ME.

♪[Procession sings]

[Corbett] ATTENTION!

[Douglas] KEEP YOURSELVES CLEAN, THAT'S IMPORTANT.

YOU'LL NEVER WANT FOR MONEY, AND THE GLITTER OF A HUSSAR

IS SOMETHING I'VE SEEN THE GAY LADIES PEARLING THEIR EYES AFTER.

BE OBEDIENT,

BE CLEAN.

WHAT IS A PITFALL IS DRINK.

THAT WILL NOT CONCERN ME, FOR I DO NOT DRINK.

WHAT WILL CONCERN YOU IS,

YOU'LL NEVER SPEAK TO AN OFFICER

IN MY HEARING IN THAT MANNER AGAIN.

ATTENTION!

SCRUB THE SCUM CLEAN.

OLD SWADDY WILL SETTLE YOU INTO YOUR TROOP, SHOW YOU THE WAY OF IT.

BOSSING YOUR KIT AND BEING CLEAN.

[Chuckling]

RIGHT, STRIP OFF.

[Men chanting]

WHAT IS THE CONDITION OF THEM?

THEY'RE ALL WOBBLY-BONED.

RECRUITS IN ENGLAND ARE MOSTLY WOBBLY AND BAD-FORMED.

AH, BUT THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A WOBBLY OFFICER.

WHAT YOU SERGEANTS WILL NEVER SEEM TO UNDERSTAND

IS THE HEAVY STATE OF RESPONSIBILITY THAT AN OFFICER IS IN.

THEY WORRY. THEY HARDLY NEVER WOBBLE.

[Nolan] THERE IS NO PLACE HAPPIER THAN A CAVALRY MESS.

IF ONE IS A STUPID, INCONSIDERATE AND LAZY MAN

ONE CAN FIT AS A ROUND PEG INTO A SNUG ROUND HOLE.

AT TIMES I AM SO PENT UP WITH THEIR LANGUOR

I COULD SCRUFF HOLD OF ANY 2 OF THEM

AND BANG THEIR NODDLES TOGETHER

TILL THEIR DOODLES DROP OFF.

I'M CODRINGTON. I'VE COME TO JOIN.

COME TO JOIN, YOUNG FELLOW?

OH, YES. FOND OF RIDING ARE YOU?

HE'S AS GREEN AS GRASS.

OR SOON WILL BE.

A FINE GROWED-UP FELLOW, THOUGH, WITH VERY NEAT FEET.

RUPERT.

RUPERT!

HEY!

RUPERT!

YOU'RE A MADMAN, SIR.

AND YOU ARE ON YOUR ARSE, SIR.

RUPERT!

[Coughs]

[Snoring]

[Baby cries]

I'M THIRSTY.

IT'S THE SALT FROM THE MUTTON, YOU KNOW.

HAVE YOU GOT NO MONEY?

I HAVE NONE.

IN YOUR CLOTHES.

IT WAS...

I DID HAVE MONEY IN MY CLOTHES.

DID YOU?

I'M OUT FOR A WET, A DROP OF BEER.

PONGELOW. PONGELOW IS THE DRINK, THEY CALL IT.

[Snorting]

HOW D'YOU THINK I PAID HER? ♪

I MET HER IN THE BARRACKS YARD

AND GENTLY DOWN I LAID HER

PVT. METCALFE, FOR THE WIVES. GET BACK IN THERE.

[Shrieks]

[Women scream]

♪[Music plays]

LADY SCARLETT IS GIVING A BALL.

LEWIS!

CAPT. NOLAN.

LEWIS, HOW DO YOU DO?

WILLIAM!

CLARISSA, MRS. MORRIS, IT IS WONDERFUL TO HAVE YOU BACK,

YOU BOTH BACK, IT IS WONDERFUL. COME ON.

I DANCED AS A BOY ON THE EVE OF WATERLOO.

THERE WAS A WAR.

THAT WAS A WAR.

I DON'T THINK I BELONG, DUBERLY.

I'M SURE I DO. OH, I'M SURE YOU DO.

I'M MORE A SCIENTIFIC POET.

SCARLETT.

MY LORD.

ALL THIS SWISH AND TIT GETS ME SNIFFING NOSE UP.

I SHALL HAVE TO FETCH IT OFF TONIGHT, SQUIRE.

HAD ME CHERRYBUMS OUT TODAY, ALWAYS MAKES ME RANDIFIED.

[Mrs. Duberly] DUBERLY SAYS HE IS DESPISED BY HIS OFFICERS

AND FEARED BY HIS MEN.

DUBERLY SAYS THE 11TH HAVE BECOME A LAUGHING STOCK

FOR THE SHORTNESS OF THEIR JACKETS

AND THE TIGHTNESS OF THEIR BRITCHES.

DUBERLY SAYS IT IS WICKED HE SHOULD COMMAND OVER HEADS

OF SO MANY GIFTED OFFICERS WHEN HE IS SUCH A BLOCKHEAD.

THEY TELL ME THAT HER PITCHER HAS BEEN TOO OFTEN TO THE WELL.

[Chuckling]

[Mrs. Duberly] DUBERLY SAYS I MUST STOP LOOKING AT LORD CARDIGAN

AS IF I WANT TO BE RIDDEN BY HIM.

DUBERLY SAYS HE HAS LEFT HIS WIFE

AND IS THE MOST NOTORIOUS CASUAL PERSON WITH WOMEN,

IMMORAL AND LICENTIOUS.

I WANT TO DANCE WITH LORD CARDIGAN

MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD.

IS HE NOT THE VERY PICTURE OF THE FINEST ENGLISHMAN?

HAS HE NOT AN EXQUISITE HEAD?

I'VE JUST BEEN INTRODUCED TO SQUIRE DE BURGH, CHARMING FELLOW. HA.

I BELIEVE THE NEXT IS A GALLOP.

I BELIEVE IT IS. I DON'T HAVE A PROGRAMME.

WELL, I DON'T GALLOP VERY WELL WITH LADIES INDOORS, BUT MAY I HAVE THE HONOR?

I SHALL BE PLEASED.

EXCUSE US.

♪[Music plays]

[All] YAHOO!

YAHOO!

[Chattering]

YOU HAVE A CLEVER OFFICER IN NOLAN, LORD CARDIGAN.

HE HAS WRITTEN A BOOK, WHICH IS NOT A DIARY BUT OF A SCIENTIFIC NATURE.

TO DO WITH SOLDIERING.

WHAT, SOME DAMN NOVELIST?

I DO ENVY SOLDIERS' WAY.

WHAT IT MUST BE TO HUNT ONE DAY AND FIGHT THE NEXT.

IS WAR TERRIBLE?

IT IS THE STUFF. IT IS THE STUFF WE'RE ALL HOPING FOR.

SOLDIERS DO, FANNY, THOSE THAT ARE WAITING TO USE THEIR TALENTS.

WHAT IS MOST A TALENTED OFFICER SHOULD HAVE? COURAGE AND DASH?

SOME OF THAT. WHAT A SOLDIER SHOULD HAVE SOME COURAGE, OF COURSE.

MOST OF ALL, TO KNOW WHAT IS RIGHT.

JUDGMENT, A... A FEELING FOR DECISION.

A CAVALRY OFFICER DEPENDS ON THE STRIKE IN HIS EYE,

WHEN AND WHERE TO USE IT.

COMRADESHIP.

HOW HIGH IS THAT REGARDED IN MILITARY THINGS?

HIGH. BUT TRUE COMRADES ARE RARE,

LIKE THE TRULY LOVING WIFE IS RARE.

♪[Music plays]

WILLIAM HAS TALKED OF YOU CONSTANTLY.

I SHALL TELL HIM TO STOP.

HE SAYS YOU ARE THE FINEST HORSEMAN IN ENGLAND.

DOES HE SAY I'M THE FINEST DANCER? I'M NOT.

[Both chuckling]

HE GOES FURTHER THAN THAT. HE SAYS, PROBABLY IN EUROPE, ALSO.

HE EXAGGERATES. WILLIAM IS INDEED FORTUNATE.

ARE YOU HAPPY TO BE A SOLDIER'S WIFE?

SHOULD SOLDIERS HAVE WIVES, CAPT. NOLAN?

WILLIAM SHOULD.

[Chatter]

[Dog barks]

[Man] THAT'S THE DUKE OF WELLINGTON'S STATUE.

IT WAS SUBSCRIBED FOR IN LOVE BY THE WHOLE NATION,

AND NOW THEY DON'T KNOW WHERE TO PUT IT. THERE IS GREAT CONCERN.

HE WAS A FINE SOLDIER.

SO ARE YOU, I AM TOLD.

I, UH...

I LEARNED FROM A FRIEND THAT YOU HAVE A SYSTEM.

I'D LIKE TO WRITE AN ARTICLE ON YOU FOR THE TIMES.

NOLAN?

[Officer] COME ON, NOW!

[Dogs bark]

[Clock bell chimes]

[Russell] THAT IS CARDIGAN'S SYSTEM.

A SHILLING A MAN IT COSTS HIM. WHAT IS YOURS TO BEAT THAT?

HE RECKONS TO TRAIN UP A TROOP HORSE

IN LESS THAN 14 DAYS, IS HIS SYSTEM.

CAPT. NOLAN.

AND HIS SYSTEM.

I AM NOT ONE OF YOUR NEW LIGHTS WITH TEA AND A BIBLE CANTEEN.

IT IS NOT A REVELATION.

YOU BOTH OF YOU HAVE PLENTY OF IT.

YOU, DEAR FRIEND, I KNOW, AND YOU, RUSSELL, I AM SURE.

IT IS, IN A WORD, KINDLINESS.

AND HOW ARE YOU TODAY, MY BEAUTY?

SHE'S VERY WELL, SIR. THANK YOU, SIR.

PRIDMORE. DISMOUNT.

PREPARE TO MOUNT.

MOUNT.

MOVE LIKE A HIGHGATE WHORE, PUT SOME SPRING INTO YOUR BACK.

[Horse neighs]

YOU'LL NOT LEARN NOTHING FROM WATCHING THIS,

BUT I SHOULD STAY WATCHING.

I WANT YOU, WHAT YOUR NAME IS, ON THE RIGHT.

YOUR NAME, ON THE RIGHT! DO YOU NOT KNOW YOUR RIGHT?

YOU, ON THE RIGHT! WHERE I'M POINTING NOW!

YOU!

I WANT YOU TO WATCH THIS BLADE,

FOR SHOULD IT WAVER, SLICE IT DOWN FAIRLY THROUGH MY HEAD

AS HARD AS YOU CAN. FACE FRONT!

YOU'VE GOT NO HOOKS ON! SERGEANT, ON THE LEFT.

HOOKS IS SPURS.

