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male announcer: From Comedy Central's

World News Headquarters in New York.

"The Daily Show with Trevor Noah" presents...

♪ ♪

[lilting string music]

- Robert Mueller

gave a list of questions to Trump's legal team.

And those questions have now leaked to the media.

And everyone knows, unless it's in a hotel room in Russia,

President Trump does not like leaks.

- The president tweeting this:

- But you can tell from this tweet that the president

is really mad. First off,

because he says none of Mueller's questions

are about collusion, which is not true,

because 14 of the questions

are about collusion.

But I guess if you round down, 14's basically zero.

And second--second,

he's really mad because he believes that Mueller's team

leaked these questions to the press.

But...

what if it turns out the leak

is coming from inside the House?

- It's very likely,

or at least it would make a lot of sense,

that the leak would come from Trump world.

- Because people like us on television

would be saying that this is a really bad idea,

and perhaps he listens to the television

more than he listens to his own advisers.

[laughter]

- Being Trump's lawyer must be so exhausting.

No, just think about it.

He won't listen to you,

so you have to launder your legal advice through the TV.

And guess which news did exactly

what Trump's team needed.

- This garbage from "The New York Times" tonight--

absolute garbage.

No attorney will ever let this president

sit down with Robert Mueller.

Half of these questions are dumb anyway.

You know, "Oh, what was in your mind at the time?"

You don't--you don't punish people

or charge people

for the thoughts they have in their head.

- You know, my favorite thing about Sean Hannity is,

he's the wrongest right-sounding person

you'll ever meet.

Because, you realize, you can get charged

because of the thoughts you had in your head.

It's called criminal intent.

It's such a basic concept of law and order

that they put it in the name of the show.

[laughter]

[slow piano music]

- A memo from President Trump's lawyers

to Special Counsel Robert Mueller

says flat out

that a president cannot obstruct justice

because he has authority

over all federal investigations.

- What they argue in this memo is that

the President of the United States,

because he's a chief law enforcement officer,

can terminate any federal investigation

at any time for any reason.

- According to Donald Trump's legal team,

the President, by definition,

cannot obstruct justice.

But even if it ever turned out that he did obstruct justice,

they also say that the President

can't be charged with a crime.

- Mr. Trump's attorney, Rudy Giuliani,

telling the "Huffington Post"

it's impossible to indict a sitting president,

no matter the offense, claiming...

- Okay, okay, so the President can't be criminally charged;

he can only be impeached by Congress.

Now, I--I understand that as a legal argument,

but I do think it's a little weird

that out of all the examples they could've picked,

they went with murdering James Comey.

[laughter]

It almost makes me feel like

they've been thinking about this.

[Russian folk music]

♪ ♪

- Before heading to the summit,

President Trump spurred controversy

by saying he wants Russia to be welcomed back into the G8.

- We have a world to run,

and in the G7, which used to be the G8,

they threw Russia out.

They should let Russia come back in,

because we should have Russia

at the negotiating table.

- I don't know if Trump colluded with Russia,

but if everyone was accusing me of colluding with Russia,

I wouldn't be caught dead mentioning their name.

Like, if your girlfriend accused you

of cheating with Keisha, even if you didn't do it,

just shut up about Keisha.

[laughter]

Just shut up.

"Hey, babe, you know who we should invite to the party?

Keisha."

"Nigga, I know you didn't just bring up Keisha.

I know you did not just bring up Keisha."

[applause]

But clearly--clearly Trump

doesn't know how to take a clue,

because he kept bringing up Keisha

all weekend long.

- Some people like the idea of bringing Russia back in.

This used to be the G8.

Not the G7.

And something happened a while ago where, uh,

Russia is no longer in.

I think it would be an asset to have Russia back in.

- Crimea was let go during the Obama administration.

And, you know, Obama can say all he wants,

but he allowed Russia

to take Crimea.

- Ah, okay, okay. That makes sense.

Russia annexing Crimea wasn't really a big deal.

But we must never forgive Obama

for letting them commit this atrocity!

Which was not a big deal at all.

I mean, who even knows what a Crimea is, anyway?

I mean, it's just a random little place

whose blood is in Obama's hands!

Anyway, I think we should invite Keisha.

That's what I'm saying.

- If your name-- if your name is Vladimir Putin,

then today was a very good day.

Because today, the President of the United States

took your side in a fight between you

and the United States.

- Breaking news: siding with Putin.

