Geoff: Alright, guys
Geoff: On the count of three... Find diamond.
Geoff: One, two, three GO!
Geoff: First person to build a diamond pickaxe!
Michael: Well, great I'm already-
Geoff: Ray, knock it off you fuckin' Mr. T asshole!
Gavin: Wait do we-
Ray: Fuck you, you found wood!
Gavin: Do we have to go down a s-specific-
Geoff: Well, I'm already dead.
Geoff: I am already dead, Ray!
Geoff: We've been playing for eight minutes!
Geoff: I am already fucking dead!
Ray: Nah, no! *squawk*
Michael: You guys are bein' loud.
Gavin: Okay Geoff, you can have at it.
Geoff: Where are you at, you little fuck?
Geoff: Nah, nah I don't want it, I want your blood.
Geoff: Come down here where are you, come here
*They keep swearing*
Michael: DUDE I already found water
and lava and shitttt.
Geoff: Great, now I'm stuck in the dark-
Geoff: GOD DAMN IT!!
Ray: AHHHHHH FUCK! OOHH SHIT!!
Ray: Hey Geoff what's going on?
Geoff: Somebody kill me!
Gavin: It's creeper town down there.
Ray: Let's kill each other. Suicide pact.
Michael: Dude! Fuckin' check out, Gavin, look it's emerging,
Michael: lava and water
Gavin: Can we dig anywhere now for diamond?
Gavin: Or down our holes again?
Michael: SHUT UP!!
Geoff & Ray: Dig anywhere.
Ray: Geoff, I tried killing you, you're stuck down there.
Geoff: No I'm alive, I died.
Michael: OH SHIT!!
Gavin: Alright, first things first. Trees...right?
Ray: Ya' gotta start somewhere!
Michael: Did you say wrong?
Ray & Geoff: Wuht?
Michael: Oh fuck OH FUCKKK!!
Ray: Press the recording button
Gavin: Oup, cascade...
Ray: What happened?
Michael: Fucking... punched a creeper and I got caught on a block...
Ray: that happens.
Michael: I don't know where I am D: [best nerd voice]
Michael: What the fuck is Gavin doing down there?!
Geoff: HOW do I get SO lost ev....
Gavin: Am I in water..? What the f- what the hell just happened?
Michael: Come 'ere you prick!
Ray: It's gonna be night time for like 8 years again...
Gavin: You PUNTED me down a hole..
Michael: Yeah I did.
Michael: That's the hole I fell down
Michael: I just followed the water until I got blown up by a fucking creeper
Gavin: Why is there lava down here *sex noise*
Michael: Cause there's fucking lava, dumbass!
Gavin: Check it, I'm gonna jump this lava like an absolute moff.
Michael: No wait let me watch it first.
Ray: a MUFF!
Michael: ..hang on, hang on, hang on...
Gavin: I'm psyching myself up- Geoff: Alright
Gavin: It's like that the movie with the uh... the jumping
Gavin: Except that was ice.
Michael: Do it.
Gavin: Alright, I might bang my head on this
Geoff: I know...alright, alright. I got this.
Gavin: HUP! ...ope
Michael: Wow... You're a fucking retard Gavin,
Michael: You are a fucking retarded person.
Geoff: I got this
Gavin: I did bang my head it turns out.
Geoff: I am- *others laugh* it turns out.
Geoff: *under breath* Alright...kay
Michael: Oh look I can, I can see your map
Gavin: God you take- you get punched twice and you're dead in this mode.
*Michael & Ray talking over each other*
*Again talking over each other* Ray: I'm gonna engage in some fisticuffs here in a few minutes...
Gavin: WHERE in the chuff are you?
Michael: Can I put sand on top of lava?
Ray: Fucking get away from me!
Gavin: No, it'll just fall through.
Ray: Haha! You can't get me down here, fucker. Gavin: I mean you can...as long as you..
Ray: Oh shit OH!
Ray: Nah, I gottem, I gottem, we're good
Geoff: What is this that I'm walking up to?
Geoff: Oh, that's a chicken, okay.
Gavin: What's down here?
Gavin: NUP! UP! Oh god, scared the crap outta me.
Michael: GAWD! What is-
Michael: WHY DO YOU MAKE THOSE NOISES?
Gavin: I was, uh, aneurysming
Ray: *scoffs* Is that a word?
Gavin: I think that's the medical, like slightly underused term
Ray: Uh okay
Michael: Uht- for- the act of having an aneurysm...
Ray: Do you think it's underused for a reason?
Gavin: It's right next to hemorragysms.
Michael: Well, hemorrhaging is used quite often.
Gavin: No, I said hemorragismgysm
Geoff: I can't fucking see!
Gavin: I am getting slapped-
Ray: Geoff, you should really up the brightness
Gavin: left and right
Ray: on your game or turn your TV on
Ray: one of the two.
