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Practice English Speaking&Listening with: Bad Movie Police Case #1: Galaxy of the Dinosaurs

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[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Hey, you wanna run some lines --

DEVON: Where's my tree?

Where is my tree? We're supposed to be outside.

DEVON: Okay, now... when, you know, he takes his shirt off...

I wanna make sure that you pan up his body there

so that we can tell how much he's worked out over the years

because, you know, slightly out of focus when you get to his face

so that we can understand.

That's enough dear, any more we gonna need

ice scraper instead of soap to get it off. Places!

Okay, "Hemorrhage," scene six, take one.

Why are we slating this? We're shooting it on home video.

Shh...

Ready.

Action.

So, did you see the story in the news about the killer?

Yeah, I hope they get that guy.

I heard he killed those guys... 'cause they were gay.

Oh, ho, at least I don't have anything to worry about then.

Laugh it up, I'll be the one screwing with the babes at this party.

[LAUGHS]

There is no way that they can resist us.

IKE: You said it.

Uh, cut, uh...

Mike, could you please pick up that shirt?

No problem, Devon.

WOMAN: That's a wrap.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

Freeze!

It's them, run!

Freeze, freeze!

You are under arrest, sugar.

ELKE: Another bad movie tragedy prevented.

Hello there, I'm Sargent Elke Mantooth.

And I'm Lieutenant Drucilla Dread

of Bad Movie Police.

It's our job to find those responsible for the worst movies

in history and put a stop their actions.

Any way we can.

I mean, I took classes Ma'am, I am a good actor.

What kinda stupid film, I swear.

Sometime we get lucky and catch the bastards

before any real damage is been done.

Right, more often than not, we're responding to the crime

that has already been committed.

Trying to catch some camcorder couplet

who just pinched off another loaf of cinematic stool.

That sometimes hundreds, may be even thousands have already seen.

There is a good chance of you seen some of the cheap

worthless garbage we're talking about.

But for the sake of argument,

let us show you exactly what we mean.

Best place to start is at the top of the list,

with the number one Bad Movie criminal,

Lance Randas.

And what put Randas at the top of the list.

Four simple words,

[DRUCILLA READING]

With Galaxy Of The Dinosaurs, Randas attempt to merge stolen

footage from the 35 millimeter stop motion nightmare,

Planet Of The Dinosaurs.

With his own footage, he shot in the woods

behind his father's house and get this

on super VHS.

Somehow the results are even worse than you would expect.

Sargent, Lieutenant, sorry to bother you,

you gotto check this out.

Received here earlier today.

I repeat, what you about to hear may shock you.

We have confirmed reports that this is the voice

of renowned sinisterist, Lance Randas.

It's too late for you

Chi Chi, turn it up.

backed into a corner.

I just wanted to express who I was.

You unleashed your dogs on me,

the so called Bad Movie Police.

They can't protect you,

they can't protect themselves.

Let them come at me and feel the sting of my genius

and taste the bitter pill of my wrath.

And those chilling words he spoke...

Bastard.

Ironically this just brings us full circle

to the top ten crimes Galaxy Of The Dinosaurs

has committed against the cinematic entertainment.

ELKE: Number 10.

trying to combine 35 millimeter footage with super VHS.

Number nine.

Christine Morrison.

Lots of vegetation but no signs of animal life, yet.

Who gives a performance so bad,

she could have been only cast for being related to.

Number eight. Bill Mourison.

His haircut should alone should make the list.

CHI CHI: Uh...

Funny thing, actually they're not related.

Well, that's even worse, now, isn't it?

Number seven. This guy's turtle neck.

ELKE: Number six.

The roll of toilet paper

that falls off the console of the spaceship side.

Bringing us to...

Number five.

Constipation.

Whatever James Broth is trying to approximate here.

Number four. What is with the whole cavemen thing?

[GRUNTING]

Need I say more?

[LAUGHING]

Number three.

Quite possibly the most obnoxious repetitive

score in the whole movie history.

Trust us, you'll be hearing enough of it throughout the movie.

Number two. Tom Hoover.

