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Practice English Speaking&Listening with: Comic Ali Siddiq Jokes About Dating - Bring The Funny (Finale)

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[ Cheers and applause ]


Listen to me, people.

I'm an adult. Listen to me

Before you get in a serious relationship,

you have to test the person that you're in a relationship with.

You have to test them to see if they down with you

Not like test them with no other person or nothing

You got to test them to se how committed they are

to being loyal to you.

This is what I used to do before I got committed.

I would take a lady to an expensive restaurant,

take her to an expensive restaurant

Tell her, "Hey, bae, get everything you want.

It's on you. This is your night."

You know what I'm saying? And she started off

ordering the expensive, you know --

the $99 appetizer. You know the one.

The one with the oysters on the bottom,

the shrimp in the middle, an the crack crab lives on the top?

The expensive one.

She ordered four lemon drop martinis,

and then she ordered swordfish

Now, you know swordfish is expensive.

That's hard -- It's hard to catch a swordfish

He has a sword. It's an expensive fish.

[ Laughter ]

Now, she goes to the restroom.

I call the waiter over. I say, "Waiter, come here.

Come here, come here, come here."

I say -- He put the bill down. The bill is $460. $460.

I pay the bill and tell him, "Don't come back over here

Don't come back over here.

As soon as she sat down, I say "Hey...

Take my keys, get your purse and get out of here."

[ Laughter ]

She say, "You paid the bill? "No, no. No, no.

Cant pay that bill. That bill $460."

[ Laughter ]

She said, "I got $40."

I said, "That's not even the tip."

[ Laughter ]

I say, "Take my keys, get your purse, and get out of here."

Two steps. She took two step and sat back down.

"They watching me."

[ Laughter ]

I say, "Ain't nobody watching you.

You have my keys. Get your purse and get out of here."

Two more steps! Two more steps

She sat back down.

"They watching me."

I say, "Hey, let me show you how to do it."

Boom -- I get up. I'm gone

[ Laughter ]

I can see her through the window.

I'm telling -- "Come on! Come on!

She's still sitting down - "They watching me!"

45 minutes. I'm outside 45 minutes!

I would've left her, but she had my keys.

[ Laughter ]

I go back. She come out the restaurant.

She finally come out all excited.

"Ooh, babe! Babe, we got 'em for $460.

We got 'em, bae! I'm your Bonnie.

You my Clyde." I say, "Shut up."

[ Laughter ]

I got to use the restroom now. I been out here for 45 minutes

I go back in the restaurant, washing my hands,

I'm coming out. The waiter stopped me, said,

"Hey, dawg." I say, "What's up, man?"

He said, "Man, my bad." I said, "What's wrong?"

He said, "Man, y'all would been gone."

I said, "Why you say that? "Man, every time she got up,

I looked at her."

[ Laughter ]

Thank, y'all.

[ Cheers and applause ]

The Description of Comic Ali Siddiq Jokes About Dating - Bring The Funny (Finale)