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When we come back, we'll discuss a civil-rights issue.

Loma Vista, California's, seeking to prevent their seaside town

from operating as America's only truly nude city.

Arguing against a town's right to be clothing-free

is frequent guest and legal heavyweight Rachel King.

And on behalf of nudity,

Jared Franklin and Peter Bash.

We'll be right back.

MAN: And we're clear.

Who the hell are Franklin and Bash?

Mmm.

Mmm.

I can't believe that's the real Piers Morgan.

Yep.

You know, his head looks so much tinier in person than on TV.

You think everyone's head's tiny 'cause you got a huge head.

You look like a Mardi Gras float.

He looks good. We got to look great.

Hey, dude, when we're out there, let me sit on the right.

Which right? Your right or the right of the camera?

'Cause your right's actually called "camera left."

Easy, high-school AV Club.

I was the president.

Whichever right shows off my good side.

Which is your good side?

This side.

Three minutes, guys.

Okay. Thank you.

Thanks.

TRISH: Rachel, you okay? Need a touch-up?

Thanks, Trish. I'm fine.

Hi. I'm Jared Franklin. This is...

Peter Bash.

I've heard great things about your work.

Thank you. What happened to Stanton?

His plane's delayed in London.

Oh, that's too bad.

I was hoping to hit from the blue tees.

Ha! That's...

Golf.

Oh.

First time on-screen?

You've haven't seen our old commercials?

PETER: "Franklin and Bash"

BOTH: "We've got your back."

Thumb down, when you do it.

Hey. Hey, you... Big head. Smile.

You've got something there.

What? Where?

RACHEL: In your teeth.

Oh, it's just the space between your incisors.

I doubt it'll show up on-camera.

Just favor your left side.

See you on the battlefield.

Yep.

Hey, dude, you see it?

She's just messing with us.

No, she said left side's my bad side.

Relax.

WOMAN: You go onstage in 30 seconds.

You got it.

Showtime.

Being naked is a... Is a freedom

straight from the womb, Piers.

Uh, to...to ban nudity not only violates

Loma Vista residents' individual liberties...

It also desecrates freedom itself, as outlined by our founding fathers.

It's more than a civil-rights issue, Piers.

You have the right to wear that tie.

It's a great tie, Piers.

Thank you, but you do seem very, very serious, Mr. Bash.

I don't find nudity funny, Piers.

And like that great tie,

my body is my personal property.

And I get to decide my behavior on my property.

And as you can see, this is a real-estate carnival right here.

(CHUCKLES) I'm sure you know what I mean.

Actually, I don't, no.

A city ordinance can't have jurisdiction over my body

without violating my property rights.

Ms. King, isn't it your right not to be exposed

to Mr. Franklin's expression of freedom?

The argument that nudists are merely being human

overlooks our state's obscenity laws.

Nude is not lewd.

Unfortunately, there isn't any legal precedent to back that up.

Mr. Bash? Mr. Franklin?

Barnes v. Glen theater held that...

Barnes held that nudity is not covered by the first amendment.

She didn't let him finish, Piers.

That's not fair, Piers.

I'll bet you can't cite one case.

I can cite 50.

One will do.

We'll bet you whatever you want.

Yeah.

Well, well, it appears we have a little wager here.

What are the terms?

Um, if Mr. Franklin and Mr. Bash win,

I will donate $5,000 to their favorite charity.

(CHUCKLES) This is live television.

Piers has to entertain America. How about this?

If we win, you have to sing We are never, ever...

Ever.

...getting back together by Miss Taylor Swift.

Fair enough.

And if the gentlemen were to lose?

And I'd like to thank our guests tonight,

Rachel King and Peter Bash and Jared Franklin.

That's all for us tonight. Good night.

MAN: And that's a wrap.

Good night, guys.

50, you said. You only needed one.

I was under a lot of pressure.

City of Erie v. Tompkins beach.

Erie would have proved your point.

Too bad you couldn't come up with it when it mattered.

(CHUCKLES)

RACHEL: Gentlemen...

Yeah.

(SIGHS)

Right.

Big fans of the show.

Huge fans of the show.

Hey, is there any way we can get a picture?

Oh, that would be amazing. My mom would...

Hey, hey, hey. Hey, just leave it, yeah?