I think I'm gonna be sick.

Sets the wacky fat guy side kick stick bag

further with every strained breath.

[TOM SCREAMING]

Here is a hint Wheezy, more funny, less buffet.

[SQUAWKING]

And the number one crime Galaxy Of The Dinosaurs

committed is James L Edwards

and his decade long gogorious gonawits monologue.

You broke the law, you landed on Gurgone.

We are coming for you Edwards. It's not safe anymore.

And with that the Bad Movie Police

submits for your approval.

[ELKE READING]

[WIND HOWLING]

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

Hello?

Hello? Hey, you guys there?

Yes Graph, we all are here

and just about ready to hit the plan.

Are you sure you can not bring it back or something?

No thanks Morda. I packed my lunch today

Captain Kronik?

Yes.

I got the ship as close as we

can get it without being getting being detected.

Just say when.

I don't see why we just don't land on the planet.

If we get too close, their satellites will pick us up.

Yeah, and these paranoid people

would send missiles all over the planet.

Besides, I don't think planet earth

is ready for a visit from outer space.

Is it really worth it then?

You bet your black hole is worth it.

I am hungry.

There are plenty of planets to choose from, Benj,

we better food even, we can wait to even get back to Zairox,

it's not that far.

Ha, Doctor Forband, we just sense of adventure.

Yes, and did you that no one in the whole universe

can cook a meat substance as fast as anyone on earth?

Professor Getin, I don't care how fast they can cook it,

I just don't trust them.

I mean, have you ever seen the rule of the food empire

with that red hair and that white face

and that ugly yellow suite.

I just don't trust 'em.

I don't care what they wear, as long as they can cook it,

I can eat it.

Benj, you can eat anything, at least you can do.

Ha, ha, ha.

I am about to release the shuttle.

I'm gonna need you to glide the shuttle

through that big hole in the earth's atmosphere,

then I'll go ahead and transmit you from there

and now bounce the shuttle back to the ship.

Ah, hopefully I don't just think it's just another

clump of space junk bouncing off their atmosphere.

Everybody locked in and connected.

We're all set and ready to go, Graft.

We're racing the shuttle.

Save room for desert.

And away we go.

Our golden magnets are pulling us in.

[ENGINE REVS]

Oh-ho.

What's wrong?

These coordinates , they are wrong.

We are no way near earth,

we are not even in the same solar system.

Where are we then?

Ever heard of the planet, Gorgon?

Never in my life have I heard of the planet Gorgon.

Are you sure about this, Graft?

Oh, I think I am sure of it, you are heading

for a dinner date on an unknown planet.

[SIGNAL DISTORTIONS]

Oh, that's not good.

[YELLING] Graft, what's going on?

I don't know, someone is messing with the coordinates

they have also programmed the ship to self destruct.

Graft, get out of there.

Jump on the other shuttle and get off

the ship before it blows.

You think he made it?

I don't think he had time.

That means we are lost.

We are stuck in that planet's gravitational pull.

We're like a shooting star.

Always the cheerful one for, Benj.

Graft!

Barely made it.

Are you all right?

Made it to the shuttle.

The blast...

I am just floating, no control.

Can you transmit yourself to the shuttle?

I did manage to set your coordinates

before the ship went down.

You're all safe.

On your way to unknown planet

What about you?

I'll try to brighten

the sky with a beautiful streak of light.

Someone will make a wish on me.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

We've hit the atmosphere. This is it.

Everybody hold tight.

No, duh!

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[ELECTRONIC BUZZ]

Everybody okay?

Yeah man.

Yeah.

Where is Benj?

[WHOOSHING]

[WHOOSHING INTENSIFIES]

Ouch!

You materialized in the air.

Benj, are you all right?

May be he is dead.

Benj, speak to me, Benj.

I meant to do that.

Hey, were are you guys going?

I am hurt, I could have been killed.

Where is my sympathy?

Morda, I need mouth to mouth.

I can't breath. Help me.

Help me. [IMITATES CHOCKING]

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

Hungry.

Huh, that's a shock.

I don't think we'll find anything around here.

