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Practice English Speaking&Listening with: The Adventures of Brer Rabbit

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(ALL GIGGLING)

(YELLING)

Hey! I was watching my show!

(SCOFFS) Bunnies in the woods? I don't think so.

Please. I had it first!

(GRUNTING)

(LAUGHING) Over here! Over here!

(GROANING)

Mom, Lester changed my channel.

Well, maybe you've watched enough TV for today.

(SIGHS)

(GASPS)

(GROANS)

Julie! No fair!

You snooze, you lose.

Oh, no, you don't. I've got a nice

tuna casserole in the oven for supper.

I saw that face, you know.

Janey, honey, why don't you go outside and play for a bit?

It'll do you good.

You know, when I was a kid...

I know, I know.

Don't be late for supper.

I won't.

(BARKING)

(WHINING)

(MOOING)

BRER FOX: I'm going to have you on my plate today, Brer Rabbit.

Hey! Hey, where'd you go?

(GRUNTS)

Let go, stupid bush!

Oh, look at that. I've got grass stains on my...

That is it, Rabbit. You are paying for my cleaning.

Bushes, get outta my way! I'm hunting rabbits.

(GASPS)

Hmm.

(SNIFFING)

Huh?

Uh...

Brer Rabbit, are you down there?

Huh?

I know you're there.

Can't a man go for a swim without people hounding him to death?

Why would you want to go swimming at the bottom of a well?

Well, it's a little tight for jet-skiing.

Come on up, Brer Rabbit. It's way past lunch time.

Ah, that's okay. I'm not hungry.

But I am!

Now, get up here so I can choose a side dish.

Well, say, if you're hungry, down here's the place to be.

Especially if you like catfish.

Huh? You say there's catfish down there?

Oh, man, oodles of 'em! There's bobcat fish, an' wildcat fish,

an' tomcat fish...

There's even a hepcat fish

playing the bongos down here.

It's a happening scene.

Mmm, mmm, mmm. You know what?

You have talked me into it.

You don't happen to have any hot sauce down there, do ya?

Yes!

Sorry, Brer Fox, no hot sauce!

No rabbit, either! (LAUGHS)

BRER FOX: And no catfish!

Hey! You lied to me!

Come back here! Help! Somebody!

(GASPS)

Help!

BRER TURTLE: You're not thinking about letting him out, are you?

I, uh...

I wouldn't worry about him.

Sooner or later somebody's going to come for water.

Besides, the bath'll do him good.

Yeah, but...

Honey, you don't want to be around a hungry fox.

Trust me. Come on, let's go for a walk.

Oh. Okay.

Brer Rabbit! You just wait!

I'm gonna get outta here, and when I do, you are definitely on my menu!

(SCOFFS) You know, I don't even like catfish!

Sorta surprised, aren't you?

'Scuse me?

That animals can talk.

Well, yeah. I mean, who taught you?

Who taught you?

My mom and dad, I guess.

Same with me.

But who taught them?

(CHUCKLES)

Honey, animals knew how to talk way back before we even came to Earth!

Came to Earth?

Say, you don't know anything about animals, do you?

I thought I did.

Sit down over there.

Let me tell you a thing or two.

(GRUNTS)

See, a long time ago, us animals didn't live here on Earth like we do now.

We used to live way up there.

Way up there.

Right up there next to the moon.

Yes, sir, ol' Sister Moon was about our best friend,

and the prettiest thing we'd ever seen.

Why, we'd probably be living there still

if her and Brer Rabbit hadn't gotten into that squabble.

(SCREECHING)

Evening, Sister Moon.

(SNEEZING)

Sister Moon, you feeling poorly tonight?

Aw, Brer Rabbit,

I think I've caught me a... Caught me a...

(SNEEZING)

(PINGING)

Gesundheit, I guess.

I guess I caught me a cold from hanging up here in the night air

with no shawl on.

You don't know how sorry I am to hear that.

Brer Rabbit, would you do me a big favor?

Go down to Earth and tell Mister Man that I'm going away for a night or two

to get my strength back.

Tell Mister Man not to worry about there being no moon up here.

Tell him I'm getting weak for to be more strong.

I'm going in the shade for to get more light.

So, she's saying she'll take a little...

Nap in the shadow.

And come back again all bright and shiny.

Mmm-hmm.

Getting weak to be strong,

going in shade for more light.

Got it. Sister, you can count on me.

Gimme some room, fellas, I got work to do.

Alley-oop!