President Trump comes out of his meeting

with the Russian president

and rebukes

U.S. intelligence agencies.

- I think the press conference

was the single most embarrassing

performance by an American president

on the world stage that I've ever seen.

- Damn.

The most embarrassing performance

by an American president.

Do you know how hard it is to achieve that?

George H.W. Bush once threw up

on the Japanese prime minister.

And Trump is now on top.

When they set up this meeting last month,

no one knew what it was meant to be about, right?

They never knew what the meeting was for.

They didn't know if it was gonna be about nuclear weapons.

Was it gonna be about the war in Syria,

missile defenses in Europe?

I mean, maybe it was just gonna be Trump

going in to see Putin for his annual performance review.

No one knew what it was.

The meeting had no agenda, right?

But then on Friday,

Robert Mueller

dropped the bombshell

directly charging 12 Russian

military intelligence officers

with hacking Democrats

during the presidential campaign

in an effort to sway the election,

which was major news.

So now, the formerly purposeless meeting

between Trump and Putin had a meaning.

All right? It was time for Trump

to put his foot down.

And he did.

Right on America's dick.

- Just now, President Putin denied

having anything to do with the election interference

in 2016.

Every U.S. intelligence agency

has concluded that Russia did.

Who do you believe?

- All I can do is ask the question.

My people came to me, Dan Coats came to me,

and some others.

They said, "They think it's Russia."

Uh, I have President Putin.

He just said it's not Russia.

I will say this:

I don't see any reason why it would be.

- Really?

You don't see any reason not to trust Vladimir Putin?

The man was a top KGB spy.

He'll steal the shirt off your back.

Hell, he stole the shirt off his own back.

You can't trust this man.

- The President chose Russia in front of everyone.

- You cannot cut deals with the devil,

and you can never trust Russia.

- Now, look, President Trump is no stranger to criticism.

Right? But it's not often that even his closest allies

slam his actions.

Even Newt Gingrich,

former Speaker of the House and swollen Mike Pence,

tweeted that this was "the most serious mistake"

of Trump's presidency

and that he must clarify what he meant.

So, just like after Trump praised

the Charlottesville Nazis,

today the President was forced to come out

and pretend to believe something

different than what he said.

And I don't know if you guys believe in omens,

but watch what happened.

- Let me begin by saying that,

uh, once again,

full faith and support for America's

intelligence agencies.

I have a full faith

in our intelligence agencies.

Oops, they just turned off the light.

That must be the intelligence agencies.

[laughter]

There it goes. Okay.

You guys okay?

Good.

That was strange.

- I like how he's checking if everyone else is okay,

but if you look at his body language,

he was like, "I have full faith--"

and when the lights come on, he's like,

"Everyone else okay?

"I'm cool. I'm cool. You guys okay? I'm cool.

I wasn't scared at all. I'm cool."

But that was insane.

Trump tried to claim that he believes the intel agencies,

and then the lights went off.

It's like even electricity is tired of Trump's bullshit.

It was just like, no.

Like, I wouldn't be shocked if one day,

Trump just starts floating

because gravity's like, "Enough of this.

I'm out. I'm out. I can't deal with this guy."

He said when it came to hacking,

"I don't know why it would be Russia."

Would be.

Then he flies back to America

and all of a sudden that's changed.

How do you convince people that one flight

changed your mind completely?

Well, the answer is, not like this.

- I thought it would be obvious,

but I would like to clarify,

just in case it wasn't.

At a key sentence in my remarks,

I said the word "would" instead of "wouldn't."

The sentence should have been,

"I don't see any reason why I wouldn't--

or why it wouldn't be Russia."

So...

just to repeat it,

I said the word "would" instead of "Wouldn't."

[laughter]

- Oh, you know what...

no, you know what? That--that makes sense.

I actually believe Trump on this,

and I...

hold on, sorry, let me just check my notes.

Oh, sorry, what I meant to say was,

"Get the [bleep] out of here, man."

[cheers and applause]

[Russian folk music]

Michael Cohen. Up until recently,

he was known as Donald Trump's personal attorney,

right-hand man, and a guy who you're pretty sure

swallows a lot of bees.

But as loyal as Cohen was to Trump,

everyone always suspected that he would flip on him

if it came down to it.

Well, now we're down to it.

And Cohen is doing somersaults.

