Practice English Speaking&Listening with: Advice on First Kisses, Stalkers, College Majors, and More

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Good morning Hank, it's Friday.

And if you're wondering why I just suited up, it's because I'm gonna give real advice to real Nerdfighters.

I'm already in middle school...

Hey, congratulations on graduating from Fifth Grade!

And I haven't had -

You haven't had what? Your first pimple? Your first night home without a babysitter?

My first kiss?

What?

Is something wrong with me?

What?

And how do I get it to happen?

What? Hank, there were hundreds of nerdfighters from the age of like 12 to the age of like 23,

who said "I haven't had my first kiss, is there something wrong with me?"

Listen, there is nothing wrong with any of you!

At some point, you will meet someone who you want to kiss, who wants to kiss you,

and you'll kiss them and it will be disappointing, and in all probability too tonguey,

What is the problem with us?

You don't even get to be 12 anymore before your life is incomplete without romantic love!

How do I get my mom's pet rat to like me?

I don't agree with the premise of your question.

I smell everything I touch, is that weird?

No, that's synesthesia!

How can I tell my stalker off without hurting him?

So we have this habit of overusing the word stalker,

but let me answer this question about real stalkers - fixation is not the same thing as love,

and you owe your stalker nothing except for firm boundaries,

and if he or she fails to obey them, a restraining order.

My friend created an online persona and pretended she was a boy, and I kind of fell for this fake boy,

and then when I found out he wasn't real I was crushed,

and I haven't talked to her since and I don't ever want to, should I?

Wow, I mean, obviously I'm of the biased opinion that

everyone should read "Will Grayson, Will Grayson", the new book I wrote with David Levithan,

but you really should.

I'm about to graduate from college and I don't know what-

Let me cut you off right there -

What you need to do is read David Foster Wallace's brilliant commencement speech,

"This is Water", a link to which I have conveniently posted in My Pants

I want to meet some nerd girls...

Okay, first off, you probably should try to say that in a less creepy fashion,

but if you want to meet nerd girls, let me recommend book events,

actually for those of you who live near Indianapolis,

I'm doing an event with E. Lockhart tomorrow, Saturday at 2:00 p.m.,

link in the doobly-doo, and for those of you in Australia and

New Zealand, David Levithan, my co-author is on tour right now - more info in the doobly-doo.

I'm a high school freshman and I have no clue what to major in in College,

I don't know what to do with my life.

That's because you're a high school freshman,

you're not supposed to know what you want to do with your life.

Now, if you were a college junior or something who didn't know what to major in I'd be concerned.

I'm a college junior, and I just don't know what to major in.

Yes, see, you I am concerned about.

However, you are coming to the worst possible person for advice.

When I was a junior at Kenyon College in Gambier, Ohio,

someone called me and they said "You really need to pick a major",

and I was like, "Can you pick for me?",

and the person on the phone said "Well, the departments you've taken the most classes in are English and Religious Studies,

and I said "Okay, then I will double major in those."

Honestly, I think majors are overrated,

I will remind you that Hank Green majored in biochemistry

and yet Hank, here we are, you, judging from your video on Wednesday, a rapper,

and me, a person who talks to blind sock puppets in his basement. While wearing a pizza suit.

I'm out to a lot of my friends, but my parents are incredibly religious and conservative.

How do I tell them their son is gay?

Well, it's your life, and you're gonna have to choose when and how to tell them, but ultimately all you can do is be honest.

But I will say that as far as I'm concerned here, being gay is not a political or a religious issue,

and even if you don't hear this from your parents, I think it's important for you to know

that there are many deeply religious Christians who believe that

being the person who God made you does not and cannot separate you from God's love.

My dog eats all my mom's romance novels,

How do I get her to stop?

Wait a second, are we trying to get mom to stop buying romance novels,

or are we trying to get the dog to stop eating them?

I can't tell because of your pronoun's ambiguous antecedent.

So Hank, that's my advice for the day,

Pay attention to your pronouns, don't worry so much about kissing, and read David Foster Wallace.

Hank, in other news, as you know, one of our favorite nerdfighters Esther Earl is sick. [hugs]

Esther, we thought it would be nice, if en masse

We all kind of signed her guestbook to say that we're thinking of her and we think that she's awesome,

the link to do that is located in My Pants

Hank, thank you for getting Will Wheaton to say hello to me,

and thank you for your amazingly good rapping. I'll see you on Monday.

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