Practice English Speaking&Listening with: The Purpose Of Marriage

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hello hello welcome to the point

church i have the fabulous christopher


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okay father god thank you so much for

today thank you for this time together

for the opportunity to meet virtually

lord bless

this sermon lord um just the way that

rey has been communicating these last

few weeks gosh

just use it lord in our marriages around

our community in the world

lord we love you we praise you for what

you're doing in jesus name

amen what is the purpose

of marriage you know we've looked at the

power of marriage

the definition of marriage the priority

of marriage even marriage roles

and today we're going to wrap up this

series by understanding

the purpose of marriage what is the

purpose of marriage

well the purpose of marriage is

friendship now i know that's not our

culture but it's

biblical culturally you might have a

good friend who understands you but

you're not attracted to them but another

person really catches your eye

they're good looking but they really

don't understand you they don't get you

at all

and yet which friend is the better


for a christian marriage listen if you

chase the eye candy to the expense of

somebody who understands you

you're headed for trouble that doesn't

mean you got to marry some unattractive

friend but what i'm

saying is that friendship builds

a much stronger marriage than just good


at one time i am planning a wedding for

a young couple and the bride asked

if her maid of honor could be a man

the bride argued well the maid of honor

is supposed to be your best friend so

why does that have to be a woman when my

best friend's a man

now biblically there's nothing in the

scriptures that requires the maid of

honor to be a woman you know god's

silent on wedding party details he

doesn't care you know if you've got some


you know uh taco truck at your wedding

and such is

that that's not germane to how god leads

but if this woman wants a guy to stand

next to her and

you know hold her bridal bouquet fix the

train on her wedding dress and all that

well there's really

no problem with that from a christian

point of view

however if i were the groom

i would have a serious problem with her

understanding of marriage

because the groom is anything but her

best friend

maybe he's a sex object maybe he's a

meal ticket maybe maybe he's just a

status symbol

i mean he's something but he ain't the

right thing because his fiancee

just valued another guy as her best

friend in the old testament language

the hebrew it describes your spouse as

your covenant partner

your soul mate you know when adam saw

his wife eve what did he say

did he say what a babe no he didn't

adam said this at last is bone of my


and flesh of my flesh this is a oneness


that is not found first in a sex act but


in friendship what is friendship well

david gives us clues in psalm 41 9.