Whoa!

Whoa!

Sure is a pretty day today.

Mmm-hmm. Think it might rain, though?

What do you think, Mister Man?

Look like rain to you?

No, there's not a cloud in the...

(ALL GASP)

(GROANS)

What's the big idea? Falling on my head like that!

What do you want around here, anyway?

Whoever you... Whatever you are!

You Mister Man?

Yeah, what of it?

Sister Moon sent me!

She says...

(SNIFFS)

Uh... Oh!

Yeah! She says she's going away for a night or two,

'cause, uh... 'Cause...

Yeah?

(GASPS)

Oh! 'Cause she says, "I'm getting weak, I got no strength.

"I'm going where the shadows lay."

(GASPS) Sister Moon's going away?

I hope she's not sick.

Hey, how're we gonna see at night?

Mmm!

Beats me. Flashlight?

You go back and tell her I said, "Go away now and come back new.

"While Sister's gone, her light we'll miss."

Hey, Fuzzy!

Got it. Uh, go away, uh, come back new, uh,

light we'll miss, yada, yada, yada.

What's keeping that rabbit?

Why did I send him?

Whoa!

Ow! Watch it!

I gotta find a better way to land.

No kidding!

So?

How'd he take it?

Pretty good.

Says to tell you something bout...

Here today, gone tomorrow,

and never mind, 'cause he's got flashlights brighter than you, anyway!

How rude!

Are you sure you told him what I said?

'Course I did!

What was it, then?

I don't know. Whatever you said!

You're going on vacation and leaving him in the dark.

What? That's not what I said!

Hey! Chill out, Sister!

Whoa! You better back off, baby.

Whoa!

That's it! I've had enough!

(YELLING)

Ow!

(GASPS) Look what you did to me!

You little long-eared rat!

Rat?

(GASPS) Whoa!

What was that all about?

Huh!

Go do somebody a favor! Well, she's burned her britches with me!

What is up with her?

Sister sure was mad!

Brer Rabbit, what'd you do?

It's not what I did, it's what I'm gonna do!

And what's that?

I'm moving.

Moving to Earth.

What?

Huh?

No way!

(ALL MURMURING)

You're kidding us, right?

You better believe it!

None of you've ever been to Earth, but I have,

and lemme tell ya, it's something.

Green grass all over the ground, blue sky up above...

And food!

Mmm! They got corn, they got rutabagas, they got green beans

and string beans and hickory nuts and jicama!

And they got honey!

Mmm... Ooh. (CHUCKLES) How do we get there?

Easy.

(HUMMING)

Whoa!

(YELLING)

(CLUCKING)

(SCREAMING)

Hey! Look out!

Whoa!

(SCREAMS)

Mmm-mmm! Everything looks delicious!

You got that right. Now where is that rabbit?

Hey!

Huh?

BRER TURTLE: So that's how we came to Earth.

And, you know, we liked it here from the very start.

So it was all Brer Rabbit's idea?

Yeah, you could say that.

He must be a pretty popular guy.

(CHUCKLES) You could say that, too!

He's real popular with Brer Fox

and some of the others.

Especially around meal times.

(LAUGHS)

BRER FOX: Hey! Brer Rabbit! My man.

Up here!

What?

Why don't you come on up and help me finish my roof?

You know, before it starts raining.

I'd love to.

Nothing I like better than hammering...

But I gotta get over to Mister Man's garden

and see what I can find to munch on.

Well, come on up and I promise you lunch.

You said the magic word!

(LAUGHS) Wow, you fast.

What a great way to work up an appetite.

I hope you've got lots, 'cause I haven't had a solid meal in days.

Oh, you look like you've been eating, all right.

In fact, I'd say you're looking mighty plump.

I wouldn't say plump. No, not plump at all.

Plump enough.

Plump enough for what?

Plump enough to eat!

Ah!

Come 'ere.

(SCREAMING)

(GRUNTS)

(SCREAMS)

Have you gone crazy? You promised me lunch!

I promised you are lunch!

Come here.

Whoo!

(HAMMERING)

Ow!

Brer Rabbit, what'd you do to me?

Well, I just did some nailing.

That's what you invited me up here to do, isn't it?

Unnail my tail! Unnail my tail!

(LAUGHS)

Sure! When rabbits fly.

Whoa!

(GASPS)

Sister Buzzard, what'd you grab me for?

Ah! Quit talking. You're dead.

No, I'm not.

Oh? Well, I'll be.

