-Guys, Taraji P. Henson is my guest tonight.
[ Cheers and applause ]
And we've got the biggest boy band on the planet --
BTS is on the show! [ Cheers and applause ]
Whoa.
♪♪
Yeah.
[ Cheers and applause continue ]
[ Music ends ]
[ Cheers and applause continue ]
Since they got to New York,
they've been greeted by thousands of screaming fans.
[ Light laughter ]
Then another guy in New York was like...
[As Donald Trump] "You hear that? They love me."
[ Laughter and applause ] "They love me."
It's not for you.
That's right -- President Trump is here in New York.
He spoke at the UN today,
but he actually showed up late to his speech.
[ Light laughter ]
Apparently, on the way in, his tie got caught in the escalator.
He's like, "Shut -- Shut it down."
[ Laughter ] "Shut it down. Help me."
[ Laughter and applause ]
I saw that Trump arrived at the UN alongside Melania.
But keep in mind, "alongside" for Melania
means she was three cars behind him.
[ Laughter and applause ] And...
Trump spoke at the UN, and halfway through his speech,
every foreign leader there was begging to be deported.
And... [ Laughter and applause ]
A lot of people were talking about this --
after Trump started his speech
by bragging about how well he's done as president,
the crowd started laughing at him.
[ Laughter ]
Watch this. Watch this.
-In less than two years,
my administration has accomplished more
than almost any administration
in the history of our country.
America's -- So true.
[ Laughter ]
[ Chuckles ]
Didn't expect that reaction, but that's okay.
-Yeah. [ Laughs ]
Trump -- Trump hasn't heard that much laughter
since his night with Stormy Daniels.
Uh, he -- -Whoa!
-Hey. [ Audience ohs ]
-Oh, whoa! Whoa! -Get this, guys.
Yesterday, BTS also spoke at the UN about self-respect.
[ Cheers and applause ] You saw that?
[ Cheers and applause continue ]
And they made -- they made quite an impression.
In fact, I think some of the diplomats
may have preferred BTS to some of the other speakers.
Take a look at this.
-Looking around this hall
where so much history has transpired...
-♪ I'm so sick of this fake love ♪
♪ Fake love ♪
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Chuckles ]
-All right!
-Of course, Trump loves talking,
and, usually, he says some pretty questionable things.
And while we can't filter what he says,
we can filter how he looks when he says it.
I'll show you what I mean. It's time for "Trump Filters."
Here we go.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-America's economy is booming like never before.
Since my election, we have added $10 trillion in wealth.
[ Laughter ] The stock market is at...
[High-pitched voice] an all-time high in history.
[ Laughter ] And jobless claims...
[Deep voice] are at a 50-year low.
[ Laughter ]
-Speaking of filters, have you guys seen Apple's new Memojis?
-Yes. -Yes.
-They're animated emojis you can make of your own face.
And it turns out
the President has been getting really into them.
He even tried one at the UN today.
-Oh. -Take a look at what he tweeted.
-Look at me. [ Laughter ]
I'm a Memoji.
Everyone's been talking about these things.
I love Memojis
because they add the word "me."
Anyway, I've had such a fantastic time
speaking at the United Nations,
or, as it's also known, "The un."
It's my favorite "un,"
right after my favorite bestie Kim Jong-un.
[ Laughter ]
And it makes sense why they invited me to speak.
I mean, people are always comparing me to the un.
I'm un-fit. I'm un-qualified.
And I don't un-derstand grammar. [ Laughter and applause ]
Anyway, I don't know if you're following
the confirmation hearing for Brett Kavanaugh,
but believe me,
my Supreme Court fantasy team is in bad shape, folks.
Also, I might fire my Deputy Attorney General,
Rod Rosenstein,
though, to be honest,
that's only because, if I fire one more person,
I get the last stamp on my punch card and a free sandwich.
[ Laughter ] Okay, they're kicking me out.
The un security is telling me I'm un-welcome.
Byeeeee!
[ Cheers and applause ] -interesting.
[ Chuckles ]
I'm glad he's having fun.
I don't know.
You guys, it's been a busy week for Trump.
And while speaking at the UN yesterday,
he tried to say "cocaine,"
but he had a little trouble with the word.
Listen to this.
-We look forward to partnering with his new administration
to eradicate cocoa production...
[ Laughter ] ...in his country.
-No. No, not -- not eradicate cocoa production.
Cocoa is not in danger.
No. Cocoa.
And, well, we noticed
Trump has trouble pronouncing things all the time.
So with that in mind, it's time to play "Talk Like Trump."
Here we go. [ Cheers and applause ]
-♪ Talk Like Trump ♪
-♪ Beautiful, beautiful ♪
-♪ Talk Like Trump ♪
-♪ Wall ♪
-All right. So here's how this works.
I'm gonna see if anyone can guess
how the President is going to mispronounce a simple word.
If you get it right, you get a prize.
If you get it wrong, you still get a prize.
[ Light laughter ] All right, raise your hand
if you want to play "Talk Like Trump."
Here we go. Well, you're right here.
Yeah, of course, sure. How you doing, buddy?
Stand up. What's your name?
-Adam. -Adam, where you from?
-North Haven, Connecticut. -Hey, welcome, Connecticut.
All the way from Connecticut. Okay.
[ Cheers and applause ] Our first clip --
President Trump is going to try and say the word "momentum."
How do you think he's going to mispronounce it?
-Momendum. [ Laughter ]
-All right.
Let's see. Let's see what happened.
-If you love what you do and dedicate yourself to your work,
then you will gain "mo'mem'tum."
And, look... [ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer, sad notes play ] -"Mo'mem'tum," yeah.