Thanks.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)

Ooh, what a mixture

If I must say so myself

It's a great thing, I'm telling you.

I've heard from three ex-girlfriends since we were on "Piers."

I've got to figure out how to be on TV naked more often.

Yeah, I'm just saying that if I would have known we were gonna nude up,

I'd have restricted my carb intake the last few days.

Emily called.

Emily?

Yep, she asked if you did neck exercises

to hold up your giant head.

Well, that's pretty low, even for someone your size.

It's accurate.

Your, uh, receptionist brought me back.

I'm your 10:00.

I was causing a little bit of a disturbance out there.

Would you excuse us for one moment?

Just want to make sure there's no more, um, interruptions.

Dude...

That's August West.

The magician. He's played every casino on the strip.

He was just on Conan.

He used to do this trick called "Coffee and cream,"

where he would stand at the top of, like, the Eiffel Tower

or Caesar's palace with a little cup of coffee.

And he's searching. He's looking around...

Oh. For cream?

And then he would disappear

and appear at the bottom like a second later.

It was insane.

You have no idea how lame you sound.

That's August West.

Don't embarrass me.

They're charging me with grand theft.

Yeah, I'd say it's pretty grand.

Stealing a half-a-million-dollar diamond bracelet.

I didn't know you did this kind of corporate gig.

I don't. I wasn't there.

That looks like you, August.

AUGUST: Okay, here it is, guys.

I'm gonna tell you something,

but it doesn't leave this room.

Attorney-client privilege.

And magician's code. I'm a magician.

My most famous trick...

Coffee and cream.

AUGUST: The secret is, um...

I have a twin brother.

Seriously, how do you do it?

His name is Tim.

He appears at the bottom as me.

A twin?

What? Did you think he actually teleported?

(CHUCKLES) No.

So, Tim stole the bracelet.

I'm afraid so.

Okay, okay. Well, this... This is simple.

We just take this to the DA. We tell him that Tim...

I would really rather if people didn't know about Tim, you know?

Look, for me, magic isn't about the money, all right?

It's not about the fame or whatever.

It's about making the audience truly believe

that amazing things can happen.

They find out I have a twin brother, I mean...

Look, I know it sounds a little dumb.

No, it doesn't.

Okay, maybe we can get the proceedings sealed,

and Tim can be tried but not in public.

I don't want Tim charged.

But do you want to go to jail?

If I have to.

Okay, what set Tim off? Why did he do it?

Tim's whole life kind of didn't work out the way he'd hoped.

He's an angry guy. He lives in dive bars.

He blames the whole thing on me.

Well, we have 200 witnesses

that saw August steal the bracelet,

but we can't point the finger at the guy who actually did it.

Well, uh, you said you were a magician, right?

Ah, better... We're lawyers.

I'm both. (CHUCKLES)

You know, I went to your site

to try to get tickets for your show,

but how come you canceled?

Oh, I'm kind of taking a break

from the whole Vegas thing, all that.

Oh, we went for two weeks once.

Came home knowing how to speak Dutch.

(LAUGHS)

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

You know, I'm working on this magic trick of my own.

It's called "The flaming hand of Zeus."

Oh, yeah.

And I can make any item disappear.

We'll call you later.

Maybe we can go to the magic castle together

sometime or something.

KARP: Whoa. Magic castle.

It's shocking that your girlfriend dumped you.

Damien, I thought you got that senior partnership

at Fugate and Towne, but you were...

Hmm.

Oh, wait. That's Hanna.

Hanna. Yeah, I hear she's doing great.

They have corporate jets over there.

Partners get to take them anytime they want.

Oh. Maybe you can hijack that one, too,

get yourselves arrested again.

Oh, wow. Look.

It's the mop who wiped the floor

with your naked asses last week.

PETER: What's she doing here?

Think this has anything to do with our Piers interview?

Rachel, I think you know Jared Franklin and Peter Bash.

Hmm, I'm not sure. Have we met?

Damien Karp. I'm sure you don't remember.

But we worked together on the...

Komatsu merger, 2004.

Yeah. That one worked out all right for everyone.

It did. You were just great on Piers Morgan.

Thank you. I really enjoyed doing that show.

It's relaxing.

If you came here to gloat...

Gloating is for people who aren't accustomed to winning.

Actually, she came on a job interview,

which went very, very well.

(CHUCKLES)

Really?