david says even my close friend someone

i trusted

one who shared my bread has turned

against me

david said look i had a friend i was

close with a friend i trusted a friend i

shared meals with

but now they're going the opposite of me

right they're not going with me they're

going against me

so if you flip that we'd have trust we'd


sharing we'd have closeness we'd have

going in the same direction

and there are dozens of verses that

provide a context

for for what friendship is proverbs 17


proverbs 18 24 james 4 4 and there's so

many more

and if you study them all you'd come up

with a base definition of friendship

that would be

sounding much like this take a look

friendship is a trust filled love

motivated oneness

that arises as two people move together

towards a mutual goal you know in c.s

lewis's book the four loves

he differentiates between erotic love

and friendship love by talking about how

the greeks use more than one word for


he says you know when they talked about

lovers you know the greeks would say

that's eros

like erotic love when the greeks talked

about friendship love

that was filos like philadelphia the

city of brotherly love

and you know that's one way you know to

look at it but what helped me

is when i read cs lewis's book is how he

positioned those loves

he said in erotic love it's two people

looking right at

each other face to face eye to eye in

philly love it's two people standing

side by side shoulder to shoulder

looking at something else something that

they have

in common that's the difference between

erotic love and friendship love

for example if you like war movies you

can see it nearly every war

film you know the early scenes are all

about how one soldier comes from the

city another

from the farm and when they meet in boot

camp like they kind of hate each other

because they're like so very different

and in the early scenes of war films

there'll be this fight between these two

or there'll be some kind of tension that

will develop but then as the film moves

to battle

and their commander says hey we gotta

take pork chop hill you know or we gotta

sink that battleship

what happens well the relationship

between the city boy

and the country bumpkin between these

two very different people

it turns to what to friendship

why because they developed a trust and a

concern for each other as they pursued a

common goal

they rescued each other from tight spots

right they lost teeth and fingers for

each other someone's leg got shot and

you know these movies poorly acted but

like great entertainment

the christian construct is similar

god intended marriage to grow

out of friendship he intended philos to

be the first stage

that's friendship and eros this deep eye

to i love

to grow out of that friendship so

definitionally friendship it's a trust


love motivated oneness that arises as

two people move together towards a

mutual goal

and in a marriage that is outside of

christ you know where two people don't

know jesus

and sure they can be happy sure they can

be in harmony

sure they can pursue goals together and

grow together but what differentiates

a christian marriage from any other is

the goal

that they pursue and this goal is the

huge advantage to every christian

husband and wife who grasp it who

understands it

to not know the goal to not understand

how it serves your marriage

would be like getting into a tesla and

not knowing about the ludicrous gear

or like getting into the millennium

falcon and not knowing about hyperdrive

let me switch analogies it's like eating

vanilla ice cream and not knowing about

hot fudge

or like watching a 3d film without

knowing about the special glasses

i mean the movie's kind of okay i mean

you can kind of get the gist of it but

boy you put those little paper plastic

glasses on and wow

it's incredible and this is how it is in

a christian marriage

because the mutual goal in a christian


is far different than the mutual goal in

a marriage outside

of christ what is that goal well god

spells it out for the husband but it's

actually the goal for both husband and


god says husbands love your wives

just as christ loved the church and gave

himself up for her

to make her holy cleansing her by the

washing of water through the word

and to present her to himself as a

radiant church

without stain or wrinkle or blemish

and as i shared last week jesus's job

with the church is to make her holy so

that she can be presented to the throne

of god

completely radiant and holy so this is

the goal in a christian

marriage each person looks at the other

to see

what stunning beautiful amazing thing

that god is bringing about in that

person's life

it's like this most people who are

getting married

they're looking for a finished product

you know like a statue when according to


they shouldn't be looking for a statue

they should be looking for a block of


right so that each person looks at the

block and sees the statue

that could be one day shifting metaphors

they look at the caterpillar and they

see the butterfly

that will one day metamorph so the goal

of each spouse

is to look at their partner and say well

i see

beyond your flaws and weaknesses i see

beyond your imperfections and


i see who you are gonna be

i see a you that's absolutely ravishing

i see burst of glory flashes of


i see your potential i see the person

that god is calling you

to become and i want to be a part of

that and i'm hopeful

that you want to be a part of that

sculpting process that brings out that

in me too

see together in this christian marriage

you're going to work to present

each other before the throne without


let me give you a few ways to think of

it i'm visiting this university in

riverside california you know where

the los angeles smog is like simply


we we really have no sense of it here in

the beauty of indiana

and neither did the student i met at the

school he'd been on campus

for an entire semester and the day i


the strong santa ana winds came through

that riverside valley and just


blew out the smog when this college kid

came out of his dorm

he was absolutely floored because right

in front of him

were huge mountains he'd been there for


and never knew they were there

but for a few hours that day the glory

and the majesty of mountains soaring ten

thousand feet in height

were stunningly visible and in just a

few hours

the winds died down and the cruddy smog

hid the mountains once

again friends this is marriage it's any

christian relationship really

some days it's smoggy you can't see very

far and as time goes by a wind whips up

and you get a glimpse

of the peak you see the snow at the top

glimmering in the bright noonday sun

and it takes your breath away and then

the next thing you know

the smog is back getting to know a

