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Practice English Speaking&Listening with: Ali Siddiq Ladies Night Out • Part 1 | LOLflix

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IN ORDER TO SAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP, FELLAS, WE GOTTA START BEING WHO WE ARE, MAN.

LOOK, I'M TIRED OF TRYING TO PLEASE LADIES.

I'M FAT, AND I KNOW IT, AND THAT'S IT.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

IT'S CRAZY, 'CAUSE WHEN YOU FAT MEN, WE DON'T EVEN KNOW WE FAT UNTIL WE BEND OVER AND TIE

OUR SHOE AND COME UP TOO FAST AND SEE THEM LITTLE LIGHTNING BUGS.

LIKE YOU LIKE, WHAT IS THIS?

I CAN'T EVEN CATCH ONE OF THESE LITTLE BUGS.

ALL THE WHITE PEOPLE I WANT TO MAKE SOME NOISE.

WHITE PEOPLE, MAKE SOME NOISE.

THAT'S ENOUGH NOISE, ENOUGH NO I'M SO SICK OF Y'ALL, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF.

I MOVED TO A WHITE NEIGHBORHOOD.

IT'S CRAZY.

I DID NOT KNOW THAT WHITE PEOPLE JOG EVERY MORNING.

RUNNING PAST MY DAMN HOUSE EVERY MOR I GET UP AND LOOK AT 'EM TOO.

I'M LIKE, SHH, LOOK AT THEY ASS OUT THERE, LOOKING ALL REFRESHED AND SHIT.

YOU KNOW, I CAN'T EVEN JOG IN MY OWN NEIGHBORHOOD.

FOR SOME REASON, WHEN I'M JOGGING, I'M RUNNING FROM A CRIME SCENE.

SPANISH PEOPLE, MAKE SOME NOISE.

YEAH, I KNEW Y'ALL WAS HERE.

LOTTA PEOPLE, NOT THAT MANY CARS OUTSIDE.

SPANISH PEOPLE, WHEN THE LAST TIME SOMEBODY BROKE IN YOUR HOUSE?

NEVER.

'CAUSE THERE'S ALWAYS SOMEBODY HOME IN SOMEBODY SPANISH HOUSE.

HOW YOU GONNA BREAK IN WITH SOMEBODY LOOKING AT YOU?

I MET ALI SADDIQ IN HOUSTON, TEXAS, AND WOW.

HIS STORY IS JUST INCREDIBLE.

YOU KNOW, I WAS ARRESTED FOR COCAINE TRAFFICKING.

AND THAT'S HOW I ENDED UP IN JAIL FOR SIX-ODD YEARS.

THAT LOOKS LIKE A HOUSE TO ME.

I KNOW.

IT'S A HOUSE OF WORSHIP.

IT'S A OKAY.

YEAH!

AS LONG AS HE KEEPIN' IT REAL.

IT'S A HOUSE OF WORSHIP.

BUT IT'S MASJID...

AL-MUHAIMAN.

AL-MU-HAI-MAN.

AL-MUHAIMAN, YEAH.

I'M ALL RIGHT, I'M ALL RIGHT.

LET'S GO INSIDE.

AND IF IT WASN'T FOR THIS PLACE, MAN, I DON'T KNOW WHERE I REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW I WOULDA

DEALT WITH YOU KNOW, WHEN I CAME OUT OF PRISON, THIS IS THE FIRST PLACE I CAME TO. AND THIS

IS JUST OUR IT'S HOME.

IT IS.

BASICALLY, IT'S HOME, MAN.

THAT'S WHAT'S UP.

I JUST ALWAYS WONDERED, LIKE, WHAT WAS THE TURNING POINT FOR YOU?

LIKE, AT WHAT POINT DID YOU SAY, "YO, I'M GONNA BE A COMEDIAN"?

I'LL NEVER FORGET IT, MAN.

I WAS ACTUALLY IN THE DAY ROOM.

THIS GUY WAS TALKING.

HE WAS LIKE, "WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WHEN YOU GET OUT OF HERE?"

RIGHT.

AND EVERYBODY WAS SAYING ALL THESE CRAZY THINGS AND, "WHAT I'M GONNA DO IS, I'M GONNA" IT

WAS MOREIT WAS MORE CRIME.

THESE WERE THE ASPIRATIONS OF A LOT OF PEOPLE, AND I WAS SITTING THERE LISTENING, AND I WAS

LIKE, MAN, THIS IS CRAZY.

RIGHT.

I SAW YOU ONDEF JAMIN '91.

UH-HUH. AND I WASN'T LOCKED UP.

THEN I GOT LOCKED UP IN '92.

THEN I LOOKED UP, MAN, YOU WERE ON EVERYTHING.

I'M LIKE, MAN, HE DOING EVERYTHING.

RIGHT.

AND THE DUDE ASKED ME.

HE SAY, "MAN, LI, WHAT YOU GONNA DO, MAN?"

AND I SAID, "MAN, I'M GONNA BE A COMEDIAN, MAN."

WHAT?

JUST LIKE THAT.