- Michael Cohen claims that then-candidate Trump

knew in advance

about the June 2016 meeting

in Trump tower

in which Russians were expected

to offer his campaign dirt

on Hillary Clinton.

He was informed by Donald Trump, Jr.

about that offer.

- Wow.

That is shocking information.

Donald Trump had an actual, in-person conversation

with one of his sons.

[laughter]

Also...

[cheers and applause]

Also, this--this Russia thing is pretty big, I guess,

but, I mean...

yeah, because if they-- if they can prove

that Trump knew that his campaign was meeting

with the Russians,

it would go a long way towards proving collusion.

So Trump knows that he needs backup,

which is why he immediately sent out the Bat signal.

Unfortunately,

all he got was the Bat Boy.

But the thing about Rudy is,

just when you think he's backed into a corner,

he finds an even tighter corner.

- Cohen, you know, always goes too far.

When you're lying, there's always a trap for you.

So he said there was a one-on-one meeting,

that Donald, Jr. came in

and told him about the meeting that was about to take place.

Well, there are two witnesses who say it didn't happen.

- The President and his son?

- All right.

- All right.

All right.

All right, fine.

You got me with your very first rebuttal,

and that has completely destroyed my argument.

All right, all right,

I see how any thinking person

could parry that attack I made, all right.

I see.

Because, come on, man.

I mean, props. Props to Giuliani for trying.

But the reasoning can't be that the crime didn't happen

because the people accused of the crime

say it didn't happen.

That's not what a witness is.

That's not how it works.

You can't be like, "Well, Your Honor,

"I witnessed myself

"not robbing the bank, so cased closed.

Let's go spend this money." Oomp-oomp-oomp.

- President Trump's former lawyer

and fixer Michael Cohen

dropping a bombshell

in federal court,

pleading guilty to lying to Congress

about how much the President knew

about a potential Trump Tower project in Russia

during the campaign

out of loyalty to President Trump.

While Cohen told Congress last fall

that the Moscow project ended in January 2016,

he now admits discussions about the project

lasted as late as approximately June 2016

when Trump was the presumptive Republican

presidential nominee.

- That's right, former Trump lawyer

and human Eeyore Michael Cohen...

[laughter]

Is admitting that he lied to Congress

about Trump's real estate dealings with Russia.

And these aren't like your typical Trump real estate lies,

like, "Of course we installed smoke detectors."

No, this lie is way more important,

because it puts Trump's contact

with Russia much closer to him being president.

Right? In January 2016,

Trump was just one of 17 possible morons

who could become the GOP nominee.

But by June,

he was the only moron

who could become the nominee.

Why deal with Russia at all

while you're running for President of the United States?

Why not just avoid the conflict altogether?

Well, turn to page bullshit to find out.

- I was running my business while I was campaigning.

There was a good chance that I wouldn't have won,

in which case I would've gone back into the business,

and why should I lose lots of opportunities?

- Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, whoa.

Wait, did you hear what he just said?

Wait, he said the reason that he didn't stop

his business dealings is because he also thought

he would lose.

He just said that. He said, "There was a good chance--

a good chance that I wouldn't have won."

Well, that--yeah, I agree with him now.

[laughter]

No, because before, I was like,

yeah, I'm against him,

but in Trump's defense,

I understand why he did it.

Like, I would have told him to do the same thing.

If in 2016, Trump came up to me and he's like, "Trevor,

"do you think I should shut down my business

in case I become president?"

I'd be like, "Donald,

there's no danger of that happening, my friend."

[lilting string music]

- Another shocking report in "The New York Times."

The paper claimed the FBI

opened a counterintelligence

investigation into whether

the President was acting on behalf of the Russians

when he fired FBI director James Comey.

Last night on Fox News, the President asked point blank

whether he worked on behalf of Russia.

- Are you now or have you ever

worked for Russia, Mr. President?

- I think it's the most insulting thing

I've ever been asked.

- How is that the most insulting question

he's ever been asked?

I mean, people have been asking him

if he wants to bang his daughter,

but that is more insulting?

Yeah, "The other question was way more reasonable.

I mean, we've all seen her, right? We've all seen her."

But yes, "The New York Times" reported

that the FBI investigated Donald Trump

because they thought he might be a secret Russian spy,

which, I'm sorry, is just crazy--

not because he wouldn't do it,

but because Donald Trump would be the world's worst spy.

No one would hire him.

Right?

He--he can't be a spy.

He doesn't even have an inside voice.