Gavin: I am getting...
Michael: Check this out dude, I'm punching blocks with my hand like a goddamn juggernaut
Michael: and I'm jumping on top of lava, uh, by putting sand on it
Gavin: SOD OFF!
Gavin: Sod it!
Michael: What does that mean?
Michael: What does that mean?
Gavin: Get out of my f- sight.
Gavin: *defeated sigh*
Ray: Still don't know what it means.
Michael: Thanks that explains a lot, dumbass.
Gavin: A sod is a lump of earth.
Ray: Did you make that up, or is that legitimate?
Michael: Hey Gavin, you see what that is?
Geoff: Y'know where I'm going?
Gavin: That's my map *derp laugh*
Michael: That's your fucking map, bitch.
Ray: Geoff where are you goin'?
Michael: Oh, look! Here's Gavin right on uh, HIS map.
Geoff: Oh, nevermind I don't want chu' guys to know.
Michael: Some lava right over here that Gavin
Michael: If you looked at your map Gavin you would've swam in lava -- Geoff: Going to my uh, going to my little island over here
Geoff: Dude...I have a good feeling... Michael: This fuckin' thing is deep as shit!
Gavin: That's what...someone...
Michael: That's what WHAT, Gavin? Gavin: *defeated* I dunno.
Geoff: That's what- that's what what.
Gavin: Alright, where is everyone, seriously, cuz I'm just doping around like an absolute...
Michael: So Gavin's doing your job, Geoff: Like a moat?
Michael: As usual.
Ray: Keep building... Gavin: Yeah but I wanna experience something...in this game.
Gavin: I l-I'm just like Bear Grylls, out in the open right now.
Gavin: Drinking piss in a minute. Michael: You are nothing...
Geoff: Yeah, there is nothing-
Gavin: I could easily survive. Geoff: No similarity between you and Bear Grylls.
Gavin: Did you see that episode...where...he was thirsty, right,
Ray: Ok, I like where this is going.
Gavin: So he found some liquid in like, uh, Ray: A cactus?
Gavin: ...on like the side of a cliff, but there was a load of bird gack in it,
Ray: What is gack? Gavin: So, instead of drinking the poisonous...bird-liquid,
Gavin: ...he...shoved it up his rectum.
Geoff: That's not true.
Gavin: ...and um, gave himself an enema.
Geoff: That's not true. Gavin: Which quenched his thirst,
Gavin: - without giving him the diseasey taste of bird poo.
Michael: What? Geoff: That's not true.
Gavin: No that's absolutely true. Ray: What's it like taking ecstasy before going to bed
Gavin: He did it while he was on a raft
Gavin: They blurred it out.
Ray: What, the raft?
(Gavin laughs) Geoff: Why would they blur out a raft?
Geoff: Your story doesn’t make any sense. Michael: Well, a product placement, Geoff.
Gavin: OUP! Bloody hell!
Michael: I don't know what I'm doing
Michael: But getting diamond is not- it Gavin: Good god.
Geoff: Fuck yeah you're getting diamond.
Ray: Uh- have we explained that's the- that's the goal? To- get diamond
Michael: Well I'm not.
Geoff: Yeah I said 1, 2, 3 go, diamond.
Ray: Oh okay.
Michael: And then yelled immediately after that, "Diamond pickaxe".
Ray: Well, we have to- Oh, okay. It's been so long I forget
Michael: No, he's like, 1, 2, 3, go, diamond!... [extremely rushed] Diamond pickaxe!
Gavin: Alright I need a tree. Tree tree. Where are all the trees?
Michael: AAHHH!!! Jesus.
Gavin: You jumped out of your skin!
Michael: I did not jump out of my skin, I assure you.
Ray: Literally, his skin is on the floor right now.
Michael: I assure you it's intact.
Gavin: Like that guy in Men In Black.
Ray: Spoiler! Geoff: *giggling*
Michael: [mocking Gavin] Oh, I went to New York, ooh!
Gavin: Nuh I...
Geoff: [also mocking Gavin] Hey everybody, check it out, I went to New York.
Michael: [still mocking] Ohh, I saw the premiere, ooh! Tommy Lee Jones and I are friends, ooh!
Gavin: Are you talking about the first one?
Michael: I recorded him in slow motion!
Geoff: I'm friends with Tommy Lee!
Ray: [quietly] Are you really friends with Tommy Lee?
Gavin: Tommy Lee Jones or Tommy Lee? Ray: Both.
Geoff: I wonder if those guys ever hang out.
Michael: Probably. Gavin: No, never.
Michael: You think people confuse them a lot?
Ray: Do you think Pamela Anderson confuses them a lot?
*everyone laughs* Michael: Probably.
Geoff: I think Pamela Anderson's confused a lot in general.
Ray: [muttering] What a whore.