Lots of vegetation but no signs of animal life yet.

No incests either? That's odd.

That's good, because I hate bugs.

You're assistant to Professor Getin

and you hate insects?

He takes care of the insects, I stay with the plants,

he can deal with those little creepy things with long legs

that crawl in your ears at night and lay eggs.

Morda, please, even I am getting the creeps.

I am not going any further.

Am so hungry, I could eat a whole nest of insects,

larva and all.

Oh, you are sick.

Getin, there is a line of trees over there,

you think we'll find food?

All right, see, we got a better chance over there

than in this parched field.

Oh, there has to be some sort of vegetation to eat?

BENJ: Vegetation?

I was all set on a thick and greasy meat disk

slapped with a slab of coagulated milk product.

[YELLING] You're always whining.

We're stuck on this planet

and the sooner you realize that, the better,

for all of us, 'cause we are not getting off.

Let's go find something to eat.

[DISTORTED MECHANICAL VOICE]

[LAUGHS WICKEDLY]

Hey guys, here is the other bag.

Benji, you idiot, I thought you must be carrying this.

I was, excuse me for falling out of the sky.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, Getin, how about it?

Looks as good as any.

Look around for nuts, berries,

any kinda vegetation.

But don't eat it. It could be poisonousness.

Bring them to Professor Geting and myself for analysis.

BENJ: Over here.

I'll check it out, you look over there.

Okay.

Am I gonna die?

[ROARING]

[SCREAMING]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[MOANING IN PAIN]

It's safe.

Huh?

He said they're safe, you can stop whining now.

It's a good thing these things are safe

'cause they seem to be the only thing around here to eat.

Yeah, I didn't find anything either.

Leave it to Benji, he'll sniff out food.

What about Morda?

I don't know, she is probably...

[MORDA SCREAMING]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

Morda!

Morda!

Morda!

It's Morda, guys.

Morda, please be alive.

She is alive guys, in shock, but alive.

We are not alone anymore.

Don't hit me, don't hit me.

Get up and stop your whining.

[MORDA GASPING]

How is she?

She will live.

She will live.

Pick the bags.

[ANIMAL GRUNTING]

[GRUNTING]

[SCREAMING]

[BENJ CREAMING]

Don't worry, Morda, you are okay now.

That's right, you'll be okay now.

[BENJ CREAMING]

Except may be that.

[ANIMAL GRUNTING]

[SCREAMING]

[ANIMAL GRUNTING]

[ANIMAL GRUNTING]

Are you sure these things are safe?

Of course not, the gage is programmed for analysis,

not guess work.

Yes, so was the Odessy, now it's nothing but debris.

Shut up, Forband, you are about bad as Benj,

at least he is not whining now.

He 'll be half with a bowl of crap in front of his face

just long as he is eating.

I think they are delicious,

They remind me of that little cafe on the planet Mobias.

Was that the one where you got really drunk

and you started taking off all your cloths?

And then you took that bottle of Moon dust and you started

putting it all over...

[MODRA INTERRUPTS]

How do you like them captain?

Oh, they're making my tongue feel funny.

I was gonna say the same thing.

Yeah, my tongue tickles too.

Wait, wait a minute, I wanna hear more about Modra taking all her cloths off...

Stop it Benj.

You know, the sky looks funny too.

Yeah, it's throbbing.

Look at it.

Wow! It's so pretty.

Like big fluffy flowers.

I want to pluck one.

Those aren't' clouds,

those are fetuses of babies.

Little baby clouds.

[GIGGLES]

Yeah, I think these sprouts are starting to effect us.

I think they have some sort of hallucinogen ...

The hell with it, they have a kind of buzzed, aren't they?

These are poison, I told you that they were.

Oh, man, but they do make you feel good.

Umm...

Am gonna find some more of these magical sprouts.

Am gonna go get

some more of these magical sprout thing,guys.

[LAUGHING] Bye.

[MUMBLING]

[ANIMAL GRUNTING]

You're Big Tinker berry, aren't you?

[LAUGHING]

[LAUGHING]

FORBAND: Going for a lil ride, aren't we?