NAME?

METCALFE.

YOU WILL WEAR YOUR HOOKS AT ALL TIMES.

SGT. SMITH, WHAT HE IS DOING, DON'T LOOK DOWN,

IS MARKING YOU RIGHT FROM LEFT.

HE CAN READ, SO HE KNOWS HIS LEFT FROM RIGHT.

WHAT YOU'VE GOT THERE IS A NEW FOOT,

AN ARMY FOOT YOU'VE NEVER HAD BEFORE.

IT'S LIKE A FOREIGN LANGUAGE TO THEM.

THEY DON'T KNOW ANY DIRECTION, BACK OR FRONT.

THEY'LL NEVER FIND THEIR FRONT WHEN THERE ISN'T A BLACK FACE TO IT.

I ALWAYS TELL THEM, AS THEY'LL KNOW THEIR FRONT

FROM THE MANY BLACK NIGGER FACES WAVING KNIVES AT THEM.

WHAT WE WILL DO NOW IS FINDING LEFT.

TRY IT.

TRY STRAW FOOT FORWARD.

STRAW FOOT! NOT YOU! DON'T LOOK DOWN!

THAT OFFICER...

CAPT. NOLAN, MY LORD.

DOES THAT BLACK SAVAGE BELONG TO HIM?

CAPT. NOLAN HAS SERVED IN INDIA, MY LORD,

AND HAS AN INDIAN SERVANT.

THAT'S NO EXCUSE.

WHO ARE YOU, SIR?

I AM CAPT. WILLIAM MORRIS OF THE 17TH LANCERS.

ARE YOU ANOTHER OF THESE DAMNED INDIANS?

CAPT. MORRIS IS AN OLD--

INDIA?

DON'T TELL ME OF INDIA, YOU AND YOUR BLACK ROGUE.

NO USE RUBBING UNDER IT.

I'VE ALWAYS KNOWN THAT OFFICERS WHO'VE SERVED IN INDIA

ARE CONSIDERED LESS WORTH THAN THOSE WHO PURCHASE THEIR WAY

FROM ONE REGIMENT TO ANOTHER.

IT IS, NOLAN, AT KAFFIRS AND SAVAGES YOU HAVE PUT YOUR MEN,

WHICH IS SOMETHING MORE THAN THE ROUND OF DRILLS.

YOU INDIANS ARE THE ONLY OFFICERS WHO LED YOUR MEN IN WAR.

[Birds sing]

[Clarissa] LISTEN, A LINNET.

[Morris] AH, LEWIS, IT IS GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US.

WHEN YOU WERE AWAY, YOU WERE IN MY THOUGHTS EVERY DAY.

WASN'T HE?

YOU WERE, INDEED.

YOU ARE BOTH GOOD FRIENDS NOW.

WILLIAM IS VERY HAPPY.

I AM.

WE ALL ARE.

HE DOES LOVE YOU DEARLY.

ARE WE NOW TO BECOME HORSE MARINES?

WE ARE.

[Chorus] ♪ FOR THY SMILE WOULD MAKE A SUMMER

WHERE DARKNESS ELSE WOULD BE

FOR THY SMILE COULD MAKE A SUMMER

WHERE DARKNESS ELSE WOULD BE

[All laugh]

1, 2, 3, 4.

WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO DISMOUNT? 1, 2,

3, 4.

SAHIB MIGHTY GOOD HORSEMEN, BOTH SAHIBS.

[Rupert] KEEP IT GOING, LEWIS.

YOU'RE ALL A-BLEEDING-SLEEP! LEFT LEG OVER.

DO YOU HAVE A HUNTER FOR RIDES IN THE EARLY MORNING?

I AM FOND OF RIDING.

WARSHAM! BRING OUR NEW FRIEND, NEWBOY.

[Officer] LEFT LEG OVER!

NOW, THIS IS A THOROUGHLY USEFUL ANIMAL.

[Officer] 1, 2,

3, 4.

1, 2...

[Laughs]

WHOA!

[Both laughing]

[Both laughing]

BROTHER!

[Laughing]

YOU STUPID, DRUNKEN CAD.

YOU'VE NOTHING BUT A QUEER UPBRINGING AMONGST CATTLE

AND BAD PRACTICE. RUPERT!

ALL RIGHT.

DAMN YOU, IF YOU WANT TO GET SHOT OFF.

RUPERT.

GENTLY.

WHOA, THERE. STEADY NOW.

WHOA, STEADY.

EASY.

[Nolan] COME ON. STEADY.

STEADY THERE.

WHOA. STEADY.

NOW, STEADY.

WALK ON, NOW. WALK ON.

TROT ON.

WALK ON. WALK ON.

GENTLY NOW. GENTLY.

XENEPHON'S WORDS SHOULD BE PAINTED ON EVERY STABLE END--

"HORSES ARE NOT TAUGHT BY HARSHNESS BUT BY GENTLENESS."

FOR CLASSICAL OFFICERS LIKE MOGG HERE,

THE INSCRIPTION SHOULD, OF COURSE, BE IN GREEK.

[Clarissa giggles]

MOGG!

SIR.

[Both chuckling]

I WILL NOT HAVE AN OFFICER OF MINE SHOWN UP BY AN INDIAN WRETCH.

HE MADE A MONKEY OF YOU, SIR!

[All laughing]

[Men laughing]

THAT MAN.

SIR.

THAT MAN HAS NOT WATERED HIS HORSE.

TELL HIM HE WATERS HIS MOUNT STRAIGHT OFF,

BEFORE THE BRIDLE IS OFF SO THAT HE COOLS OFF.

THAT! TELL HIM!

AND TELL HIM THAT I SHALL TAKE ORDERS FROM A MAN, AND NOT A MONKEY.

[All laughing]

FOR THOSE THAT WANDER

THEY KNOW NOT WHERE

FULL OF TROUBLE AND FULL OF CARE

TO STAY AT HOME

TO STAY AT HOME IS BEST

OH! I DARESAY, YES, FOR A SOLDIER, SOME SONG.

LEWIS, YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND AN APPOINTMENT OUT OF REACH

OF LORD CARDIGAN AND HIS REGIMENT.

HE IS A DANGEROUS MAN. HE WILL SEE YOU BROKEN, IT'S HIS PRACTICE.

IT IS A FINE REGIMENT.

YES, IT IS A FINE REGIMENT.

[Woman] HELLO!

[All] OH, FANNY, HELLO.

I PROMISED TO HELP HER SCHOOL HER BOB.

FANNY! FANNY!

[Birds chirping]

YOU MUST BE AWARE OF MY REGARD FOR YOU.

YES, OF COURSE. IT WOULD BE A-AN OFFENCE BETWEEN US IF I DENIED IT.

LOOKING EVERYWHERE.

CLARISSA, I--

YOU WON'T GO.

NO, PLEASE PAY ME NO ATTENTION.

IT WOULD HURT WILLIAM IF YOU WERE TO LEAVE.

COME HERE.

I DON'T SAY IT LIGHTLY OR EASILY.

NOT LOOK.

NOT HEAR. IT IS NOT EASY, CLARISSA.

[Chattering]

[Featherstonehaugh] NO, NO, NO.

IT IS THE LORDSHIP'S COMMAND THAT ONLY CHAMPAGNE

BE SERVED IN THE MESS TONIGHT.

ARE YOU COSSETED, YOUNG MAN?

I HAVE YOUR ORDERS, MY LORD,

TO BE HERE AND EAT LETTUCE.

I--I AM EATING LETTUCE. I--I HAVE EATEN LETTUCE.

WHAT IT TELLS, CORNET CODRINGTON, MY LORD, IS THAT AS YOUNGEST OFFICER

YOU WILL EXPECT HIM TO EAT AS A RABBIT DOES, ONLY LETTUCE.

AND IT IS SIGNED BY YOU, MY LORD.

GREEN, BOY, SO GREEN, BOY,

[Chuckling]

YOU HAVE BEEN DRAWN.

NOT MY ORDER, YOU SHOULD EAT LETTUCE,

THOUGH PERHAPS IT WILL PUT SOME SAP IN YOUR PIZZLE.

[All laugh]

DOES THIS TOMFOOLERY MAKE OFFICERS, NOLAN?

PERHAPS, BUT IT MAKES COMRADES.

DO YOU THINK WE COULD HAVE SOME MOSELLE, NOLAN?

YES, OF COURSE. A BOTTLE OF MOSELLE, PLEASE.

THANK YOU.

WE ALWAYS DEPEND UPON BEING SEEN TO DO OUR DUTY.

I KNOW IF I'M UP TO SOMETHING GLORIOUS IN THE FIELD,

I INSIST UPON BEING SEEN.

THERE AIN'T MUCH POINT, OTHERWISE.

WHAT COLOR IS THE RUSSIAN ENEMY?

SNEAKY COLOR.

GRAY. YOUR RUSSIAN IS GRAY, WHICH IS WHY HE CAN'T BE SEEN,

WHICH IS WHY HIS PROMOTION IS SLOW.

THERE AIN'T ONE ABOVE A CORPORAL IN THE WHOLE LOT,

WHICH IS WHY WE WILL CUT 'EM UP.

WITH A LITTLE BREEDING, AN ENGLISHMAN CAN BUY HIS ADVANCEMENT.

HE AND I ARE NOT ABLE TO BUY OUR ADVANCEMENT.

WE'VE HAD TO OBTAIN IT BY OUR ABILITIES.

[Laughing]

UH, NO USE DECANTING IT. YOU CAN LEAVE IT ON THE TABLE.

THANK YOU.

COULEUR DE NOIR.

YOU ARE DRINKING BEER, SIR, PORTER BEER.

NO, MY LORD.

YES.

NO.

SEE IT.

NO, MY LORD.

DON'T YOU "NO" ME. THAT IS A BLACK BOTTLE.

I ASSURE YOU, MY LORD.

THAT IS A BLACK BOTTLE, AND YOU ARE DRINKING PORTER FROM IT.

CHAMPAGNE ONLY.

IN POINT OF FACT, I ASKED CAPT. NOLAN--

YOU KNEW THAT!

I AM NOT AWARE.

I AM AWARE YOU ARE DRINKING PORTER AT MY TABLE.

SIT DOWN, CAPT. NOLAN.

SIT DOWN, FEATHERSTONEHAUGH.

WHAT HIS LORDSHIP SAID WAS THAT CHAMPAGNE ONLY WAS TO BE DRUNK

IN THE MESS TONIGHT. WHAT HE SAID...

IT IS NOT PORTER, IT IS MOSELLE, MY LORD.

APOLOGIZE.

IF I AM IN ERROR--

ERROR? DON'T QUIBBLE WITH ME, SIR. BEER.