What?

What? We're working with her?

Nonsense. You're working for her.

From this moment on, we are now Infeld, Daniels...

And King.

...King.

(STANTON CHUCKLES)

Yeah.

Well, lunch?

Lovely.

Mmm-hmm. Excuse us.

Awesome.

We just got poleaxed.

Got what?

Poleaxed.

What does that mean?

It was the word of the day.

We got...

JARED: We don't want to answer to her.

We like answering to you.

You don't answer to anyone.

And after your unsanctioned summer associate weekend in Tijuana,

I decided something.

Tijuana's awesome?

You know, I hired you boys

to shake up the zombie culture,

but I think you've overcorrected.

You can't overcorrect zombie culture.

Well, getting put on felony probation

for forcing an emergency landing of a commercial jet

comes awfully close.

Look, I've had my eye on Rachel for quite some time.

(CHUCKLING) The way she humiliated you on television...

"Humiliated" is a strong word.

"Humiliated," actually, is an understatement.

Look, she's a damn good lawyer.

She's great with the press

and has strong international ties.

Tijuana's international.

It's change, boys... Change.

Don't be like the rigid oak that snaps before the wind.

Be like the supple reed that bends and adapts.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

AUTOMATED VOICE: The force is strong with this one.

The force is strong with this one.

(SCREAMING)

A termite?

PINDAR: I know. I'm still shaking, guys.

Give me something.

They could cause our house to fall down and crush us, Jared.

On the list of organisms living in our house,

I think termites are far down.

Or worse... Entomb us in a coffin of your filth.

I'm gonna make these disappear into the flames of Zeus.

We'll talk about this when we get home.

Okay, yeah, we can't go home...

Not while the tent is up.

Tent?

Pindy, what did you do?

I'm having the house fumigated.

No one can enter for 72 hours.

PETER: Great.

Thanks, Pindy.

All right, check this out.

TIM: Now, uh, stand over here.

Now, we haven't met before, have we?

LADY: Uh, no.

No, I think I'd remember meeting you.

(BOTH LAUGH)

Strong move.

That is a beautiful bracelet.

Now, is this insured?

(LAUGHS)

Uh, yeah, I think so.

I hope so.

I hope so, because I'm gonna make it disappear.

Is that okay with you?

There's the offer.

Yeah. It's okay.

Yeah? Okay.

There's the acceptance.

Boom.

TIM: Can I get a kiss for good luck?

PETER: Wow. Tim looks just like August.

Great. There you go.

All right. Check your wrist.

(GASPS)

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Contract law. She agreed to the theft, so we try it as a civil case.

Let's do it.

I'm about to start assigning cases.

Wanted to give you first shot.

Well, you can assign them to someone else. I'm leaving.

I probably should have left when Hanna did.

I hope this isn't about Stanton hiring me.

Oh, gosh, no. Not at all.

I just, uh... Well, although if I needed any more proof

that he's never gonna hand the firm over to me...

You'll make a great judge.

It's not a national secret.

Well, I have to get elected to the bench first.

You will, as long as you run a smart campaign...

Manage indiscretions.

I... I don't follow.

I play poker with Judge Bayles.

According to her, you did a sleep study a few years ago.

It was recorded and mailed to a few judges.

Everybody masturbates.

You just got videotaped doing it.

I'm... I'm... I'm thinking, but I...

You left your socks on, and you point your toes when you climax.

You know, I was hasty. If you want me to...

Right now, you're not a candidate.

So if a tape like that came out now,

no one would really care.

Okay, why are you telling me this?

The firm has my name on it now.

A former partner on the bench

would only elevate the firm's status.

Well, maybe it never leaks, right?

In the digital age?

There's no such thing as one copy of anything.

Everything leaks.

The only way for you to control this is to leak it yourself.

(LAUGHS)

Leak it myself.

Well, it's not like I kept a copy of it for my Facebook page.

I can't leak it if I don't have it.

But Judge Bayles has one, right?

(SIGHS)

Can I get a kiss for good luck? Just on the cheek.

(LADY LAUGHS)

Great. There you go. All right.

Everybody ready? Check your wrist.

(GASPS)

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

LADY: That was cool. How did you do that?

TIM: I don't know.

(CLICKS)

(SWITCHES TV OFF)

Your honor, I've watched it about 10 times, JFK style.