Sorry! I knew Brer Fox was planning to have you for lunch,

so, what can I say, it was a natural mistake.

Apology accepted.

Now that you know that I'm not dead, just put me down anywhere.

(CHUCKLES)

Well, well, well, just because you're not dead now

doesn't mean you won't be sometime soon.

Good point.

Well. If I'm going to be flying along with you,

I guess I'll need me some feathers.

Ow!

Whoa! Don't do that!

Ow! Ooh!

You've got to go. See ya.

Maybe that wasn't such a great idea.

Whoa!

(GASPING)

Huh?

Brer Rabbit, nice of you to drop in.

Whoo, nice of you to catch me, Brer Gator.

I never did learn how to swim.

Say, listen,

you wouldn't mind giving me a ride across to the other side, would you?

Why, it'd be my pleasure.

Ahh.

Yes, sir, this is the only way to travel.

You know, you could do this for a living.

Folks'd enjoy it.

Well, my mama didn't raise me to be no taxi cab.

(GROWLING)

(SCREAMING)

In fact, I only gave you a ride for one reason.

Good deed for the day?

Uh-uh.

Soft spot for rabbits?

You're close.

Rabbit gizzards.

Gizzards?

Now, you probably don't know this,

but they make mighty good eating.

Really?

Yeah.

Hmm.

You know, I got a gizzard.

Thought maybe you did.

Only problem is, well, see...

I left it at home.

You what?

Yeah, a gizzard's a pretty delicate thing,

so I don't take it with me everywhere I go,

you know.

(GROANS)

Well, this is very disappointing.

Whoa!

Tell you what, you've been so nice

to give me a ride and all.

Drop me by the river bank,

I'll run home and get my gizzard,

and you can eat it right up.

(GASPS)

Well, that's neighborly of you, Brer Rabbit.

It's a deal.

Thank you, Brer Gator!

You going to get your gizzard?

You're gonna have to forgive me, Brer Gator.

I don't know what I was thinking.

I got my gizzard right here.

I must've put it in this morning and forgot about it.

But my gizzard's right here and here's where it's going to stay.

So long!

Aw, come on!

Just one gizzard!

No fair.

(LAUGHS)

Get my gizzards.

Sometimes it's so easy I almost feel bad.

Almost.

Brer Wolf!

(CHUCKLES)

Well, I'll... (STOMACH RUMBLING)

Oh, excuse me.

It's almost suppertime and I haven't eaten all day.

My tummy's complaining.

Yeah, hope you find something to fill it up before long.

Heh, I just did! You! (CHUCKLES)

Hmm.

Well, sir, I can't say that I blame you.

From what I've seen today, rabbit's about the most

popular food around, so...

Go ahead, eat me up. Fry me, fricassee me,

or shisk-a-bob me, whatever you want.

Why, that is mighty neighborly of you, Brer Rabbit.

Maybe I just eat you raw.

I'm sorta in a hurry.

Well, it's up to you.

I'm a little stringy, some roasting might tender me up a bit.

I got a big ol' roasting pot at home.

I could be back here with it in no time...

Raw it is. Been nice knowing you, Brer Rabbit.

Down the hatch!

Whoo, whoo, whoo. Hold on a minute, though.

Ain't you forgetting something?

Like what?

Aren't you supposed to say grace before you eat?

Oh, gosh, I... Uh, yeah, well, I mean, yeah!

Well, it's not too late.

Just kneel down here.

That's right.

Okay, now, bow your head.

Uh-huh, good. Close your eyes.

All the way now.

And put your hands together.

Okay.

No peeking.

Brer Rabbit!

You won't tell my mama I forgot, will ya?

No, no. 'Course not.

Thank you.

Amen!

Hey! Where'd you go?

Brer Rabbit!

Brer Rabbit, you come back here!

(LAUGHING)

That's so mean.

What is?

The way they tried to have Brer Rabbit for dinner.

Aw, honey, that's not mean at all.

It's just the animal way.

You know, we can't call up and order a pizza to go like you folks can.

(SIGHS)

That's another thing I can't do.

(GRUNTS)

Whoa!

It's just a good thing he's so smart.

Well, you know, us little animals have to be smart,

otherwise all the big animals would take advantage of us.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

(LAUGHS)

And Brer Rabbit, well, I expect he's about the smartest of us all.

Seems like every situation he gets into he comes out

smelling like he just had a bubble bath.

(CHUCKLES)

Of course, everybody else just ends up all wet.

Mmm. Peanuts.