I WILL NOT HAVE BEER DRUNK IN MY MESS. COME BACK, NOLAN!

NOLAN, YOU WILL NOT LEAVE THE MESS!

[Door slams]

DOG!

DEVIL UPSTART.

IMPERTINENT INDIAN DOG DEVIL.

[Groans]

[Chattering]

[Featherstonehaugh] NOLAN,

AS PRESIDENT OF THE MESS COMMITTEE,

WHAT LORD CARDIGAN WOULD HAVE ME SAY

IS YOU ARE GUILTY OF DISORDERLY BEHAVIOR.

AND WHAT YOU SHOULD CONSIDER IN FUTURE

IS THAT THE MESS SHOULD BE CONDUCTED LIKE A GENTLEMAN'S TABLE,

NOT A COMMON ALE HOUSE WITH BLACK BOTTLES.

[Nolan] THAT IS AN OFFENSIVE THING TO HAVE TO SAY,

TO HAVE SAID, ONE OFFICER TO ANOTHER, IN FRONT OF BROTHER OFFICERS.

[Cardigan] DO YOU NOT KNOW THAT, UNLIKE A FARMER,

A GENTLEMAN DECANTS HIS MOSELLE?

HE DOESN'T DRINK IT LIKE BEER.

IF YOU CANNOT BEHAVE LIKE A GENTLEMAN, YOU ARE TO LEAVE THE REGIMENT.

[Featherstonehaugh] WILL YOU SHAKE HANDS WITH ME, SIR?

[Nolan] NO. THERE IS NO QUARREL BETWEEN US.

YOU WILL.

I WILL NOT, MY LORD.

YOU FLAGRANTLY INSULT THIS OFFICER.

NO INSULT IS INTENDED TO THIS OFFICER.

SHAKE HANDS, DAMN YOU. YOU SHALL BE ARRESTED.

WHY SHALL I BE ARRESTED?

I SHALL HAVE YOU ARRESTED. YOU ARE ARRESTED.

GO TO YOUR QUARTERS, SIR, AND BE ARRESTED.

[All chuckle lightly]

[Cardigan groans]

HAVE YOU SEEN THE TIMES THIS MORNING, RAGLAN?

I HAVE SEEN THE TIMES, AIREY.

"BLACK BOTTLE."

I'M VERY WORRIED ABOUT THE BRITISH ARMY

WHEN IT GETS INTO THE NEWSPAPERS.

WHATEVER LORD CARDIGAN DOES IS PUBLIC NEWS WITHIN AN HOUR.

IT IS UNFITTING.

"BLACK BOTTLE."

WHAT?

WHAT IS SHOUTED AT HIM WHEN HE GOES OUT?

IT DO BRING THE ARMY UP FOR SNOOKS, YOU KNOW.

VULGAR THINGS.

SHOULDN'T SAY THESE VULGAR THINGS AT HIM, AIREY.

BUT WHAT CAN WE DO?

WHERE ARE THEY GOING TO PUT THAT STATUE, AIREY?

IT CAN'T STAY THERE, TO BE ENJOYED BY ME ALONE.

THEY'RE NOT GOING TO LEAVE IT THERE.

THEY JUST DON'T KNOW WHERE TO PUT IT.

IT'S VERY MUCH IN MY LIGHT FOR PAPERWORK, AIREY.

I WISH THEY'D TAKE IT AWAY.

YOU AND I, MY LORD, ARE ALWAYS OF THE CUSTOM,

WHEN IN DIFFICULTY, TO ASK OURSELVES

HOW THE GREAT DUKE WOULD HAVE ACTED AND DECIDED

IN SIMILAR CIRCUMSTANCES.

WE ARE. I AM. I WILL.

HE WAS SURELY RIGHT THAT WHEN THERE IS DANGER,

IT IS THE PERSONS WITH A STAKE IN THE COUNTRY,

LAND, POSITION, WEALTH,

THAT ARE BEST ABLE TO DEFEND IT.

I AM AN OLD MAN, AIREY,

AND I'VE ONLY GOT ONE ARM TO FIGHT THE WAR WITH.

IT WON'T BE ENOUGH, EH?

DUBERLY SAYS IT'S GOING TO BE WAR.

DUBERLY SAYS THE RUSSIANS WILL FIGHT

AND THE PRIME MINISTER IS FACED TOWARDS PEACE,

BUT CARRIED TOWARDS WAR.

DUBERLY SAYS I CAN GO WITH THE ARMY.

I CAN GO, DUBERLY SAYS, AS A WIFE, WHICH I AM. ISN'T IT EXCITING?

WILLIAM WANTS TO GO.

SOLDIERS WILL.

[Man] "...ALL TOGETHER."

"ANSWER ME TO WHAT I ASK YOU."

[Woman] "POUR IN SOW'S BLOOD,

"THAT HATH EATEN HER 9 FARROW."

[All] "COME, HIGH OR LOW,

"THYSELF AND OFFICE DEFTLY SHOW!"

[Woman] "HE KNOWS THY THOUGHT.

"HEAR HIS SPEECH, BUT SAY THOU NOUGHT.

[Woman] "MACBETH! MACBETH! MACBETH!

"BEWARE MACDUFF."

LEWIS IS ARRESTED OVER THE BLACK BOTTLE.

IT IS SURE. HE IS UNDER ARREST.

NOLAN?

IT MAY BE THE END OF HIS CAREER.

MR. DE BURGH, HOW DO YOU DO?

WITHOUT YOU, SIR.

[Witches cackle]

BEING UNDER ARREST,

IS IT CERTAINLY THE FINISH OF HIS CAREER AS A SOLDIER?

IT IS SERIOUS. IT IS A SERIOUS THING FOR AN OFFICER.

THERE'S LORD CARDIGAN. LATE FOR THE PLAY. GOING TO THE WAR.

[Play continues]

[Man in audience] BLACK BOTTLES!

[All] BLACK BOTTLES!

BLACK BOTTLES!

BLACK BOTTLES!

BLACK BOTTLES! BLACK BOTTLES!

[Chanting] BLACK BOTTLES! BLACK BOTTLES!

BLACK BOTTLES! BLACK BOTTLES!

BLACK BOTTLES! BLACK BOTTLES!

BLACK BOTTLES! BLACK BOTTLES!

BLACK BOTTLES! BLACK BOTTLES!

BLACK BOTTLES! BLACK BOTTLES!

BLACK BOTTLES! BLACK BOTTLES!

[Crowd booing]

SHALL WE GO AND BOO HIM?

BLACK BOTTLES!

SIT STILL BEFORE I HIT YOU, GIRL.

I'LL FORM A PICKET. COME ON, HENRY.

PRESENT ME AS A PICKET COME TO GET THE BLACK BOTTLE

FROM THE HORSE'S MOUTH.

WHAT BLACK BOTTLE?

MY WIFE, MRS. DUBERLY.

SHE'S BEEN ENQUIRING AFTER CAPT. NOLAN.

[Cardigan] UNDER ARREST, THAT MAN.

I HAVE PLACED HIM UNDER ARREST.

[Mrs. Duberly] INDEED, MY LORD. ON WHAT CRIME?

FAILING TO BEHAVE LIKE A GENTLEMAN AND TURNING THE MESS

INTO A DISORDERLY HOUSE WITH BLACK BOTTLES.

WE MUST GO, CLARISSA.

[Play continues]

I'LL FIND OUT ABOUT NOLAN. DUBERLY NEVER TELLS ME ANYTHING.

COMPANY, ATTENTION!

SERGEANT MAJOR.

SIR.

IS HE SHAPING?

I WOULDN'T TELL HIM, BUT I WOULD PUT HIM FORWARD AS A GOOD, CLEAN MAN.

COULD HE TAKE THE TRUMPET, DO YOU THINK?

THAT WOULD BE A GOOD STEP FOR HIM.

GOOD. NOW, SOMETHING FOR YOU, SERGEANT MAJOR.

CARRY ON POLISHING, MEN.

SARGEANT MAJOR.

SIR.

I WANT A REPORT-- A REPORT OF ANY CONVERSATION

CAPT. NOLAN HAS WITH OTHER OFFICERS.

YOU ARE TO TAKE NOTE OF WHATEVER HE MIGHT SAY

AND BRING THE INFORMATION TO ME.

I SHALL SPY, MY LORD?

YOU SHALL.

MY LORD...

MY LORD...

TO BE ASKED TO TAKE UP THE SPY...

I AM MUCH DISTRESSED TO BE ASKED SUCH A THING, MY LORD.

AFTER 20 YEARS OF COMING UP FROM PRIVATE TROOPER...

AND KEEPING OFF THE PONGELOW...

NOT A DROP SINCE CORPORAL.

I SHALL INFORM CAPT. NOLAN. I... I CAN HARDLY DO OTHER.

SERGEANT MAJOR, IT IS BETTER THAT YOU TAKE A BALL

AND PUT IT IN YOUR OWN BRAIN.

YOU ARE FINISHED NOW, AS IF YOU HAD NOT EVER BEEN MADE.

WHAT A WASTE.

[Sword dragging]

[Corbett] YOUR DUTIES!

[Sergeant #1] MAIN GUARD PRESENT AND CORRECT, SIR.

[Sergeant #2] STABLE GUARD PRESENT AND CORRECT, SIR.

[Sergeant #3] NUMBER 1 SQUADRON, PRESENT AND CORRECT, SIR.

STRAW FOOT, RIGHT FOOT.

STAFF PARADE. READY, PRESENT FOR INSPECTION, SIR.

[Man] IS HE DRUNK?

[Chuckling]

SERGEANT MAJOR.

YES.

[Corbett] THIS IS ALL ACCORDING TO THE ARTICLES OF WAR.

I WAS DRUNK AT MY POST.

IT IS NOT MY PLACE TO CRITICIZE.

BUT IT WILL HAVE A GRAVE EFFECT

ON THE NONCOMMISSIONED OFFICERS

FOR IT WILL SHOW THERE IS A SLENDER THREAD.

ONE SLIP, AND A SOLDIER IS DEPRIVED

OF WHAT HAS TAKEN YEARS OF STEADY EFFORT TO OBTAIN.

PERMISSION TO CARRY ON, SIR.

FARRIERS, DO YOUR DUTY.

[Whip cracks]

[Officer] 1,

[Whip cracks]

2,

3,

4,

5,

6,

7,

8,

9,

10,

11...

STAND STILL AND BE QUIET!

13,

14...

ALWAYS ONE OR 2 OF YOUR YOUNGER TYRO OFFICERS

BRINGS UP OR FLOPS OVER.

FAINTS AWAY LIKE LILY AT BEDTIME.

THE TIME SHOULD BE FOREVER PAST WHEN SUCH TREATMENT

CAN BE INFLICTED ON A BRITISH SOLDIER.