[laughter]

He'd be out there like, "Thank you for meeting me

"under this bridge

to exchange these top-secret documents!"

[laughter]

I don't think Trump is a Russian spy.

All right? But I won't lie, it doesn't help his case

when he's doing stuff like this.

- A bombshell report in the "Washington Post"

claiming President Trump went to, quote...

The "Post" reporting that at that private meeting

in Hamburg back in 2017,

the President confiscated his own interpreter's notes,

shutting out members of the administration.

- Now, you got to admit,

that's real shady, right?

Because now everyone wants to know,

what did he say to Putin that was so bad

he couldn't let anyone else see it?

Could've been collusion.

Could've been something worse.

You know, like maybe Trump said, "I love you."

[laughter]

And then Putin replied,

"Thank you."

In which case, I'm with Trump. You can never let that get out.

[jaunty folk music]

Collusion.

It's the big question about the Trump campaign and Russia.

But one place where there's definitely no collusion

is between Rudy Giuliani's brain and his mouth.

- In a new interview, the President's personal

attorney, Rudy Giuliani,

says he cannot say if Trump campaign officials

colluded with Russia during the 2016 campaign.

- False reporting is saying

that there has been no suggestion

of any kind of collusion

between the campaign and any Russian.

- Well, you just misstated my position.

I never said there was no collusion between the campaign

or between people in the campaign.

- Yes, you have. - I have no idea if--

I have not. I said the President of the United States.

[laughter]

- Wait.

Hold on, hold on.

Did Giuliani just admit that there was collusion?

[audience shouting] Yes!

- I think he did. And look at their faces.

Like...

neither of them can believe what just happened.

[laughter]

Like--like, Cuomo looks like a valedictorian caveman

and Giuliani looks like if Gollum realized

he just left his wallet in an Uber.

He's just like, "My precious!"

- Breaking news tonight.

Longtime Trump ally and adviser

Roger Stone indicted by Special Counsel Robert Mueller's

grand jury and arrested

in an early morning raid on his Florida home.

- FBI agents in bulletproof vests

descending on his home,

guns drawn.

- Stone was indicted on five counts

of false statements,

one count of obstruction,

and one count of witness tampering.

- That's right.

Special Counsel Robert Mueller

has now charged a sixth associate

of Donald Trump.

This time it was Roger Stone,

personal adviser to the President

and what Mike Pence would look like

after one drink.

Now...

usually...

usually,

when someone in President Trump's circle

comes under investigation,

Trump downplays his connection to them.

That's what he does.

You know, it's like how Trump said that Paul Manafort

was barely on the campaign

or that George Papadopoulos was a coffee boy

or Jared Kushner was just his [bleep]-blocker.

But Trump might have a harder time

dismissing Roger Stone,

and not just because Stone dresses

like he crashes British weddings,

but also because a big question in this investigation

is whether the Trump campaign coordinated with WikiLeaks

to release Hillary's hacked emails, right?

And in his indictments,

Mueller says that Roger Stone

was directed to contact WikiLeaks

by someone in the Trump campaign.

Now, was that someone Trump himself?

We don't know.

But if it wasn't Trump,

you would expect his people to just come out and say so.

But instead, they're avoiding the question

like it's a friend's poetry reading.

- The charges brought against Mr. Stone

have nothing to do with the President.

That's what I'm clear on,

and that's what I can tell you about it today.

- You keep telling me you're clear on that,

but then you will not answer whether it was

the President who directed a senior Trump campaign official

to contact Roger Stone, and you may not know.

You may not know. All I'm saying--

- I actually have answered the question several times.

You just don't like my answer.

- No, no, no, no. You--you haven't told--

- Those two things aren't the same.

- Well, did the President know or not?

Did--was it the President who made that direction or not?

- Uh, once again, I-- I haven't read this document.

- Okay. - I'm not an attorney.

I'm not gonna be able to get into the weeds

on those specifics.

- That's right, I'm not an attorney.

I can't tell you what the truth is.

I'm not qualified.

[laughter]

Like, is it just me, or does Sarah Huckabee Sanders

say all Trump people had nothing to do with Trump

whenever shit hits the fan?

I feel like this whole thing is gonna end

with her coming out like,

"Uh, Donald Trump had nothing to do

"with the Trump presidency.

"He was totally out of the loop.

Practically made zero decisions at all."

The Description of The Russian Scandal: The Crme De La Kremlin III | The Daily Show