Hey this is fun, hey guys, look at me, I am flying.

We missed the buss man.

[LAUGHING]

See you, send us a post card.

[LAUGHING]

FORBAND: Are we there yet? Hey, is this your home?

Hey, I can't go in there, I don't even know your name.

[LAUGHING]

Hey, take that man out of your mouth.

Yeah, you don't know where he's been.

[LAUGHING]

[DINOSAUR GRUNTING]

FORBAND: It's dark in here, forget to pay the electric bill?

Hey, that hurts.

[BONES CRACKING]

[SNORING]

[BENJ MUMBLING] What? Is it time for school all ready?

Everyone alright?

Oh, man, my head!

I had the worst dream that Doctor Forband

was eaten by this huge creature

with the biggest teeth I have ever seen.

Funny, I had the same kinda night time manifestation

in my sleep as well.

Me too.

Not me.

I dreamt of Modra was naked and dancing on top of me.

Shut up.

Ouch.

Why you have to be so rough? That hurts.

I bruise easily.

Look, over there.

So it wasn't a dream.

[MODRA CRYING]

It's okay, Benj.

No, it's not, he owes me money.

Look awfully big.

Yeah.

[ANIMALS GRUNTING]

This looks a lot better.

Yeah.

[DINOSAURS GRUNTING]

I think I'm gonna be sick.

[ROARING]

[SCREAMING]

Come on, go.

[GRUNTS]

Good shot, Morda, now stand back.

It worked.

Come on.

What was that?

I tore apart the gauge and made a few minor adjustments

and lo and behold I made a laser gun.

That's incredible.

Corney and predictable but still incredible.

Where is Benj?

Hey, you guys, don't leave me down here.

All right.

The only way that we gonna survive is by killing the beast.

Well, Captain, that sounds simple enough.

The laser gun I constructed just isn't strong enough to kill

the creature of that size,

it would only scare him off for a while.

I can sympathize with that.

Hey, how about this?

We'll start a fire in it's cave and burn it alive.

Oh, that's real smart, look at all this dry grass.

All these trees

These woods would go up in an instant

and take us with it.

Alright that's it. I'm sick of coming up

with great ideas.

and having you guys shoot em' down

If your so smart you think of something.

Okay look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap

at you guys like that.

I don't know. I guess I got a lot on my mind.

It's all right. It's hard on all of us.

I got an idea.

Okay, we're the only people on this planet. Right?

Well, yeah as far as we know.

So here's what we do.

We reproduce. Populate this planet

with our sons

and that way soon they'll get strong enough

to band together and defeat the beast.

In fact we should start reproducing tight now.

And uh, since Mordar here is the only women among us

she's the... MORDAR: Keep your pathetic

wet dreams to yourself fat boy.

It's time to play a little game. [LAUGHS CUNNINGLY]

Tell me something captain.

Yes.

Do you like me?

Uh, yeah. Mordar I like- I like you.

I mean really like me. You know, really really like me.

I want you captain

[EXCLAIMING]

I really really want you.

[GROWLING]

[SCREAMS]

What timing.

[GROWLING]

We heard your screams.

[GROWLING]

C'mon let's go before we're next.

BENJ: Jesus!

[DINOSAUR FOOTSTEPS]

Cant believe I forgot the sticks

It'll be dark soon.

And cold.

We're gonna freeze to death.

Not you. You have enough of layers of fat

on you to keep us all warm. Maybe we should cut you up

and wrap ourselves inside of your flab.

Oh, please don't start yelling and screaming.

Not now.

Mordar's right. We got to try to stick together and stay calm.

[FOOTSTEPS]

Okay, I'm sorry aright.

Sometimes I let this captain thing go to my head.

The idea of power over people. I don't know

I know it's whip but it feel so good.

[FOOTSTEPS]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

That's no thing to be shamed of Cronin.

It'll happen to anyone who's given control

over a group of people.

You just got to look out for it. Keep it under control.

[SCREAMS]

Come out or I'll fry you to ashes.

Be careful.

What is it?

