Oh! Hi, everyone! Guess what?
A thing happened in the news, and it was controversial.
So now, I have to share my opinion about it on Facebook/Twitter/everywhere.
(LAUGHS) You're welcome.
I attribute the quote to every single person on the planet.
Boy, we just love sharing our opinions all over the Internet, don't we?
It's almost like a compulsion.
Like we're little robots programmed to have a reaction whenever instructed to!
Hum-de-dum, scrolling through my news feed...
Ugh, why does Connor always have to post his opinion about everything?
So annoying. (THUNDER)
You're not going to let him get away with it, are you?
I KNOW! I probably should set him straight!
Of course you should! Because, remember: you're 100% right about everything.
I mean, yeah. Pretty much!
It's like clockwork. Something controversial happens, and everyone freaks out
trying to defend their point of view for a couple of days.
And it's all just...
really boring at some point.
Oh. Something political happened.
Guess I'm obligated to share my opinion.
Type, type, type. This is my opinion.
Ugh, this is why you're wrong. Type, type, type, type...
Um, NO! Type, type, type, type, type!
JOSH: Type, type... TYPE! KELLI: Type, type, type, type, type...
Type! Type! Type! Type! Type! TYPE! TYPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(SNORING) Oh, sorry. I, uh, I must've fallen asleep.
I'm pretty sure I hate everything.
But the worst part, the worst part of it all is that
I, too, want to make sure everyone knows exactly where I stand on that issue!
Or, at the very least, I want to post an article about the topic and just be like:
This article does a great job of explaining my thoughts on this topic.
Just something, anything to validate myself!
I don't want to be the only idiot that hasn't expressed my opinion!
Because what if my opinion could bring somebody around?
Isn't that's what Facebook posts are good for?
Changing people's minds?
I guess I've just never really been able to figure out why we all feel threatened
when we see someone expressing an opinion that we disagree with.
Why can't we just have a reasonable response like:
Huh, that's an interesting perspective that I just so happen to disagree with.
Because when we express our opinions online these days,
we're not trying to engage in healthy communication and debate.
No! Most of the time, we're just trying to validate ourselves
and feed our precious insecurities.
And never once do we ask:
I don't know! Maybe I should actually research this topic
before I post my opinion online.
NO! Post first, ask questions later!
Uh, but why does anyone even need to know what my opinion is about this topic?
You're the one who knows the most about it!
Well, that is true...
Yeah, yeah! It is! And don't forget:
the way that person thinks, is DANGEROUS!
Oh my goodness! You're right!
TYPE! TYPE! TYPE! TYPE! TYPE!
If I don't speak up on my favorite social network right now, well, the country might be lost!
And I'll be living in a world ruled by a mindset that I hate!
I LIVE IN A CONSTANT STATE OF FEAR!
So, I guess in summary, my unsolicited opinion is that
there are, well, too many unsolicited opinions flying around.
And I guess that makes me a hypocrite. Whatever!
At least I feel better now that I've said it.
Hi, my name is Mitchell Sulvius
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