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Practice English Speaking&Listening with: Tech Week #1: Koronawirus - to wcale nie jest śmieszne

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We have to find an answer to a very important question.

Good evening.

That wasnt it, of course. We need to ask ourselves a question

of whether we want to live like Chinese people.

By the way, this is a map

that tracks live how many people

are infected with this new Chinese virus.

What? If there are websites with live footage of people...

piloting aeroplanes,

why cant there be a website

with live footage of an illness spreading?

And its really a live count,

the statistics have changed since my last visit.

So, 42 people died,

39 people recovered,

1438 confirmed cases...

In France...

For now, France seems to be Europes only representative,

from what I can see. There are three confirmed cases there.

And here you can check the statistics in respective cities in China.

Well, not only in China.

You can check how many cases have been confirmed,

how many people are under observation...

Its a pity there is no live camera feed, so that we could literally watch someone get worse.

I think we, as Poles, would be the most zealous fans of this sport.

Gambling sites would jump on the bandwagon right away.

Edwin! That Chinese guy on whose recovery you bet 50 quid... Has he died?

But I can clearly see that hes not moving.

See? Hes being taken away already.

Mate, the fatality rate of this virus is like 4%,

you had a 96% chance of succeeding.

Im never taking the same elevator as you.

I dont think this is insensitive. Im a very sensitive guy, you know.

Probably some fatso took a pratfall here

and they just went and closed the ride.

Lets just add that the website showing how many, where and how fast people are dying from the coronavirus

has been created by American scientists, obviously.

But we were supposed to ask ourselves not how to die like Chinese people,

but how to live like Chinese people.

So its not about the coronavirus,

but about the measures taken by the police in Great Britain.

In England. Well, in London.

There, the police are to deploy facial recognition cameras

that will monitor people on the streets in popular parts of London

and compare pedestriansfaces

with known faces of exceptionally dangerous criminals.

Allegedly, this would help the police arrest said wrongdoers.

Which is only logical, because dangerous criminals

never forgo strolling leisurely in the most popular places that theyve read up on in all the British media

as being packed with facial recognition cameras.

Oh, and one more thing. All those criminals will be strolling there

without any caps or sunglasses.

Mate, criminals dont read.

Stupid criminals dont read, but those are not dangerous, because theyre stupid,

maybe except for some idiots that have become dangerous criminals by accident.

Dangerous criminals are dangerous because they are smart,

so they are bound to read, and less threatening idiots wont be on the list,

so I cant even...

In reality, its all gibberish that its a trap for dangerous criminals,

its a trap for us... I mean for you... Poland for Lon... London for Poles!

For you,

who simply walk down the street and slap a random guy on the face,

because hes been a bit too nice to your girlfriend.

I talked with Chinese people

who dont slap anybody, because they are so afraid

of the cameras watching their every step.

I asked them about their opinion about said cameras, and they were like...

Well, as long as I dont hurt the party, the party wont hurt me, right?”

Now thats very convin... No! Its not convincing at all!

Even if we take into account that European countries are democratic,

so, at least in theory, less authoritarian than the communist China,

which is...

There are more idiots in democracy, so idiots vote for idiots,

and thats why the person who would be responsible for facial recognition cameras

is probably the very same guy

who got his sandwiches laced with your cats poop back in the school days,

and he stuffed his mouth without realising that something was off,

and he wouldve never learned about it, if it werent for the fact

that school pranks like that are rarely kept in secret for long.

And such people dont forget,

even if the guilty sick bastard of a cat has long been dead.

Such a guy can throw your entire family into jail

for illegally importing products for sale from China,

whereas you simply bought your girlfriend a handbag...

by Louis Versace.

Im making things up right now, but you know what I mean, its stupid.

And why is it stupid?

Because the British had been testing this system for like... three years.

And independent studies have shown that in over 80% of cases,

the system matches innocent people to possible suspects.

So its efficiency rate is like 20%.

Less efficient than that

is only the coronavirus from China, but that too is probably just a matter of time.

So the situation is fairly clear.

On Friday evening, you walk down the street, cameras spot you,

send a signal to the police, the police arrest you,

you forgot your wallet,

you dont have your documents on you,

so you cant prove that youre not the guy the cameras think you are.

Subsequently, you spend the entire weekend at the police station,

on Monday, they take you to some VIP guy who stares at you and...

Nope, definitely not, hes not Marek.

Marek was... Id recognise Marek with my eyes closed.

This is some kind of mistake.”

Well, it is a mistake, you go home, but that weekend couldve been different.

For example, you couldve spent it with a half-humanoid robot.

Now riddle me this: “What is a half-humanoid robot?”

Its a humanoid robot without legs.

But dont get too excited, you probably wouldnt have spent a weekend with it anyway,

because Indians are planning on sending it into space.

I wasnt joking when I mentioned the legs.

Vyommitra, because thats what the robot is called, is able to communicate with astronauts,

entertain them and do work for them.

Under the condition that the work in question doesnt involve legs, heheh.

This time, however, it wont have company, as it will go into space by itself... herself.

In an unmanned spacecraft.

And its not that other Indian astronauts... we know how this sounds...

argued that this half-humanoid robot cant be a real Indian because of the lack of legs.

And that if someone doesnt have legs, they cant work at Uber Eats.

Its that the previous Indian mission to the Moon...

didnt have... well, the smoothest of landings.

Or Ill just call a spade a spadethey crashed.

Well, they did land all right, but crashed so hard

that if they had had a robot with legs, it would have broken them.

So maybe thats the idea behind the half-humanoid robot.

And since were already talking about...

a questionable way of delivering things that should be delivered...