Caveman?

What do we say to it.

Ugh.

Ugh?

You want me to say ugh?

Uh...

Ugh.

Ugh.

Professor it works.

Ugh.

Ugh.

Ugh ugh ugh [GIBBERISH]

[GIBBERISH]

[LAUGHING]

[LAUGHS]

Ugh. ugh ugh [GIBBERISH]

[LAUGHS]

Ugh. [GIBBERISH]

Hey, what are we saying.

I don't know.

Ask him his name.

What-

In caveman talk.

Oh yeah right.

Ugh [GIBBERISH]

Ugh.

His name's Ugh.

Great. Now ask him about food.

What about-

[GIBBERISH]

he understand. Great. Smarg his farm.

[GIBBERISH]

What's he saying.

I think he's telling us to eat the leaves.

Leaves?

Yes. Yes he's saying to eat the leaves.

[GIBBERISH]

Well, let's eat.

Hmm it tastes sweet. Like some sort of sugar.

GETIN: Yeah except I hope we don't hallucinate this time.

All I know is if my tongue starts tingling

Getin's getting a mouth full of leaves.

Not too bad.

Benj is the big meat eater. I didn't think he'd go

for this kind of stuff.

Hey, I go for any kind of food. Besides,

you put your mind to it it tastes exactly like fried

Based it in a sugar syrup.

Save some for our friendly chef.

Hey, where'd he disappear to.

Anyone see him leave?

More for us. [GROWLING]

[GROWLING] Ugh? Ugh?

Ugh? [WHISTING] Ugh?

Ugh. Come on home boy.

[GROWLING]

[SCREAMING]

[SIGHS]

[EXCLAIMING IN HORROR]

That was close.

Yeah we better get out of here.

Let's grab Benj and get outta here.

Where is he?

[GROWLING]

What? No mommy I wasn't watching. what?

Where am I?

C'mon guys let's get outta here.

I can't go any further. I gotta rest.

Well, we're not gonna wait. We'll see you back at camp.

But don't be too long then. You know it's not safe out here.

That's alright. I'll just be a minute.

I gotta catch my breath.

Okay, we'll see you later than.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[GROWLING]

Guys? [STAMMERS] Is that you?

Hey, c'mon you guys. This isn't funny.

You know, your not scaring me.

[SIGHS]

[GROWLING]

Thought I recognized that sound.

[EXCLAIMING IN HORROR]

Where'd that caveman get of to anyway?

And why didn't he warn us about those creatures.

They could have eaten us alive.

Well, maybe they got him and ate him.

I don't trust him.

Let's not be to hasty. Maybe he doesn't trust us.

Either way, I don't want him around.

[SCREAMING]

Benj!

Benj?

Benj!

Benj?

Benj.

C'mon old boy. [WHISTLING]

Benj.

Benj.

[GROWLING]

It got Benj.

Now it's coming for us.

Look over there!

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

It's Benj.

Anyone for leftovers. [BURPS]

[WILL YOU VISIT ME ON SUNDAY PLAYING]

Just outside these prison bars

The hanging tree is waitin

Tomorrow I'll meet Sunrise And death will say hello

Darling press your lips to mine

And tell me that you love me

What is this?

Doesn't make any sense.

Shh.

[SNIFFS]

That son of an intergalactic whore.

So, he can talk.

MORDA: Get him Tony.

Apprehend him. [GROANING]

Don't kill me. Please don't kill me.

You've got a lot of explaining to do

Yeah, why didn't you speak with us before.

Answer him.

You know, I thought you guys were just playing a game.

Your a liar.

Be easy on him.

Be easy on him after the stuff that he pulled.

Be easy on him?

Why didn't you speak with us before?

I was scared.

Scared? Scared of what? No one hurt you.

Excuse me for a second.

What's your real name anyway? Ugh.

Bob.

Bob Ugh?

No. Just Bob.

Well Bob, do you get your jollies

on by making alien visitors feel like fools on your planet?

Look I told you I was scared. It's been so long

since I've been around anybody other than those monsters.

You mean theres been other people here

Are they still around?