Michael: Dude, there's a lot- whoa! C'mon.
There's a lot of lava down here.
Gavin: Guck, guck!
Oh, tree! Result!
Ray: Oh, nice, it's daytime.
Gavin: Everything is falling into- y'know I wish the world would load! At some point.
Michael: Listen. You can't have everything you want.
Ray: I wish this game had system link!
Michael: Yeah, no shit. I like how we're all sitting in the same goddamn room except we play on Xbox Live
Geoff: Are we? Michael: Yes, we are.
Geoff: SOME of us aren't.
Geoff: Nah, fuck yeah dude, I'm over uh...
Michael: Yeh? Where you at?
Ray: Where are you?
Gavin: He's at Fragger's house.
*Ray and Michael crack up and Geoff chuckles quietly*
Ray: Ha, it's funny cuz it's true.
Geoff: I can FEEL it. Gavin: *singing* Can you feeeel it?
Geoff: Diamond there's- diamond is right around the corner.
*monster sound* Michael: Oh, I hear monsters and it scares me.
Geoff: Man, I wish I could find coal!
Michael: I'm not even sure what diamond looks like. I've never even seen it.
Geoff: It's blue!
Ray: It's light blue.
There's dark blue, fuckin' stupid shit nobody wants.
Gavin: I would say it's more... cyan.
Ray: Arright, well.
Gavin: Orrr... Michael: I'm gonna fuckin' punch you in your stupid face.
Ray: *scoffs quietly* Still goin'.
Geoff: You're a TURDquoise.
*pity laughs* Ray: [sarcastic] Got 'em!
Geoff: That doesn't even make any sense.
Gavin: *quietly laughs*
Geoff: I'm mad at myself for saying it.
Michael: I'm glad Ray yelled, "Got 'em!"
Gavin: Alright, I am finally gonna craft some...
Gavin: [to himself] C'mon, what'm I doin'!? Don't crouch!
Geoff: Why do you make the stupidest noises?
Michael: Yeah, why do you HAVE to sound like a fucking idiot all the time?
Gavin: Uhh, thuh, ss...mm.. Fear.
Geoff: Is your goal in life to sound like the dumbest motherfucker on the planet?
Michael: Mission accomplished!
Ray: Well, it makes sense. There was some fear, guys.
Gavin: *making weird kung-fu noises in the background*
Gavin: [agreeing] There was some fear.
You better back off! You...
*laughs* That spiders gettin' minged on a piece of cactus.
Geoff: Where ARE you, Gav?
Michael: I found flint. What the hell would I do with this?
Gavin: You can make a flint and steel and... Geoff: Set you on fire.
Geoff: ...set Gavin on fire.
Michael: You can make a WHAT?
Gavin: Flint and steel.
Michael: What is THAT?
Gavin: It's like a fire starting device.
Michael: Oh shit! I'm gonna fuckin' set your ass on fire!
Gavin: Yeah, you gotta find iron first.
Michael: I already have iron.
Gavin: Oh! Do you?
Geoff: Do you really?
Michael: Do you see how far down I am?
Gavin: Oh, f- crappin'.
I haven't even made a pickaxe yet.
Michael: I lied. I don't have iron. Gavin: Oh.
Michael: I'm sure it's sitting around here somewhere.
Gavin: Alright! I'm gonna dig like... nobody's business.
Geoff: My favorite part about this is I am nowhere near you assholes.
Gavin: I, I can't believe... yet again!... I've lost track of people.
I wish I'd just followed you when we started.
Michael: I'm just fuckin' punchin' blocks.
I haven't built a single god damn thing.
Ray: Oh, really?
Yeh, it's a skeleton archer. God damnit.
Gavin: *laughs* Ray: Whut? Oh.
If oooonly I had fucking coal.
Ray: Yeah, no shit. Found a wolf. Anyone need that achievement?
Geoff: No. Ray: Okay.
Michael: Whoa, what achievement?
Geoff: The wolf achievement. Ray: Befriend five wolves.
Michael: Oh. Yeah, I don't have that, I don't give a shit.
Geoff: You WILL give a shit.
Michael: I won't. ...Unless you tell me to. Then I will, boss. Geoff: *chuckling*
Geoff: Uhhh, Michael? I'm gonna need you to give a shit.
Michael: *clears throat* Given.
Gavin: Did you ever get yelled at in school for not giving a crap?
And saying it out loud.
Michael: I unno. Ray: No.
Michael: Probably wasn't dumb enough to say it out loud, I just did it.
Ray: I was a good student.
Gavin: Were you?
Never got detention or anything.
Geoff: I want... coal!
Michael: God damnit I keep falling down this fucking hole!
Ray: Whoa, shit.
I almost just died.
Michael: Oh my god it takes forever to punch sand.
It's fuckin' sand!
Ray: Is it really?
