- [Brock] It's Fight Night 2022.
- [Scooter] Paul versus Paul.
- [Brock] Logan vs Jake, the fight of the century.
- Jakey, baby bro, you've been naughty,
so I got to give you a spanking.
I'm gonna beat the "Bizaardvark" out of you! Let's go!
- What the (beep) is up, Logan, you old ass (beep)
I'm gonna kick your ass back to 2018,
you're gonna feel canceled all over again!
Let's (beep) go!
- Scooter, these are electric words coming
from the two fighters before the fight.
- Almost as electric as the crowd here tonight.
Not an empty seat in the house.
- [Brock] Two brothers going head to head, toe to to,
mano y mano, a civil war in the Paul household, if you will.
So, any predictions for this fight, Scooter?
- I don't care who wins as long as they both lose.
- Oh, and speaking of which,
both fighters have entered the ring.
- We went over the rules in the locker room,
I want a fair, clean fight.
Touch gloves and return to your corners.
(feet stomping)
- Oh my god, these two want to murder each other.
- Mood. - And-
- [Both] Here we go!
(bell dings)
(exciting dubstep music)
(gloves smacking)
- Stop!
- Ow! Bro!
You play too rough! - Stop!
- You stop!
Stop, you stop! If you want me to stop, you stop!
- What an intense start.
- They are really going at it.
- You're being a dick.
- I know you are but what am I?
- A dick!
- Ooh, wow, impressive.
- I know you are but what am I
is a seasoned fighting technique.
- Stop. - Stop it!
(Jake screams)
- I barely pushed you!
- You hurt me so bad! - No I didn't!
I didn't even push you that hard!
- Mom!
- Oh, now we expected to see some overacting
from Jake's camp, but we didn't expect it to work this well.
- If only he acted this hard on the Disney Channel,
maybe he wouldn't have gotten fired.
- (laughs) That's a hot take from Scooter.
- Get me some milky 'cause I am spicy!
- You're being stupid.
- Stop!
(crowd gasps)
- Mom!
- Mom can't hear you 'cause you're a crybaby
and she hates you!
- Oh yeah? If I'm a crybaby, then what's this?
You looked! - No I didn't!
- You looked, I get a free punch!
- I didn't look!
I don't have my contacts in! - I get a free punch!
No, you don't need contacts, Jake!
- There's a rule discrepancy here.
- The ref is going to have to call this one.
- Stop, dude.
If I'm a crybaby, then what's this?
(marker squeaking)
- All right, it appear that Logan's hand does go down,
Jake's eyes rise to meet it.
- He looked! - Yes!
- Logan gets a free punch.
(Jake grunts)
- Didn't even hurt.
What a crappy hit, dude, it's too bad you only get one,
you don't get to hit me like that again.
- I think he's lying and that hurt very much.
- I got to agree with you,
this boy wants a kissy on his booboo.
- I do too, Brock.
(punches thudding over speaker)
- Come on, mom says it's my turn for the Xbox.
- I'm using it.
- I'll tell on you. - I'll tell on you!
- [Brock] And Logan unleashes a brutal copycat technique.
- Stop copying me! That's what you sound like!
- A copycat reversal! - Now that's boxing.
- Oh, I just died!
- Oh (beep)!
- Whatever, I'm gonna delete your save file.
- Don't do that, I literally have played this
for like 30 hours, bro!
- Wow, I thought Logan was done for,
but he's found his way back on the offensive.
- He's a vampire?
(pages turning)
What do you want?
- Nothing. - Get out of my room.
- I'm not in your room. - Yes you are.
- No I'm not, your room starts right there
and I'm standing right here.
- Oh my god, you're so annoying.
(door slams)
- [Brock] Looks like Logan takes this round.
- [Scooter] I wouldn't be so sure, Brock.
- I can still see you.
- And that's the sneakiness I was talking about earlier!
- Oh, and it looks like Logan is about to take a shower?
(Logan whistling)
- [Logan] Jake! Dude, I was next in the shower!
- [Jake] Sorry, I'm using it.
- [Logan] That's not fair, I have a date!