christian a christ follower it's like


every once in a while you get a glimpse

of the glorious

right the gorgeous the radiant peak of

perfection you see

who this person is becoming you get a

vision of who they would be if they

weren't shackled by the smog of sin and


and it inspires you to want to be a part

of the process of helping that person

get there

as fast as possible that's the way a

christian relationship should be

and one more way to think about this a

few years ago i'm walking through

carepoint academy

and i noticed that the girls in one of

the classes they'd shanghaied this

little boy to play the groom

in their little make-believe wedding he

had a look on his face that i'd seen

in many real-life weddings i looked from

the groom that said oh my goodness how

in the world did i get here there's a

bit of truth in that really for all

couples who stand at the altar

i mean you don't dress in wedding

clothes every day right you don't live

in the grandeur of formality not even

the most

proper couples in our community walk

around in a tux or a wedding gown

today you know tuxes and really many

dresses are rented

which means you're just playing dress-up


and it is there in an outfit that you're

really never going to wear again

that you're proclaiming vows before god

that basically say

someday 70 80 years from now when we

exit this stage called earth

we will stand before your throne and our

souls and our character will be without

spot or blemish

and when you utter that vow you're about

as ready for that day as those

five-year-olds play playing dress up

you're not there yet you're a major work

in progress but one day

god will look at you and they'll look at

your spouse and he'll say

well done my good and faithful servants

well done over the years you lifted each

other up to me

you sacrificed for each other's good you

held each other up in prayer

you confronted each other in love and

you worked for the good of each other

you cared and you hugged and you

continually pushed each other towards me

now look at you you are radiant you are

spotless you are perfect

and in the end two christians husband

and wife

will stand before the altar with joy and

satisfaction because they know

they've been the sculptor's tool to

bring about the perfection

in their spouse's life that's the goal

that's what they're really after

that's why i say that definitionally

that friendship

is the purpose of marriage and that it

is a trust feel love motivated oneness

that arises as two people move

towards that mutual goal romance fun


houses and all those other things

they're just some results they're the


but they're not the main course they're

not the thing that your marriage really

runs on

you are committed to each other's


to their beauty to their greatness to

their perfection and that's your job

if the goal is any lower than that well

you're just playing dress-up

you're not really doing marriage


is the purpose and the goal is holiness

so how do we make this practical well

let me give you a couple

practical applications for those of you

who are not yet married

for those of you single and let me give

you a couple for those of you who have

already been into this marriage


the first practical thought for those of

you who are not yet married is to start

with friendship you know in a practical

sense that really means to scrap your

current plan for finding a spouse

you see the current game plan at least

for most single men most single women is

that when you walk into a room or a

restaurant or a party it's like to scan

that room for possibilities right

you walk in that room you look around

right and you see like 30 people the

opposite sex and in seconds what do you


you rule out like 27 of them boom bam

they're gone

out right why well they don't have the

right look

they're too short too tall too fat too

thin too little hair too much hair

too cool not cool enough blonde not

blonde and in seconds

you've just done a laser scan of the

potential spouses

and knocked out 90 and frankly i'm

showing my age here because

this doesn't even happen in a room or a

party anymore does it right

it happens on your phone swipe left

swipe left swipe left left left flat

flat five i mean some of you don't you

don't even give those photos like a

second of your time

swipe side swipes white swipe right and

ooh swipe right

right right whether you're in a room or

on an app

you've literally knocked out all but

three and so you muster some courage

and you give one a shot and if they're

willing maybe they meet you and they go

out with you

but the challenge here is that you

started with romance

with eros with physical attraction i'm

talking about christians here not those

of you who just jump into bed with each

other right i'm talking about christians

who don't think they should start with


but you've still started with eros

because you're facing one another like


and what you've done is to rule out all

the people in the room or on the app

who could be incredible spouses for you

because they could have become

your best friend but nope you've ruled

them all out

they're literally left out left left

left left right and you've narrowed down

the group

your choice to only those who excite the


and to whom you think you could have

this kind of romantic swipe right

rush for now certainly you might find a

friend in that group

but it is very possible probable even

that you've ruled out left out your best

spouse material

so change that approach start with

friendship and what i mean

is to start finding out does this person

have common values common vision common


is this person looking for the same goal

are they surface level or do they have

any depth to them

if you must swipe left then swipe left

on everyone who couldn't provide you

with friendship swipe left on those who

don't share your values

swipe left on those who don't share your

goals swipe left on those who don't

match your passion

swipe right on those who you know could

understand you

swipe right on those you you could be

vulnerable with

those are the marriage possibilities

because you start

with friendship not with a hookup you


with friendship not romance you start

with friendship

second practical application for

christian singles number two when you

look for a spouse

look only at christians if you're a


and the person you want to marry is not

a christian by definition you

cannot fully pursue the goal

nor can you live in the definition of

marital friendship it's impossible

if christ is the most important part of

your life and your spouse says well you

know i don't care if you're religious or

not go to church as much as you want

i just sleep in and do some yard work


if that's what you're considering stop