There were others. But they're dead now.

It was so long ago.

They all dropped from the shiny little creature

that fell from the sky.

A shuttle. Probably a lot like ours.

They didn't last long. The monsters made a meal of 'em.

One by one.

Just like us.

Well, I hate to interrupt this lovely little

chat but it's gonna be dark soon.

We better build a fire and cook this food before it gets dark.

Don't worry your safe now.

You got that thing working yet?

I don't know what's wrong with it.

Bob must have broke it when he was messing around with it.

Sorry for breaking your machine.

Here take this instead.

Flick the tip.

Where'd you get this Bob?

In my cave.

The cave?

You mean the one where the dinosaur lives?

Uh huh. It used to be mine

but he came in and took over.

That means there might be other people here.

I don't think so.

Billy Bob's intergalactical gas 'em up

has been closed for quite some time.

Oh, I see that you haven't got the fire started yet.

How you like a monster cooked Bob?

Oh, I don't eat that sort of stuff.

Why not? What do you eat?

Plants, leaves and berries. That sort of stuff.

A vegetarian caveman.

It explains why your not wearing any animal skins.

I don't think it's right to cause pain and suffering

to other creatures.

Why? They think it's fine to cause pain

and suffering to you.

Someday they'll realize that I'm they're friend

and I only want peace in the valley

for all forms of life.

They're dinosaurs for crying out loud.

They have brains. They can think.

Benj you don't look so hot.

I don't feel so hot.

Probably all that raw meat he ate.

He's probably got worms crawling around inside of his intestines

the size of ropes. Seeing how everything s

is big around here.

[VOMITING]

[GROWLING]

[SCREAMS]

That was Benj.

Getin, bring the laser come on.

With us this time.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

[RUMBLING]

It wont work.

I thought you fixed that.

So did I.

Run Benj!

Shoot it.

[LASER GUN FIRING]

[SCREAMING]

You missed. Can't believe you missed.

Gimme that thing.

[GLASS SHATTERING]

Oh, now look what you've done.

[RUMBLING]

[SCREAMING]

Whoa.

Oh, I can't believe this.

Did you have any part of this.

Don't be stupid. He's with us.

It could be more of them, liar that he is.

How can we be sure?

All the meats gone. Not a bone left.

It was here.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

All I know is that somebody better keep watch in the night.

I will.

I don't think so.

Cronin.

I still don't trust him. I'll do it.

You guys get some sleep.

No that's okay. I want to work

on my notebook anyhow.

Alright that's fine by me.

There use mine. I wont be needing it.

It's a portable sleep chamber.

Oh, I get it.

[SNORING]

Too dark to write anymore.

[SIGHS]

[ZIPPER OPENS]

[EXCLAIMING IN RELIEF]

[GROWLING]

Huh.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

[MOANING]

What was that?

It's back. Run for it.

Hey wait. Help. Get me outta here.

[GRUNTING]

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

wait! wait! Help. Help.

Help. Wait wait wait. Help

Help. [GROANING]

[SCREAMS]

Take this.

Die! Die! Die!

It's Bob the caveman not maggots.

Oh, I killed him. I killed him.

I killed him.

Aah. Shiney.

Somethings not right here.

Somebody's playing games with us.

I'm sick of it.

You better stop playing games with us. I'm sick of it.

I don't know who you are. Where you are. I'm sick of it.

You hear me? I'm sick of it.

[LAUGHS CUNNINGLY]

Where are you? Where are you!

Alright, I got this idea.

What?

We dig this hole. A really huge hole.

And we lure the dinosaur out of it's cave.

Yeah.

And we let it chase us until we get to the hole.

Then we let it drop in.

How? Push it?

I don't know. I haven't thought about that part yet.

And how are we going to dig a hole anyway? With our hands?

Listen it's just an idea. You got a better idea?

No.

Then stop cutting down everything I come up with.

I admit I have a lot of idiotic ideas.

But at least they're ideas. At least I'm trying.

What are you doing? Anything? Huh?

How'd you get this job anyway?

What do you mean?

