Practice English Speaking&Listening with: Crazy Gym Horror Stories (MATCH GAME)

Difficulty: 0

(rooster crowing) (tiger growling)

(wheel spinning)

- Welcome to Good Mythical More.

- We're gonna give a motivational speech.

- Listen up!

- To someone traveling from the airport on the train

with like four suitcases.

- Okay, listen.

You made it onto the plane with your suitcases.

You made it off the plane with your suitcases.

You just so happened to then get on a train

with your suitcases.

- And this is when you're gonna begin

asking yourself the question.

What can I give up?

What is not important?

And it's probably that suitcase

with the extra underwear in it.

Listen, my mama always told me,

"Pack some extra underwear."

And never once have I crapped my pants while traveling

and I never needed it.

So that suitcase,

the fourth one full of extra underoos

and panty things. (clicks tongue)

Leave that behind.

- Why'd you think you were gonna crap your pants

that many times, anyway?

- I don't know. - A suitcases' worth?

- My mama really built up a fear.

- I'm talking about,

- Oh. - I'm talking to them.

(crew laughing) - I crapped my pants,

I crapped my pants once on the way to Dollywood.

(crew laughing)

- Come on in, guys. - My whole family

was in the car.

- Yeah, too short. - I turned around

and went back to the house

where the underwear was.

- You know what, you lost--

- But you know what, I went to Dollywood.

- You've gotta wear the sweaty, sweaty sweatband.

- Hey, Rhett, here you go.

- Oh gosh, ugh. (clapping)

- Is it sweaty?

- Oh yeah, it is.

- Let me smell it.

Let me smell it. - Go lower.

Go lower.

- Wow, big head.

- There you go, that's it. (laughing)

= Damn, big head.

- "Wow, big head," she says.

- Not in a bad way,

just it's true. - Let me sniff.

- Smells like someone who's been working on a chair.


- I'm gonna move over, Chase,

so you're not right behind me.

- Rhett, when you crapped your pants at Dollywood,

- Do you just wanna put your head in my hood.

- That's what the water rides are for.

- Yeah, sure. (laughing)

It works, it's comfy. - Just got on water rides,

get that log ride going. - Get on the log ride.

Make it into a real log ride,

you know what I'm saying.

- All right, guys.

- Fully body bidet. (laughing)

- So my understanding is that--

- (speaking in childlike voice) It is a log ride, Mommy.

- (laughing) I get it.

- Look at that man!

- You guys each have a gym horror story.

And we have them written here.

- Can neither confirm nor deny.

- And we need to match 'em up.

Rhett, read the first one.

- "I was in the gym sauna

and an old naked woman came in

and started eating an egg salad sandwich.

Out of the corner of my eyes I saw movement

and then realized a swarm of roaches

were literally come out of the woodwork

around her legs.

I told her, she was unphased."

- Presumably continued to eat the egg sandwich.

So this is a--

- That said sauna? - Sauna.

A naked lady-- - So a steam room.

I'm getting 'em confused.

Steam room is not a sauna.

- A dry sauna. - Like the wood slats

and like the coal in the corner.

- Correct. - Is it a--

- The hot room with the naked people in it.

- Coal, it's not coal. - Not the steam room

with the naked people though.

- You know, when they get that coal going,

- That's what I'm saying.

- A sauna's hot, a steam room is

(drowned out by Rhett). - Like the miners

have always done to warm themselves

up in the cold. - I know the difference now.

- So I assume this is a lady,

- How could you have roaches come out of--

- The woodwork?

- In a sauna?

- Well, because roaches when heated love egg salad.


- Roaches when heated or roaches in heat?

- (laughing) Yeah.

- That is so disturbing.

I can't even believe this story's true.

Who would lie about this?

- Ally?

- She was unphased.

- I did go to a gym in Ohio

that had co-ed things like that.

Like saunas and it was--

- Where you could get naked?

- I love that.

- No, it wasn't a naked one.

- We all need to get over

feeling weird about everyone's bodies.

Bodies are bodies. - There was towels

and robes that they provided.

- We gotta get over that though

before everybody gets naked together though.

You gotta get over just being naked

and then you can get over being naked

with everybody else.

- What quicker way to do that though?

Like just straight up exposure therapy.

The first time I went to a Wi Spa,

which is this Korean day spa

where everyone's naked,

I was like, "Oh my god.

Bodies of all kinds,

this is so crazy." - But it's not coed.