THEY WILL NOT FIGHT UNLESS THEY ARE FLOGGED TO IT.

WOULD YOU ASK THAT OF THEM?

WOULD YOU ASK THEY FIGHT LIKE FIENDS OF HELL FOR MONEY OR IDEAS?

THAT WOULD BE UNCHRISTIAN.

49,

50.

PUNISHMENT COMPLETED, SIR.

UNFASTEN.

[Sergeant] WHAT WILL YOU DO NOW, SERGEANT MAJOR?

I DOUBT IF HE'LL HAVE A PENSION NOW,

AND THAT WORRIES ME.

[Corbett] I SHALL CONTINUE IN THE SERVICE, THOUGH NO PENSION.

[Mogg] SHALL YOU ENLIST AS A PRIVATE TROOPER IN SOME OTHER REGIMENT

AND HOPE TO MAKE YOUR RANK AGAIN?

I SHALL, SIR. I AM TOO HUMBLED TO STAY IN THE 11TH.

[Mogg] IT IS HUMBLING. I HAVE HAD SOME HUMBLING.

YOU CAN'T AVOID IT.

THERE IS NO MAKING WITHOUT BREAKING.

[Officer in distance] LEFT, RIGHT. LEFT, RIGHT. LEFT, RIGHT.

[Nolan] MY LORD, I MUST PROTEST.

[Cardigan] NOLAN, WE DON'T FLOG OFFICERS.

AM I STILL UNDER ARREST, MY LORD?

YOU WOULD PREFER THAT YOU ARE RELEASED FROM ARREST?

I DO NOT WISH TO BE RELEASED FROM ARREST.

I WISH FOR A COURT-MARTIAL,

THAT I MAY STATE SOME THINGS OF HOW

YOU HAVE ASKED MY FELLOW OFFICERS TO SPY ON ME.

YOU LIE, SIR. IT IS YOU WHO SPY.

ARE SPYING UP AGAINST ME.

YOU SHIRK YOUR DUTIES, SIR.

I CAN HARDLY SHIRK MY DUTIES

IF I AM NOT UNDER COMMAND, BUT ARRESTED.

YOU LYING SCOUNDREL. INDIAN ROGUE.

YOU WILL NOT HAVE A COURT-MARTIAL.

YOU WERE BORN DISHONORED AND A LIE, AND YOU WILL DIE IN LIES.

COME BACK HERE! I HAVE NOT FINISHED WITH YOU.

TRY NOT TO HIT HIM, NOLAN. WE MUST REMEMBER OUR RANK.

YOU! YOU BLACKGUARD, WHAT DO YOU WHISPER?

I AM ASHAMED THAT YOU ARE NOT POLITE TO OUR RANK, MY LORD.

WE ARE YOUR OWN OFFICERS.

OFFICER? PAYMASTER DUBERLY! PAYMASTER?

THAT AIN'T A RANK, IT'S A TRADE.

[Horse neighs]

[Nolan] ONE DAY, THERE WILL BE AN ARMY

WHERE TROOPERS NEED NOT BE FORCED TO FIGHT

BY FLOGGINGS AND HARD REINS.

AN ARMY,

A CHRISTIAN ARMY, THAT FIGHTS BECAUSE IT IS PAID WELL TO FIGHT

AND FIGHTS WELL BECAUSE ITS WOMEN AND CHILDREN

ARE CARED FOR,

AN ARMY THAT IS EFFICIENT

AND OF A PROFESSIONAL FEATHER.

I MUST FIGHT FOR SUCH AN ARMY.

DEAR FRIEND.

THAT ARMY WILL BRING THE FIRST OF THE MODERN WARS

AND THE LAST OF THE GALLOP.

IT DOES LOOK LIKE WAR.

DOES IT?

I DO THINK THE FRENCH HAVE BEEN ASKING FOR IT FOR SOME TIME,

EVER SINCE THEY HAD MY ARM.

BUT IT WON'T BE THE FRENCH THIS TIME, WILL IT?

WON'T IT BE THE FRENCH?

I'VE GOT A MAP SOMEWHERE OF WHO IT OUGHT TO BE.

WILL MY LORD SEE CAPT. NOLAN, 11TH HUSSARS?

YES.

WELL, IT MIGHT BE THE FRENCH, IT MIGHT ALWAYS BE THE FRENCH.

I KNEW IT WOULD BE.

NOLAN, CAPT. NOLAN, SIR.

HAVE YOU GOT A MAP?

MY LORD, MAY I ASK--

SPEAK UP, NOLAN, HE'S A BIT DEAF WHEN HE'S THINKING,

AND THAT STATUE DOESN'T HELP.

MY LORD.

YOU'RE THE CHAP. YOU'VE BEEN SHOUTING AT LORD CARDIGAN.

CALLING HIM, UH, ER, THINGS.

YOU'VE PUT THE ARMY IN THE NEWSPAPERS.

MY LORD, I REQUEST THE PRIVILEGE

OF BEING GRANTED A COURT-MARTIAL.

PERHAPS THEY COULD PUT IT OVER ONE OF THE NEW RAILWAY STATIONS.

COURT-MARTIAL? MY DEAR CAPT. NOLAN.

WELL, WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT IT?

[Airey] YOU'RE BECOMING A LAUGHING STOCK, GENTLEMEN.

YOU'RE APPEARING FAR TOO FREQUENTLY IN THE NEWSPAPERS.

IN THE CASE OF CAPT. NOLAN, NOW,

LORD RAGLAN REFUSES HIS REQUEST FOR A COURT-MARTIAL,

THAT IT MIGHT BE PREJUDICIAL TO THE GOOD OF THE SERVICE

AND CAUSE PUBLIC DISQUIET.

GEN. AIREY, I--

IF YOU PERSIST IN THIS MATTER, SIR,

YOU WILL FORFEIT THE SYMPATHY

OF EVERY OFFICER OF RANK IN THE SERVICE.

AS FOR THE CONDUCT OF LORD CARDIGAN,

LORD RAGLAN EXPECTS THAT IN THE FUTURE,

HIS LORDSHIP WILL EXERCISE THE FORBEARANCE

AND DISCRETION BEFITTING AN OFFICER AND A GENTLEMAN.

[Chokes]

[Speaker] WE ARE BEING TAKEN TOWARDS WAR BY POPULAR FERVOR.

THERE IS NO REASON FOR WAR,

THERE IS NO REAL UNDERSTANDING OF THE ISSUES

BECAUSE THERE ARE HARDLY ANY ISSUES INVOLVED.

LET US NOT PRETEND THAT CHRISTIAN ENGLAND CAN FIND COMMON GROUND

WITH INFIDEL TURKEY AGAINST CHRISTIAN RUSSIA.

"BLESSED ARE THE PEACEMAKERS,

"FOR THEY SHALL BE CALLED THE CHILDREN OF GOD."

[Man] QUIET, QUIET!

[Woman screams]

[Speaker] RESTRAIN YOURSELVES, MY FRIENDS. PEACE.

PEACE, MY BRETHREN.

[Crowd yells]

RESTRAIN YOURSELVES, MY FRIENDS.

[Crowd] GO BACK TO RUSSIA.

SO EXCITED.

YES.

EVERYBODY IS SO EXCITED.

I'M NOT EXCITED.

IS IT SUCH AN EXCITING THING TO DO?

YES, CLARISSA, IT IS THE MOST EXCITING THING IN THE WORLD.

PERHAPS THERE IS NO OTHER LIFE FOR A MAN, IS THERE, LEWIS?

NO, THERE IS NOT.

HOW SAD.

WHY SAD?

BECAUSE IT ALL ENDS IN DEATH.

NOW, I WILL NOT HAVE YOU THINKING OF DEATH.

NO.

I DON'T THINK OF DEATH. I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAS MADE ME THINK OF DEATH.

WAR. WAR HAS MADE HER THINK OF DEATH.

I DO BELIEVE IT HAS.

DEAR CLARISSA, IT IS INEVITABLE.

UNTIL SUCH SAVAGES ARE SUFFICIENTLY CIVILIZED TO UNDERSTAND

AND ABIDE BY DECISIONS ARRIVED AT BY ARBITRATION,

WE WILL HAVE, WE MUST HAVE, WAR.

YES.

NOW, I FEEL I SHOULD PROPOSE A TOAST OR SOMETHING OF THE KIND.

I'M NOT SURE WHAT.

NOT THE CRIMEA.

NO.

[Morris] LEWIS, WHAT ABOUT YOU? YOUR NEW APPOINTMENT.

NO.

NO?

THE 3 OF US.

[Glasses clink]

[All] TO THE 3 OF US.

LEWIS.

I AM WITH CHILD.

YOU ARE. I-- I DIDN'T KNOW.

WILLIAM HAS BEEN LONGING TO TELL YOU.

I AM SO UNHAPPY.

NO. YOU--YOU SHOULD BOTH OF YOU BE HAPPY. I-IT IS A HAPPY THING.

I...I BEG YOU NOT TO ENTERTAIN ANY THOUGHTS OTHER THAN...

THEY'RE THERE, LEWIS, THEY'RE THERE,

LIKE UNWELCOME GUESTS.

NO, NOT UNWELCOME, WELCOME.

PLEASE TAKE MY HAND.

I LONG FOR IT T-TO BE YOURS.

MY DEAR, MY DEAR, I MUST JOIN WILLIAM.

THERE IS...

IT IS SOME MADNESS IN YOU THAT HAS INFECTED US ALL.

I SHALL NOT BE THE SAME FROM KNOWING YOU, NOR WILLIAM EITHER.

WHEN YOU ARE WITH HIM, THERE...

REMEMBER, MY HEART IS...

IS...

OH, IS...

DEAR FRIEND.

DEAR FRIEND.

[Dog barking]

[Sighs]

[Chattering]

[Sobbing]

LORD LUCAN.

LORD LUCAN, PLEASE COME IN.

GOOD AFTERNOON, GENTLEMEN.

DON'T TREAT ME AS IF I WAS A CHILD, SIR. SEBASTOPOL, NOW WHAT IS IT?

LORD LUCAN.

LORD RAGLAN.

GOOD, GOOD. WE HAVE SOME... THINGS.

DO I GET COMMAND?

YOU?

CONTROL OF THE MEDITERRANEAN.

THAT'S WHAT THE CZAR'S AT,

AND THEN AFTERWARDS INDIA, AND HE WILL HAVE WAR.

THE DUKE OF WELLINGTON ALWAYS THOUGHT OF YOU HIGHLY.

FOUND YOU VERY QUALIFIED, LUCAN.

HE IS.

THAT IS FACT.

TO DO IT STYLISH AND SICKEN THE CZAR,

WE ARE TO PUT SEBASTOPOL TO THE FLAMES, AND THAT IS OUR INTENTION.