they will never be able to understand

you they might be a good lover

they might be amazingly attractive but

you can't ever

expect them to fully understand you or

bring out the best in you

they can't and if you disagree with me

just find one or two christians who've

tried it and ask them how that worked


ask them how the plan of winning their

spouse to christ worked out

ask them how the plan of hoping their

spouse would become the follower that

they are

worked grab a coffee and ask

but bring some tissue because there's

going to be some tears because it

doesn't work out

you know why because if your spouse

doesn't understand christ

your spouse does not understand you

period all right this next one's for

both singles and

those of us who are already married here

it is number three guard your heart

against friendships with the opposite


really you see friendship is the


where you figure out who you might have

a future with

we've already laid the groundwork that

you start with friendship

we've just told all the singles to do

that so so when you start to develop a

friendship with someone of the opposite


and you start to go deeper and

understand them and they start to

understand you

what that means biblically is that you

are dating yeah dating i know you're

like well ray what do you mean

i'm dating i mean we've not gone out to

eat i've never sat down with this person

at a restaurant we've not looked into

each other's eyes through a candle flame

we're not dating that's crazy no

you are and it isn't crazy

when you follow the bible's plan to

establish a friendship first

when you start to become vulnerable and

open your heart to a friend like that

you're doing what you're supposed to do

if you're pursuing marriage that's the

first step towards marriage

now i'm not talking about friendships

between two men two women that's fine


there are great friendships like that in

the scriptures but they're not a step to


there's no biblical pattern for that it

doesn't exist and really this is a

message about christian marriage

and the point here is that the two sexes

that god created to fit together

as two polarities to form one flesh

when you've got male and female getting

together in friendship

that step to friendship is the first

step to marriage to the goal

in the beginning when adam wasn't

sinning you know when he had this

perfect relationship with god even

though he was perfect he was lonely

and god created eve to complete him

that means that a friendship across the

gender line

has a profound and mysterious completion


to it where you realize you're in the

presence of a friend

but you're also in the presence of


unlike you right you're in the presence

of someone

who is different and you're vulnerable

to them

when they look at your problems and your

sin and they say well i understand

you'll find that fulfills and completes

you in a way

that someone of the same gender could

never fulfill and complete you

you're on your way towards marriage when

you've got a really deep relationship

with someone of the opposite sex

and you're dating and what that means is

you better be careful

deeply careful because when you get


that vulnerable and yet you're not

starting to make a

social commitment to that person you're


to use them now you don't think that's


you say well ray i got one of those

relationships and that person doesn't

make me feel used

make sure talk to that person watch out


you're dating and you just don't realize

it you're dating the way that god says

and you've just

not thought you were all right this

one's for those of you who are

already married it's number four deepen

your friendship with your spouse open up

talk share share how you're feeling you

know one of the things i prize most in

my marriage is how lisa does this

i never have to wonder what lisa's

thinking because she reveals herself to


her hopes her fears her dreams her heart

is all laid open

and if you don't have that sit down with

your spouse and start working toward it

be honest with them your spouse will

probably do the same thing back you know

it's really rare for one person to say

well look i've been totally open

and vulnerable with you and the other

person says well good but i ain't doing

that with you

right it rarely happens like that

typically when one person opens up

the other follows and what you want the

thing that's really romantic

the thing that makes the marriage heaven

itself is to have someone look

all the way into you and say i see the


but what i'm focused on is not those

flaws but who you're becoming

i see your passions i see the you that's

going before the throne one day

and i'm gonna walk with you towards it

every step

when you have that kind of vulnerability

and understanding and acceptance

even in the best marriage it's only


but you can sense the life of heaven

and you know this is what heaven's gonna

be like all right

one more for married couples because

your spouse

is only going to reach perfection in

heaven this means here's number five

be patient with your spouse's


you see your spouse isn't going to be

perfect this side of heaven and neither

will you

and so realize that due to this you're

going to constantly

find yourself falling in and out

of like notice i didn't say in and out

of love

don't say that you've fallen out of love


is a commitment to the perfection of

your spouse one day love is a commitment

like is a feeling and because life is a


you won't always like your spouse and

they won't always like you

that perfect you it hasn't yet arrived

you think of it like those old steel

furnaces you know that they use to

purify metal

when they put that raw material in the

furnace to get that pure silver or that

pure gold

there's a lot of impurities that must be

burned off

they call that dross the dross burns


the real valuable metal is what's


and so just like in a real furnace

you're going to see some sparks in your

marriage and they ain't talking about


like bedroom romance sparks i'm talking

about when sparks fly

wrestling wing kind of stuff right and

when you get your eye

off the goal and you get focused on the

dross the

impurities the flaws the weaknesses it's

really easy then to be impatient and


but don't be god is using you as a


to bring about the glory of another

person your spouse

and your spouse is doing that for you

too both of you want that dross to go

and here's the beauty of those times in

a marriage of outside christ you know

where people aren't concerned with the

end goal when they don't

see all the straws in each other the

natural normal thing

that people do when they see all these

imperfections and flaws in their spouse

is to wish they had somebody else

someone better

what's fantastic about a christian

marriage is that