I haven't had peanuts since the last time I went to a ball game.

And just look at those poor helpless little nuts,

trapped inside a fence.

The least I can do is let a few of 'em out for a holiday in my stomach.

(GRUNTS)

You know, I'm beginning to think somebody doesn't want to share his peanuts.

(BRER BEAR HUMMING)

Hello, Brer Bear.

I said, hello, Brer Bear.

I said, hello, Brer Bear!

Huh?

Brer Rabbit!

You're up in a tree.

You're a sharp one.

Not everybody would've noticed that right off.

(CHUCKLES)

Well, what're you doing, hanging around in a tree like this?

I'm making money, Brer Bear, just making money.

Well, how do you make money hanging around in a tree?

Come closer, see, I get paid a dollar an hour to guard this peanut patch.

You mean you're kinda like a scarecrow?

No, I'd say I'm more like the head peanut protector!

I prevent peanut pickers from picking peanuts in the peanut patch

without prior permission.

Now, move along, will you, and lemme go about my work in peace.

This is a responsible job and I don't want to lose it.

Say, uh, Brer Rabbit...

Huh? You still here?

I was having so much fun peanut protecting I didn't notice ya.

Do you think I could have a try at it?

At what? Patrolling the peanut patch?

Please?

Well, I don't know.

It's not just any drop-in off the street can do this kind of work.

It's demanding. Crows love peanuts an awful lot,

so it takes more than just a regular type scarecrow

to scare 'em off. It takes a certified peanut protector.

You have to keep your eyes open,

your ears clean and your teeth brushed

to keep crows away from a peanut patch.

Pretty please? I'll pay you. I promise!

(SIGHS) You know what? I'm gonna give you a shot.

No payment necessary.

(GRUNTS)

Aw, you won't regret this.

I'm sure I won't.

I'm also getting paid as a peanut-picker, you know.

Way behind on that, so I'd better grab a few.

(CHUCKLES) Why, help yourself.

Shoo, crow. Shoo!

(GULPS)

Whatever.

Good luck, Brer Bear!

Pleasure doing business with you.

Bye, Brer Rabbit.

Thanks for the opportunity.

Aw, shoot!

Now what do I do?

BRER FOX: Uh, shoo! Uh, scat!

Uh, beat it bird!

Hey! You can't go in that peanut patch.

You bet I can. It's mine.

And I set this trap just to catch sneaky peanut snatchers like you!

And now you're going to get it.

Uh-oh.

(GRUNTS)

Oh.

BRER FOX: I can't breathe.

(GRUNTING) I can't breathe.

Does this mean I don't get my dollar an hour?

BRER TURTLE: He's a smart one, all right.

Take that time we were all out doing some night fishing.

He had just about everyone thinking that

Sister Moon was gonna scare away their supper.

Huh? Oh.

(GRUNTS)

(CHUCKLES)

Heh, yeah, yeah, yeah, heh...

Oh, my!

Hey Sister Mink, baby.

There's a quiet spot further down the bank

where you and me might have better luck.

Whoa!

(LAUGHS)

Mmm-hmm. Why don't you try that line on the fish,

'cause I'm not biting.

Ow!

(LAUGHING)

Wait a minute! How can Brer Rabbit be fishing next to Brer Wolf?

Didn't he just try to have him for dinner?

Here, let me help.

It's hard for you people folks to understand,

but that's just the way us animals are.

We might try to have each other for lunch one day,

go bowling together the next.

Hmm.

(EXHALES)

Just go with it, okay?

Anyway, Brer Rabbit wasn't having much luck that night.

Hmm.

Whoo! All right. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Who's da man?

Who is da man?

I say, I'm the man!

There's no fish that gets away from me.

Caught anything yet?

No. I'm not doing so good fishing for fish,

but I just thought up a plan to hook me some suckers.

Play along with me?

Sure.

(LAUGHS) You're doing pretty good tonight, I see.

Brer Rabbit, you just made the understatement of the year.

My man, I am on fire!

Hmm. Too bad your luck's about to change.

Oh, yeah? Now, why is that?

Can't you see?

Sister Moon's swimming in the pond,

and if there's one thing'll chase fish away for sure,

it's that big ol' Sister Moon.

Right, Brer Turtle?

Oh, that's right. Fish don't like that Sister Moon.

What?

Huh?

Fish don't like what?

Sister Moon!

Man, I thought everybody knew that.