- No, no.

But I had never seen so many naked women in one room

and I so quickly was just like, "This rules."

- When I was a kid,

I was really weirded out by all the naked ladies

in the YMCA locker room.

But now I'm comfortable with it

and I get to give that back to the children.

(laughing) - There is an age

at which you feel like it

becomes acceptable, right. - Full circle. (laughing)

- You look at me with horror now.

(laughing) - Yeah, exactly.

Look at your future.

- It doesn't get better.

- It gets a little better

and then it gets a lot worse. - So much worse!

I'm in the prime of my life.

(laughing) - I am not.

- You guys are great.

- I'm fine, I'm fine.

- "You know what,

when I was 12 I tried to flirt with a boy

by going really fast on the StairMaster.

Obviously slipping and chipping a tooth."

- Can we see-- - 12 year old in the gym.

- Can we see you both smile?

- I'm so bad at smiling. - Why you trying

to see me smile?

- Soft smiles only.

- You seem like a StairMaster

kind of guy. - Flirting with a boy

on a StairMaster, chipping your tooth.

Damn, that's tough. - I'll tell ya.

A woman on a StairMaster does it for me, so...


I get this.

- A toothless woman even better.

- I love a woman to look like she's going places

but not going places at the same time.

She's like-- - You like watching a woman

walk away. - But she's still there.

- Yeah, forever. (laughing)

- Guess what, any woman in any career.

- That's the most sexist thing you've ever said.

I love a woman who looks like she's going places

but she's not. (laughing)

- It wasn't a metaphor.

It was literally, you made it sexist.

- That's horrible.

- I'm just saying literally,

she looks like she's climbing stairs

but she's still right there the whole time.

(laughing) - Available

to make me sandwiches. - It's very high action

but also she never leaves.

- We got a different font for this.

Look at that, different font.

- So you gave that to Emily.

- Is that handwritten or is that a--

- I believe that

one's handwritten. - Hold on.

Okay, we need to stop and talk about this.

Who has this penmanship?

- Oh, I know. - [Kristen] Do you know?

- It rules, yeah, I know.

- Is that Kristen? - [Kristen] Yeah, it's me.

- Kristen.

- Pretty. - You have a font.

- She does. (laughing)

- Her handwriting is font and--

- Kristen has a font.

- She updates all the boards

and they are so impeccable

and I love it so much.

- When did this,

how long did this take to get right?

- [Kristen] Oh, probably 15 seconds.

- No, like in your life. (laughing)

Like if I go back

and I look at... (laughing)

I don't believe it was 15 seconds, by the way.

If I go back to your sixth grade school work

is this what it looked like?

- [Kristen] I think so.

I think that probably happened around,

I'm gonna guess fourth grade.

- That's a powerful, feminine handwriting.

- What happened around fourth grade

that was like damaging to your emotionally?


- There we go.

- [Kristen] I don't think it was damaging.

I think I was just nine

and I had control over my hands.

(laughing) - Don't answer any questions.

- What happened when you were nine?

- That know that Amanda S. - A lot.

- had handwriting like that.

- She wasn't that good.

- She had meticulous handwriting.

It was smaller though. - She was not that good.

I've looked at Amanda's S's writing many times.

- "I've been stung by bees over 20 times."

Good gosh.

"And about half happened when I've been working out."

- What? - In a gym?

In a gym full of bees?

- A really cheap gym or outdoors.

- Bee Planet Fitness.

- Somebody works out in some sort of--

- Outdoor hive situations. - What do you call

one of those where they're growing plants inside?

- A greenhouse.

- I'm saying this is his. - Not a greenhouse

but like where they're all on display.

It's like a terrarium

that has a bunch of plants in it,

like at a museum. - A nursery?

- A bee aviary.

An aviary. - Baviary?

- Yeah. - Aviary for bees.

- Are we giving this

to Chase? - Terrarium?

- Yeah, yeah.

Chase seems, you know, he got stung by a bunch of bees.

- Well, we could've used gender neutral language.

- We could have. (laughing) - Yeah, that's true.

- Before we give the reveal--

- It was my fault.

- I'll say that my most embarrassing story,

which I still think after all these years

is still my most embarrassing story,

is a gym nightmare story that I told on,

I think it was Good Morning Chia Lincoln

when we went back and forth

and told our most embarrassing stories.

And I'll just skip to the punch line

because you can go back and watch that episode.