Gavin: Are you talkin' about sandstone? Geoff: Make a shovel.
No, this is sand.
Gavin: But sand sits on sandstone.
Michael: Mm, okay but I'm punching sand.
Geoff: You guys have the best conversations.
Michael: I don't give a fuck what you're talking about,
I am punching a block of sand,
I don't give a shit if it sits on human feces
it's still SAND that I'm punching.
Gavin: You was floatin' up and down punching between two blocks...
Michael: No! It was sand! Shut up!
Ray: If you like human feces I just made a video about that, you should check that out.
Gavin: Yeah, it's true. Michael: Well,
PART of it's about feces.
Ray: Are we bad people for promoting- Gavin: OHHH!
[away from mic] BOLLOCKS!
*Michael laughs wheezily*
Michael: Did you fucking set up a cactus garden and walk into it?
Gavin: [very indignant] No! I was uh... Oh! I am right here!
Ray: [mocking Gavin] Oh!
Gavin: I di- uh. I mm. Everyone, everyone chill out cuz it's fine.
Ray: Okay, sorry. Michael: Okay, Gavin.
Ray: We were a little outta control there.
Gavin: Nope! I take it back. I thought this was my house, but that's not my house.
Geoff: You got a house?
Geoff: Why d'you have a house?
Gavin: Didn't I dig into here?
Geoff: You're lookin' for diamond.
Michael: Are you, uh. Fuckin' drunk?
Gavin: No! That was my original-! Uh okay, I've got it.
I got really confused there cuz...
Gavin: [mumbling] Cuz of all the confusion.
Ray: Oh, did you.
Gavin: Y'know, if- OH CRAP someone-
*everyone laughing and shouting* Geoff: Who the fuck is, heh, Cobra Gunners!?
Michael: Cobra Gunners joined the game! Ray: [incredulous] Cobra Gunners!?
Geoff: How do I kick him out!?
Michael: Yo, 'sup, Cobra Gunners!
Gavin: Aah! He's- look at 'im! He's right here, he's wearing a kilt!
Ray: Your nickname is stupid, kill yourself!
Michael: Dude! Naagh, mm... is he capturing his video too?
Michael: Cuz I'm not putting his fucking ??? on.
Gavin: [shouting at Cobra] HEY! Idiot! Ray: Everyone say hello to the newest Achievement Hunter.
Gavin: [continuing to shout] We're doing a let's play, you chump! Get out!
Michael: He can't hear us, numbnuts.
We're, we're on headsets.
Ray: Geoff, hit the back button, it pulls up the players, and then you just, uh, kick him.
Geoff: Okay, I'm, I'm sorry about that, guys. I uh, it turns out I, uh, forgot to set it to private.
Ray: Oh, Cobra Gunners, no!
Ray: By the way, the party's also open so people can just join.
Gavin: That guy is famous as hell now.
Geoff: Dude, I am gonna... fuuuucking win... Michael: Yeah, you are!
Geoff: ...as soon as I find some FUCKING COAL!
Gavin: Where did all my stuff go?
Has anyone seen like a bunch of stuff?
I bet bloody Kerbal Gunners, or whatever his name was... oh, there we go.
Michael: Kerbal Gunners.
Geoff: KERBAL Gunners?
Michael: His name was Cobra, you stupid shit.
Gavin: Oh, uh, heh heh.
Ray: Yeah, Kerbal!
Gavin: Ohhh, where are! Where are my sticks!? The ONE thing I need...
Ray: [mocking Gavin] Hngh-gh!
Geoff: Dude. I. Can't fucking find coal!
Gavin: What is it with this iron?
Geoff: Why is it so hard!?
Gavin: I got plenty of coal, I just don't have any sticks.
Geoff: I'll trade you some coal for, uh, sticks.
Gavin: Uhhh... Michael: Don't be doin' that.
Gavin: Yeah, do that. Ray: No.
Geoff: I'm not gonna do that.
Geoff: You'll never fucking find any...
Gavin: Who needs torches? I've got lava.
Michael: What the FUCK did I make an axe for?
Ray: To cut down trees!
Geoff: Why would you cut down trees? There's no, there's no trees in uh... Trees don't have diamond.
Michael: Are you sure about that? Geoff: Mmhm.
Ray: You don't know that.
There goes my argument.
Geoff: *laughs* Gavin: I'm using my, uh, initiative right here.
Geoff: [matter-of-fact] I would like to find some diamonds.
Gavin: I have never seen a cavern like this. It is absolutely...
It's just a chunk! Like a four by two, two by...f...two...what?
Michael: A four by two by two by four by two by four by two by five? Shut the fuck up, moron!
Ray: I like how he stops himself, "What?"
Gavin: [still struggling] A two by two... Geoff: Why... are you makin' a cabin instead of finding diamond?