they too wish they had someone better

but the person they envision that's

better is the one that they're married


you want perfection from your spouse and

your spouse wants perfection from you

but not like a trade-in for a new model


you don't want someone else you want

them and as you mature in christ you

start to echo

what the apostle paul told that church

in philippi this is philippians 1

6. he said i'm confident of this that he

who began a good work in you

is going to carry it on to completion

until that day of christ jesus

how could paul say this to a church that

he'd never met in person

well he can say it because he knows that

if they're followers of jesus christ

they are going to be perfected one day

that's the goal so you can expect to

fall in and out of like

and yet your commitment to that person

is going to grow that love for them is

going to grow

even when you don't like them because

what you see when you don't like them

is the imperfection the draws the flaws

and you

want to get rid of that because you want

that perfect person

the good news is that's what jesus wants

to he's that ultimate friend

if you take what you learn from how

jesus loves you even when you're not so


if you take what you learn from how

jesus forgives you even when you do the

same thing over and over again

if you take what you learn from how

jesus relates to you

and you apply that to your marriage your


will soar and friend if you don't know

christ you can come to know him right


tell him to forgive you for all the

dross for the flaws

for the sin in your life and then ask

him to bring about your purity and to

put his spirit in you

he will you know and he can would you

ask him right now

let's pray together let's pray all

together god thank you

for an opportunity to to think about our


and god if there's somebody here that's

never had a relationship with you never

been connected to you

right now in the privacy of their heart

would you help them to say jesus forgive


would you pray that right now just say

jesus forgive me i got some dross i've

got some sin

i haven't been following you come into

my life

save me would you just pray that jesus

forgive me

come into my life and save me

father i thank you for every single

person that prayed that prayer

and i thank you for every person that's

watching right now

that's in a marriage right god i ask

that you would bless their marriage

as they put these principles into place

bring about your blessing and god i pray

for those that are single right now

hoping for that day when you will lead

them to the right partner

god help them to pursue it through

friendship and god i pray for those who

you've blessed with the gift of


god provide to them all that a spouse

might provide

through your presence in their lives and

god we bring all of these things to you

in the name of your son jesus christ


hey if you've just prayed that prayer

would you please let me know

but prayed it in the feed you know

prayed it and just put it in the feeder

just shoot me an email at heyrey

the i'd love to

celebrate with you and help you

take your next step you know and

speaking of steps this

coming sunday september 13th is the 15th

anniversary of the point church and i'm

so excited to celebrate it with you in

fact you've got two choices

when it comes to celebrating you can

celebrate it right here online

or you can join us in person at our bass

road campus

and of course you can expect we're gonna

have all the necessary precautions in

place for you and for all the guests

that you invite to attend with you

masks aren't required but if you prefer

to wear a mask and worship only with

those who are wearing masks we're going

to have a closed circuit worship


for you in the gathering area our kids

ministries got a few changes for drop

off and pick up

and if your children have attended

before please check your email for


if your children are new simply email

amy.spencer at

and she'll provide you with all that you

need hey it's going to be a great

celebration and whether you choose to

attend online

or in person i'm so excited to share

this momentous

occasion with you here's deanna with

some details

thank you ray so much the ring series

has been an amazing series wouldn't you


i always find something very applicable

to my life

and to my like here and now so yes and

you know if you feel the same way go

ahead and give an

a men in that chat box right

now we've been so blessed to hear the


um to be able to worship through the

word through song

and it's been so so lovely and now we

get to

worship through giving now if you're

still new with us

just hang tight for me as we enter into

this time

we actually do all of this for you so

think of this time as an opportunity for

us to pick up the tab

on our dinner date night together okay

just hang tight for me now for those of

you who call the point church your home


who are living into the mission of

helping people find and follow jesus

thank you thank you for giving


you never let distance stop you you

uh you never let time stop you you give

no matter what thank you so much and

we're still able to have an

impact on our community because of your

gifts now if you'd like to start giving

or even to continue giving we have so

many options for you

online at the point

give there you will be able to give by

credit or debit card

you can even use our text to give option

just send over your favorite emoji

to the number below and boom it'll walk

you through

a couple minutes of setup once you're

set up it's legit

20 seconds to give it's pretty


also feel free to stop by the points

campus on bass road

give your gift in person we have folks

here monday through friday

9 a.m to 5 p.m you can totally do the

chicken wing corona greeting thing

and put your mask on and we'll share

mass smile with you as well okay

there's also a super clean kiosk in the

lobby if you'd like to use

that route as well and again thank you

thank you thank you thank you thank you

for giving so

faithfully and uh thank you

for joining us today don't forget

consider subscribing and liking all the

pages and platforms

we got the youtube we got the facebook

and the instagram

we love staying connected with you and

if you're new here

let us know so that we can get you your

free gift yes it's totally 100

free and it's an ebook on marriage and

family just for you

tell us you're new at the

connect or just tell us in that chat box


finally september 13th

birthday sunday celebrate with us in

person or

online invite invite invite invite

literally this is going down

next week y'all i am so excited and i

think that's it for today we're done

thank you for sharing time with us we

love you

see you back here next time bye


The Description of The Purpose Of Marriage