How did you get to be the captain

of an intergalactic mission? You can't even think your way

out of a wet sack of crap. How? I don't get it.

I slept with someone.

What?

I slept with someone. There, you happy now.

You know the ugly truth. I slept with somebody

to get his job.

And who was it. Queen Carlata?

I can't tell.

Why? We're never gonna get of this planet.

Who am I going to tell anyway. The dinosaurs?

Captain Kronik slept with the Queen.

I did not.

Who was it then? The emperors daughter?

You slept with Blanchee the emperors daughter?

I'm not telling. Let it rest.

Man's gotta have some pride.

You call sleeping with Blanchee, the biggest space slut

in the universe, pride?

Huh. You probably caught a case of the crotch critters from her.

Will you just drop it.

I'm sorry.

I guess I just wanted to hurt you since

you rejected me.

Well, it's not you. Believe me. It's not you.

And now for the grand finale.

This is going to be uh, delicious.

[LAUGHS]

But I do think your beautiful.

Then why don't you love me?

I do love you.

Your just like a sister to me.

Don't start that speech. I've heard it a million times.

You know, it doesn't matter what planet you land on,

all men are the same.

Mordar wait.

I hate you. I hate you.

[GROWLING]

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

I'm not gonna run from you anymore

you cheap Godzilla rip-off.

[GROANS]

Ha, hows that feel? Huh?

Uh oh.

KRONIK: Go let's go. Go, Go!

It worked.

[GROWLS]

That's it. Everything we own in one bag.

Well, lets go.

Which way?

Think it matters?

That's true.

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]

Lets stop here. This looks like a good place to make camp.

Yeah we got everything we need. We got water, berries

and tree to relieve ourselves.

I'm gonna go get some wood for a fire.

Oh, that sounds good. I'll go ahead

and clear us a spot on the ground.

If your hear anything you scream.

Gothca.

[EXCLAIMS]

Graft.

Miss me?

We thought you were dead.

I may smell like it but I'm far from dead.

Yeah but how did you get of the show?

That's a funny story man.

I'm all set to die right. Then I start thinking hey,

if I connect this wire to that wire

would so and so happen, and it worked.

I was able to transmit myself from the shuttle

before the ship blew.

But did you ever figure out what went wrong Graft?

How did somebody get on the ship and just rearrange everything?

And why? Why does someone want us here anyway?

You know, I think I got that part down to.

Someone did want us here. Someone on your ship.

On the ship?

Yeah. Someone on your crew, captain, got in computer

when no one was looking

and they switched the coordinates all around.

When we thought we were staring into the milky way,

we were actually millions of light-years away.

Yeah but why would somebody want us here anyway?

That's what I can't figure out.

An experiment.

A what?

An experiment.

Someone built this places. It's not real.

It's all artificial

Someone dragged life from other planets

scattered them around and let them repopulate

until a brave new world was built.

The only thing that was missing was people.

They needed people to see if they could survive

in a situation like this.

They were strong enough. Smart enough to beat

the terrible beasts that ruled this world.

I think it's more of a game than a scientific experiment.

To tell you the truth. I think your absolutely right.

And I think your the one that's controlling it.

Ladies and gentleman we have a winner.

Gurtorius Gonimus.

I thought you were dead.

That my friend was only

Why? Why would you do this?

Because he's sick and perverted and deserves to die.

That's only part of the reason.

Truth is Zyrox used me as a scapegoat.

This was all the emperors idea not mine.

But the emperor wanted to use this place

as a vacation resort. [LAUGHS]

At least that's what he told the ministry

of public officials.

Truth is this is to be a Gura. A prison planet

for the dregs of society.

Whores, thieves, murderers anyone who didn't abide

by the rules set by society.

Men, women, children it didn't matter.

You broke the law you landed on Gurgon.

Gurgon?

Yes Gurgon, named after my self of course.

Gur-torius Gon-imus Gurgon.

Like that? I built the place. I might as well

name it after myself.

But who would want a prison named after them?

Who would want a disease named after them?

Scientist do it all the time.

Anything to live on in the annals of history.

