This is Part 2 of Letters to an Asexual Number 6, and here goes the conversation.
The Guy: Right! Writing a book because someone burned you
The Guy: Asexual my ass.
swankivy: Ah, okay. Any chance you want to have an honest conversation about the subject,
or you already know everything there is to know about this and we have nothing to say to each other?
The Guy: Well it's pretty simple.
swankivy: I'll bet it is. You think you understand what it means even though you're completely ignorant about
both my life and the concept of asexuality in general, and as a result, you've judged me before I spoke.
Sounds like a great conversation.
The Guy: You either like sex or you don't. It's a simple question. Do you like sex?
swankivy: I've never had sex, because I don't want to.
The Guy: Interesting. And you have no attraction whatsoever to either men or women?
swankivy: That's what asexuality means, yes. Asexuals don't experience sexual attraction.
The Guy: Ah, and you don't think there's something wrong with you physically?
swankivy: No, I don't.
The Guy: or psychologically?
swankivy: Nope. Why do you think there is?
The Guy: Are you serious?
swankivy: There are people with lots of interest and people with little interest. Why not none? I'm not allowed?
The Guy: It is biologically necessary for the propagation of the species.
swankivy: Ah, but somehow I don't think that's why most people do it.
The Guy: It is basically impossible unless you have something wrong with you physically not to respond to hormones.
You went through puberty right?
swankivy: Furthermore, not every member of the species needs to have sex in order for the species to survive.
The Guy: It's a biological imperative.
swankivy: In fact, as a species becomes more successful, it makes sense that the biological imperative wouldn't be as high.
But that's neither here nor there.
The Guy: Well our biology hasn't changed much. We haven't been here all that long.
swankivy: Hormones aren't really involved here. Asexuality is lack of sexual attraction. Not lack of sexual ability or lack of sex drive.
The Guy: So if you have ABSOLUTELY no sexual attraction, then you've got a hormonal imbalance.
swankivy: Wrong. You haven't educated yourself at all about asexuality, but seem to have made some judgments about it that don't apply.
The Guy: Oh please it's pretty simple. You don't have any desire to have sex with either male or female.
swankivy: And therefore, you get to judge me. Understood.
The Guy: No sexual attraction, no sexual motivation?
swankivy: You started this conversation announcing that I am "writing a book because I've been burned," which doesn't even make sense.
The Guy: No!
swankivy: I really don't know why I'm having this conversation with you if you don't actually want to learn.
The Guy: I said you don't have sex because you've been abused or undergone some kind of trauma.
swankivy: Do you think you're going to convince me that I'm not qualified to describe my own feelings?
The Guy: But it is completely and absolutely abnormal to have no sexual attraction or desire.
swankivy: It's unusual, and yes, pretty abnormal, but NOT necessarily unhealthy.
Bet you've never read an article about the subject, or studied it, or talked to an asexual.
The Guy: I'll bet money on it that if you invited me over right now and I started eating your p***y that you would enjoy it immensely.
swankivy: You're about the sixtieth person who's said that. In fact, I made a video about it.
The Guy: Yeah ever had someone try it? Have you ever had a guy or a girl touch you in a sexual manner in your entire life?
swankivy: Ever had butt sex? How do you know you wouldn't love it?
The Guy: Well because I don't enjoy even a woman's fingers in my a**.
So since I don't enjoy a woman's fingers in my a** I'm probably not going to enjoy a man.
swankivy: Well you're not sexually attracted to men at all. Right?
The Guy: Definitely not. But I consider homosexuality as a biological aberrance.
swankivy: Why do you get to say so without trying it, while I'm not allowed to describe my own feelings just because they're uncommon?
The Guy: And there's been some research done to show actually there's something going on in the brain which causes it.
swankivy: Yeah. Of course there is. Things usually have causes. It doesn't mean they're not valid.
The Guy: So it stands to reason that if you have no sexual desire, drive, urge to propagate there is something wrong with you.
Have you ever had your hormonal levels checked?
swankivy: Well there's more to life than just responding to the urge to propagate. At some point life has purpose in and of itself.
The Guy: The purpose of life is to procreate itself. Survival.
swankivy: All biological issues that involve hormones have other effects beyond lack of sex drive or sexual interest.
But like I've said before, asexuality isn't the same as an absent sex drive.
swankivy: I'm not denying that a sex drive is important for a species that propagates sexually.
The Guy: So you have a sex drive you are saying? A desire to f***? You masturbate?
swankivy: However, you're mad if you think therefore every person in the species must have sex in order to have a reason to be here.
Somehow I think people having sex with condoms, and people who choose not to procreate,
and people who are infertile, still have a reason to be here and aren't challenged for their issues or their choices.
The Guy: I'm shocked because I think you're stunningly intelligent as well as BEAUTIFUL in the extreme.
swankivy: So the fact that I COULD get laid has something to do with whether I should?
The Guy: Why wouldn't you? Do you look at a woman and desire to see her naked? To touch her? Or a man for that matter?
swankivy: I don't have attraction to other people. Plain and simple. I personally don't feel that I have a sex drive either.