He goes back to the left, back...

But I still don't know how he does it.

It's a good trick.

It's a great trick.

Now explain to me how it's not theft

and why I should grant your motion to dismiss.

There was an oral agreement between the man on the video

and the owner of the bracelet.

He promised to make it disappear, and she agreed.

And he never promised to make it reappear.

Returning the bracelet feels like an implied part of the contract.

Which is why the case belongs in civil court

so she can sue for the return of the bracelet.

There's no crime here.

We have a contract, too... A written one

between the defendant and Taylor industries,

the company that hired Mr. West to work that night.

Objection... We haven't been provided with a copy of this document.

Because they already have one. Or should.

Their client signed it.

As do all performers who do business with Taylor.

He agreed to "return the premises and all property

"to its original state."

And in case there's some universe where it isn't clear,

it put Mr. West on notice... No stealing allowed.

There's his signature right there.

Mmm-hmm. I see.

Nice signature.

Your honor, may we have a moment with our client?

Take two. Motion to dismiss is denied.

Criminal proceedings to continue. We are in recess.

(GAVEL BANGS)

(SPECTATORS MURMURING)

What's up with them?

Fellow magicians, and one of them asked me on the way in

why I was drunk at the track.

Tim is supposed to go incognito when we're not working.

Do you mind if I, uh...

By all means.

You know, Tim signing as August hurts.

Tim running around as a drunk August doesn't help, either.

God, magicians are cool, huh?

PETER: I bet we don't even have termites.

I don't want to stay in the office another night.

Stay at my mom's.

Oh, my God. Can we?

Hello.

Hmm?

It's 11:30. She's working late.

JARED: Late, alone with the boss.

This is how a lot of those movies start.

Yeah, yeah.

PETER: I don't think this is one of those movies.

No, this could be one of those...

PETER: I don't think... No. No, no, no.

JARED: No, it's not. It's not one of those movies.

You two roomies?

The whole is greater than the sum of our parts.

How's the August West case going?

It's good. Yeah. You familiar with it?

August is my client. I brought him over.

Well, if you know August, then you must know about his...

(LAUGHS) Sorry.

Sworn to secrecy. It's magician's code, you know?

Well, let me tell you about one of my secrets.

August performed in Vegas for 15 years,

and he's friends with Terrence Allen,

who owns three casinos and is now shopping for a new law firm.

That's why we're defending August?

So you can land the bigger fish?

PETER: And if this is such a big deal,

why aren't you defending him instead of us?

It's not that big. If it was, I wouldn't let you two near it.

(CHUCKLES)

What do you want from us?

I see potential.

Thanks.

That's being wasted.

Thanks.

I've heard you talking about the zombie culture.

Let me tell you something... I like zombies.

They're predictable, they never get tired,

and they don't take everyone out for 70s roller-disco nights

on the firm's credit card.

I don't think you get the whole idea of zombies.

Well, I've got class.

You're going to the gym now?

Ballet, Private studio...

Four times a week since I was six.

Does wonders for your discipline.

Win this case.

Well, I guess, uh, we're gonna stay here tonight.

Wow. So much for sleeping with your mom.

Yep.

(THUD)

I'm up.

Hey, tool belt. What are you doing?

Putting up a wall.

Why?

Just follow the work order.

(GRUNTING)

Ah, boys. Come in, come in, come in, come in.

I'm just finishing up my exercises.

There's a wall going up in our office.

We don't think it was your idea.

No. It wasn't.

Make Rachel stop.

I would like you to have this.

I'm not going to be using it anymore.

This is your Masamune sword.

800 years old.

Given to me by a direct descendant.

You love that sword.

I think we're finished.

We're tearing down that wall.

Gentlemen...

I wouldn't if I were you.

This is starting to feel like a job.

Infeld's changed.

Hasn't been the same since he got back from Africa.

Yeah, one thing's for sure...

Whatever protection he gave us is gone.

We're on our own.

Well, his sword is all the protection I need.

You know, he gave that to both of us.

I don't know that.

He handed it to you

'cause you happened to be standing closer to him, but...

He handed it to me because I can handle a sword.

No, it's for us to share.

You're out of your mind.

You know, August said we had to leave Tim out of this.

We're just going in for a drink,

a very early afternoon cocktail.

And if this happens to be the bar

where Tim spends most of his time

and he gives up the bracelet...

