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Practice English Speaking&Listening with: Family Guy - Road to Rhode Island

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( dogs barking )

EXCEDRIN HEADACHE NUMBER ONE: PUPPY MILL.

AAH, DAMN.

HEY, DOES ANYONE HERE HAVE THUMBS?

AN-ANYONE?

NO? AAH!

UH, SORRY, I DON'T PLAY.

HEY-HEY, COME ON. KNOCK IT OFF.

HEY, HOW'S THE FLOW TODAY?

HEY, HEY! WHOA, WHOA!

UH, MOM, MOM, DO SOMETHING!

MOM! MOM, HELP!

MOM!

AND THAT WAS THE LAST TIME I EVER SAW HER.

WELL, BRIAN, I THINK WE'VE STUMBLED ON

THE ROOT OF YOUR PROBLEMS.

YOU HAVE ABANDONMENT ISSUES.

YOU NEED TO CONFRONT YOUR MOTHER AND DEAL WITH THIS.

WHAT ARE YOU, CRAZY?

FOR GOD'S SAKE, MY EYES WERE BARELY OPEN

AND SHE JUST, SHE JUST GAVE ME AWAY.

WELL, IT'S HER LOSS, RIGHT?

YEAH, I TURNED OUT GREAT, HUH?

AM I RIGHT? RIGHT?!

YEAH!

YEAH, YOU BET YOUR ASS I'M RIGHT!

YOU WANT TO ARM WRESTLE?!

COME ON, RIGHT NOW!

BRIAN, HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING?

NO.

( exhales and sniffs )

BRIAN, YOU REALLY SEEM TO BE ENJOYING YOUR WINE LATELY.

IT'S ONLY MY SECOND GLASS.

DAD, IF BAD MEN BROKE INTO THE HOUSE

AND THEY HAD GUNS

AND THEY PUT A GUN UP TO YOUR HEAD

AND MADE YOU CHOOSE WHO YOU WANTED TO LIVE, ME OR MEG

WHO WOULD YOU CHOOSE?

OH, ASK YOUR MOM.

I'M NOT VERY GOOD WITH TOUGH DECISIONS.

Man: WE'LL BE CLOSING IN TWO MINUTES.

AAH!

OH, I COULD NEVER CHOOSE.

I LOVE ALL MY CHILDREN EQUALLY.

IT'S HARD ENOUGH HAVING STEWIE

ALL THE WAY IN PALM SPRINGS

VISITING GRAMMY AND GRANDPA.

GIVE NANA A BIG HUG, SWEETHEART.

WELL, THAT SHOULD GUARANTEE

SOME AFTER-DINNER ENTERTAINMENT.

LOIS, UH, I WAS THINKING--

WHY DON'T I FLY OUT TO PALM SPRINGS AND PICK UP STEWIE?

REALLY?

YEAH, A TRIP LIKE THIS WOULD CLEAR MY HEAD.

WELL, THAT WOULD BE WONDERFUL.

IT'LL GIVE ME TIME

TO CATCH UP ON MY READING.

OH, USUALLY, THERE ARE SO MANY DISTRACTIONS.

( gunshot )

( insect buzzing )

( gunshot )

COME INTO MY HOME, WILL YA?

I'LL SHOW YOU, YOU BASTARD.

STEWIE, GATHER YOUR THINGS.

TIME TO GO.

IT'S ABOUT BLOODY TIME.

YOU...

THAT IDIOT SLATTERN SENT THE DOG?

OH, OH, OH, WELL, THIS IS, THIS IS, THIS IS...

OH, OH, DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED.

I-I-I MEAN, REALLY!

WHEN I THINK OF-OF-OF THE TIMES

THAT THAT WOMAN HAS...

OH, I WON'T EVEN BEGIN TO...

CAN WE GO?

FINE.

PETER, GUESS WHAT I JUST GOT.

A RELATIONSHIP VIDEO.

THE INFOMERCIAL SAID

THIS TAPE WILL HELP US COMMUNICATE

BETTER AS A COUPLE.

LOIS, WHEN HAVE WE EVER HAD TROUBLE COMMUNICATING?

OH, PETER, I LOVE YOU.

UH, ABOUT A QUARTER PAST 5:00.

OKAY, LOIS, I'LL MAKE YOU A DEAL.