But some asexuals do. Like I said, I bet you haven't ever talked to one of us before. I'm far from alone.
The Guy: You've never kissed a man or a woman.
The Guy: Made out?
swankivy: Yes, I have. And it was pretty disgusting.
The Guy: Enjoy touching or being touched or held?
swankivy: Not really.
The Guy: Interesting.
swankivy: I'm not afraid of being touched, but I don't like cuddling.
The Guy: Well touching might be an interesting experience for you. You've cuddled and didn't like it?
swankivy: I'm confused about why you keep asking me these very judgmental and close-minded questions.
"Oh, I'd like it if I got someone to eat my p***y!" Um . . . except
I don't want anyone to touch me that way and don't want to be with another person that way?
I think you've hit almost all the Top Ten. I can recite them for you if you like.
You're one of the many, many people who feels it's easier to stick me in a box you understand and call me broken.
The Guy: Me personally I'd love to see you naked. So enjoy touching you.
swankivy: That's relevant to me?
The Guy: But it seems pretty simple to me.
swankivy: How's that got anything to do with me?
The Guy: Well, from what you're saying you simply don't desire it.
swankivy: Of course it seems simple to you. You decided what my "problem" was before you even spoke to me.
The Guy: Well you've actually got a condition that is beneficial, my God you must have a ton of time and energy.
Oh it's definitely an aberrance, an abnormality.
There's definitely something wrong with you either physically or mentally at least to societal norms.
swankivy: Being unusual isn't the same as being sick.
The Guy: But it isn't hurting anyone.
swankivy: Except all the men who are pissed off that they can't see me naked.
The Guy: Oh you've got a condition. It's simply not normal for any living creature to lack a sex drive.
Babe, if you're asexual why would you give a damn who saw you naked?
swankivy: The "condition" is called asexuality. It's a sexual orientation, not a sickness.
And I don't really care if you keep telling me it's not normal. That's irrelevant.
The Guy: It's not a sexual orientation.
swankivy: And you're wrong.
The Guy: It's a DISEASE! An illness!
swankivy: Heh. Done any research on that?
The Guy: Just as I believe homosexuality is a disease. It's not a choice.
swankivy: Oh, okay, you're one of those. Understood. It's simple.
The Guy: One of my best friends is a homosexual. I believe it is a condition in the brain where a certain part just simply isn't functioning properly.
I've done some research on homosexuality and many scientists are in agreement with this.
swankivy: Well, if it isn't functioning in such a way that it makes the "sufferer" unhappy or ill,
it seems to me that it should be accepted as an alternate lifestyle.
And by the same token, if homosexuality is a disease that is just a condition in the brain,
heterosexuality is the same thing--just a brain/body condition.
It makes no sense to say that someone's behavior equals unhealthy just because it never results in babies.
The Guy: Asexuality is a biological condition. If you don't have a physical desire for men and you don't desire sex, you have something wrong with you.
Just as someone who didn't eat or drink would have a biological condition.
swankivy: From a biological standpoint, of course it makes sense to say any creature
who doesn't behave in such a way that he or she contributes to making more people is flawed.
But since humans consider the human experience as more than biological successes or failures, I think I have a right to my lifestyle, thanks.
The Guy: You therefore have a biological condition which means you have an ILLNESS or DISEASE! Oh of course you have a right to it.
I would never argue with that, just as I don't argue with homosexuality.
Basically, homosexuals and asexuals won't ever breed.
swankivy: The difference is the way you approach it here. It shouldn't be considered an "illness" or a "disease"
just because it's not the most popular, most biologically selected, selected-for choice.
The Guy: So they won't pass their genetic defects on to the rest of us. It is a DISEASE, an illness, a biological and genetic DEFECT.
Just as I would, just as I would if I had my way not allow people with mental illnesses to breed.
swankivy: That's silly. If the only way defects get into the next generation is by being passed on, how is it that there even are asexuals or homosexuals?
We're coming out of sexual people, apparently.
The Guy: Because it is a defect. Nature isn't perfect.
swankivy: Not to mention that you're wrong about passing your genes on. Many homosexuals and asexuals have children.
If you choose to look at sexual orientations that don't yield children as "diseases" and whatnot,
I suppose that's up to you, but I think the connotation there is that if possible it should be "fixed." We like ourselves the way we are, for the most part.
The Guy: It should be fixed if possible by our medical science. It is an illness. A biological defect. I believe in genetic engineering.
swankivy: Keep insisting that, if it helps you cement to yourself how sure you are.
The Guy: And the eventual perfection of our species and the elimination of aberrant behavior.
swankivy: It's not up to you to decide what constitutes aberrant. Thank goodness.
Another one of my videos features someone a lot like you.
The Guy: Actually, white males do decide. White males control 95% of the wealth on the planet.
And women do 70% of the work and reap 5% of the benefit.
The Guy: Oh, VERY relevant. 'Cause guess what, I'm a white male.
swankivy: Gee, I never would have guessed.
But, despite your apparent perception that you have the right to the privilege your sex and race has afforded you,
you don't get to decide what I'm allowed to feel (or do about those feelings). So . . . I think this conversation is over.
And so is this video.