I SAID, "I'M GONNA BE A COMEDIAN."

WHAT?!! JUST LIKE THAT, "I SAID I'M GONNA BE A COMEDIAN. AND THE DUDE WAS LIKE MAN GET OUT A HERE!

YOU FUNNY, BUT YOU AIN'T FUNNY LIKE THAT."

RIGHT.

I'M LIKE, MAN THAT'S CRAZY.

FROM JOKES I'M LIKE, MAN.

YOU CAN DO IT.

JOKES ARE JOKES ARE POWERFUL.

JOKES IS CRAZY.

JOKES IS CRAZY.

I WAS GONNA TAKE YOU TO THE CUNEY HOMES, BUT I'M GONNA TAKE YOU BY THE BODEGA.

I DON'T THINK YOU GONNA BE SAFE IN THE CUNEY HOMES, SO NO, I'D LIKE TO GO TO BODEGA.

WE GONNA GO TO BODEGA.

YOU KNOW, THIS IS THIRD WARD.

THIS IS WHERE I'M AT.

THIS IS MY BLOCK, ALMEDA BLOCK.

AT NIGHT, I RUN OVER MY SET KIND OF DIFFERENT THAN THAN MOST PEOPLE.

OUT, AND I SIT ON THE CORNER RIGHT HERE, AND SO THIS WHOLE AREA IS MY IS MY IS YOUR STAGE.

MY STAGE.

THE CAMERAS ARE FOLLOWING ALI TODAY.

HE'S THE STAR.

I'M JUST THE COSTAR TODAY.

I DO JOKES IN ALL THESE SPOTS.

I GO IN AND OUT OF ALL THESE SPOTS.

I GOTTA GET ME SOME HALLS, MAN.

BIG LI.

Y'ALL GOOD?

THAT'S HOW WE GET IT.

THIS THIS RIGHT HERE, SHEA BUTTER, KEEP YOU LOOKING 35.

I DON'T HAVE NO OILS.

SO I DON'TMY OIL GAME SHOT.

I WONDER IF Y'ALL COULD SMELL A LITTLE BIT.

YEAH, IT'S A WRAP ON 'EM RIGHT THERE, PLAYBOY.

AND SO IT'S A LOT OF PRIDE IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD.

YEAH, LOT OF PRIDE IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD.

ALL RIGHT, RIGHT THERE.

THIS IS WHERE WE AT, MAN, YOU KNOW?

LOVE IT, MAN.

TONIGHT, WE GO IN.

BUT TONIGHT IS YOUR NIGHT.

LET 'EM KNOW WHY YOU DESERVE TO BE HERE.

LADIES, YOU GOTTA TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, LADIES, 'CAUSE Y'ALL TRIPPIN', MAN.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH Y'ALL, LADIES.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.

Y'ALL STILL ARE COMING UP MISSING.

I WATCH NANCY GRACE EVERY DAY.

Y'ALL ASS STILL COMING UP MISSING.

MEN ARE NEVER MISSING.

YOU EVER NOTICE THAT?

MEN ARE NEVER MISSING.

YOU NEVER SEE ON THE AMBER ALERT, "CHARLES, 37, MISSING."

WE NEVER MISSING.

'CAUSE FOR SOME REASON, WHEN SOMEBODY GRAB US THAT WE DON'T KNOWI DON'T KNOW WHAT IT

IS ABOUT MEN.

YOU GRAB ME, I DON'T KNOW YOU, IT'S IT'S NATURE.

ALL WE GONNA DO IS, "GET YOUR GODDAMN HANDS OFF ME!"

IT'S EASY.

WOMEN, Y'ALL COMING UP MISSING IN BROAD DAYLIGHT.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

IS SOMEBODY WALKING UP TO YOU, "GET IN THE CAR!"

"WHERE WE GOING?"

WHEREVER YOU GOING, IT AIN'T GOOD, 'CAUSE YOU IN THE TRUNK.

WHEN HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A TRUNK AND SAY, "MAN, WHEN I GET OUT THIS TRUNK, IT'S GONNA

BE POPPIN'!"

LET ME TELL Y'ALL SOMETHING, MAN.

I READ THE PAPER EVERY DAY. AND EVER SINCE THE RECESSION, IN USA TODAY, IT SAID THE RATE

OF SUICIDE HAS GONE UP.

I KNOW THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY PEOPLE 'CAUSE WE DON'T LET BILLS KILL US.

I HAVE NEVER SEEN A BILL THAT'S GONNA MAKE ME KILL MYSELF.

MY LIGHT BILL COULD BE $3 TRILLION.

ALL I'M GONNA DO IS CALL THE PEOPLE, BE, "HEY, I'MA SEND Y'ALL SOMETHING THURSDAY."

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THURSDAY IT'S GONNA BE ON, BUT IT'S GONNA BE THURSDAY WHEN YOU GET IT.

I DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT KILLING MYSELF.

THAT'S CRAZY.

BLACK PEOPLE DON'T THINK ABOUT KILLING THEY SELF.

THAT'S INSANE, 'CAUSE WE KNOW THINGS.