IS THERE SOMETHING FOR SCARLETT TO HAVE?

I--I DO THINK SCARLETT SHOULD HAVE SOMETHING.

VERY WELL. I'LL TELL HIM HE'S TO HAVE SOMETHING,

BUT, AH, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT.

I DO KNOW WHAT.

AM I TO HAVE THE ARMY, OR AM I NOT?

NOT. I HAVE THE ARMY. I WILL COMMAND THE EXPEDITION MYSELF.

OF COURSE YOU WILL. I WOULD.

IT IS MY EARNEST HOPE THAT YOU WILL CONSENT

TO ASSUME COMMAND OF THE CAVALRY.

VERY WELL.

WHAT IS SCARLETT TO HAVE, AIREY?

SIR JOHN SCARLETT WILL HAVE THE HEAVY BRIGADE

AND LORD CARDIGAN, THE LIGHT BRIGADE.

CARDIGAN? THE LIGHT BRIGADE?

THAT DAMNED NEVER-OUT BROTHER-IN-LAW OF MINE.

YOU THREATEN ME WITH CARDIGAN? CPL. CARDIGAN?

I'LL NOT HAVE HIM OR HIS RED-SHANKED RIDGEBACKS UNDER MY COMMAND.

I'LL NOT COMMAND HIM.

CAPT. NOLAN'S REPORTING, SIR, THOUGH HIS REGIMENT IS ABOUT TO SHARPEN,

I HAVE PERSUADED HIM THERE IS DUTY AND HONOR

FOR HIM ON THE STAFF WITH US.

LORD LUCAN, I'M SURE YOU WILL SEE

THERE IS MUCH TO BE GAINED

BY AN AMICABLE SETTLEMENT OF ANY DIFFERENCE

BETWEEN YOU AND LORD CARDIGAN,

FOR THE GOOD OF YOUR COUNTRY.

THEN MAKE IT KNOWN TO THAT EMPTY-HEADED

MUFF OF A BROTHER OF MINE, THAT BRUDENELL,

THAT I COMMAND THE CAVALRY, AND I COMMAND HIM.

TELL THE FOOL, IN SIMPLE MANNER THAT HE'LL UNDERSTAND,

HE ACTS UNDER MY COMMAND.

OF COURSE.

YOU'VE GOT SOMETHING. IT'S TO BE SEBASTOPOL.

I DON'T WANT ANY DAMNED SEBASTOPOL.

BUT I WAS SHOWN IT ON THE MAP.

BUT I TOLD YOU. I DON'T WANT ANY DAMNED SEBASTOPOL.

SIR COLIN CAMPBELL, HIGHLAND BRIGADE.

GEN. SCARLETT, HEAVY BRIGADE.

SIR RICHARD ENGLAND, 3RD INFANTRY DIVISION.

THANK YOU.

SIR JOHN BURGOYNE, SUPERINTENDENT ROYAL ENGINEERS.

[Cardigan] I CAME TO BE OFFERED A COMMAND.

NOT SERVE UNDER THAT FOOL, LUCAN.

I KNEW

THE MOMENT I SAW HIS BISCUIT FACE

SOPPING UP WET AROUND THE HORSE GUARDS

HE'D BE HERE, STARTING HIS WHEEDLING.

I'M SURE THAT AFTER A LITTLE WHILE, LORD CARDIGAN,

YOU MAY BE PERSUADED SUCH AN ARRANGEMENT MAY BE MADE TO WORK.

AFTER ALL, YOU WILL HAVE THE LIGHT BRIGADE. DASH AND FIRE, EH?

YES, CARDIGAN, YOU'LL HAVE THE LIGHT BRIGADE. DASH AND FIRE IT IS.

LUCAN COULD NOT MAKE HIMSELF FIT TO COMMAND A TENT.

COMMAND AN ESCORT.

NOT FIT TO COMMAND A... A TROOP OF KNACKERED TAILORS ON STUBBED DONKEYS.

AIREY, THOSE TWO, DON'T LET THEM SIT TOGETHER.

WE MUST DO WHAT WE CAN TO KEEP THEM APART.

THINGS ARE SERIOUS AND THEY ARE SILLY IN WAYS.

MY LORD.

LORD RAGLAN.

SIT DOWN, GENTLEMEN.

WAR. THIS IS WAR, GENTLEMEN.

OUR PASSAGE TO INDIA IS THREATENED, I SHOULD THINK. WOULDN'T YOU?

THE HONOR, THE REPUTATION, THE GLORY OF ENGLAND IS THREATENED

AND THE QUEEN'S MAJESTY IS SURE TO BE THREATENED, SHE IS.

IF POOR, BRAVE, WEAK LITTLE, SICK LITTLE TURKEY--

"THE SICK MAN OF EUROPE."

YES, THOUGH I PREFER TO CONSIDER HER

AS A YOUNG LADY, HANDS UP, FLUTTER,

DEFENSELESS. IF SHE SHOULD FALL TO THE TYRANT...

IF THE TURKS GO DOWN LIKE CARDS, FLIP-FLOP,

THEN NEXT UP OUR OWN SOLENT

AND OUR OWN QUEEN, WILL COME THE RUSSIANS, SHIPS AND GUNS,

TO RIP OUR COUNTRY INTO SHAME.

THE RUSSIANS. THE RUSSIANS.

THE RUSSIANS. THE RUSSIANS. THE RUSSIANS.

POOR LITTLE TURKEY.

POOR LITTLE TURKEY!

[Chorus] ♪ DEATH TO THE TYRANTS

REDEMPTION OF THE DEPRAVED

ATTENTION FOR MR. CORNET CODRINGTON, THE ORDERLY OFFICER.

[Women scream]

ME DARLIN' SOLDIER, OH, WAIT TILL I KISS YOU CLEAN.

ARE THEY WINKING AT YOU, SIR?

PERMISSION TO SPEAK, SIR.

AH, MRS. MITCHELL, SIR.

ARE ALL THE WIVES GOING, SIR, OR JUST A FEW? I'M STRONG, SIR.

AND ME.

AND ME.

I CAN'T SAY. I-- I REALLY CAN'T SAY.

ONE IN 6, SIR.

ONE IN 6?

[Women plead]

♪[Band plays]

[Crowd clamoring]

[Inaudible]

YOU LOOK TREMENDOUS.

THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF A VERY LONG TEST, MY DEAR WILLIAM.

I SEE YOU HAVE YOUR CATTLE SLUNG ABOARD.

I MUST WATCH FOR OLD TREASURER, THAT HE IS HANDLED GENTLY.

I HAVE A LETTER OF IMPORTANCE FOR YOU, BUT ORDERS ARE

NOT TO BE READ UNTIL WE UP ANCHOR.

IMPRESSED ON ME, FROM CLARISSA.

[Chicken clucks]

[Seagulls squawk]

[Chorus] ♪ RULE BRITANNIA

BRITANNIA RULE THE WAVES

BRITONS NEVER, NEVER, NEVER

SHALL BE SLAVES

♪[Music continues]

♪[Music continues]

WHERE'S LORD CARDIGAN?

GET INTO LINE, LORD CARDIGAN.

LIGHT BRIGADE, WITH ME.

WHAT?

[Thunder roars]

[Horses neigh]

TROOPER! TROOPER!

PULL THOSE ROPES FAST, THERE.

PULL THE ROPES FAST!

[Women scream]

[Inaudible]

PULL AWAY!

NO! NO!

SOLDIER! SOLDIER!

[Seagulls squawk]

TOMORROW, CALAMITA BAY.

IS IT APTLY NAMED, DO YOU THINK, WILLIAM?

[Horse neighs]

[Men chattering]

MY DEAR, I KNOW YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT MY RHEUMATISM.

IT IS GONE. UGH, ALMOST GONE.

I WISH I COULD COME WITH YOU.

MY DEAR, WE'RE GOING TO SWIM AND THINGS.

BUT HENRY, I CAN SWIM.

AS SOON AS WE'RE SETTLED, I'LL SEE THAT YOU'RE ROWED ASHORE.

DEAR HUSBAND, KISS.

DEAR WIFE, KISS.

♪[Bugle playing]

♪[Bagpipes playing]

[Horse neighs]

[Man] ALL RIGHT, COME ON, NOW.

[Horse neighs]

[Horse neighs]

♪[Bagpipes playing]

[Clamoring]

I DO URGE YOU TO KEEP YOUR HEADGEAR.

IT'S YOUR ONLY PROTECTION AGAINST THE SUN.

THERE, MY LORD, IS A COOL CUSTOMER.

[Chuckles]

♪[Bugle plays]

[Lucan] WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING, LORD CARDIGAN?

[Cardigan] I'M ORDERED UP.

BY WHOM?

I RECEIVE ORDERS FROM LORD RAGLAN.

YOU DO NOT RECEIVE ORDERS FROM LORD RAGLAN.

IN WHICH CASE, WHO DID I RECEIVE ORDERS FROM?

THE CZAR'S LEFT TIT?

ARE YOU ORDERED UP?

I'M GOING UP, AIN'T I? IF I'M UP,

I MUST HAVE BEEN ORDERED UP. UP!

WHEN YOU GET ORDERED-UP ORDERS, YOU TELL ME ABOUT THEM.

I COMMAND HERE, SIR.

I COMMAND YOU, SIR.

AT LEAST...AT LEAST I THOUGHT THIS PETTY BICKERING MUST CEASE

NOW WE'RE IN SHOT OF THE ENEMY.

LET US SHOW THAT IN SPITE OF THE MISTAKES AND STUPIDITY OF THOSE

THAT ARE SET ABOVE US, WE CAN STILL GAIN SOME GLORY, EH?

I'M SURE WE CAN, LEWIS.

SUCH GLUM FACES.

FRIENDS, IT IS GOING WELL FOR US.

♪[Band plays]

[Inaudible]

[Band stops]

[Flies buzz]

[Flies buzz]

DON'T COME TOO CLOSE, LEWIS.

IT'S CHOLERA, MY LORD. 11 MEN HAVE DIED, AND THERE ARE MORE.

DAMN CHOLERA, OR WHAT YE CALL IT.

WE'RE NOT HERE TO DROP DEAD OF THE VAPORS, LIKE GIRLS.

GET THEM UP!

[Officer] ON YOUR FEET! FALL IN!

COME ON, FALL IN, MEN! ON YOUR FEET!

[Lucan] YOU THERE, GET ON YOUR FEET.

GET YOURSELF UP, LAD. GET UP! COME ON!

GET THESE MEN UP!

MY LORD, THE MEN ARE--

DON'T BOTHER ME NOW, MR. NOLAN.

MY LORD!

THAT IS THE RIVER ALMA, MY LORD.

