And you, Donald,
you think it's just nifty
how I've always flitted from Beverly Hills to Rome
to Amsterdam.
I'm here to tell you,
the only place that I've ever been happy
was on the goddamn plane.
Run. Charge. Run. Buy.
Borrow. Make. Spend. Run.
Squander. Run. Beg. Run.
Run. Run.
Waste. Waste.
Waste.
And why?
Who's coming?
Same old tired fairies
you've seen around since day one.
This is gonna be fun.
This old college friend of mine is in town,
but he's straight, so…
Do you really think he doesn't know about you?
Emory, no!
I don't care what people do, as long as it's not in public.
It's the delivery boy from the bakery.
Ask him if he's got any hot cross buns!
Where the hell could Harold be?
Happy birthday.
-You're late. -Michael, you kill me.
When he's sober, he's dangerous.
When he drinks, he's lethal.
That's your surprise?
Hey, everybody, game time.
We all have to call the one person
we truly believe we have loved.
My God, Michael.
You're a charming host.
Who makes the first call?
If you make the call, you get one point.
I'm not playing.
Who would you call, Hank? Me?
If the person answers, you get two more points.
I just wanted to tell him that…
to tell him that I…
"I love him."
If you tell them that you love them…
you get a bonus.
Who are you going to call, Alan?
You ended the friendship
because you couldn't face the truth about yourself.
I'm sorry.
I love you.
Hank, why did you do that?
Because I do love him. I don't care who knows it.
-I'm warning you. -Are you now?
I'm the one person you don't warn, Michael.
Because you and I are a match.
If we could just not hate ourselves so much…
There's nothing as good
as feeling sorry for yourself, is there?
Nothing.
Mary, take me home. These queens are crazy.
