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Practice English Speaking&Listening with: URBAN FANTASY - Terrible Writing Advice

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Do you want to make a fantasy world, but are too lazy to build a detailed fantasy setting?

Then urban fantasy is the genre for you!

Yes.

With urban fantasy we already have a prebuilt world ready to go.

All we have to add is magic and bam!

Instant urban fantasy!

It's that easy!

Let's get started!

Now given that magic is added into our complex and technologically interconnected modern

world, we have to very carefully set up one thing before we work on any other aspect of

our story.

The love triangle!

Yes!

The love triangle is the absolute most critical component of any urban fantasy story and will

drive even the world building!

Now the biggest decision we have to make is what type of super natural being our male

romantic leads will be.

Now despite them being undead abominations and nocturnal creatures of evil, vampires

should be our first choice.

Vampires symbolize death and decadence, being a cross between a decaying corpse and a corrupt

aristocrat.

They are a rotting cadaver and a blood sucking parasite which of course makes them the perfect

romantic interest!

Rather than a creature of eternal death, let's make our vampires beautiful.

Be sure to give them rock hard abs despite their undead nature rending them unable to

generate new muscle mass.

Be sure they keep their predatory nature and thirst for blood.

It gives them a great excuse to angst over their desires to savagely murder the protagonist

who, of course, they are in love with.

Because I know I always struggle to not fall in love with my food!

Also be certain to give our vampires all kinds of awesome powers like incredible speed, super

strength, and heightened senses while also removing all of their weaknesses like sunlight

and food seasonings.

Just don't bother to address why the vampires haven't taken over despite their obviously

superior nature.

A world ruled by vampires where humans are oppressed into chattel slavery sounds utterly

boring.

Who would read that?

If vampires are not your thing, then we can always use werewolves instead.

Unlike the ethereally beautiful vampires, werewolves are gruff with a masculine edge.

However, just like vampires, the hunky werewolf must struggle with his true nature to avoid

savagely maiming the heroine into bloody viscera.

How romantic!

Now just like with vampires, we should remove all drawbacks to being a werewolf as well

as get rid of any weaknesses.

No need to address that our werewolf would, you know, actually smell like a wolf.

However, the most important thing to remember when adding werewolf characters is to never

actually read up on wolf physiology and behavior and completely ignore complex pack social

dynamics.

After all, this is an escapist romantic fantasy!

Not a biology lesson!

Now if we can't decide between werewolves or vampires, then that's fine.

We just add both!

But does a story really need a love triangle?

Of course not... when we can have a love dodecahedron!

Not only can we have a vampire and werewolf competing for the affection of the protagonist,

but we can also have a normal bad boy alpha male, a hunky wizard, a handsome billionaire

who peddles in the occult, a buff government operative, the ripped local detective, an

archangel, an incubus, and the list goes on and on until the protagonist's life is filled

with a harem of attractive men.

With an army of models pining over our protagonist, we can now detail our main character.

This is actually super easy!

Just copy our protagonist from the dystopia setting and dress in her leather!

Make her a teenage girl with ordinary looks and no discernible personality, but is still

inexplicably the setting's chosen one.

Rather than local law enforcement, experienced occult societies, or government authorities

dealing with the super-natural elements of the setting, it is up to a single teenager

to protect the world.

Of course, don't address that most people won't even trust a teen with a car, much less

shouldering the fate of the world.

But she can handle it with her vast array of special powers that are vague enough to

resolve the plot and breakout of whatever corner you write yourself into.

Speaking of powers, make sure this is the only way to deal with the super-natural elements

of the setting.

Have firearms and all forms of modern military weapons be completely useless in stopping

our paranormal foes.

This is necessary, otherwise normal people might resolve the plot and we would miss an

opportunity to show off how special our protagonist is.

Make sure she uses her powers to resolve obstacles even if this requires our protagonist to appear

stupid for not using far more convenient modern technology instead.

Also be certain to ensure all of our setting's magical elements are kept secret from normal

people no matter how much this doesn't make sense.

Having a modern world where magic is widely available to the public would require way

too much world building and every page not dedicated to a werewolf vampire love triangle

is a waste of words.

Now I haven't mentioned villains for urban fantasy.

Because they are barely needed!

Just shoehorn them in in the last few chapters!

No need to put a lot of thought into them when we should instead keep our focus on resolving

the love triangle.

Just have our protagonist wipe out the villains as an afterthought then put even less effort

into tying up the romantic loose ends.

Easy!

Now some may say that what I have just described is not the genre of urban fantasy, but paranormal

romance and that many urban fantasy novels do detail their setting and magic systems.

So go ahead and indulge in world-building at the cost of romance,

unless you want to make money.

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