So you got it wrong, but, still,
here's your "mo'mem'tum" custom-made T-shirt.
There's mo'mem'tum. [ Cheers and applause ]
Thank you for playing, buddy. Nice to see you.
Where -- who else? [ Applause ]
How you doing? Want to get up?
There you go. What's your name?
-Quantel. -Quantel, where you from?
-California, Sacramento. -Oh, really?
[ Cheers and applause ] -Yes.
-Good to see you. Like the hat.
-Yeah,yeah.
Sacramento, but you're a Yankee fan?
-Yes. -That's cool.
All right, I dig it. That's right.
Now, in the next clip, Trump tries to say "United Nations."
How do you think that he'll mispronounce "United Nations"?
-United Neh.
[ Laughter ]
-[ Chuckles ] You think he just bails?
-Yes. -Okay.
[ Laughter ] Never know.
Let's see what happened.
-But, hopefully, this will not be necessary.
That's what the "Unated Nations"...
-Ah, geez. -...is all about.
[ Buzzer, sad notes play ] [ Laughter ]
-Ah, incorrect. It's "Unated Nations."
But here is your "Unated Nations" T-shirt.
There you go. Congratulations.
[ Cheers and applause ] Thank you for playing. Good man.
Hey.
Hi, guys.
How you doing? -Good.
-Step up.
What is your name? -Elizabeth.
-Elizabeth, where you from? -North Carolina.
-Hey, North Carolina, welcome.
[ Cheers and applause ] Thank you for being here.
For our final clip, Trump tries to say "Utah."
How do you think he'll mispronounce "Utah"?
-U-tow. [ Light laughter ]
-U-tow. All right, let's see what happened.
-You cherish "Utawr's" gleaming rivers...
-Ah. -...and sweeping valleys.
[ Buzzer, sad notes play ] -Ah, you're very close.
"Utawr." There is your "Utawr" T-shirt.
Thank you for playing. -Yeah.
-I appreciate it. -Thank you.
[ Cheers and applause ] -Thank you so much.
That was "Talk Like Trump."
Thank you to all our players.
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
-♪ Talk Like Trump ♪
♪ Talk Like Trump ♪
♪♪
-Ah. [ Panting ] Ah, great.
Grandpa's out of breath. [ Laughter ]
Here's a big story, you guys.
A new poll found that just 40% of Americans
want Brett Kavanaugh to be confirmed to the Supreme Court.
Just 40% -- not a very high percentage.
In fact, a lot of things you wouldn't expect
actually polled higher than Brett Kavanaugh.
Take a look this.
-Things more popular than a Kavanaugh confirmation...
♪♪
♪♪
-Very interesting. Well... [ Cheers and applause ]
They poll higher.
-Chronic eczema?
-Some entertainment news --
tonight was the season premiere of "This Is Us."
[ Cheers and applause ]
People who have been watching NBC all summer are like,
"Wow, this is a really sad episode of
'American Ninja Warrior'."
[ Laughter ]
Hey, not every joke is a winner, guys, you know?
[ Laughter ]
[ Laughter continues ]
-Whoo! -[ Laughs ]
-Sorry about that. -Come on.
-Get -- Get this, guys --
the co-founders of Instagram are planning to leave the company.
[ Audience oohs ]
But we all know they're just going to open up another one
under a different name so their parents can't see it.
And we know that. Come on.
[ Laughter ] That's -- That's what happens.
[ Applause ]
A new study found that today's students
think they learn more from YouTube
than they do from textbooks. -Yeah.
-Well, really? I mean, it sounds odd,
but you actually can learn a lot --
the same lessons that you'd find in a textbook on YouTube.
I'll -- I'll show you what I mean.
For instance, if you're studying biology,
the textbook will tell you that,
"Alligators are aggressive reptiles
that do not like to be provoked."
But YouTube will just show you this.
-Do they know each other? -Let's stay over here by Joanie.
-Do they know each -- -They -- Oh, hold him tight.
Hold him tight. Hold him tight. -I am. I am!
-Hold him tight. -I am! I am!
-You got him. -I am!
-"I am! I am!"
[ Laughter ]
"I am!"
"Just hold it. Hold it."
[ Light laughter ]
-Why would he hold it?
-"Just -- Just hold it." Oh, good -- good instruction.
[ Laughter ]
Next, if you're studying music,
a textbook will tell you that, "One voice is a soloist.
Several voices make up a chorus."
But YouTube will just show you this.
[ Laughter ]
[ Air hisses, squeaks ]
[ Air hisses ]
[ Loud wailing ]
[ Laughs ] [ Applause ]
And, finally, if you are studying drama,
a textbook will tell you that,
"The villain must present himself as a foil to the hero:
evil, intimidating, and all-powerful,"
but YouTube will just show you this.
[ Laughter ]
[ Laughter ]
YouTube has so much to teach us.
[ Applause ]
Oh, listen to this, you guys.
A school bus driver in Indiana was fired after it came out
that she let students take turns driving the bus.
[ Laughter ]
Afterward, Greyhound was like, "We'll take her."
[ Laughter ] "It sounds fine.
It sounds good to me." [ Applause ]
And, finally, a 7-year-old girl is going viral
for her performance of the national anthem
at a pro soccer game in L.A.
Watch this.
-♪ O'er the land ♪
♪ Of the freeeeeee ♪
♪ And the home ♪
♪ Of the brave ♪
[ Cheers and applause ] -Yeah!
Fantastic. [ Cheers and applause continue ]
When he saw that,
Walmart Yodel Boy just tipped his cowboy hat
and walked off into the sunset. [ Laughter ]
We have a great show tonight, guys.
Give it up for The Roots! [ Cheers and applause ]