THE ENEMY APPEARS TO BE IN SOME STRENGTH.

[Horse neighs]

TAKE POSTS, GENTLEMEN, PLEASE.

TAKE POSTS.

♪[Bugle plays]

[Cannon fires]

RUSSIANS.

MMM, RUSSIANS.

AN ORDER, MY LORD? AN ORDER OFF TO THE CAVALRY?

YES, AN ORDER OFF TO THE CAVALRY. PLACE THEM OUT OF SHOT.

WE REALLY SHOULD KEEP OUR CAVALRY IN A BANDBOX.

HAVE THEM TAKE GROUND SOMEWHERE WITH A GOOD VIEW.

THEY MUST NOT BE ALLOWED TO FEEL OUT OF THINGS.

BUT I DON'T WANT THEM GETTING SHOT AT, RAGGEDY AT THE EDGES.

WELL, HOW DO YOU WANT IT TO GO, MY LORD?

WELL, OF COURSE, AIREY, I SHOULD WANT US TO WIN.

FORM THE INFANTRY NICELY FOR THE ASSAULT, WHILE I TALK TO THE FRENCH.

VIEW HALLOA!

AND GIVE THEM A SMILE, AIREY.

YOU KNOW, THEY ALWAYS GO OFF THE BETTER FOR A FRIENDLY FACE.

♪[Bugle and drums playing]

WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO, AIREY, IS TO EXAMINE THE ENEMY'S POSITION.

YOU DON'T LOOK WELL, MARECHAL.

AHH, I CAN'T STAND UP.

OH, AIREY, A CHAIR FOR MARECHAL ST. ARNAUD.

CHAIR!

CHAIR!

[Speaks French]

NOW, LOOK THROUGH HERE, ST. ARNAUD.

UH, ARE YOUR EYES BETTER THAN MINE?

YOUR EYES ARE. MAP. MAP.

UH, T-THERE IS THE GREAT REDOUBT UP THERE ON THE LEFT,

AND TO THE RIGHT, THE LESSER REDOUBT IS THERE.

BEHIND US IS THE ROAD LEADING TO SEBASTOPOL.

THAT'S WHERE WE WERE, WEREN'T WE, AIREY?

YES.

GENTLEMEN, I PROPOSE THAT THE FRENCH ARMY

WILL ATTACK THE RUSSIAN LEFT FLANK

AT THE WEST CLIFF.

CAPT. NOLAN,

GET THAT NEWSPAPER CORRESPONDENT AWAY. RIDE HIM OFF SOMEWHERE.

WE DON'T WANT THE PLANS FOR OUR BATTLE

PUBLISHED IN TODAY'S TIMES, EH, AIREY?

YOU'LL SEE NOTHING OF THE BATTLE HERE.

IT'S ALL COCKED HATS AND WIND AND LINIMENTS.

YOU SHOULD COME OFF TO THE CAVALRY.

I CAN GET PERMISSION FOR US TO RIDE WITH THEM.

AND THEY'LL BE PUT IN, SURE ENOUGH, PRESENTLY. I'LL FIND YOU A HORSE.

THE FRENCH WILL TAKE THE LEFT FLANK

AND THE ENGLISH WILL GO IN AT THE FRONT DOOR,

N'EST-CE PAS? KNOCK KNOCK.

HE'S NOT WELL, YOU KNOW.

YOU FELLOWS. FINE FELLOWS.

GOOD SEAT WHILE MY BRAVE BOYS BLEED.

DO WE FIGHT YOUR BATTLES FOR YOU?

IS IT THAT YOU'D HAVE ME PUT ABOUT?

[Laughing]

WATCH YOUR PLACES AND YOUR DRESSING

AND SLASH INTO THEM! TAKE FROM THE DRUM, AND AT 'EM, LADS.

VIEW HALLOA!

VIEW HALLOA!

VIEW HALLOA!

IS THAT SIR GEORGE BROWN DOWN THERE?

CAPTAIN, MY COMPLIMENTS TO SIR GEORGE.

AND WILL HE STOP THOSE CONFOUNDED "VIEW HALLOAS"?

MY HORSE EXPECTS TO PUT UP A FOX ANY MOMENT.

♪[Bugle plays]

[Exploding]

[Horses neigh]

♪[Bagpipes playing]

[Horse neighs]

[Cannons firing]

[Men yell]

[Horse neighs]

♪[Soldiers whistle]

AH, WILLIAM,

NOW I COULD RIDE FOR GROUND.

THROUGH THE GATES AND OVER THE WALLS OF SEBASTOPOL.

WILL YOU JOIN ME?

WE'D NOT GET UP THE SLOPES, RUSSELL.

I WOULD.

HE WOULD, BUT HE WOULD BE ALONE.

YES, ALONE. DEATH LOVES A CROWD.

WATCH HOW DEATH WILL PICK OUT THE CROWDS.

DEATH LOVES A CROWD, SO DO FOOLS AND FUNKERS.

THE SWORDS ARE OUT, THE PICKETS ARE IN. DO YOU FEEL IT?

[Lewis] WILL YOU JOIN ME?

♪[Bugle plays]

[Officers yell orders]

[Men scream]

[Cannons firing]

[Man screams]

[Cannons fire]

[Man screams]

♪[Piccolo plays]

[Cannons fire in distance]

THEY'RE MAKING FOOLS OF US NOW.

♪[Bagpipes playing]

[Men scream]

[Gunfire]

WHOEVER IS WOUNDED, LIE WHERE HE IS UNTIL A BANDSMAN COMES TO HIM.

NO SOLDIER MAY GO OFF CARRYING WOUNDED MEN.

IF ANY MAN DOES SUCH A THING,

HIS NAME SHALL BE STUCK UP IN HIS PARISH CHURCH.

COME! ADVANCE!

[Screams]

[Man] HELP ME!

[Gunfire]

LUCAN, YOU'RE A STEW STICK.

FETCH OFF.

[Birds chirping]

POLTROON.

BUM ROLL.

DRAW YOUR HORSE FROM ROUND YOUR EARS,

AND BRING YOUR HEAD OUT OF HIS ARSE.

[Men scream in distance]

MY LORD, THE CAVALRY ARE TO ADVANCE AT ONCE.

NO.

YES, THEY MUST.

NO.

THE CAVALRY WILL ESCORT THE GUNS

ON THE ROAD TOWARDS SEBASTOPOL.

LORD LUCAN TO THE LEFT, LORD CARDIGAN TO THE RIGHT

THE GUNS IN BETWEEN.

BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY WITH THOSE GENTLEMEN, EH?

THE CAVALRY MAY NOT ATTACK,

BUT THEY MAY TAKE PRISONERS.

AH.

I TOLD YOU HE WASN'T WELL, AIREY.

[Men yell]

[Gunfire]

[Cardigan] THE LIGHT BRIGADE WILL RETIRE.

THREES RIGHT, WALK MARCH.

[Gunfire]

♪[Bugle plays]

♪[Bugle plays]

[Cheering]

[Gunfire]

HENRY, I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING.

MY DEAR, THERE WAS NOTHING TO SEE. IT WAS ALL A DREADFUL BORE.

THE CAVALRY WERE NOT USED.

PEACOCK BASTARD! WHERE WERE YOU AND LORD LUCAN?

WELL?

I'M COLD.

COLD.

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?

THINKING?

I WAS THINKING, NOW, YOU SEE, NOW, WILLIAM,

SEBASTOPOL, THE OBJECT OF OUR BEING HERE, IS OPEN.

WE COULD RIDE IN.

WE SHOULD GO ON THROUGH AND TAKE SEBASTOPOL.

A KILLING.

I WAS THINKING OF CLARISSA.

MADAM, MADAM, A VICTORY.

SEBASTOPOL HAS FALLEN.

♪[Music plays]

"FALLEN," ME ARSE.

AHH!

IT DOES SAY IN THE TIMES NEWSPAPER THAT SEBASTOPOL HAS FALLEN.

I AM FALLEN.

AND I AM FALLEN ALONGSIDE YOU.

I'M NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERY DAMN LIE THAT NEWSPAPER PRINTS.

YOU MUSTN'T BELIEVE ALL YOU READ IN THE TIMES, CAPT. DUBERLY.

SEBASTOPOL IS NOT FALLEN.

I'M NOT AWARE HOW THE TIMES CAME BY SUCH INFORMATION.

I'M NOT ALLOWED MY TENT IN THE LINES.

[Clamoring]

MOVE. GET ON. ONWARD YOU FOOLS.

[Chattering]

♪[Drums playing]

♪[Man sings in Turkish]

[Men yelling]

[Man moans]

HOW DO I LOOK?

TRY THIS ONE.

IT'S A RUM BUSINESS, THIS BEING A SOLDIER.

A SOLDIER?

I HAD SUCH HOPES OF THIS WAR, MORRIS.

YOU MUST BE PATIENT.

NO, I'M NOT PATIENT.

I WILL NOT BE PATIENT

UNTIL THE NOBLE AMATEURS ARE SO SICK OF THEIR SOLDIERING,

THEY WILL GO HOME.

OR THEIR RIDICULOUS SUPPOSITION THAT WAR IS AKIN TO CIVILIZATION.

WAR IS DESTRUCTION, WILLIAM, NOT FASHION.

IT IS STANDING BOOTED OVER DEAD SOLDIERS AND THEIR WIVES.

THE SOLUTION TO WAR IS THAT IT IS BEST FOUGHT.

AND WHEN FOUGHT, IT IS BEST FOUGHT TO THE DEATH.

YES, IT'S A RUM BUSINESS.

♪[Bugle plays]

IF THAT LINE'S STRAIGHT, I'M A TURK'S ASS.

[Cardigan] HAVE THE LINES DRESSED STRAIGHT!

[Officer] STRAIGHTEN UP! DOWN!

DOWN, HAVE THEM DOWN AND START AGAIN.

[Officer] DOWN! DOWN!

ALL THESE TENTS ARE FAR APART. PUT THEM NEAR, CHARTERIS.

[Charteris] SERGEANT MAJOR.

[Sgt. Major] SIR.

THESE TENTS SHOULD BE NEAR.

AND STRAIGHT!

HAVE THESE TENTS PUT NEAR

[Charteris] IN MORE.

GET THEM DOWN.

GET THEM DOWN, AND START AGAIN!

[Charteris] DOWN, SGT. MAJOR.

THIS IS THE 2ND TIME TODAY. YOU TELL THEM THAT AT HOME.

♪[Bugle continues]

ON YOUR FEET!

TOO DAMNED NEAR. HAVE THEM PUT APART.

MOVE THESE DAMNED TENTS!

♪[Bugle plays]

STRAIGHTEN THEM UP 18 INCHES.