- [Jake] Sorry, la la la, I can't hear you over the shower.
- [Logan] Jake, I know you can hear me,
you're a freaking loser.
- [Jake] This is nice, is this Garnier Fructis?
- [Logan] Don't use my Garnier Fructis!
- At this point I have to ask myself,
can this fight get any better?
- Scooter, you know I don't believe in speculation.
- Huh?
- We talked about this a couple times.
It's been a couple times now.
- You know I'm 75% deaf.
- [Brock] This is a fight for the ages.
Jake and Logan are exhausted.
I don't know how they're still standing.
(Logan roars)
(Jake roars)
(both roar)
(electricity buzzes)
- What's happening? My soul is moving!
- [Scooter] Whoa, they Freaky Friday-ed!
- [Brock] That's right, Scooter, their souls
have magically switched bodies
like in the movie "Freaky Friday",
and the first thing they're doing
is looking into each other's pants?
- Nice. - Way to go, bro!
A Snickers!
- For after the fight! - In case you get hungry!
- In case you get hungry.
(electricity buzzing)
- And what a great opportunity to shout out our sponsor.
Snickers, you're not you when you're hungry.
- With only seconds left in this fight,
it's really going to come down to the final moments.
(bell dings)
(cloth rips)
- [Scooter] Oh my god, Logan has lifted Jake off the ground
with a wedgie!
(Logan screams)
- [Brock] And now Jake has lifted Logan.
- [Scooter] I believe we've entered atomic territory.
(Jake and Logan screaming)
- They are now both floating in the air.
- I didn't think this was physically possible.
- We are now witnessing what could only be described
as a physics defying event.
- I would describe it as a fun BDSM kink.
- And yes, they have just left the arena
and are presumably in outer space.
- And that's if and only if they don't get sideswiped
by a commercial jetliner on the way out.
- Which brings us to our second sponsor of the evening,
American Airlines.
We'll run over the Paul brothers
if you promise not to press charges.
- [Scooter] And that's gonna do it for Fight Night 2022.
I'm Scooter McPooter.
- And I'm Brock McPooter.
That's right, we've been brothers this whole time.
- Tune in next time to see Trisha Paytas
fight her inner demons.
- Goddamn, what has happened to boxing?
(both chuckle)
- I'm gonna do what Tana Mongeau
did to you and (beep) you up. (laughs)
- Windmill! - No, no, no no no!
- You can't run away! - No windmills!
- You're running away! - No windmills, bro!
- You can't make up the rules!
- I think this boy wants a kissy on his booboo.
- I do too. Right here.
- I'm not gonna kiss your face.
- Right here. Right here, Brock.
- I'm not gonna kiss your face.
- Come on, Brock. Brock.
- I'm not gonna kiss your face.
- Come on, Brock.
- Hey!
- You, oh!
Ow, dude, what the (beep)?
- [Director] Cut!
(Logan laughs)
- Wow, I thought Logan was done for, but he's...
All right, let's try-
- Mom said it's my turn for the Xbox
after I finished folding the laundry!
- I don't care what mom says, I'm using it.
- I'll tell mom that you said that.
- You're not even good at "Halo"! You'll die immediately!
- I'll never get good if I don't get practice!
- Too bad. Get your own Xbox.
- I can't, I haven't gotten a brand deal in a while.
- Well that's you're problem,
maybe you shouldn't be such a (beep) (beep)
- Looks like Logan is about to take (blows raspberry)
a shower?
- I wish I was in there as a shampoo bottle!
- What?
- I want to be in there like that shampoo poo bottle!
- Scooter, I heard what you said,
it's the content of the words.
- Frigging stupid, I bet you want to play with Barbies.
- There's nothing wrong with Barbies. Barbies are hot.
- Barbie's the only girlfriend you could ever have,
'cause you could never have a real girlfriend.
- I actually met a real girl in real life named Barbie.
She goes to another Instagram.
- Yeah, oh, she goes to another Instagram?
You sound stupid.
- You're so stupid! - You're stupid!
- You're so stupid!
(both scream)
- You scream like a girl. - No I don't!