Just dumb luck.

Crazy dumb luck.

"Two for Tuesday, well drinks Thursday through Sunday."

Oh, it's got a C rating.

How did we not know about this place?

JARED: C is for classy.

My feet are sticking to the floor.

Yeah, it's good party traction.

TIM: I thought you said you were out of garnish.

(LAUGHS) I'm gonna do it one more time.

This time, a little slower for you.

Reach in there again,

and I'll crush your hand with my boobs. Three bucks.

Vanishing waitress...

Good trick.

Yeah.

Did your brother teach you that?

I don't have a brother, so no.

Oh, what do I feel like having?

Uh...coffee.

With cream.

PETER: Coffee and cream.

JARED: Coffee and cream.

Can we get two coffees and cream, please?

Can we join you?

Yeah, if you're buying, sailor.

August told us about you, Tim.

(CLEARS THROAT) And you are?

His lawyers. Criminal lawyers.

PETER: All right, but if you return the bracelet today,

we might be able to get a deal from the DA.

(CHUCKLES) He really told you about me.

He must be scared, man.

He's worried about you, Tim.

(LAUGHS)

He doesn't want you implicated.

No, no. He just doesn't want his reputation tarnished.

The only thing August worries about

is whether or not he remains a star, believe me.

Well, he's looking at 10 years. 10 years.

For something you did.

Hmm.

You know, I'm a fellow magician,

and it's obvious you and August love magic.

What August does isn't magic.

It's a pageant. (CHUCKLES)

Then why do you do it with him?

'Cause I told him I would.

I promised him after he kind of bailed me out

of some scrape once, all right?

Now he wants me to help him. That's ironic. Yeah...

I don't think so.

You said, "After what he did." What did he do?

Why don't you go ask him?

I am gonna go watch "Bigfoot hunters."

That's my wallet.

(CHUCKLES)

That's real magic. (CHUCKLES)

Well, he's pissed. We got to find out why.

Hey, he just stole 30 bucks...

And my Quiznos card.

I'm gonna call Carmen.

Yep.

So, Tim said August bailed him out.

Yeah, financially.

Or literally.

He kind of seems like a guy who would actually get arrested.

What?

Nothing.

What's up?

PETER: We need you to check something out.

August West's twin brother.

August West has a twin?

Now we have to kill Carmen. That one's on you.

His name is Tim Wesopka.

Just check to see if he has any, uh, run-ins with the law.

Copy that. I'll look into it, but, um, I'm stuck here for a bit.

Where are you?

Trying to find Pindy a place where he can sleep.

PETER: Good luck.

What?

Pindar, what the hell are you doing?

Well, if there is even a single drop

of bodily fluid in this hotel room,

a simple luminol test will reveal it.

Oh, dear God. It's everywhere.

You're standing in it! There's sperm everywhere!

Why? (SCREAMING)

PETER: That's pretty good.

JARED: I know

Yeah.

JARED: August?

What's going on?

I'm pulling your case out of the fire.

I talked to the DA.

Six months jail, three years probation.

Jail?

You're pleading guilty?

Look, it's what's best for me.

No, it isn't. May we please speak with August?

I'll meet you at the elevator.

Wait. This is our case.

No such thing.

Every case is an Infeld, Daniels and King case.

And if it's tanking, it's my job to fix it.

So file the plea-deal paperwork in the morning.

Okay, we're gonna go talk to August.

But let me be clear.

I'm gonna say this slowly so you'll understand.

You are not to talk to August... Not one word.

Sorry. I didn't get that.

No, it wasn't slow enough.

Could you say it one more time? Just a little...

You're on felony probation for forcing a commercial plane to land.

One of the terms of that probation...

Is a monthly report that states our employment here is in good standing.

And Infeld signs off on that.

He did.

Think of me as your jailor.

Because if you lose your jobs here,

that's where you two will end up.

Clearly, Rachel King gets off on power.

Yep.

That do anything for you?

Well, a puppy gets scared and happy all at once,

and then pees the rug?

(CHUCKLES)

We could bail, blow it off. It's a free country.

Not for us, it's not, as long as she's filling out these reports.

Why doesn't she just fire us and get it over with?

Maybe she enjoys torturing us.

Aah. My burrito is cold.

Mine's not. You want to know why?