Why, if she stays in the pond,

the fish'll just pack up and take the train to

a whole nother pond in some other state!

Why, of course, duh.

Well, what do you think we should do, Brer Rabbit?

Better fish her out.

Yeah! Fish her out! Fish her out!

Yeah, that's the ticket.

You said it!

See, the trick is, you gotta use a net!

'Cause Sister Moon's too smart to go for any ol' bait.

Even my Super Special Wiggly Worm?

'Fraid so, brother.

Hey, look! By a strange coincidence,

I happen to have a net right here.

Perfect!

Now the first thing you do is...

Ahem, ahem!

Excuse me. I know what to do.

Everybody follow me.

(BOTH GIGGLE)

All right, now you go that way.

No, that way!

Not so loud. You'll scare her off.

Ooh! Look out!

BRER BEAR: She's diving!

BRER FOX: Grab her!

She's getting away!

SISTER BUZZARD: I'll get her!

(ALL GROANING)

(COUGHING)

What do we do now, Brer Rabbit?

Brer Rabbit?

Where is Brer Rabbit?

Well, he was right over...

And where's Brer Turtle?

Hey, hey?

Where's our fish?

(BRER TURTLE CHUCKLES)

BRER TURTLE: I'll tell you, sometimes it pays to be Brer Rabbit's friend.

I wish I was as smart as Brer Rabbit.

It would be nice.

'Course, you've got to be careful you don't get too smart.

What do you mean?

If you outsmart everybody all the time,

after a while you've got an awful lot of people mad at you.

They start to give you the cold shoulder.

And it was about to get awful cold for Brer Rabbit.

See, there was this one time, Brer Fox had a party...

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Man, you look good, you look good!

Is that your winter coat?

You got a nice thing going.

Brother Raccoon, have some more of those cheese and crackers.

(LAUGHS)

Sure, you're right.

BRER BEAR: More crackers, please.

These cheese and crackers are going like hot cakes!

(GRUNTING)

Oh!

That sounds like quite a party.

Guess my invitation got lost in the mail.

(MUSIC STOPS)

Guess I was wrong.

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

(MUSIC STOPS)

All right! I know you're in there!

BRER BEAR: Nope! There's nobody home here at all!

Oh, okay. Sorry to have bothered you, house.

BRER TURTLE: How come Brer Rabbit wasn't invited?

Uh, help yourself.

I said, how come Brer Rabbit wasn't invited?

(COUGHS)

You kidding me? He nailed my tail to the roof,

plundered my peanut patch,

and swiped my fish after near drowning.

Well, he hung me upside down from a tree.

Wouldn't let me eat him for supper.

Cleaned out my entire supply of canned peaches.

He stole my tail feathers!

He ate all the apples off my tree.

He never went back for his gizzard!

He said I smelled like a skunk.

You are a skunk.

Yeah, but who wants to be reminded of it?

BRER FOX: Face it, Brer Turtle, nobody wants Brer Rabbit around.

(GASPS) Huh?

(GROANING)

(GRUNTS)

Evening, Miss Goose. Kids.

Wow! You've been ugly before, but never this ugly!

You so ugly you yougly!

Hmm.

(SHRIEKING)

(LAUGHING)

Hey! Who turned off my music?

Nobody should be touching my...

(HOWLING)

(WHIMPERING)

Sounds like a storm is blowing in.

Yeah, that's it. It's just the wind.

That's what it is.

(BRER RABBIT ROARS)

(THUDDING)

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

I'm Megog de Roy, the Devil's baby boy,

and my body odor is stronger than you!

(ROARS)

(LAUGHS)

That'll teach 'em not to invite me.

Hmph, that'll teach 'em.

(INDISTINCT)

(SIGHS)

BRER TURTLE: Brer Rabbit was feeling just about as lonely

as a little rabbit can feel.

Yeah, he was one unpopular rabbit.

I tried to help, but just wasn't having any luck.

Uh-uh, why would I wanna be Brer Rabbit's friend?

I didn't say you had to be his friend,

just forgive him and let him be part of things again.

Mmm-mmm.

He is a great big pain in my big bushy behind!

He's mischievous. That's just the way he is.

Folks should just accept it. After all, you and Brer Fox

eat other critters, and nobody holds it against you!

Uh, I dunno. Brer Rabbit's gotten on my nerves

one time too many.

One thing you said makes sense to me, though.

The part about eating other critters.

(MUMBLES)

(LAUGHS)

Da da da da da doh In the sack

Da da da da da doh In the sack

Da da da da da doh In the sack

Da da da da da doh In the sack

BRER TURTLE: Help!

