Practice English Speaking&Listening with: Meet Panda Global: Wobbles the Phoenix

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[Wobbles]: You see people crumble under pressure.

We don't talk about handling pressure.

You see the nerves get to people and they drop out.

We don't talk about handling the nerves.

People get frustrated and burnt out, they wanna quit.

We don't talk about the frustration and burnout.

Your emotions fuel you, they can push you forward,

they can hold you back.

They are a force.

So the goal is to aim them.

How can you take your competitive drive and keep it healthy?

Pushing you towards better play

and also more enjoyment.

How can you use your competitive drive to

make you excited to go to tournaments rather than

get that acid feeling in your stomach

where you completely dread showing up to bracket that day,

and when you sit down you wish you were anywhere else.

How do you turn those sorts of emotions into something

healthy and positive?

And since I've always been someone who has

serious emotional issues,

I wanted to write about it, figure it out,

and then if I had useful knowledge,

to share it with people who felt like me.

When I was much younger,

I was super excited, always happy

I was very competitive,

If I lost I'd get frustrated,

then I'd jump right back in.

I didn't have these rage outbursts.

I began having suicidal thoughts as young as eleven

with almost no stimulus.

I didn't have problems with bullies,

a happy family,

you know, for the most part,

every family gets into it a little

but we were pretty good!

And I wasn't.

Video games were a great way for me to feel

kind of a shortcut satisfaction.

There's something really incredible about videogames'

way of scaling and giving you a challenge that you can defeat.

Unlike the real world, you can reapproach

your game's challenges.

Boss beats you? Run it back.

Boss beats you? Run it back!

2 in the morning? Don't care, run it back!

And when you finally triumph you go:

"I did that."

And because that's where I got that

positive feeling that I couldn't really

find anywhere else,

I cared a lot about games.

For a long time I cared entirely about the game

and I did not see myself as

the channel through which the game was played.

I didn't think of it like that so

it didn't occur to me that

working on this

would help that.

And it finally hit me

when my controller hit the wall.

2009, SilentSpectre match.

[HomeMadeWaffles]: Oh, s**t.

Yeah I think Jeff won.

[Wobbles]: In school we give you a lesson then we give you a test;

In games you get a lesson and a test,

then you can retake the test;

In life you get the test then the lesson.

[HMW]: Hey Mang0 you f***ing jumped.

[Wobbles]: I realized that

no matter where I went,

I could never ever be good enough for myself.

Because I wouldn't let myself.

[Toph]: --kills Nana anyway.

And now Wobbles again is--

[Scar]: This is looking really even.

Oh! A beautiful forward-air!

[Wobbles]: That satisfaction I was talking about earlier?

Melee has it in droves

if you are competent.

Playing that game well is

the single best feeling.

Period.

When you're competing, it lights you up.

It demands that you be present,

and being able to be present

is the antidote for depression.

It says: "Be alive, be awake,

Be here, right now. Play!"

[Prog]: For the wobble! For the wobble!

[D1]: This is it! [Prog]: Wobbles is going to Top 8 Winners side.

Major upset!

Is this what you wanted from EVO?

The Ice Climbers!

- Nice setup! Nice setup! - That was so sick!

He got it! He got it! Wow!

You push yourself up to the boundaries of your strength

and once you are strong,

you go right up to the boundary again.

And you push. And you push and you push and you push.

[Prog]: Down to the last stock perhaps Winners side..

[Wobbles]: So the perfectionist that wants to be the best

pushes himself up to the boundary

except it's an electric fence.

And instead of being satisfied you go:

"Because I could do it it wasn't hard.

Doesn't matter."

That right there is the thing

that I need to be able to do.

[Prog]: 3-1! Mang0 has come all the way back

from Losers Bracket, put there by Wobbles.

But the downside is, you never feel like

you ever did anything.

And that sucks.

That sucks a lot.

And I did it to myself. But,

I had to figure that out.

I noticed on your badge, it says spectator.

Are you not playing this weekend?

I'm here to commentate,

to hang out with people and have a good time.

Now, that's one thing that a lot of people are confused on,

'cause I know you said that you want to be more of a commentator,

but you still have been playing, especially after that performance at The Battle of The Five Gods,

I'm sure people wanna know, what's going on in that head of yours?

Competing is stressful.

Like, I get on edge for about the week before a tournament,

and I don't actually relax until

the tournament's over.

Commentating is a lot more relaxing,

it's more social, I get to be part of the scene,

sit down and talk to people, I don't have to worry about

my condition, I can just ditch the tournament for lunch, halfway through,

and not worry.

Are you saying you don't have that drive to compete anymore?

Is that what's going on, or...?

I like winning.

And I probably

have more of a drive to compete than I actually want.

[Toph]: SilentWolf, yeah. [Scar]: Sopo.

[Toph]: SilentWolf has had some unfortunate moments

against these lesser characters.

And right now Wobbles is-- [Scar] That's gonna be it!

Back-air with the crazy hitstun,

again we're gonna see if Zelda can make it back

but no, that time he holds the ledge.

Back-air, such incredible knockback. [Toph]: Yeah, wow.

It's real stressful, I can't resist it,

I just get pulled in.

So when I'm at a tournament,

I wanna go in as hard as I can,

I wanna focus a hundred percent,

I wanna do my best, I hate splitting my attention,

I just wanna do one hundred percent,

so If i'm playing, I wanna play,

I'm commentating, I wanna commentate.

Oh my God, Randall!

Wow, Nimbus!

This guy Wobbles is definitely Goku right now.

He's looking like Goku, he says:

"Girl I'm Goku."

So I do think about how to get better,

I do practice on my own and

try to work on tech and things like that.

But sometimes I compete to remind people who I am.

He just can't get away!