Gavin: I'm not makin' a cabin! Whuh, who's got a cabin?
I think I might be onto something here.
It's, this is the most dangerous... plummeting jump of all time.
I, I might make it.
Ray: Really. Gavin: Yeah.
*takes a breath*
I'm on fire, I'm on... Geoff: Did you just say "Habsid?"
Gavin: I'm on... *laughs and then shrieks*
Gavin: I've... might have... Oh! There's water! WOOO!
*Geoff's wheezy laugh*
Geoff: You're fuckin' retarded.
Gavin: I am saved. There's obsidian!
Dude, this is the... this is bad-a...
Ray: Nice. Gavin: Oh ho ho.
Ray: How much diamond do you got over there?
Gavin: I've got no diamond, I do have half a heart of health- augh pff shh!
Geoff: I'm gonna find diamond before I find fuckin' coal.
Ray: Well then, you- Gavin: AUUUGHH!
Ray: -then you don't really need to worry about the coal, Geoff. Michael: It's not really BAD, Geoff, is it?
Gavin: Oh, coal. Coal.
Geoff: You fuckin' brag about coal and I'm gonna come over there and I'm gonna ram it up your butthole.
Ray: Neh heh.
Gavin: Do I have anything? I've got NOTHING.
I'm surrounded by all this awesome ore and I've got smeg-all to do it with.
Ray: Oh, hey, I found coal.
Geoff: Fuck. You guys. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm havin' to burn up trees to make fuckin'... torches.
Ray: Ahh, I did the same thing, don't you worry. Gavin: Pff! You're burning trees?
Trees are the most valuable resource in the world.
Geoff: I KNOW THAT.
Geoff: I'm not happy about it.
Michael: He didn't sound happy, you hear 'im?
Gavin: So, I have to MAKE the pickaxe... out of diamond. I can't just look at diamond and say I won.
Gavin: HUP! Fuh... that was okay.
Good lord, it's dangerous down here.
Michael: It's fuckin' dark is what it is. I don't like it. It's scary.
Geoff: [mocking Gavin] Ohhhh... Gavin: [away from the mic] ANUS!
Geoff: What's wrong, buddy?
Gavin: [still away] I'm not gettin' anywhere!
Ray: What happened THIS time? You die?
Gavin: I've, I've found all this cool ore, but there's just so much lava and crap...
Geoff: Well, you don't need cool ore, you need fuckin' one ore.
Gavin: Yeah, I'm- Michael: He needs cool ore, Geoff.
Ray: It's gotta be the coolest of ALL the ore. Michael: [whining] I need cool ore!
Michael: *laughs* You're a prick.
Gavin: Pff, YOU'RE the prick!
Geoff: Ohhh! *everyone making various "Got 'em!" noises*
Ray: He fuckin' turned that one around on you. Geoff: Eeeech.
Ray: Might as well just kill yourself now. Michael: Got me there!
Ray: It's over.
Geoff: That was... rough.
Ray: Gavin, you gotta calm down over there with the insults.
Gavin: It's just me, a block of dirt, and a cavern of danger.
Geoff: Why is there no fuckin' coal!?
Gavin: Can someone deliver me some wood?
Ray: I'll... walk over to your desk and hit you in the face with my wiener, if that's what you want.
*Geoff laughing* Michael: *snorts* Okay?
At least he's gonna deliver.
Gavin: Where the crap did that come from?
Ray: You asked, and I responded.
Gavin: What did I ask for!? Did I-
Ray: You asked for wood.
Gavin: Did I pass out, ask you a question, and then wake up right before you told me?
Gavin: Cuz I don't remember asking that.
Geoff: Come on diamond, come on diamond, come on diamond, come on diamond.
Oh great! More fuckin' iron!
I don't need iron!
Ray: You might.
Michael: Don't you!?
Geoff: I've got like forty of 'em!
Is that coal? That's coal!
Ray: Hey, redstone. That's good for nothing.
Actually it's kind of cool cuz it acts as a torch.
Geoff: Yeah, it does, it's cool.
Gavin: What's a torch?
Geoff: Redstone. Acts as a torch. Ray: Redstone.
Gavin: It doesn't, really.
Ray: No. Yeah it does. Geoff: Yeah it does.
Ray: Just lit up this whole area. Michael: [sarcastic] Doesn't really. Shut up.
Gavin: Redstone's so much dimmer than real light.
Ray: Sorry to gaff your fonk (???)
*Michael snorts and Geoff chuckles*
*more quiet laughter* Gavin: Oh, Geoff really liked that one!
Tell it to him again, Ray!
Michael: You don't, you don't know... how dumb you sound. When you say things like that.
Gavin: Well, you sound like Joe Pesci.
Michael: That's fine.
*Geoff giggling* Ray: Whoa man! He got you good!
Ray: Fuckin' Joe Pesci over here.