I'M NOT GONNA SHOOT MYSELF IN THE HEAD.

YOU KNOW WHY?

BECAUSE BULLETS HURT.

I'M NOT GONNA CUT MY WRIST.

YOU WANT ME TO CUT ME IN FRONT OF ME?

ARE YOU CRAZY?

HELL, NO! AND I AIN'T JUMPING OFF SHIT.

WHAT IF I JUMP AND CHANGE MY MIND?

I'LL TEAR THE WHOLE SIDE OF A BUILDING UP.

I DONE JUMPED "ALI, WHY ARE YOU ON THAT BUILDING?"

"'CAUSE I CHANGED MY MIND."

YOU KNOW, YOU GOTTA BE CONFIDENT ABOUT YOUR LIFE.

YOU KNOW WHO THE MOST CONFIDENT PEOPLE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD ARE?

LITTLE WHITE KIDS.

YOU EVER SEE LITTLE WHITE KIDS IN THE GROCERY STORE?

THEY WEAR WHATEVER THEY WANT TO WEAR.

THEY WEAR ALL THEY FAVORITE SHIT AT THE SAME TIME.

LITTLE WHITE KIDS AT THE GROCERY STORE GOT ON ALL THEY FAVORITE SHIT AT THE SAME TIME.

SPIDER-MAN PAJAMAS, RAIN BOOTS, BACKPACK, FIREMAN HELMET.

AND THEY'LL COME UP TO YOU AND TELL YOU, "SIR, I AM HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE."

IT'S ONE LIKE, DAMN, THIS LITTLE WHITE BOY IS SO COOL!

FELLAS.

WHEN THE LAST TIME AN UNATTRACTIVE LADY TRY TO TALK TO YOU?

NEVER.

SHUT UP.

AIN'T NOBODY TRY TO TALK TO YOU EVER.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME, CHIEF?

SAM?

LADIES AT THE JOB LIKE YOU, SAM.

IT GO A LITTLE SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

YOU COME IN THE JOB, THEY GO, "GIRL, THERE GO SAM.

GIRL, I LOVE SAM."

"WELL, SAY SOMETHING TO SAM."

"I AIN'T FIXIN' TO SAY SHIT TO SAM."

"WHY NOT?"

"BECAUSE I AM UGLY."

FIXIN' TO SAY NOTHING TO SAM.

LADIES, WHEN THE LAST TIME A UGLY DUDE TRIED TO TALK TO YOU?

EVERY DAY OF YOUR LIFE.

'CAUSE MEN DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT BEING UGLY, SO HE'LL BE, "SAY, SAY, SAY, SAY, SAY, SAY,

SAY, SAY, SAY, SAY, SAY.

SLIM, SLIM, SLIM.

OH, IT'S LIKE THAT?"

AND UGLY MEN SO PERSISTENT.

YOU KNOW, YOU WALKING THROUGH THE CLUB.

YOU DONE ALREADY TOLD HIM NO.

THEN YOU WALK THROUGH THE CLUB AGAIN.

HE SLIDE RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.

PSHHH.

YOU WANT SOMETHING TO DRINK?

YOU BE LIKE, "GET YOUR LITTLE UGLY ASS OUT MY FACE.

GET YOUR LITTLE UGLY ASS" 'CAUSE WOMEN SAY STUFF LIKE THAT TO MEN.

"GET YOUR LITTLE UGLY ASS OUT MY FACE."

YOU AT THE BAR 15 MINUTES LATER.

HE SLIDE HIS LITTLE UGLY HEAD RIGHT BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR GIRL.

ANYBODY WANT THAT DRINK?

BUT, FELLAS, YOU CANNOT LET WOMEN MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE SEXUALLY INADEQUATE.

WOMEN ARE CHEATING, FELLAS.

THEY GETTING TOGETHER IN LITTLE GROUPS, LITTLE GROUPS LIKE THIS, HAVING SEX PARTIES, BUYING

VIBRATORS THAT YOU CAN'T COMPETE WITH.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT PART OF AFRICA YOU FROM.

BUT YOU CAN'T COMPETE WITH SOMETHING THIS LONG WITH AN ENGINE ON IT.

THEY BE IN THE BATHROOM, STARTING THIS SHIT UP.

LIKE, WHAT THE F IS GOING ON IN THERE?

NOW THEY GOT A NEW VIBRATOR, FELLAS.

THEY GOT A NEW VIBRATOR, FELLAS.

A NEW VIBRATOR.

LET ME TELL YOU THE FEATURES OF IT.

IT GO DEEP, IT TURN, AND IT VIBRATE.

SAM, DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID?

IT GO DEEP...

TURN,AND VIBRATE.

WHAT YOU GONNA DO?

GOT YOU IN THE BED DOING STUPID SHIT, TRYING TO COMPETE.

LET ME GET YOU WHAT YOU REALLY WANT. BRRRRRR BRRRRRR

I'M JUST HERE FOR YOU, BOO.

The Description of Ali Siddiq Ladies Night Out • Part 1 | LOLflix