Flames of Zeus!

You know you stole that, right? I saw it on YouTube.

I did not steal it.

Magicians collaborate with each other.

We stand on the shoulders of our comrades.

We're like a family, a family of wizards.

Hey, guys.

Hey.

So...thank you.

Tim was arrested on November 14, 1987,

in Clark county, Nevada.

87. That's right before they started doing coffee and cream.

All right, so, after Tim promised to do coffee and cream,

August bailed him out of jail?

What was Tim arrested for?

Stealing a wallet.

He's good at that. "That's real magic."

This was all 20 years ago.

What did August just do to Tim?

I wish we could ask him.

But we can't.

But we could do the next best thing.

I don't understand. You want to leak our tape?

It's not exactly our tape.

Well, you did send it to me, right?

Yes, your honor, but that was just a computer error.

You know, ones and zeroes. And I... I... I apologize.

Mmm-hmm.

Who were you thinking of that night?

Relevance, your honor?

I decide what's relevant, Mr. Karp.

Were you thinking of...me?

It was a sleep study. I just... I...

You got me.

Yes, I was totally thinking of you.

Well, very impressive.

Huh.

Your rhythm... Whoa. (CHUCKLES) Ooh.

May I have the file?

(CHUCKLES) Yes, you may.

Thank you, your honor.

After I watch it one last time.

Come on. Join me.

Awesome.

So, you and August came here from Krakow

to do magic together.

For lawyers, you guys sure day-drink a lot.

Worked for Paul Newman in The Verdict.

Here's what we're thinking.

So, we're thinking that August was the one

who was seduced by the bright lights of the strip

while you continued to practice real magic.

And you got mad because August kept ridiculing you

for your street magic,

but then he went on Conan two weeks ago and did your act.

Jump in anytime.

No, you guys are doing great without me.

He called it gutter magic, okay?

I mean, that's the irony.

Tell us more about the irony.

Yeah, why don't you tell them?

Did you invite this guy?

Oh, look... It's two for Tuesday.

I'm gonna grab a drink.

We've been instructed by our boss

not to even speak with him.

Well, I ain't talking to him.

Great. Then you can write me in prison.

Tim, why don't you ask him to say sorry for stealing your trick.

No way.

You should ask him, why not?

Because I didn't steal his trick.

I taught him gutter magic when we were 10.

Is that true?

He didn't steal my trick, okay? He stole my life.

My life story, you know?

Picking pockets to feed myself, to pay my rent,

you know, the life he ridiculed.

And then he does that little piece in, uh, Vegas magazine?

That's the gold standard in magic magazines.

I'll get you a subscription.

And he makes it his story,

because people kind of stopped going

to his, uh, "Pull a Statue of Liberty out of his ass" bullshit,

and I guess now he's reinventing himself... Right? As me.

Hey, Tim, without me, you'd be in prison.

Yeah, but you are, and that's the...

Well, that's the irony.

(SIGHS)

You couldn't... You could have asked, man.

(SIGHS) I know.

I'm sorry.

(SIGHS)

Well, I don't know what you want me to do.

Should I give the bracelet back?

Returning the bracelet's

gonna be seen as an admission of guilt.

PETER: Yeah, I mean, this is a mess, guys.

It's great progress what you're doing here,

but the DA's gonna want to have his scalp.

Well, come on. I mean, there's got to be a better way.

How would you like to do your magic again

in front of an audience?

What audience?

PETER: One of the toughest there is...

A jury.

(SNORING)

(HORN BLARES)

That's so funny.

You get any sleep?

Well, between the Indie band practicing till 3:00 am.

And the raccoons having sex in that trash can...

It seems like everybody's getting laid but me.

(CHUCKLES)

I think it was two raccoons.

It might have been a raccoon and a cat, which is unnatural.

They all seem to be having a great time.

I'm pretty sure that trash can was home to a threesome

between a cat, a raccoon, and a skunk.

And a rat went in, too.

Okay, that's gross.

I don't know what it was doing.

Listen, I talked to the tenting company.

Yeah, they're gonna be here in an hour.

They're gonna get rid of the tent,

and we can all go back in.

Actually, they won't be here till midnight. Sorry.

Carmen, I haven't been in my room in three days.

Three days!

(GUITAR TUNING)

It's the Indie band.