*Gavin laughing quietly*
Ray: What a stupid insult. Geoff: I LOVE it.
Ray: Yeah? Yeah!? Well you sound like Joe Pesci!
Geoff: How 'bout them apples?
Ray: I'm dumb!? No, you're dumb!
Ray: Geoff's gettin' a little, uh, too comfortable over there. Geoff: I used up all my coal already.
Michael: Yeah, he was doin' that, uh, last time too.
Ray: Anybody t-
Gavin: UUUAAGH! Damn!
Ray: I found bedrock, I win!
Geoff: I wasn't paying attention...
...and I used up all my coal.
Michael: Already!? *Geoff groans*
Geoff: Shut up!
Michael: You just FOUND it!
Ray: Yeah, what the fuck'd you make?
Geoff: Well, I made a lot of fuckin'...
a lotta shit.
Geoff: * loud, anguished groaning*
Michael: Where'm I GOING?
Gavin: *quiet, anguished groaning*
Ray: Good noise.
Gavin: What's your best zombie noise?
Ray: [very quietly] I don't... have one.
Gavin: [equally quiet] Oh.
Geoff: Aw fuck.
Ray: Sorry to disappoint you. Michael: Is that a question you have pre-loaded...
...for like, people that you meet?
Gavin: Yeah. I, I loaded it in just now and then I shot it right at you.
Michael: Yeah, but you didn't. Cuz you asked Ray, not me.
Gavin: I just, I was aiming at you, I just missed and got Ray.
Ray: Collateral damage.
Geoff: I regret hiring you guys sometimes.
Michael: Is it mostly during the let's plays?
Geoff: It's really, it's when we, kinda, it's sometimes when you guys have a conversation.
Gavin: You gotta be careful of those.
Michael: Why doesn't Geoff euruvurrr wanna hang... jsufujuh? I had a stroke.
Ray: That's alright.
Michael: I was gonna say "Why doesn't Geoff ever wanna hang out?" Ray: Those are common in my life.
Michael: Eh, fuf, what!?
Ray: Have you HEARD me speak?
Michael: It's true.
Gavin: I haven't.
Michael: Well, not KNOWING it's pronounced "coupling" instead of "coopling"...
...fucking up is two different things.
Geoff: COOPLING! Gavin: What's "coopling"?
Michael: Ray thought, uh, coupling was coopling.
Geoff: It's in a video.
Gavin: Oh really?
Ray: It's fuckin' funny.
Gavin: So, if you have a girlfriend, you're a "coople"?
*Geoff laughs* Michael: Yeah!
It's uh, apparently, apparently, yeah.
Ray: That was the example given to me after the video was made. I'm like ohhhh...
*Gavin and Michael laughing*
Gavin: You'd never seen... Had you never said the word "couple"?
Ray: I'd never seen or said the word before.
Geoff: He's also never had a girlfriend, so.
Geoff: Why- Michael: WHOA!
It definitely didn't get brighter when I found bedrock.
Geoff: Oh! Ooh!
Gavin: You haven't found bedrock. Michael: Ah, not bedrock, I meant redstone.
*Geoff still ooh-ing*
Ray: Ah, I think Geoff found something.
Ray: Bucket of lava? I'm on my way.
Michael: Fuckin' lapis loozeelee?
Ray: That's, that's blue stone. *Gavin laughs*
Why's it have a name like that? Ech, just cuz they're pricks.
Michael: Lapis is blue, bro!
Can I make a weapon out of lapis loopees?
Ray: No, it's only meant for decoration.
Gavin: *chuckling* You can make a block though.
Michael: Dude. That's... sounds... pretty awesome.
Gavin: A big blue bloCK.
Ray: Yeah, that'd be great.
Gavin: Ray! Michael: Found a shitload of coal that I have no use for.
Geoff: Knock it off with the coal-talk.
Michael: No, I'm fucking literally bathing in it.
Geoff: Oh my god, more iron, c'mon. Michael: I don't know where I AM!
Geoff: Why is there so much iron!? Michael: Dude, that's gotta be terrifying. If you're just like, diggin'...
...'n you're like nine million feet underground and you can't even see the fuckin', like, sky anymore?
Like I'm gettin' scared and it's a goddamn video game.
Ray: Like those Chilean miners?
Geoff and Gavin: Too soon.
Ray: They all surviv-... Too soon my ass, they all survived!
Gavin: One of them was havin' an affair, and now his life's ruined.
*Michael bursts out laughing*
Ray: Isn't his life better now, like, didn't he... I dunno. Whatever.
Shoutout to affairs. Michael: Did he have an affair with one of the miners!? When down there?
"We're not gonna make it outta here, Steve."
Gavin: *startled laughter*
Ray: "Now I want you to take that pickaxe..."
*quiet laughter* Geoff: Sick!