Help! (GRUNTING)

Now, quit your struggling, Brer Turtle.

I'm trying to sing.

BRER TURTLE: Help!

Da da da da da doh In the sack

(HUMMING)

Hmm.

(GRUNTS)

(HUMMING)

Hey, Brer Rabbit!

Brer Rabbit, what the Sam Hill are you up to?

I'm up to pulling on this bull's tail,

and I wish you'd be about your business and leave me to it.

(LAUGHING)

Bull's tail? You telling me

there's a bull buried in the ground there?

(LAUGHS) Come on!

Yes, sir, and it was the dagnabbedest thing you ever saw.

You know how a bull paws the ground when he's really mad?

Well, this bull must've been about as teed off as a bull can be,

'cause he pawed and he pawed, till he'd pawed a hole

as big as hisself, and pawed the dirt right on top of him!

And there he is!

There's a whole lotta steaks,

a bunch of hamburgers, and maybe a pot roast

or two buried under there, if you ask me!

(SPITTING)

All right, back off rabbit, and let me work!

Step back and leave me be!

Oh, please!

Lemme have a try.

Oh, yeah, right.

And if you get the bull up, you'll keep all that beef for yourself!

Uh-uh! I'll go halfsies, I promise!

Pinkie swear?

Oh, yeah!

Wolves don't have pinkies.

Close enough!

You won't regret this.

One, two, three!

(MOOING)

Now that man's problem is that he had his mind

on the wrong end of the bull.

Thanks, Brer Rabbit. You saved my life.

How's it feel?

Feels good.

Yes, sir, pretty good indeed.

(CHUCKLES)

(SONG PLAYING)

BRER TURTLE: Brer Rabbit continued doing good deeds for all his friends.

And that meant keeping an especially close eye on Brer Fox.

Whoa!

(GROANS)

Better hope you didn't scuff any of 'em up.

Well, well, I might have known.

I hear you're just Mr. Popularity these days, huh?

I can't help it if folks love me.

It's just my burden to bear.

Aw, relax. I'm not after you today.

You're small potatoes.

My wife's whole family is coming to visit, and I need some big game.

Ooh, that woman and her people.

'Course, this doesn't mean I won't come after you another day

'cause rabbit is pretty good eating.

Appreciate the compliment.

Big game?

I wonder what kinda big game he's talking about?

Gosh! Billy the elephant boy sure has gotten himself into a jam this time.

Ooh, I can't wait to see how this comes out.

Nothing, I mean, absolutely nothing

is gonna tear me away from this book.

(SNIFFING)

Oh, honey.

(SCREAMS)

Ow! I hid by node!

Sorry, ol' buddy, but I gotta get you back inside.

Bud oud dere. I spelt huddy.

Yeah, I know. It's a trap.

A drab?

Yeah, yeah, a drab.

But don't worry. I got it all under control.

(CHUCKLES) I set up a lil surprise for ol' Brer Fox.

Hurry up, Brer Bear. I don't have all day.

Lessee, uh, the family gets here at 7:00.

Ooh, that bear meat's pretty tough, so I oughta marinate for an hour or two.

I wonder if I should do that teriyaki sauce or that mango salsa

Brer Possum's always raving about?

That could be good!

(BELL RINGING)

Yes!

Don't worry, ol' pal, this will not hurt me.

(LAUGHS)

(BRER RABBIT WHISTLES)

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

(ROARING)

(HIGH-PITCHED SCREAMING)

Splid id wid ya?

BRER TURTLE: Yeah, Brer Rabbit went to bed that night

feeling real good about himself.

He had friends, real friends for the very first time.

Just about every animal around liked him.

(PANTING)

Well, I said "just about."

Okay, I give up.

It don't matter if you give up or not, I gotcha.

Well, I just thought I'd make it official.

I'm none too happy about this, you know.

I don't expect you are.

It'd be unnatural for you to be happy about it.

But do not worry. I'm happy about it,

and one happy critter is enough.

All right. I just thought I'd mention it,

'cause you know what they say about eating a sad rabbit.

No, what do they say?

Why, they say it can give you the heebies-jeebies or the creepy-crawlies,

with a bit of the dropsies thrown in.

Nah!

Well, it's your life.

I just think you oughta have all the facts.

Fr'instance, there was that famous outbreak of sad rabbit flu in

Walla Walla, Washington, back in '73...

