BURNIE: Hello everybody, and welcome to a very special
episode of "Million Dollars, But..."
Live! Hey everybody, how's it going?
[Cheers and applause]
BURNIE: Well joining me are Mr. Gavin Free
Mr. Blaine Gibson
Alright, well Gavin
For the first live show, why don't you start us off?
GAVIN: I would love to
Million dollars, but...
BURNIE: Lotta money
GAVIN: Once a week, you wake up and your penis is off
and, you have to find it in a pitch black room full of sausages
GAVIN: Basically, it'll end, when you think you've got your penis in your hand
and you'll be like: "This is it."
If it's not it...
You've got a sausage for a dick, for a- for a day. BURNIE: No!
BURNIE: Here's what I'm worried about...
I'm gonna think that in my head, it's way bigger than what it actually is
GAVIN: [Laughs] Yeah!
BURNIE: And I'm gonna come up like this:
And I'm afraid that I would have like, an eighteen inch long
kielbasa for a dick
GAVIN: I think they would run it back for you
Be like, they would show you the playback
of you... throwing your penis over your head and they'd frame by frame
like: "See there's the helmet."
BLAINE: Fucking sports center?
BURNIE: And it's like, Tyler Coe commentating
TYLER: "Oh he's approaching the penis..."
Oh! No, he went left
He's after a cocktail weiner
He seems happy
BURNIE: You could train your dog to... sniff out penis
It gently picks it up and brings it to you
GAVIN: and you've got a slobbery dick
BLAINE: That's great! Cause then he's like one of those service dogs
you could wear one of those vests and it's like
"Seeing penis" dog
GAVIN: Would you do it?
BURNIE: Yeah, I'll take the money
GAVIN: Are you kidding me?!
BURNIE: I would totally do it
GAVIN: Not doin' it, not a chance
BLAINE: I'll do it, I'll do it
BLAINE: You get a million dollars, but..
Your limbs can regenerate...
but... they fall off super easy
BURNIE: Oh my god
BLAINE: So say you go up,
"Hey! High-five man!"
Arm falls off
Say you're going for that field goal
You kick the ball extra hard,
Leg falls off
GAVIN: Can I wear like a suit of armor? Like a knight?
BLAINE: No I mean that's fine
You can walk around in a suit of armor, I think that's gonna help
GAVIN: So, how long until they're back?
BLAINE: Say like, a good hour
BLAINE: And then thirty minutes later you just have these tiny little baby limbs
With little itty bitty hands and fingers
Imagine too, you're running late for a meeting
And you just happen to bonk your head on a cabinet or something
So then you like step into the meeting
and you're just like tiny Burnie
[High pitched] "Sorry I'm late guys."
BLAINE: Would you take the money?
BURNIE: Not takin' the money
GAVIN: Yeah I'm takin' it, I'm totally taking it
BLAINE: Uh... I'm not takin' this one
BURNIE: Million Dollars, But...
for the rest of your life your adult teeth are like
that last day before you lose a baby tooth
They're all that loose in your head all the time
BURNIE: They regrow back in a couple of weeks,
But then they're immediately loose and hangin' there in your mouth again
BLAINE: Augh, so then you get into a bar fight...
and then it's just like, you're just spitting out every single tooth
GAVIN: You sneeze and kill someone!
It'd be like, it'd be like a shocker!
BLAINE: This is fine! You just get like a bad-ass grill
Start a rapper career
You're good to go!
I'm also imaging you know you're in the kitchen,
And it's like you have strings going to every cavity
GAVIN: You're like every cupboard is going
BLAINE: You slam them all...
I think I'm gonna do it.
BURNIE: How 'bout you? Million bucks.
GAVIN: I'm not doin' it.
BURNIE: I'm not doing it, you're insane dude
I don't know why you would take that
BURNIE: So! Since this is our first ever MDB live, we thought
it would be great if we could take some scenarios from the audience here at RTX Sydney
And it looks like, we have our first scenario here
MONICA: So the scenario is, Million Dollars, But...
Every day at a random moment,
You have the uncontrollable compulsion to burst into a Shakespeare style monologue
About whatever's happening
BLAINE: I'm just imagining, you're in your grocery store
And then suddenly, boom! You're in this like, weird Shakespearean outfit
And you're like: "To bag, or not to bag?"
"That is the question!"
GAVIN: Can I just armor up?
BURNIE: What is it with you and armor? You're in armor all the time!
MONICA: What is it with you and armor?!
GAVIN: Look, we've already bought the suit of armor for the other one
Let's use it again, let's get our money's worth
MONICA: Imagine you having a really emotional like, challenging conversation with
your partner, and monologuing about it like:
"Little does she know that I've slept with another person!" BURNIE: Ah, that's awesome
And it all fuckin' comes out
BLAINE: She's in the background like: "What the fuck did you just say?"
MONICA: [Laughing] Yeah, exactly!
BLAINE: "I'm sitting right here!"
I'm takin' it.
BURNIE: Yeah, I'm doin' it
GAVIN: Naw, I'm good. BURNIE: Nah
KATE: Million Dollars, But...
One day every week, your knees will bend the opposite direction
GAVIN: [Groaning] Augh!
BLAINE: That's cool as hell
You'd look like a fuckin' velociraptor
Can you imagine like the moment that the transition happens
Like you look at someone at the grocery store and then your legs bend backwards
and then you go "Bwelelelop!"
The guy's runnin' for his life!
BURNIE: Like the guy runs into another aisle
And he's goin' down the aisle and Blaine's head appears between box and he's just like
[Gasp] "Clever girl."
BLAINE: Gavin, I don't think that you can do this scenario because
think of your suit of armor
GAVIN: [Laughs] I'd just be like this!
"Ow!" [Burnie and Blaine laughing]
BLAINE: Easy money, I'm absolutely doing this one
BURNIE: Uh, yeah I think I might do it
GAVIN: I would do it, I would just play video games that day
I'd flip my legs over my shoulders and just play some Halo
TIARNA: You get a Million Dollars, But...
everytime you sneeze something in the room around you would fall over
BURNIE: Would fall over?
TIARNA: It can be breakable or non-breakable
However, if you're outside it could be a building, or a person
GAVIN: That could, that's quite a gamble!
BURNIE: They're an old lady with a walker and like you can sneeze
and she goes down like a ton of bricks, y'know?
GAVIN: What, what if you fully stifle the sneeze?
Like a... [stifled sneeze]
Would it just be like...
BURNIE: It has that wobble
I'm outside... and I get tree pollen in my nose and I'm like
"Oh I gotta sneeze."
The tree falls over and all the pollen goes "poof!"
And I'm like: "Oh shit."
Then half the city block falls down after that
BLAINE: Takin' it?
BURNIE: That's an incredible power, I would take it
GAVIN: I'd probably take it
BLAINE: I'm not takin' it
BURNIE: Alright, well!
Thank you for joining us on this episode of "Million Dollars, But..."
We want to thank the audience at RTX Sydney for joining us for this very special MDB Live
Thank you everybody!
[Cheers and applause]
BURNIE: And don't forget, if you like this video be sure to check out all the other episodes
And check out our card game at mdbgame.com