Ray: OH OH OH!!!
Michael: Wow. Ray: We're good. We're good. Problem solved.
Gavin: Be careful, you almost overreacted to something.
Ray: Nothin' to see here.
Geoff: OOH OOH! Coal! Ray: Alright!
Geoff: Ooh boy, I finally hit the fuckin' coal goldmine. The coalmine.
Michael: Is this uh, am I back to DIRT?
What the HELL?
Geoff: Hey, wait a minute!
Geoff: Really? You fuckin' prick.
*snickering* Michael: What'd Gavin do?
Gavin: How'd you know it was me?
*Geoff sighs* Michael: Who else would it be?
Geoff: Who else would flood my fuckin'...
Michael: I dunno where the hell I am, where I started...
Ray: Oh, I have no idea where I am.
Michael: [whispering] What is this? Ray: I'm committed to this area.
Michael: Oh, oh, I've yet to reach fucking iron but I'm at bedrock.
Ray: Oh. That's unfortunate.
Looks like you found a bad area.
Geoff: Hey Gavin!? Michael: You think?
Geoff: How 'bout you go fuck yourself?
Gavin: *laughs* What's goin' on? *then laughs some more*
Geoff: How 'bout you go to hell... and fuck yourself.
Michael: In hell. Ray: Fuck!
Geoff: You've separated me from my fucking crafting table, from my fucking...
Michael: Did he kill you!?
Geoff: No... He's bein' a fucking- he just tried to flood me out.
Gavin: *offended snorting*
Geoff: He's a fuckin' pin-
Geoff: -a pinge-y little minge-y.
*snorting and Gavin spluttering* Michael: A "pinge-y little minge".
Gavin: [scoffing] I dunno what that means.
Michael: Welcome to our world, everyday life. Geoff: Yeah. Conversate any. Uh. Welcome to any conversation with Gavin.
Geoff: How 'bout you go find your own fuckin' mine?
Gavin: I'm lookin' for diamond down here! This is where I-
Ray: Heh, in Geoff's mine? Geoff: Through- In my mine!?
Michael: There is nothing but cobblestone!
Gavin: This is where my adventure took me.
Ray: Hhyeah. Michael: Shut the...
Geoff: Y'know what'd be funny? Gavin: Oh!
Michael: This is fucking depressing. Geoff: If you went and fucked with Michael or Ray.
Gavin: I did, I di- I lost... both of them. Michael: You do know where we are.
Geoff: How'd you find ME?
Gavin: Uhhh... you lit up the island in the middle of nowhere.
Geoff: Oh, right.
Gavin: It was like a beacon of truth.
Michael: ...of Geoff.
Geoff: If I turn around and there's more fuckin'-
Gavin: Oh, you muggy little... gump.
Ray: C'mon c'mon c'monnn. Gavin: You've mined upwards.
Geoff: Hm hm, yeah. Ray: Stop lagging.
Geoff: Hard to fl-hard to fuckin' flood me out when I'm above you.
Gavin: Hard to fard to what?
*Geoff and Gavin laughing*
Michael: Whoa, whoa! What the fuck?
Gavin: Hard to fart?
Ray: Dude, it's really hard to fart sometimes.
Michael: Dude, my walls are pitch black.
I can't see shhhhit.
Gavin: This block shouldn't be there!
Michael: YOU shouldn't be there.
Ray: Fuckin' got 'im! Geoff: Wooooohoohoohoohoohoo...
Geoff: That... really wasn't funny... Ray: [agreeing] Mmyeah, it was... Michael: Yeah, I know.
Ray: I CAN'T open up my CHEST!
Gavin: That's what she said.
Geoff: Why- Michael: *sighs* Why would she say that!?
Ray: Yeah. Geoff: That makes no sense. Ray: Like under what context would that be appropriate?
Gavin: Like mental patient or something?
Ray: You're a mental patient.
Michael: Dude, I, I literally dug to the bottom of the fuckin' earth.
I saw Brendan fuckin' Fraser, like, in the center of the earth with those two stupid kids.
And I did not find a single fucking piece of iron.
Ray: Did you ask him? Maybe he had some.
Michael: Dude, have you seen him? He ain't doin' shit lately, he haven't done nothin'.
He's fuckin' fat too.
Geoff: Yeah, he is. Ray: Dude, The Mummy 4, it's gonna happen.
Michael: Mummy 4 *makes weird moaning noise*
Gavin: Nah, I'm waitin' for George of the Jungle... 9.
Ray: Well, they have to make 2 through 8 first.
Gavin: Did they not make George of the Jungle 2? Ray: I don't think so.
Michael: He's gonna need like a fuckin' steel cable to swing from so his fat fuckin' ass doesn't break the fuckin' vine.
*Geoff cracking up*
Michael: Fuckin' tubs.