But I planted my bare butt cheeks

squarely on the back of a bent over--

- So many B's.

- ... naked professor. - The upper back.


The upper back.

I mean, you may have put--

I was trying,

you know when you pull your-- - It may have been his neck.

- You know when pull your pants and your underwear down

and you have to bend over for that?

- Oh, like, fully accidentally?

Not a prank.

- Not a prank. - Oh my god.

- There was a guy,

he was bent over-- - He wanted an A

in that class. (laughing)

- He had his shirt off,

he might have been naked. - Well, somebody got an A.

- I can't remember how the story goes.

All I know is that when I bent over,

I felt my butt cheeks press against sweaty flesh.

And it was this guys back, right.


And I turned around and looked at him.

I gathered my stuff

and ran around the other side.

- What was his face?

Show us what his face

looked like. - Never saw it.

(laughing) - Only looked and ran away.

- I only looked at his back.

I don't remember.

- Oh, god.

- Okay, are we right?

- Chase, let's start with you.

- Yes, yeah.

And I was very deadly - 20 times?

- afraid of bees up until

we did our bee Geico shoot.

And I had to be the--

- The bee beard. - All day, yeah.

And that's where my exposure therapy,

I cured my fear here. - Where are you getting stung,

not on your body

but like where are you at when this happens?

- It was almost always in the pool

when I was doing water polo or swimming.

- You get stung in the pool?

(laughing) - When I would get out.

I'd always just get out of the pool

and happen to step on a bee

or put my hand on bee.

It was always just very coincidentally,

the bees were everywhere.

Wherever I was.

- Sounds like it's your fault.

- Bee magnet. - Lies.

He's constantly - You're stepping

and pushing on bees. - Throwing insults, yeah.

(crew laughing)

Constantly draws the ire of bees.

- We right or wrong here? - My bad.

- Wrong. - Oh, wrong.

- Yeah, swap me.

- So you chipped a tooth.

- For sure. - And did you get the boy?

- No! (laughing)

No he didn't even see if I was okay.

My mom was there,

she ran over.

Lots of people were concerned.

- How old were you?

- He just kept on doing laps.

- 12 years old. - Oh my gosh.

- Because he was very cute,

middle school's soccer team ideal

and then he was running around the indoor track.

And it loops around where the exercise equipment is.

And so I would go really slow on the StairMaster

until he crossed the halfway point

and I would speed it up.

And I did that for several laps

- Interval training. - and I would be like,

I would like trying to flip around.

Trying to make a scene

and then I just fully ate it.

- Oh gosh.

- That's so scary. - You can kinda see

really, really closely

but it's been filled in.

- And then he kept running?

- Yeah.

Absolutely did not miss a beat.

- Focused. (laughing)

- Focused.

Egg salad, huh?

- It was last year. - This has to be a lie.

- Last year? - Yeah.

Listen, I won't tell you the gym

cause I don't wanna insult the gym.

- Just the one that sells egg salad.

- I'll tell you which one it is.


It's a nasty gym.

- How can you eat egg salad in that heat?

- I don't know.

- Even without the roaches.

- She just came right in-- - How can you eat

in a sauna period, right?

- People eat in this sauna all the time.

They had to put up a new sign

to be like, you can't eat in here.

And it was like, you'd think it'd be obvious.


But you can't eat in the--

- That's crazy. - So gross.

- I'm never even sure if I can bring in--

- And then there's roaches that come out.

- Yeah, 'cause people eat in there.

- Well, there's been a roach problem in there quite often

but there was just so many.

And I was so scared for her.

And I was like, "I don't want you to be scared

but there's so many roaches."

And then, up by her legs, and she goes,

"It's a lot, right."

(Ally laughing)

- And I just think that she was like a "Willard" situation.

She was gonna go, "Rise my friends."


"Rise roaches."

And then just like, they were gonna cover her whole body

and then she just was roaches the whole time.

(crew laughing)

- It's a lot right.

- So she just lived with it.

She was like, whatever, I'm gonna eat my sandwich.

I'm naked, hanging out in a hot room

with you. - The answer is yes.

- She's either my new god

or truly the devil incarnate.

- She's the only god.

The only true god.


So we've all been wrong this whole time.

- The roach egg salad lady.

- All hail.

- All hail, egg salad roach lady.

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Two snotebooks.

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The Description of Crazy Gym Horror Stories (MATCH GAME)