Okay. Chemical dissipation from the tent is at 99.845%.

Statistically, that is safe. I need to moisturize.

Touch me. I'm reptilian.

(CAR ENGINE STARTS)

(TUNING CONTINUES)

I'm going in.

Damien, do you have a moment?

Uh, not really. What's up, Ron?

I just want to say you are an inspiration to all of us.

Okay. All of whom?

The southern California Onanism society.

Onanism?

We're serial masturbators.

Thanks to your tape, I've decided to go public with it.

Are you kidding me?

There's a meeting this Friday night, Red lobster, Burbank.

Our keynote speaker dropped out.

If you could come...

This conversation is officially over.

The exterminators have been in my... In my room.

Sorry, Pindy. It was either them or the bugs.

Termites will be gone, but God knows what's replaced it.

I'm gonna sterilize everything.

Yeah, well, knock yourself out.

Hey, what's this?

Ooh.

It's Jared's flame of Zeus flash paper.

Don't touch that.

Seriously.

I'm about to go for a run.

Bye.

Have a good run!

(EXHALES SHARPLY)

(GASPING)

Was this your plan?

Excuse me?

My tape did not exactly fade into obscurity.

Be patient.

It was tough for Bill Clinton those first few months, too.

Eliot Spitzer, Anthony Weiner.

Those guys...

Were brought down hard by scandal but recovered.

The stigma of that tape will fade at exactly the right time.

I'm all about the long game, Damien.

Hmm. You really know your way around this stuff.

I could use some help.

Stick around. I'll give it to you.

Mr. West, good to see you.

Your guilty-plea papers.

Thought you'd want to take a last look.

Glad you could make it, Tim.

Ready for the performance of a lifetime?

Here they come.

I understand Mr. West has decided to plead guilty.

Our client has had a change of heart. No deal.

Mr. West, you don't accept this deal, and I can assure you,

I'll be asking for jail time when you're convicted. And I'll get it.

Just one second.

Hi, I just wanted to say I'm really, really sorry

about our little misunderstanding.

There's no misunderstanding. You stole my bracelet.

We're going in.

You good?

I'm a little drunk.

Define "a little."

Let's find out.

EVERETT: And what did Mr. West do after your bracelet disappeared?

He disappeared.

He said he needed some air. He never came back.

Thank you. No further questions.

Allison, were you a fan of August West

before you went to watch him perform?

(CHUCKLES) Yes.

Were you secretly hoping

that he'd pick you out of the audience as a volunteer?

Yes.

Yeah, you looked pretty excited on that video.

I know I would have been.

Um, yeah, I guess I was.

In all that excitement, are you sure that

the bracelet was taken at all?

Yes, I'm sure.

So between the time it was taken and right now,

you haven't had it?

No.

Really?

Objection... Acting incredulous

and saying "really?" Isn't a question.

Sustained.

I'm getting ready to shut this down

unless you go somewhere real fast, Mr. Bash.

PETER: Ms. Burien...

I notice you're wearing a bracelet today.

No, I'm...

Can you show the jury your wrist?

Objection. What kind of...

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Do you recognize that bracelet?

(CHUCKLES) Yes, it's the same bracelet

I was wearing during the trick.

The same bracelet you say was stolen.

No further questions.

JUDGE JACOBS: Order! Order! Order!

(SPECTATORS MURMURING)

Who took my gavel? Bailiff!

You were right. Magic's pretty cool.

The defendant is a showman.

He's also a thief.

He made the bracelet disappear,

and the fact that it reappeared on Ms. Burien's wrist

can be reconciled in one of two ways...

One, the defendant returned what he had stolen,

which is an admission of guilt,

or, two, it's magic.

And, ladies and gentlemen...

There is no such thing as magic.

(CLEARS THROAT)

No such thing as magic?

Is that the kind of world you want to live in?

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Objection, your honor.

Mr. Everett just said there's no such thing as magic,

so what's he so worried about?

Withdrawn.

Thanks. You can be my volunteer.

May I?

Thanks, again.

In a world where we can't believe in a lucky rabbit's foot

or love...

Or a handkerchief disappearing into the flames of Zeus...

Whoa.

JARED: Uh...

(CHUCKLES) Damn.

Uh, buddy, buddy?

Want me to tag in?

It's okay. It's okay.

(BREATHES DEEPLY) Oh, magic.

