How's the happy couple today?
Well, it's no surprise we're sitting here.
You two have always thrown off
that "Will they or won't they?" vibe
and it's been a real hoot to watch your courtship.
Now, when two employees get married,
it is my job to make sure that the employee
is not receiving favoritism from his or her boss.
He's trying to cancel my show!
-Uh-huh. And what about your little
announcement last night?
Do you know how many fires
I had to put out this morning
because of you?
And what was that voice?!
-It is my imitation of Drew Barrymore's impression
of that crazy lady.
-Let's keep this meeting short.
Our marriage is a technicality
and it will be remedied.
-Also, in order for there to be favoritism,
we'd have to actually still be friends.
let's just dive on in.
"Does the employee spend an inordinate amount of time
in the employer's office, compared to other employees?"
-Well, yes, I suppose, but only because Miss Lemon
is incapable of doing anything on her own.
-Oh, please! Half the time when I go up there,
it's to help you choose a tie,
and they're all red or blue!
-Yeah. Where I come from, if you have more
than two colors on a tie, it means you're looking
for a certain kind of bar.
-"Are all workday conversations business-related or,
do personal issues often dominate discussion,
including, but not limited to, mothers, diarrhea,
having babies, problems in the bedroom,
neckties, food issues,
foot disorders, having it all?"
-Okay, yes, in the past, we have advised each other.
-For instance, Jack taught me
not to wear tan slacks with a tan turtleneck.
I thought it looked nice, but he rightly pointed out
that it made me look like a giant condom.
-And Lemon is the only one of my subordinates
who's not afraid to warn me when I'm being too authoritative
-Or when you have eye boogers.
-"Have you spent time with each other's families?
Have you attended special events together,
such as class reunions, birthday or holiday celebrations,
weddings, or extended car trips?
Are you each others' emergency contacts?
Do you ever drink together at work,
perhaps while summarizing what you've learned
over the day or week?
Have you shared intimate details
of your fears, hopes, and dreams,
both personal and professional?
Is this the longest and, perhaps,
most meaningful relationship in your life?
Do you often find yourselves thinking the same thing
and then saying it at the exact same time?"
-I'm sorry, Jack. -I apologize, Lemon.
I never should've tried
to blackmail you. I'll sign the papers.
-And I shouldn't have threatened your show.
I'll leave that to the parental decency groups.
And I'll back off on the budget
and the bat mitzvahs.
[ Sultry jazz plays ] -Okay.
Now, we're gonna do word association.
-We're done, Weinerslav. -Bleh.
-Try to walk like a woman, Lemon.
-Your fly's open, Jack.