'Course, his nose never grew back, and they had to cut off his tail,

but I'd say that boy got off pretty easy, all things considered.

Okay, okay, okay! You've told me all about

the terrible things that happens if I eat a sad rabbit!

But the fact remains that I'm gonna eat ya,

so what do you want me to do about it?

Well, you could take me to my laughing place.

Yer what?

My laughing place.

No rabbit can stay sad in his laughing place.

I'll just naturally cheer up, and then you can eat me!

Hmm, hmm, hmm...

Well, where is this laughing place of yours?

I can't tell ya, but I can show ya.

BRER TURTLE: Why, Brer Rabbit walked that fox all night and into the morning.

Whoo! Aah.

(GRUNTING)

BRER TURTLE: So Brer Fox dragged Brer Rabbit all over creation,

looking for his laughing place.

Must find laughing place.

Hang in there, Brer Fox. It's just up ahead.

That's it?

That's your laughing place?

That is what I came all this way for?

That pathetic old tree?

BRER RABBIT: 'Fraid so.

All right, go ahead. Start laughing.

I can't. Not till you knock three times on the laughing tree.

Uh-uh! You gotta knock harder.

(SNARLS)

(GRUMBLING)

(BEES BUZZING)

Yeah, I think that did it.

Did what?

Listen, you little...

(BUZZING)

Hey, hey. You hear that?

Sounds kinda like...

Bees!

(SCREAMS)

(PANTING)

Whoo!

Brer Rabbit!

Now, see, I can't help it.

That makes me laugh.

(LAUGHING)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Wow! I can't believe he got away again.

Well, yeah.

I mean, almost.

Don't you know any other way to say hello to a body?

(LAUGHING)

Well, well, well, look who's already wrapped up

in a handy take-home package.

I'm glad we ran into each other.

It'll be nice to have one of my dearest friends in on this with me.

In on what?

Buried treasure.

Show me.

Hey, I don't see anything.

It's in there for sure. I saw it with my own eyes.

How much?

Hmm, hard to say.

I couldn't tell if they were all diamonds,

or there were a few emeralds and rubies thrown in.

The light's kinda tricky in there.

I was gonna get it by myself, but now that you're here, you can have...

Hmm, let's see, what's fair... You can have one-sixteenth of it for carrying me here.

(GRUNTS)

16, 4, 5, 3, 4, 75...

Hey! One-sixteenth?

Why, that's less than half!

Ain't it?

I forgot you were a valedictorian at wolf school.

But, see, I did all the hard work already!

Got myself all trussed up like this so I can squeeze into the log, and...

Gimme that rope!

I'll squeeze in myself!

(GROWLING)

Hey, now. That's a borrowed rope.

Don't slobber all over it!

Oh, sorry.

I'll buy you a new one when I'm rich.

Whew!

Okay, now you tie me up just the way you were tied,

and I'll go in the log and I'll get the treasure!

If you say so.

There! How's that?

Uh! Little tighter than I expected.

Can't be too tight. That log's smaller than you think.

Now, the treasure's all the way at the other end,

so don't expect to see it at first.

You got to get way deep down in there.

Oh, okay.

By the way. I get it all.

Aw, man! I give up. You've outsmarted me again.

Yeah, yeah!

(GRUNTING)

Hey! Wait a second!

I'm all tied up in here.

Even if I find the treasure, how am I gonna get it?

Oh, I'm gonna give it to you.

(SCREAMS)

(COUGHING)

Are they gone?

Who? What?

The bees!

What bees?

Hey. Hey!

Where'd you get my rope?

Your rope? I got it from...

(BOTH GASP)

BOTH: Brer Rabbit!

(BOTH SNARLING)

BRER TURTLE: Now two of Brer Rabbit's worst enemies were together.

And those two wanted to pay him back for all the trouble he had caused.

(SINGING)

Morning.

BRER TURTLE: 'Course, poor old Brer Rabbit was completely unaware

that they were plotting against him.

Morning, baby! Nice day, ain't it?

'Course, any day I wake up and find

I'm still alive is a nice day as far as I'm concerned.

I said, good morning.

Got something wrong with your hearing?

I can speak louder. Good morning!

What's the matter with you? Didn't your parents teach you no manners?

(SNIFFING)

Phew! When's the last time you took a shower, son?

Ugh!

For somebody who's too stuck-up to say hello,

you sure do latch on to a fella.

(GRUNTING)

This is a fine howdy-do.