Gavin: *cackling* "Tubs"!
Geoff: FUCK Brendan Frasier.
Gavin: That guy is an action hero.
It's, it's, it's "Fraser".
Ray: Is it?
Michael: Not "Frasier", he gets mad about that. Geoff: Oh, you guys don't know Brendan Frasier?
Michael: No. I don't.
Geoff: Ah, he lives in... *trails off*
Michael: Common mistake, happens all the time.
Geoff: Did I lose all my iron?
Geoff and Gavin: No... Michael: [sarcastically] YEAH! More fucking lapis!
Gavin: That'd be IRONic ;)
Michael: Geoff just said "Blow". Ray: BLOOOWWW. Michael and Gavin: For no reason.
Ray: Don't wanna brag, guys, I just made an iron hoe on accident.
*Geoff bursts out laughing*
Ray: Thought it was a pickaxe. It was not.
Michael: I uh... Ray: I'm gonna do some farmin' down here, I hope you don't mind.
Michael: I'm pretty fuckin' upset about the lack of iron I have goin' on here.
I don't even know where, where the fuck the SKY is anymore.
Geoff: Who's blue, by the way?
Michael: Good question.
I'm wearin' a black suit... Geoff: Then somebody answer the question.
Who's got blue above their name?
Ray: I dunno, can you check that?
Michael: Yeah, how do we see our names?
Ray: Yeah, you can't...check. Michael: Can't see our own names.
Geoff: YOU can't...
Michael: You're right, I- Gavin: Oh, you can pause your progress on a block.
Michael: What!? Gavin: What.
Ray: I'm gonna keep my iron hoe for good luck.
Michael: I ain't know what the hell I'm doin'... I'M TRAPPED.
I'm fuckin' trapped underground.
I have nowhere to go.
Ray: I'm sorry
Michael: Uhhh... someone...
Ray: Save you?
Michael: Uh, no. I, I don't know if Gavin blocked me in or just this isn't the way I came from, I'm not sure.
Did you fill me in? At all, Gavin?
Gavin: I've NEVER filled you in.
Michael: That's weird.
Gavin: You're weird.
Ray: Geoff, you still need coal? I've got a shit-ton of it.
Geoff: Nahhh, I got a lot. I found a bunch. Ray: This block is just spawning in front of my face, that's cool.
Just mined the same block of coal like eight times.
Geoff: Gavin, you're not comin' to fuck with me again are ya?
Geoff: *long-suffering sigh*
Michael: Which WAY DID I COME IN!?
Ray: I dunno.
Gavin: Why don't you just check the footage?
Ray: ...Shut the fuck up.
Gavin: OPE! What the f- What the hell just! Whoa!
Oh, I'm fine.
Geoff: Oh, gold!
Michael and Gavin: *snorting*
Michael: Was just a funny way you said that.
Gavin: Ohhh, gozz!
Michael: That was not funny.
*Geoff sighing quietly*
Ray: Arright, I win.
Michael: Are you serious!? Geoff: What!?
Ray: Yeh, look.
Geoff: No y'don't.
Ray: Yeah! Geoff: No y'don't.
Ray: Look! I win! I'm just gonna keep teabagging cuz, cuz I win.
Michael: See, here's the thing...
Geoff: No y'don't.
Gavin: We started off friends...
Geoff: You don't win. Michael: So, so how close are you, Geoff?
Geoff: No y'don't.
You don't win.
I can feel it.
Gavin: I can feel it too.
Ray: Geoff's uh, still digging; I'm holding the pickaxe.
Michael: So... we're cutting out Ray's audio at this point...
Michael: ...and we just won't cut to his video?
Geoff: Hold on a second. So what happened? Ray you say you have uh...
Gavin: Oh. Uh, lunch!
Geoff: ...you have it?
Ray: Are you gonna kick me from the game cuz I w-
Gavin: Ray went to lunch!
Ray: That would be very rude.
*Geoff and Ray laughing*
Michael: Brown Man has left the game. *Gavin cackling*
Geoff: AW FUCK, RAY LAGGED OUT!
Alright, I guess we'll have to keep goin'.
*Michael and Ray laughing*
Gavin: Ah! Bedrock!
Ray: Geoff, do you... did you forget that the game is open so I can just re-join!?
Michael: [sternly] Ray! How do you know that!?
Geoff: So are we... so.
Michael: Ray won. You lost.
Geoff: I don't wanna... Michael: It's, it's 1:40, can we please stop playing Minecraft? Geoff: I DON'T WANNA ACCEPT THIS!
Michael: Can we PLEASE...
Geoff: I wanted to win!
Michael: ...stop playing Minecraft.
It's almost two o'clock, I'm hungry.
Ray: Look at me dance, I'm so happy I win. I'm, I'm pretty proud of myself.
Geoff: [sullen] This was a stupid idea.