Yeah but why this planet?

It had the perfect atmosphere to sustain our race.

Besides the inhabitants were so nearly extinct

[WHISPERS] I just had to finish the job.

You killed them?

No. Didn't touch 'em. I let my monsters do it for me.

Then I got a little lonely. So I built myself a friend

out of a freshly killed corpse of the last remaining native.

Carved him out and filled him full of machinery.

I don't waste the dead you know.

The caveman.

Oh, please, caveman sounds so primitive

You said the emperor used you as a scapegoat.

But how?

A friend if yours got his nose wet sniffing around

where it not not have been.

He opened up the wrong computer at the wrong time and found

the real reasons behind Gurgon.

Graft.

Alas poor Graft but only a shell in his former self.

If he had kept his big mouth shut

you two would be sitting comfortably on the Odyssey

digesting a horrible little meal from planet Earth.

But No. Graft had to tell two friends

and they told two freeings and so on and so on and so on.

Pretty soon a rumor got started.

The emperor was building a prison planet

to hide all the dissidents. Ban them from Zyrox

so he could kill the queen and rule the world

under his strict and horrible hand.

It really wasn't far from the truth you know.

You were playing for it though. You brainwashed the emperor.

Made him do bad bad things. They said it was all your doing.

Yeah, you planted an electrode in his head

to control his thoughts.

You believe that? You believe anything

a politician tells you?

They made up those rumors so the emperors

blossoming political career wouldn't wilt.

By saying I did all those nasty things

they made him to be the sympathetic hero.

While I, the villain, some melodrama eh?

They planned to silence me to. I had to leave.

No one knew of Graft's death. We sent a double in his place

so his mission could go on as planned.

Originally, this ship was suppose to explode

before it left Earth's solar system.

But I changed all that.

You killed Grant's double and took his place?

Then you reprogrammed everything in the computer.

Which the computer saw the course and brought us here.

Your good Morda. Very good.

I'm gonna enjoy spending the rest of my life with you.

What do you mean by that?

He means he's gonna kill you and make me

his cheap little sex slave.

You are good.

And your dreaming. There's no way I'd spend

an entire with a shriveled up piece of shit like you.

There's no way that I'd let her.

This is no time for cheap heroics Captain Kronik

I think you have no choice in the matter.

Could you please step aside my dear.

I don't want to scorch your pretty little jumpsuit.

Not that you'll be needing it much for what I' have planned.

[SCREAMS]

Oh, stop the theatrics. You can't save him now.

You try to run and I'll burn you both.

[GROWLING]

It's me. Your master. You wouldn't dare

[SCREAMING]

Help me. Help me. I won't kill you. I promise.

[PLEASANT MUSIC PLAYING]

We have no choice you know.

What do you mean.

We're the last people on the planet

and the only survivors.

Yeah?

Well, don't you get it. It's up to us.

What are you talking about?

You and me. What Benj was saying earlier was right.

We have to reproduce, raise a huge family

and populate this planet.

Mordar don't.

I don't get it Kronik. We have to do this

whether you like it or not.

The future of this planet depends upon it

and we depend upon it.

Nows not the time to dig up all these old

repressed emotions.

It's the new world Kronik. A new chapter of history

and it's up to us.

I love you.

I'm gay.

Excuse me.

I can't love you.

I'm gay.

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]

MORDA: Kronik!

I can't believe it.

I can't believe they did that.

We've been on Earth this whole time.

They blew it up.

They blew up the planet Earth!

Those bastards!

Bastards! Bastards!

[SIGHS]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING]

Just outside these Prison bars

The hanging tree is waitin

Tomorrow I'll meet sunrise And death will say hello

Darling touch your lips To mine

And tell me that you love me

And promise me again Before you go

Will you visit me on Sundays

Will you bring me Pretty flowers

Will your big blue eyes Be misty

Will you brush away a tear

A grave lies in silence

But if a sleeping man Could hear

Darling would I hear your footsteps

[GROWLING]

[GROWLING]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

The Description of Bad Movie Police Case #1: Galaxy of the Dinosaurs