WHO SAID HE'S INNOCENT AS A HORSE?

HE CARES NOTHING FOR ANYBODY, NOR MAN NOR BEAST AT ALL.

I WISH A GREAT WIND WOULD COME AND BLOW DOWN HIS DAMNED TENTS

ON HIS DAMNED OLD LION'S HEAD.

CAPT. DUBERLY.

FEATHERSTONEHAUGH.

HIS LORDSHIP'S COMPLIMENTS AND WOULD YOU BRING YOUR WIFE

TO DINE ABOARD HIS YACHT THIS EVENING?

OH, GLAD, HENRY, GLAD, VERY GLAD.

I FEEL SO SORRY FOR HIM.

ON FIRST EXCHANGING UP FROM MARCHING REGIMENT TO HORSE,

IT WAS ALL AT SEA AND NEVER A LIGHT TO GUIDE ME,

I DON'T MIND CONFESSING.

THE SOLDIERING WAS PIE, SUCH AS, UM--

"PAYMASTER...

"WE WILL WIDE UP TO CHOBHAM WIDGES,

"WHERE WE WILL HAVE SOME EXERCISES,

"SUCH AS YOU ARE IN ENEMY COUNTRY,

"AND YOU ARE BANGED AT FROM SUCH AND SUCH."

"WHERE?" "THERE. HA! WAS SHOT AT FROM THERE LAST WEEK."

"WAS YOU? THEN YOU KNOW WHAT TO MANEUVER."

[Laughing]

EXTRAORDINARY.

[Laughing]

WHAT A CAPITAL JOINT OF PIG THAT WAS.

[Clock chimes]

CAN THAT BE THE TIME THAT IT IS, ALREADY?

AND ALL TOO SOON, I AM FOR DUTY.

I DID WARN YOU, MY LORD, THAT I AM A SERVING OFFICER,

NOW THAT WE HAVE SUCH A LARGE BAG OF SICK.

MY LORD, IF I MAY BE AWAY.

YES.

YES.

GOODNIGHT, MY LORD. MRS. DUBERLY.

MA'AM.

HMM?

[Chair scrapes]

GET ME KICKSIES OFF.

DO YOU NEED THEM OFF, MY LORD?

DON'T TALK LIKE THAT, WOMAN. GET ME KICKSIES OFF.

OH, YOU HAVE THE MANE OF A LION.

HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT IS DONE, HOW A MAN IS HANDLED?

HAVE YOU NO MECHANICAL INTEREST, WOMAN?

PUSS, PUSS, LION HEAD.

IT WOULD CAUSE A MAN TO STRAIN HIS TATERS.

I LIKE SADDLES. GET ON YOUR BACK.

YOU WOULD HAVE ME HURTING.

PLEASE TAKE TIME TO REMOVE...

I DON'T BELIEVE IT. DAMN YOU! I TOOK YOURS OFF. DAMN YOU!

IT IS BY NO MEANS A BAD THING, WHEN GETTING

ONTO A STRANGE HORSE FOR THE FIRST TIME,

TO GIVE THE MIDDLE OF THE SADDLE 3 OR 4 HARD BANGS

WITH THE FLAT OF YOUR HAND.

[Screams]

THIS IS NOT LOVE!

[Screams]

[Laughs]

MY LORD?

MY LORD?

MY LORD,

THIS RUSSIAN OFFICER HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO MY TENT.

A RUSSIAN OFFICER, IS HE?

DID HE COME AS A DESERTER, LUCAN,

OR DID HE COME WITH A DRUM AND FLAG FOR PARLY?

I FEAR HE CAME CLANDESTINE.

I DO. HE HAS THAT, UH, IN-THE-NIGHT LOOK ABOUT HIM, EH, AIREY?

HAVE YOU SPOKEN WITH HIM, LUCAN?

I HAVE, AIREY.

HE HAS PARTICULAR INFORMATION OF AN ATTACK AT OUR POSITIONS TOMORROW.

A SPY?

YOU TALKED WITH A SPY, LORD LUCAN, AND YOU--

YOU BRING HIM HERE, BRING HIM IN THE NIGHT,

BRING HIM HERE TO SPEAK WITH ME?

HE HAS SOME ENGLISH WORDS, ENOUGH TO TELL US.

LET HIM KEEP THEM IN HIS THROAT.

I WILL NOT HAVE HIM SPEAK TO ME.

YOUNG MAN,

COME HERE AS A TRAITOR?

I HOPE YOU'RE WITHOUT A MOTHER.

IF SHE SHOULD HEAR OF THIS, IT'S SAD.

SAD.

I HOPE YOU ARE WISE IN THIS, MY LORD.

WE GET A LOT OF THIS.

YOU SHOULD BE CAREFUL OF WHAT THEY SAY, LUCAN.

THEY'RE, MOST OF THEM, POLISH.

[Man] ♪ MY HEART'S IN THE HIGHLANDS

MY HEART IS NOT HERE

MY HEART'S IN THE HIGHLANDS

A-CHASIN' THE DEER

A-CHASIN' THE WILD DEER

AND FOLLOWING THE ROE

MY HEART'S IN THE HIGHLANDS

WHEREVER I GO

FAREWELL TO THE HIGHLANDS

FAREWELL TO THE NORTH

THE BIRTHPLACE OF VALOR

THE COUNTRY OF WORTH

WHEREVER I WANDER

WHEREVER I GO

THE HILLS OF THE HIGHLANDS

FOREVER I LOVE

MY HEART'S IN THE HIGHLANDS

MY HEART IS NOT HERE

MY HEART'S IN THE HIGHLANDS

A-CHASIN' THE DEER

A-CHASIN' THE WILD DEER

AND FOLLOWING THE ROE

MY HEART'S IN THE HIGHLANDS

WHEREVER I GO

LORD LUCAN'S ON THE LOOKOUT EARLY THIS MORNING.

[Dogs bark]

[Horses gallop]

[Distant shouting]

AIREY, AIREY, WAKE UP!

STAND TO! WE'RE-- WE'RE SURROUNDED!

THE FRENCH, THEY'RE IN THE YARD.

OUR ALLIES, MY LORD.

AYE.

I DON'T SLEEP, YOU KNOW, AIREY.

IT IS COLD, MORNING.

HULLAO!

2 FLAGS.

2 FLAGS?

WHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE THAT CAN MEAN?

COULD MEAN "GOOD MORNING," BUT IT DON'T.

SURELY, MY LORD, THAT IS THE ARRANGED SIGNAL.

I'M SURE IT IS ARRANGED. AND ARRANGED WITHOUT ME KNOWING.

WHAT IS IT ARRANGED TO SAY?

WELL, SURELY, MY LORD, THAT IS "ENEMY ADVANCING."

THAT IS A SIGNAL FOR "ENEMY ADVANCING."

SURELY? ARE YOU QUITE SURE?

GET ME INTO THESE OVERALLS, DAMN IT!

YOU WILL NOT GO IN, MY LORD!

GET ME IN!

YOU'RE VERY NEAR IN!

IT'S YOUR BLADDER!

DAMN LUCAN. HE'S ARRANGED THIS FOR A PURPOSE.

HE MEANS TO HAVE MY BRIGADE.

INTO BATTLE, MY LION.

[Bells ringing]

♪[Distant drum playing]

♪[Bugle plays]

SIR GEORGE. LORD RAGLAN, FROM HIM.

YOU ARE TO MOVE YOUR DIVISION IMMEDIATELY TO THE PROTECTION

OF THE REDOUBTS.

SIR GEORGE.

YOU HAVE NOT, AND LORD RAGLAN HAS NOT,

BEEN IN THE TRENCHES ALL NIGHT.

SIT DOWN AND HAVE SOME BREAKFAST.

I WILL NOT SIT DOWN.

NOT?

NO, SIR.

SIR, IT IS IMPERATIVE THAT YOU MOVE YOUR DIVISION AT ONCE.

THE ENEMY, SIR GEORGE, WILL TAKE THE ROAD,

CUT US OFF FROM SEBASTOPOL.

[Soldiers yell]

[Shrieking]

[Gunfire]

[Explosions]

AY.

HAVE THERE BEEN ANY ORDERS?

WHY DO THE CAVALRY NOT ADVANCE?

IS IT RIGHT TO SAY THEY ARE LOOKING ON STILL?

[Both laugh]

WELL, THERE HAS BEEN ONE ORDER TO THE EFFECT THAT...

I GATHER THE GIST OF IT WAS THAT THE CAVALRY

WERE TO TAKE GROUND WHERE IT IS.

[Distant gunfire]

♪[Distant bugle playing]

MY LORD, THIS IS TOO MUCH. THEY'RE DRAGGING OFF THE GUNS. OUR GUNS.

YES.

DO YOU SEE SIR GEORGE?

THEY ARE, THEY'RE ON THEM, THEY ARE, THEY ARE INDEED.

SO, SO, AH, I SHALL TELL YOU, I NEED AN AIDE, AIREY.

MY LORD.

MR. PORTAL.

HAVE YOU GOT THIS INSTRUCTION FOR LUCAN?

LORD LUCAN, THE CAVALRY WILL ADVANCE ON THE FRENCH,

TH-THE RUSSIANS, IMMEDIATELY.

THEY WILL BE SUPPORTED BY THE INFANTRY,

WHICH HAS ALREADY BEEN ORDERED

TO ADVANCE ON 2 FRONTS. HAS IT?

INFANTRY? I SEE NO INFANTRY.

WE MUST WAIT.

DO YOU SEE THE RUSSIAN ARMY, MY LORD? DO YOU?

FOR A FULL 50 MINUTES, LORD LUCAN HAS STOOD AND WATCHED.

THIS IS NO WAY, MY LORD.

THERE SIT THE FINEST CAVALRY IN THE WORLD,

MEN WHO FOLLOW THEIR OFFICERS TO THE ENDS OF LIFE,

MEN WHO TAKE IT FOR GRANTED THAT THEIR OFFICERS KNOW BEST.

THE MERE SIGHT OF THE BRIGADE MOVING WOULD BE ENOUGH.

GOOD MORNING, SIR.

GEN. AIREY, THIS IS THE 4TH ORDER I HAVE DISPATCHED TO LORD LUCAN.

KINDLY TAKE THIS DOWN IN YOUR CLEAREST HANDWRITING.

I AM WAITING, SIR.

SIR, YOU WILL WAIT UNTIL I HAVE CLEAR ORDERS FOR YOU TO DO OTHERWISE.

I WAIT, YOU WILL WAIT.

CLEAR? NORMALLY, THERE ARE CLEAR ORDERS

FOR CAVALRY TO ATTACK ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING AS IT PLACES ITSELF--

DAMN IT, CARDIGAN, I WOULD ATTACK.

I AM CONSTRAINED.

