Practice English Speaking&Listening with: Pandasong and Escualo: Maartje & Kine at TEDxDelft

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Transcriber: Els De Keyser Reviewer: Matthias Valvekens

We are Maartje and Kine

and today is World Animal Day - Yay!

(Laughter)

And we want to play a song for you

about the panda, because the panda

is about to go extinct --

it's a very sad fact --

because it refuses to have sex.

A phenomenon we don't know here in Delft,

I think, all the male -- (Chuckles) (Laughter)

anyway, you have to imagine

the giant panda sitting --

(Music) Sitting in the jungle

on its big panda ass,

slow and fat and lazy,

chewing bamboo grass.

Destined for extinction

like in Darwin's law.

The joke of evolution,

the giant panda.

They refuse to reproduce.

They'd rather be dead.

They have the starfish syndrome

lying lifeless in their bed.

They're all watching panda porn,

but not to their delight.

Despite their new HD TVs

it's still in black and white.

(Music)

The panda lady masturbates

only with bamboo

she is the main attraction

of every Chinese zoo.

She'd rather be celibate.

She's saving all her eggs.

She'd rather fake a headache

than spreading her legs.

All the pandas will be gone.

E-I-E-I-O!

They just won't have some bedroom fun.

E-I-E-I-O!

They won't fuck here

and they won't fuck there.

What the fuck - don't you fuck What the don't you stop fuck!

All the pandas will be gone.

E-I-E-I-O!

(Music)

(Public clapping) (Music)

The last of the black-and-whitians

never had a chance.

The panda man forgot

about the little johnny in his pants.

'Cause if you mix two pandas

there simply is no way

that black and white will give you

fifty shades of grey.

(Laughter) (Music)

Panda panda panda --

'cause once in the white and black,

you'll never come back!

Panda panda panda

'cause once in the white and black,

you'll never come back!

(Applause)

Thank you!

Oh, wow! We've got one more song.

We are a Dutch comedy duo

so the song you just heard

was actually our first one in English --

that was a big step for us.

But we started out as classical musicians

and as a classical musician, you are not supposed

to write anything yourself,

because it's not going to be as good as Mozart anyway --

and it probably isn't --

but like the motto 'Do try this at home',

we started making our own songs,

which you just heard.

And we want to let you hear something

from where we started.

So this is Astor Piazzola,

Escualo - The Shark.

(Growls)

(Laughter)

(Music)

(Applause)

Dankuwel!

Thank you!

The Description of Pandasong and Escualo: Maartje & Kine at TEDxDelft