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Practice English Speaking&Listening with: Leslie Jones Roasts Her Old Headshots

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-I've got to say congratulations on your second Emmy nomination.

Yes! -You got nominated.

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪♪♪

Well-deserved, well-deserved.

-Yes, but I want to win. -Yeah, I --

-I love Kate, but, bitch, I want this one.

[ Laughter ] -No, no, no, look.

So you're up. It's you, 'cause you --

It's a great category. -Yes.

-But for "Saturday Night Live," it's you and Kate McKinnon.

-And Aidy. -And Aidy Bryant, too.

-Yes. -I'm so psyched that you guys...

-It's insane. -How fun is that?

-It's gonna be so fun. -You crushed it this season.

You were so funny. -Man, I had too much fun.

-You crushed it this season.

-Yeah, they let me have a little bit more fun this season.

I might have a little bit more fun next season.

-Yeah. [ Cheers and applause ]

You really are.

And you're also doing stand-up, I do want to say...

-Yes. Lots of stand-up.

-I love that you're doing lots of stand-up.

-I love -- 'Cause that's what I started.

You know, that's my core is stand-up.

-Yeah, of course.

Stress Factory, New Brunswick, New Jersey,

August 2nd to the 4th. -Yes.

-Funny Bone, in Hartford, Connecticut,

August 10th through the 12th.

Tampa Improv in Tampa, Florida. I used to play there.

-Yes. And Kenan lives in Tampa,

so he's gonna come and see me. -Is he really?

-Oh, my God. I can't wait.

-How great is that? -That's gonna be so fun.

-Kenan, he got nominated.

-Yes, for two! -That's right.

-For two! [ Cheers and applause ]

Yes! -Kenan.

-I think I cried more harder when they told me

Kenan got nominated than me.

I was like, "Oh, God, he's just so funny!"

-Isn't that great? I love that guy so much.

-Yes. -But I will say the --

-And Carolines.

-September 5th through the 8th, Carolines.

-That's my birthday! -Caroline -- oh.

-That's my birthday weekend.

So that show is gonna be crazy.

[ Laughter ] -All right, good.

That's September 5th through the 8th

at Carolines here in New York City.

It's a great club, by the way. I know everyone over there, too.

When you do these, when you do stand-up,

you have to start out, you get a headshot

just so you can send it out to people

and hope -- I'm sorry, Leslie,

but we got a couple of your headshots

from when you first -- from when you first started.

-Yeah. [ Laughter ]

-No,they're all -- but they're great.

-They're so hilarious. -I just --

I just want to show a couple of your headshots here.

-Oh, that's -- I want that after you finish.

That's pretty.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Okay.

So, first of all, I look older than I do now.

[ Laughter ]

Second, I literally was like --

I think I was, I want to say, 32, something like that.

I'm not sure.

But I had just got my hair braided by this girl

that lived in my building.

And when I went to go take the headshot,

'cause it was, like, special. It was at this photo place,

and I think he was charging me $90 for like a hundred shots,

And I was like, "Yes!" [ Laughter ]

So when I was choosing my outfit I was like,

"What would Whoopi wear?" [ Laughter ]

Because I want to be what Whoopi is.

-Yeah, Whoopi Goldberg's unbelievable.

-And so I chose the schoolteacher jacket.

[ Laughter ]

-The blazer. That's -- yeah.

-I look like I sell insurance and cosmetics.

[ Laughter ]

Like I got a Mary Kay line. You know?

[ Laughter ]

-And then -- -Okay.

-Oh, this one's good. -Let me tell you this one.

This one, my hair -- [ Cheers and applause ]

Yo, yo, I look so damn corny, that cah-cah!

First of all, my thumb is about 5 inches long.

[ Laughter ]

So many gay men approach me about my thumb.

[ Laughter and applause ]

I have lived, baby! I have lived!

Listen. [ Laughter ]

And, look -- this was taken by my hairdresser at the time,

Donna Dyson, in the middle of Wilshire Boulevard.

If you look... -Oh, yeah.

-...you'll see that's Wilshire Boulevard.

I took it right out in front of her shop.

-And that was a professional headshot.

-And that was my headshot for 15 years, at least.

[ Laughter ]

-Then this headshot -- -Okay, so let me explain.

[ Laughter ]

Okay. I was doing new headshots.

[ Laughter ]

-Oh, my God.

-I was doing some new headshots, and I ain't know the dude --

I ain't know the dude who was taking the shots.

He was testing the camera, and I was like, "Eh, eh."

And he was taking all those shots.

And when I saw this, I was like, "This bitch is crazy."

[ Laughter ]

It's my favorite headshot of all time.

-It's a good commercial for you. 'Cause, yeah...

Everyone's a little bit crazy. -Oh, my gosh.

Please, please show them. -This is the last one.

-I think it's the one that you -- Oh, yes.

-I mean, how -- -Let me explain to you.

-What were you even thinking?

-Let me explain something to you.

When I took this picture, I swear to God...

[ Laughter and applause ]

-I don't even know what -- -When I took this picture,

I swear to God, you would -- I would've put money on it

that I was about to blow up. -Yeah.

[ Laughter ] I was like -- I was like,

"How do you not look at this headshot

and tell that this girl is creative?"

[ Laughter ]

I had just came back from Tokyo and had bought

one of them little swap-meet... -Kimonos?

-Kimonos and in my hair, I got chopsticks in my hair.

'Cause I was like -- [ Laughter ]

And then I was like, "Oh, my God.

If I do my hairs, they're gonna be like,

'She's an action star!'" [ Laughter ]

-So you were gonna be in movies and everything.

-Look at this!

Why would you not put this in a movie?

-So, with these headshots, "I'm gonna blow up from this."

-Yo, I sent this to Lorne Michaels,

and I was like, "I had some good headshots."

He was like, "This one not so much."

[ Laughter ]

-Well, pal, look at where you ended up, man.

-Man, crazy, right? -Congratulations.

Second Emmy nomination. -Yes!

I love you, baby. -I love you.

-You're the best. Leslie Jones, everybody!

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