GEN. AIREY, PRAY READ ME BACK THE ORDER THAT I JUST DICTATED.

"LORD RAGLAN WISHES THE CAVALRY

"TO ADVANCE RAPIDLY TO THE FRONT,

"TO FOLLOW THE ENEMY, AND TRY TO PREVENT

"THE ENEMY FROM CARRYING AWAY THE GUNS.

"THE TROOP HORSE ARTILLERY MAY ACCOMPANY.

"FRENCH CAVALRY IS ON YOUR LEFT.

"IMMEDIATE. SIGNED R. AIREY."

SEE THAT THIS IS DELIVERED-- DELIVERED AND EXECUTED.

LET ME TAKE IT, MY LORD.

HANDI.

YES, SIR?

[Horse neighs]

GOOD LUCK, NOLAN!

THAT YOUNG MAN, NOLAN, I DON'T REALLY LIKE HIM.

HE RIDES TOO WELL. KNOWS A LOT,

BUT HE HAS NO HEART.

IT WILL BE A SAD DAY, AIREY, WHEN ENGLAND

HAS HER ARMIES OFFICERED BY MEN

WHO KNOW TOO WELL WHAT THEY'RE DOING.

IT SMACKS OF MURDER.

LORD RAGLAN, WILL YOU EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT IS TO HAPPEN?

A BATTLE IS TO HAPPEN.

AND I AM TO SEE IT, A CHARGE?

A CAVALRY CHARGE TO SWEEP THE RUSSIANS OUT OF THE VALLEY?

I DO NOT THINK SO. NO.

THANK YOU.

WHAT YOU WILL SEE IS AN ADVANCE, NOT A CHARGE,

AN ADVANCE ALONG THAT PRETTY VALLEY

TO THE SOUTH OF THE BIG VALLEY.

A SENSIBLE AND QUIET ADVANCE ON THE FLANK

OF THOSE RUSSIANS WHO ARE TRYING TO CARRY OFF OUR GUNS.

THE LIGHT BRIGADE WILL BE DIRECTED TO RESTORE THOSE GUNS

TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNER.

IS NOT LORD CARDIGAN TO LEAD HIS BEAUTIFUL SOLDIERS?

I THINK HE WILL, YES.

BUT NOT INTO THAT NASTY VALLEY FULL OF HALF THE RUSSIAN ARMY.

HE'D GET A VERY BLOODY NOSE IF HE WERE TO DO THAT. NOT AT ALL PRETTY.

YOUNG LADIES SHOULD CONCERN THEMSELVES WITH WHAT IS PRETTY.

ENGLAND IS PRETTY, BABIES ARE PRETTY.

SOME TABLE LINEN CAN BE VERY PRETTY.

[Airey clearing throat]

NOW, OFF WITH YOU, AND LET THE GENTLEMEN TALK.

FIND A PRETTY FLOWER, AND PRESS IT IN YOUR HOUSE BOOK

AND WATCH THE PRETTY VALLEY.

HUSSAR!

WILL YOU EXECUTE LORD RAGLAN'S ORDERS, MY LORD?

I AM WAITING.

CAPTAIN, UH, NOLAN, I SAY, IF YOU LOOK BEFORE YOU,

YOU WILL SEE NEITHER ENEMY NOR GUNS.

THE USEFULNESS OF SUCH AN ORDER ELUDES ME.

THE POSITION, I ASSURE YOU, IS QUITE CLEAR FROM WHERE LORD RAGLAN STANDS.

[Lucan] IS IT?

"IS IT?" "IS IT?" IT IS!

LORD RAGLAN'S ORDERS ARE THAT THE CAVALRY SHOULD ATTACK IMMEDIATELY.

ATTACK, SIR?

ATTACK! ATTACK! ATTACK!

ATTACK WHAT? ATTACK WHERE?

GUNS, MR. NOLAN.

THERE! THERE, MY LORD, THERE IS YOUR ENEMY, THERE ARE YOUR GUNS.

I SUGGEST, LORD CARDIGAN, YOU ADVANCE STEADILY,

AND KEEP YOUR MEN WELL IN HAND.

IF THE BRIGADE IS HANDLED WITH CONTROL,

THERE SHOULD BE NO USELESS OR UNNECESSARY LOSS.

HMPH. CERTAINLY, SIR. BUT ALLOW ME TO POINT OUT TO YOU

THAT THE RUSSIANS HAVE GUNS IN THE VALLEY

AND BATTERIES AND RIFLEMEN ON EACH FLANK.

IT IS CONTRARY TO ALL PRACTICE OF WAR

FOR CAVALRY TO CHARGE ARTILLERY

FROM THE FRONT.

YOU ARE QUITE RIGHT, SIR, BUT, UH, WHAT CHOICE HAVE WE?

WE'RE GOING, DEAR FRIEND.

PERMISSION TO RIDE WITH THE 17TH.

PERMISSION GRANTED, DEAR FRIEND.

[Cardigan] DOUGLAS!

COL. DOUGLAS, I EXPECT YOUR BEST SUPPORT!

[Douglas] YOU SHALL HAVE IT.

MIND, DOUGLAS, YOUR BEST SUPPORT.

DRAW

SWORDS!

AT LAST.

WELL, HERE GOES THE LAST OF THE BRUDENELLS.

THE BRIGADE WILL ADVANCE! TRUMPETER. WALK!

MARCH!

♪[Bugle plays]

OH, KISS ME, DUBERLY!

♪[Bugle plays]

[Fly buzzes]

[Birds caw]

NO, NO, NOLAN! THAT WON'T DO!

THE WRONG WAY!

THE WRONG WAY!

VEER RIGHT, MY LORD! VEER RIGHT!

VEER RIGHT!

[Screams]

[Birds sing]

WHAT THE DEVIL'S THE MATTER WITH CARDIGAN?

OUTFLANK THOSE GUNS NOW, DAMN YOU, NOT CHARGE THEM!

HE'S TURNING IN TO THE WRONG VALLEY.

[Distant cannon fire]

[Speaks Russian]

[Speaks Russian]

[Wind howls]

[Soldiers yell]

CAPT. MORRIS, DO NOT TRY TO FORCE THE PACE!

AND DO NOT TRY TO RIDE BEFORE THE LEADER OF THE BRIGADE.

[Cannon fire falls]

KEEP BACK!

[Horse neighs]

[Men yell]

[Men scream]

[Cannons firing]

STEADY, LADS!

ARE YOU IN TROUBLE?

[Screams]

17TH, CHARGE!

♪[Bugle plays]

[Yells]

CHARGE!

RUN STRAIGHT TO OUR GREAT ENEMY!

HOLD STEADY!

[Speaks Russian]

[Men scream]

[Horse neighs]

[Men yell]

[Men yelling]

CHARGE!

[Screams]

[Commands in Russian]

AHH!

AHH!

[Screams]

[Sighs]

I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW.

IT ISN'T DONE.

[Horse neighs]

WHAT ARE THEY HENRY? SKIRMISHERS?

WILL BE, DEAR, WILL BE. YOU'RE COMING ON LIKE A SOLDIER.

SKIRMISHERS, INDEED. THAT IS THE LIGHT BRIGADE.

[Fly buzzes]

IS THAT AN ENGLISHMAN?

YES, OLD CHAP.

YOU HAVE BEEN WOUNDED BY A CUT ACROSS YOUR EYE, WHICH HAS BLINDED YOU.

AM I IN PAIN?

YOU ARE IN PAIN, I BELIEVE.

WELL, SIR.

WELL, SIR? WELL WHAT, SIR?

I WILL BREAK HIM.

HOW DARE HE TO RIDE BEFORE A GENERAL IN BRIGADE LIKE THAT.

DID YOU HEAR THE CREATURE?

SHRIEKING LIKE SOME TIGHT GIRL,

LIKE A WOMAN FETCHING OFF, DAMN HIM. DAMN ALL HIS KIND.

DAMN WHO, SIR?

NOLAN. THAT INDIAN.

INSOLENT, MISERABLE- ARSED MUTINEER.

MY LORD, YOU HAVE JUST RIDDEN OVER HIS DEAD BODY.

HAS ANYONE SEEN MY REGIMENT?

[All] MY LORD, HURRAH!

MEN...

IT WAS A MAD-BRAINED TRICK, BUT IT WAS NO FAULT OF MINE.

GO AGAIN, SIR?

NO, NO. YOU HAVE DONE ENOUGH TODAY.

[All] HURRAH!

WHAT DID YOU MEAN, SIR?

ME? MEAN, SIR?

MEAN, SIR.

BY ATTACKING A BATTERY IN FRONT,

CONTRARY TO ALL THE USAGES OF WARFARE

AND CUSTOMS OF THE SERVICE.

HIM.

WHO?

HIM.

ME? WHAT HAVE YOU TOLD HIM?

YOU.

ME?

I WAS ORDERED.

ORDERED?

I WAS GIVEN THE ORDER TO ATTACK

BY MY SUPERIOR OFFICER IN FRONT OF THE TROOPS.

I HOPE YOU WILL NOT LAY BLAME ON ME. HIM.

COME HERE, LORD LUCAN.

LORD LUCAN,

YOU HAVE LOST THE LIGHT BRIGADE.

INDEED, I HAVE NOT, SIR.

[Cardigan] WHERE ARE THEY, THEN?

YOU HAVE LOST THE LIGHT BRIGADE.

THE FINEST-- THE FINEST BRIGADE OF LIGHT CAVALRY

EVER TO LEAVE THE SHORES OF ENGLAND.

HOW COULD YOU?

I HAVE NOT LOST THE LIGHT BRIGADE, SIR.

I HAVE CARRIED OUT YOUR ORDERS,

BOTH VERBAL AND WRITTEN, AND CONVEYED TO ME BY CAPT. NOLAN.

[Cardigan] I WAS WITH THEM! WITH THEM, DAMN YOU!

I HAVE DONE MY DUTY ACCORDING TO MY ORDERS.

I HAVE LED MY BRIGADE.

[Lucan] TO DEATH YOU HAVE LED YOUR BRIGADE.

I HAD ORDERS IN WRITING FROM MY SUPERIOR GENERAL.

WHO?

YOU.

I HAVE THE ORDER, STILL.

I HAVE THE WRITTEN ORDER IN YOUR HANDWRITING, LORD RAGLAN.

NOT MY HANDWRITING.

AIREY,

YOU HAVE LOST THE LIGHT BRIGADE.

I WILL NOT BE BLAMED.

[Gunshot]

I WAS GIVEN THE ORDER TO ATTACK BY MY SUPERIOR OFFICER!

[Horse neighs]

[Fly buzzes]

[All argue]

[Gunshot]

[Fly buzzes]

The Description of Charge Of The Light Brigade