You'll have to excuse my partner.

We're both romantics.

And while I love him for this, in this case, he's wrong.

We live in a world of facts.

Sometimes things appear to be magic...

Always losing one sock in the dryer,

a perfect sunset,

the earth being round.

But there are facts behind those things.

And the salient fact in this case is that Ms. Burien proved

she didn't know where her bracelet was.

Was it gone?

On her wrist the entire time?

Doesn't matter,

because that's reasonable doubt that it was ever stolen.

Reasonable doubt.

That's enough to acquit.

(LAUGHS)

I guess there is magic.

It's our legal system.

It's you.

Counselor, I think...

You dropped something.

Or did you doubt the great Franklin and Bash?

JARED: Knock-knock.

Who's there?

Another, not guilty.

(LAUGHS)

You are so good at screwing up that trick.

(LAUGHS)

Was I not clear

you were to cease all communication with August West?

We won the case, in case you didn't know.

But that wasn't your question, was it?

We didn't talk to August.

Of course you did. You were in court with him.

Were we?

August has a twin.

Who told you?

You did just now.

Great poker face.

Damn it.

You're a fantastic magician.

I am a fantastic magician. I am a fantastic magician.

Am I interrupting?

Of course not.

So, I just heard

that we put your casino owner,

Terrence Allen, on retainer.

Congratulations. Great work. Well done.

Can we take this wall down now?

No.

Well, I think we've proven that we work better together...

Have you ever summarized minutes of corporate audit meetings?

I don't understand anything you just said.

You will.

I'm having the boxes sent to your separate offices.

I need them by 8:00 a.m. tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

Or I could get in touch with your probation officer.

Tomorrow morning.

Tomorrow morning.

Stanton.

Gentlemen, I'm late.

I have an appointment at the dog groomer's.

You don't have a dog.

No, but I've always wanted to groom one.

PETER: Are you okay?

It's just, lately, you've been acting...

Uh, different.

You know, we just want to make sure you're okay, like, physically.

(LOUD THUD)

(CHUCKLES) Does that look like an infirm old man to you?

Hmm?

No.

Mmm.

PETER: Dude, I'm blind.

Well, walk it off.

I don't want to have to do this summary stuff by myself.

( PUMP IT UP PLAYS)

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

So, August, you're gonna dress as Tim now.

Well, I'm dressed as Tim

so I can celebrate with my brother today.

I... I... I'm totally confused.

Good.

To magic.

To magic.

To magic.

(GLASSES CLINK)

(CELLPHONE VIBRATES)

It's Pindy.

WOMAN: Excuse me.

I was arguing with my girlfriends over there.

Let me say... You are all way too pretty to be arguing.

You just want me to be quiet.

Are you August West?

Yes, uh, he is.

Could I have your autograph?

Yeah, sure.

Do you have something I can sign or...

Mmm-hmm.

Uh, let's see. Uh, do you have a preference?

Uh, right, right boob.

Okay.

Okay.

TIM: All right.

Thank you.

Yeah. Here's your pen.

(CELLPHONE VIBRATES)

It's Pindar.

Again?

I booked us a six-month stint in Vegas.

We may to have to work on our, uh, fan decorum a little bit.

Yes, uh, this was my, uh, last appearance as August West.

I booked us as the Wesopka brothers.

Wesopka brothers.

As a magician, I approve.

You're not a magician.

I am a magician.

Everyone toast. I am a magician.

Harry Potter was based on me.

Yo! Call for either of you.

Guy's freaking out.

Pindy.

Excuse me.

Excuse us.

You guys both should take it.

Pindar.

Pindy.

What?

Hey, Peter. How are you?

PETER: We're good.

JARED: Great.

We're great. What's going on?

Classic "Good news, bad news."

The good news... The house is termite-free.

And we know that. What's the bad news?

(CHUCKLING) Okay, it's actually kind of funny.

Uh, you know how they use phosphine

in, uh, uh, termite fumigation?

No.

Pindy, this isn't funny at all yet.

Turns out, uh, nitric acid,

which is in some of my, uh, personal cleaning supply,

uh, becomes very unstable

when it comes into contact with phosphine, which...

Pindar. Pindar.

I burned the house down.

I can hear the music, but I can't hear you guys anymore.

Hello?

Did you hear what I said? Burned the house down.

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