Incredible re-grab.

You can't escape! You can't escape!

DESTRUCTION!

You know, just: "Don't forget, I'm still here.".

I know a thing or two, you know.

- Wow! - Three stocks,

and I know Jason's gonna be mad.

Vote for me to go to Summit.

When you ask which Ice Climber won you'll know who done it.

Me. Wobbles. The Phoenix. From AZ.

And TX. Don't be lazy.

The only tiers I stress about

are the ones I generate in my opponents when I mess about.

We're going to be celebrating all these votes I get.

I may not be from Sweden but you know I can snipe it.

Complaining about my character but all I hear is Johns.

I'm an oldschool Melee player, spacies get off my lawn!

Alright guys that's the rap. That's a wrap. Literally. There's your rap.

There were certain factors that were kinda making me a little nervous,

but it's nothing I haven't dealt with before.

But I just noticed when I got here that I was

shut down.

And I just went into this huge

spiral of negative thoughts over the past couple days.

And anyone who sat and played friendlies with me

could tell you that

I was not really myself.

Or I was myself,

old myself.

Every mistake was just a massive blow,

just a denial of satisfaction,

and it made me angry.

And so if I made several mistakes in a row,

I would quit the match and set my controller down.

I was doing a pretty good job of hanging in there.

Because,

and this is important,

I was paying attention to it.

[ESAM]: We were talking, he was like:

"You know I keep messing up these tech skills,

I feel like I'm in a funk."

That was leading up the whole first day

and the whole second day.

[Wobbles]: And when I got into that crew battle,

I thought: "Hungrybox got his five,

ESAM took three

off Armada."

[Lovage]: Can I just say I take it all back?

That's the stock, he just 0-to-deathed him!

"And he left Shroomed with 3."

Which is massive for me as an ICs.

And I just wasn't playing that good.

I was playing alright,

and I had a huge matchup advantage

so we were still in there.

But I was just making mistake after mistake,

flub after flub.

And then I started getting into that Ice game, and

I lost my Nana, but it was still at a doable percent.

I was "Ok, this is fine.

This is fine."

He got me to roll into an up-smash.

Didn't kill me.

But I was like: "Uh okay I'm gonna look for that."

And then he got me to roll again.

And he got me to roll again.

The entire time I was: "What are you doing?

Stop rolling."

It seemed like I had completely lost control of my hands,

of my decisions.

And then I lost control of this.

Because I had stopped focusing on this.

I threw the controller

and then when I saw that I just thought:

"I am a disgrace."

"How do you lose control like that?"

I was disappointed in my play,

I was disappointed in me for throwing the controller.

I haven't done that in forever.

I have gently discarded my controller,

where I've been really mad at it

and to keep from doing anything to it I go:

"Fwuku" and just toss it.

This is the first time I gave an all out throw.

[HMW]: Oh Wobbles did... Classic, uh yeah...

- Arizona Anger. - [Phil]: Flashback, Flashback!

[SFAT]: And I guess Ice won.

[Wobbles]: I was utterly ashamed of myself.

And so I punched that wall, not wanting to hurt the wall,

I wanted to hurt myself.

- Oh wow! - That's not cool actually.

It's just a game, it's just one stock of a crew battle.

It's not like you...

Is your hand okay?

And I walked off and put my head down in the corner,

and I didn't even know whether we won or lost.

I didn't care.

Well I cared, because I wanted them to win,

cause I felt I like had to do my crew good

cause they had carried me there.

But I felt like I didn't earn it,

I didn't even want my money.

And I wanted them to take my money.

I didn't wanna play.

I wanted to drop out of singles, I wanted to go home.

I didn't want to be there.

And that sucked.

Because the part that made me throw the controller was the play,

and the part that made me punch the wall was throwing the controller.

[ESAM]: That moment I feel like he just let it all out,

because then third day he was feeling way better.

[Wobbles]: See that van full of ridiculously good players?

If anything happens to that van,

Melee dies today.

[Off-screen]: And you would win Summit.

[Wobbles]: I wouldn't have to play.

I wasn't angry anymore.

And I received

an unreal amount of support

from everyone in the house.

It was like: "Are you ok?",

not like: "Are you ok? Ok good, calm down!

You're making us uncomfortable!",

But like: "No please, be well."

"We want you to be well.".

That's actually kind of new for me.

People don't normally approach you when you're that salty.

But people were approaching me.

And if it hadn't been for all the people who sent me here

with votes and money,

for Panda,

for the people in the house who wanted to see me and play me,

for Axe who I was teaming with,

for the people in my crew that

I didn't want to let down,

I would have just forfeited.

ESAM, MVD, Plup, they'd sit and talk with me,

to cheer me up.

That means a lot.

Being in Panda has been fantastic.

Getting to commentate, getting to play.

It helps that SamuraiPanda's a doctor

and David's been a long-time competitive gamer as well.

He's also very understanding about

what it's like to be a competitor

with high expectations of yourself,

to want to win,

to fail, to be in a bad mood on the day

of a bad tourney where everything

seems to be going wrong

and then you just pop.

They help me keep my focus on that place.

It's gotten better.

And I think most people can make it better.

If you get good at the game,

then you're good at the game.

And you might transfer that a bit,

it might backpropagate into you,

you might bring it with you.

If you work on yourself,

then that improvement goes everywhere with you.

If you become more focused,

you can focus on everything you do more.

If you become better at handling your emotion,

you can handle your emotion in every circumstance.

It's all something you use to improve you, to go forward.

If your venue for it is Smash,

school, math, programming,

whatever,

and you take it with you everywhere you go,

then everywhere you go becomes a little better.

I am really glad that everyone here has been super nice about it.

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The Description of Meet Panda Global: Wobbles the Phoenix