Practice English Speaking&Listening with: 3 Ways My Childhood Screwed Me Up

Difficulty: 0

- Now don't let this title confuse you, okay?

'Cause when I say three, I mean three out of 700.

(horse galloping)

What up, everyone?

It's your girl, Superwoman.

(fun upbeat music)

And I had a very blessed and privileged

childhood with wonderful parents.

Alright, now that that's out of the way.

Yo, straight up, that ish screwed the F up.

I mean, in the end, aren't we all

messed in our own special way?

- [Television Echo] In our own special way?

- Pfft, not me.

- Here are three ways my childhood turned me into a weirdo.

Number one, expiration dates.

Here's the thing, right.

Growing up, and even to be honest, currently right now,

my parents simply do not believe in expiration dates.

My parents believe that if you wash

your hair on Thursday, it's bad luck.

My parents also believe that if you're leaving a house but

someone sneezes, that's a sign that you should not leave.

But tiny dates on food that prevent you from getting sick?

Hell nah, don't be ridiculous.

Why am I so close to the camera?

I'm like all up in your face.

I'm like, hello!

This is my video!

Just back it up, Lilly, back it up.

I just zoom out.

I just like, I don't wanna F up the

video though, you know what I mean?

Ugh, anyways.

Frig, okay listen, just go to the skit.

Do the swipe thing.

(playful music)

(loud smacking)


- Okay, mom, what are you doing?

- I'm putting Ovaltine powder in milk.

- Why does it sound like you're building a house?

(loud breath)

- It's just little bit hard.

- Okay, that's probably because it's expired.

- Huh, expired?


- No, when air hitting the powder, it get little bit hard.

- Okay, the air isn't Medusa, mom.

Let me check the date.

- Huh, it's bloody brand new.

- Okay, this says it expired in 2015.

- What?

No, 15 is month.

- No, it says June, 2015.

That's more than a year.

- Oi, nothing happen in just one year, okay?

- It's expired.

- No.

- Yes, it is.

- No.

- Okay, this is not my opinion.

Okay, this is a fact.

(loud banging)

- These things just estimation, okay?


- Look, this perfect now.

- And because of this, as an adult, I now too don't believe

in expiration dates and I don't take them that seriously.

To be honest, it's more of like a pride thing.

Where I'm just like, yo, who the F

is this bread to tell me what to do?

Like hold on, hold on, let me get this straight.

Shhh, shhh, shhh.

Okay, I bring you into my home, I refrigerate you,

and you're gonna give me orders?

Don't make me cut you.

You see what I did there with the bread and the cutting?

'Cause that's what you do anyways.


This is why I'm in the comedy section of YouTube.

Go ahead and subscribe.

Number two, sex.

Or lack thereof.

Now it's no secret that in Indian culture,

the subject of sex is a little bit taboo.

And to be honest, it shouldn't be because

there is so many Indians in the world,

and clearly, we're comin' from somewhere.

You know what I'm sayin', you know what I'm sayin'?


But because of that, growing up, I never got the talk.

As a kid, everything I knew about sex

came from school and rap music videos.

So I was like, okay, boys have cooties.

Also, girls eat a lot of lollipops?


My ear just popped, goddamn.

And to be honest, even right now, if you ask me

for like an accurate description of what happens

during sex or like childbirth or like booby milk,

I wouldn't be able to tell you.

True story.

When I was in grade school, I overheard some kids and they

said the words "jerking off," and I was like, what the F?

For the next whole year, I legitimately

thought that boys could jerk off their penis.

Meaning they could like take it off, detach it

from their body with a jerk-like motion.

I swear to you, I'm not making this up.

I actually thought.

Oh my God, I was a moron.

'Cause that's not true, right?


I mean, I still haven't had the talk, I don't know.

Hold on, let me check Google.

I was right, that's not how that works.

I legitimately thought this was a thing.

I thought men were walking around with their penises

in their briefcases and I had so many questions.

I'm like, what if it pees in there?

Also, like how do you keep it alive if it's not...

Do you have to like water it?

I was just so confused.

Also, what if they forgot it somewhere, where they're

just like, oh let me just jerk off my penis,

leave it over here, and then they forgot it.

Is there like a find my penis functionality?


Yeah, but you know what, I found comfort in

the fact that I wasn't the only idiot in my class.

Yeah, my fellow brown friend,

she was equally as confused as me.

She thought that masturbate was a synonym for master plan.

Yeah, listening to her organize anything was a lot of fun.

Number three, respecting my elders.

Now I'm all about respecting elders in the sense

that if I was on a bus and an elderly woman came

onto the bus, I would get up and give her my seat.

However, I don't believe that we should respect

everything someone says just because they're older.

Because let's be real, being older doesn't

make you a good person or a smart person.

Growing up though, I had no choice because I was taught

that age defines how much respect you should receive.

So if you were older, you got more respect.

And after age, it was sex.

So if you were like 50 years old and a man

whose penis was not in his briefcase, you're golden.

(playful music)

- So, how you are, Lilly?

- I'm good.


- What grade you are now?

- I finished school six years ago.

- Huh, grade six?

- Yup.

- Good, good.

You know, Preety?

- Lilly.

- Oi, shhh.

Don't be rude, okay?

- Huh?


You know, Preety, my grandson,

he always on computer using the Facebook.

- Cool.

- You know, first I was little bit mad,

but then I thought, look how many people

using the Facebook because of him.

- I don't get it.


- He made the Facebook.

- He made the Facebook?

- He made the Facebook.

- Your grandson?

- Yes, he wrote the book.


- No, he didn't.

- Yes, yes, he did.

And he also made the Snapshot.

- Snapchat, and no, and no.

- Yes, sorry, sorry, Chatshot and the Facebook.

- No, no, he invented neither of those.

- Lilly, show some respect, okay?

- What, but what she's saying is wrong.

- Whatever Auntie say is correct, okay?

- Okay.



- Thank you. (laughs)

You know, everybody in his

home school class saying he genius.

- Wow.

Wow, huh?

- Awww.

Dave, Dave, come here, come here.

- Okay.

- Sweetheart, tell everybody how

you make the Facebook, come on.


- I put in an email address and a password.


- Amazing, bloody amazing.

Lil, you should try like this sometime, huh?

- I'll try.

- Good job, son.

You making us all very proud.

- Thank you.


- Genius!

- Mm yeah, nice to meet ya, Mark Zuckerberg.


- Who?


(dramatic boom)

(fun upbeat music)

- Hey!

I hope you enjoyed this video.

If you did, give it a thumbs up.

And I actually mean that, like actually give it

a thumbs up if you like it because I wanna know

if this was a good video or a bad video or I should

make more videos like this or just delete my channel.

I wanna know, give it a thumbs up.

Also, if you wanna check out my vlogs,

they're right over there.

That is my second channel and I do it on a daily basis.

So check that out.

My last video is right over there.

Just go ahead and click like.

Other than that, if you wanna pre-order my book, the one

that was featured in this video for a little quick second.

That promo, 'do.

You can do so by clicking the link in the description.

There's also an I in the corner of your screen.

If you click that, it'll take you to my pre-order page.

Just go check it out.

Go check it out and if you don't like it, close it.

That simple.

Other than that, you can subscribe 'cause I make new videos

every Monday and Thursday, and I'd love for you to be here.

I hope you had a great day.

One love, Superwoman.

That is a wrap, and zoop!

- No, you know what bloody happened.

Let me tell you, okay?

You just moved to LA and you become too modern, okay?

Expiry date, huh?

Get out of here, go drink your latte, huh?

The Description of 3 Ways My Childhood Screwed Me Up