(GRUNTING)

All right now, it's me or you, baby!

Ain't room for both of us on this here road.

Why, hello there, Brer Fox!

What a nice surprise.

Oh, I wouldn't call it a surprise exactly.

Have you met my old pal, Tom?

As a matter of fact, I have.

Haven't we, Brer Wolf?

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Man, you tickle me.

Haven't seen you fellas in a while.

Whatcha been up to?

Oh, we been busy.

Yeah.

Real busy.

Planning and working.

And sweating.

Getting ready for the big day.

(LAUGHING)

Oh, yeah? And what day's that?

Today. The day you finally get what's coming to you.

I think you're wrong on that, Brer Fox.

That's tomorrow, or maybe the day after.

Tell you what. I've got a calendar back at home and...

Never mind. Today's good enough for us.

Now the only question is, how we gonna do it?

I don't know. It's up to you.

Makes no never mind to me how we do it.

Yeah, butta, butta, butta, it's gotta be something special.

Something spectacular.

(GULPS)

Well, whatever you do, don't throw me in that briar patch!

You know, we could just chuck him straight into the fire

and add a little barbecue sauce.

Barbecue sauce sounds good to me!

If you've gotta go, go in a good barbecue sauce, I always say.

It's a whole heap better than being thrown in a briar patch,

that's for sure.

Oh, I dunno, it's a pretty hot day.

We already slaved away over hot tar.

Who wants to stand over a hot fire?

Uh-huh, uh-huh. I see what you mean.

Maybe we take him to the creek and throw him in.

You can't swim, can you?

I never learned.

How's that sound to you?

Drowning or barbecuing, take your pick!

Anything! Just don't throw me in the briar patch!

You know, I heard somewhere if you swing a rabbit by its ears,

its brains'll pop out like toast from a toaster.

(SHRIEKS)

Do it! Pop out my brains! Yank off my cute cottontail!

Do anything you want! Only don't throw me in that briar patch.

BOTH: Let's throw him in the briar patch!

(GRUNTING)

Sticky, huh?

Come 'ere!

Come 'ere, boy!

(SNARLS)

Leggo! Don't do it!

Not the briar patch! I'm begging ya!

Got him. Here we go.

BOTH: One, two, three!

(SCREAMING)

Yeah, yeah, yeah. (CHUCKLES)

You better not play with me.

People know better than to play with me.

I quit school 'cause of recess.

Don't nobody play with me. Yeah, yeah.

Hello, boys!

(BOTH GASPING)

I was born and raised in a briar patch.

Didn't you two know that?

Born and raised in the briar patch.

I cannot stand him!

(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

Uh-oh!

(BOTH GROANING)

Brer Rabbit. I'll get you for this!

Ha! That'll be the day, Brer Fox.

That'll be the day!

(JANEY LAUGHING)

BRER TURTLE: You should've seen that ol' Brer Fox.

If he wasn't a sight.

He looked like he'd gone through a garbage disposal backwards.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

That's funny!

Ha, ha, yeah, hilarious.

Aah!

Yeah, uh, you wouldn't happen to know

where that clever old Brer Rabbit went, would you?

Yeah, I know where he went.

That a-way!

(GASPS)

That's smart of you to tell me.

Next time I'm hungry maybe I won't eat you.

Why'd you tell him where Brer Rabbit went?

I thought you were his friend.

I am. That's why I told him wrong.

(LAUGHING)

Nice going, cousin.

You may be slow on your feet,

but not up here where it counts!

Oh, uh, Brer Rabbit, this here's Janey.

She's one of your biggest fans.

Pleased to meetcha.

How do you do it?

Do what?

Oh! You mean outsmart all those other critters?

Wanna know the secret?

Just give 'em what they think they want.

That's all there is to it.

MOM: Janey!

I gotta go!

Nice to have met you.

Thanks, Brer Turtle, for telling me all about the animals.

My pleasure, young lady.

You take care now.

Mmm-hmm. Bye.

Mmm. That was good!

What was?

Nothing. Forget it.

Aw, come on.

No way. Mom said she'd save the rest for me.

What makes you so special?

Just give them what they think they want.

LESTER: Mom! Can I have some of that? Tuna casserole?

Fast learner.

Yeah, I think she's gonna be okay.

Now how about that race you challenged me to?

Any time, any place!

Just come prepared to lose.

I'm faster'n you think.

I might just beat you.

Ha! That'll be the day.

Why am I not surprised?

The Description of The Adventures of Brer Rabbit