I brought up this issue in my live program in LA...

Listen, we all knew...

I knew while buying this smartphone that Escobar wouldnt send it.

And that was an argument in the discussion.

I mean I spent all that money so that if someone says...

Oh, Escobar sends those phones for sure,”

I would be able to answer, “No, mate, I bought one and it hasnt been delivered.”

But you still ask me about this matter.

Your faith in the integrity of retired Columbian mafiosos is really touching,

so I must state it once again, loud and clear:

I havent received my foldable smartphone from Roberto Escobar,

and most likely never will.

But Mati went to the Polish premiere of a foldable Motorola.

Its similar in the case of the new Razr.

This phone too is quite impressive, especially the way it folds...

and unfolds...

This phone is solidly built.

The video was brought to you by Mateusz Jeznach.

I mean, their microphone really broke down as they were recording.

But on the other hand... That is, on the hand of the YouTube browser,

we can see that the first impressions of this phone were published like two months ago.

So I concluded that we wouldnt make a video entitled

First impressions by Klawiatur,

just two months after all the other first impressions you can find online.”

So Mateusz went there only to take a couple of photos and make a short video,

so that we could use them to...

Unfortunately, Mati got us such high-quality footage that...

Im not sure if the problem lies in his photography artistry and film-making virtuosity

or in the fact that in the pre-production version of their foldable smartphone

Motorola used a camera module from an old Alcatel.

I hope they will fix it before the smartphone goes on sale,

but I dont have high hopes of receiving it for testing

after such fantastic first impressions.

But the fault lies not with me, but with the first impressions, they simply arent great.

Maybe thats why Samsung doesnt allow anyone

to take photos or make films with the use of its cameras...

I mean its smartphones... I mean its smartphonescameras,

during said first impressions.

By the way, S20 premieres...

in slightly over two weeks.

Mati is going to the pre-premiere meeting, so we have a lot to look forward to.

I know from certain sources

that the camera in S20...

still doesnt work the way it should, so it may be interesting.

When was the last time youve been to a Bose store?

The company that manufactures various audio elements, I mean audio products.

When was the last time youve been to a Bose store?

There you have it.

Because if you had visited a Bose store, they wouldnt be closing them all right now.

Bose is shutting down all brick-and-mortar stores in the USA, Europe, Japan and Australia.

Stores in China, the UAE, India, South Korea and Southeast Asia will stay open.

The closings are to take place within the next several months.

So your closest Boses store will soon be a bit farther away than it is now...

Well, not like you visit them anyway, so...

But you wont be able to buy the best audio sunglasses right off the bat.

Because in my opinion, Bose makes the best audio sunglasses.

These too are audio sunglasses that youve seen in my footage from CES.

The Chinese were so kind as to send them for testing.

They are pretty cool, at least aesthetically-wise,

since they are a combination of a pimps sunglasses straight from the80s with...


You can order them for 110 USD on Kickstarter.

They kind of remind me of Lech Wałęsa. Beats me... why.

They have some advantages.

First of all, they are a lot cheaper, over two times cheaper than Boses ones.


Unfortunately, their audio quality is two times worse, minimum.

I mean, if you like clear sound,

you certainly wont become friends with those sunglasses.

Maybe Ill review them on... I dont know, Instagram.

Because doing it on YouTube would be a little...

That being said...

There is a chance well become friends with this camera.

Unfortunately, I got it in the standard version,

so it is not the 1-inch edition,

but the ordinary one.

Its a wide-angle camera, but not thewowone.

And heres a 360 one...

This version is called... What is it called?

Fortunately, we can check what it looks like.

I said it was a grave threat to GoPro,

so well compare it to GoPro, especially when it comes to lag and freezing.

And Im not sure whether I should review said camera

or this egg drone, egg 2.0, if you will,

because its already the second version of the egg drone.

The previous version of the egg drone...

Well, lets just simply forget about it, because we dont need this energy now.

This is the egg drone.

Those are the arms, propellers and engines of the egg drone.

Everything is waterproof.

Here is a special waterproof case.

We were waiting for the rain,

but well have to make do with a watering can or a fire hose...

Well, maybe not a fire hose, but an ordinary one, well see.

So, should we review the drone in this weeks episode

or the camera?

Actually, we could make a survey. The drone or the camera?

What should we test this week?


No one is too old or too popular among guys

whose best sex experience was with their own cousins

to set online trends, as Dolly Parton demonstrated this week.

Dolly tweeted four pictures of herself...

You all know what happened next, you also probably know how it began,

I dont even know why I am telling you this, maybe you dont use Twitter.

Anyway, I spent like half of my Saturday, following this hashtag,

so I basically spared you the toil, as its not exactly a barrel of laughs,

rather a load of crap, but at any rate...

Social media departments from different companies concluded,

Yay, well do it as well, this idea for real-time marketing is awesome.”

Its not.

Various people, Twitter users,

have decided that with the advent of 2020 you can finally admit publicly

to having a Tinder account... and not being ashamed of it.

Yet others have concluded that...

Im not two... four-faced, Im exactly the same on all portals.”

I observed only one interesting trend related to this challenge that I sort of liked,

namely all those older ladies from Facebook...

seem to have signed up to Twitter only to post those four pictures,

thanks to which for the first time ever, at least from my perspective,

I happened upon such tweets asYoure such a cutie pie, Bertha xx.”

I suppose thats it for today, class dismissed.

Oh, and dont download this app for taking 3D pictures.

Unless you have a nicer mug than me.

Well, you probably do.

Okay, so... Have a bearable week.


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The Description of Tech Week #1: Koronawirus - to wcale nie jest śmieszne