WE'LL WATCH THE TAPE

BUT YOU GOT TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME.

OKAY, WHAT?

DO THAT KATHERINE HEPBURN IMPRESSION FOR ME.

AND PHILADELPHIA STORY HEPBURN.

NONE OF THAT HEAD-ON-A-SLINKY GOLDEN POND STUFF.

SORRY, LITTLE MAN.

EVERYTHING GETS X-RAYED.

WAIT! THERE'S REALLY NO NEED TO...

♪♪ ON THE GOOD SHIP ♪♪

♪♪ LOLLIPOP ♪♪

♪♪ IT'S A SWEET TRIP TO THE CANDY SHOP ♪♪

♪♪ WHERE BONBONS PLAY ♪♪

♪♪ ON THE SUNNY BEACH OF PEPPERMINT BAY. ♪♪

LET'S HOPE OSAMA BIN LADEN DOESN'T KNOW SHOW TUNES.

♪♪ GOD, I HOPE I GET IT ♪♪

♪♪ I HOPE I GET IT ♪♪

♪♪ HOW MANY PEOPLE DOES HE NEED

♪♪ HOW MANY BOYS, HOW MANY GIRLS? ♪♪

WAIT HERE AT THE GATE.

I GOT TO RUN A QUICK ERRAND.

AREN'T YOU A LITTLE YOUNG

TO BE TRAVELING ALONE?

AREN'T YOU A LITTLE OLD TO BE WEARING BRACES?

I THINK YOU'VE HAD ABOUT ENOUGH.

( slurring ): WELL, I... I THINK YOU'RE WRONG

YOU INCREASINGLY ATTRACTIVE-LOOKING WOMAN.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE REALLY PRETTY.

OH, STOP.

NO, I'M SERIOUS.

YOU, YOU COULD BE IN MAGAZINES.

YOU COULD.

AND NOT JUST LIKE JUGS OR CREAM-SICLE.

CALL ME!

SHE WON'T CALL.

OH, HERE'S A PLEASANT SIGHT.

CIRRHOSIS THE WONDER DOG.

I-I'M NOT DRUNK, ALL RIGHT?

I JUST HAVE A SPEECH IMPEDIMENT.

( retching)

AND A STOMACH VIRUS.

AND AN INNER EAR INFECTION.

[Woman on P.A. system:] Flight 85 to Providence, final boarding.

OH, AT LAST.

YES, YES, COME NOW.

CHASE THE STICK!

WHERE ARE THE BAGS?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN? THEY'RE RIGHT...

RUPERT!

I TOLD YOU TO WATCH THE BAGS!

YOU WERE WATCHING THE BOYS AGAIN, WEREN'T YOU?

IT'S THAT STEWARD, ISN'T IT?

THE ONE WHO LOOKS LIKE TAB HUNTER.

OH, FORGET IT!

LET'S JUST GET ON THE BLOODY PLANE AND GO HOME.

OUR TICKETS WERE IN THE BAGS.

[Woman on P.A. system:} Flight 85 to Providence is now departing.

THAT'S NOT GOING TO STOP ME.

HEY!

THAT WAS MY PLAN.

WHERE'S YOURS?

OH, MY GOD!

ALL RIGHT, LET'S NOT DILLY-DALLY.

GET LOIS ON THE PHONE

HAVE HER WIRE US SOME MONEY

AND LET'S GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.

I-I-I... I'M SO... OH-OH...

OH, THAT'S PRETTY.

YEESH.

HELLO, OPERATOR? HELLO?

OH, GOD, THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU HAVE TO PUNCH IN THE NUMBERS NOWADAYS.

I SHOULD KNOW THIS.

OH, YES... 867-5309... THAT'S IT.

NO, WAIT... THAT'S NOT IT.

DAMN YOU, TOMMY TUTONE!

( sighs )

ONLY ONE THING TO DO.

ONE-ONE-ONE-ONE-ONE-ONE-ONE.

LOIS? DAMN!

ONE-ONE-ONE-ONE-ONE-ONE-TWO.

LOIS? DAMN!

ONE-ONE-ONE-ONE-ONE-ONE-THREE.

"A WAY WITH WORDS IN MARRIAGE--

FOR COUPLES WHO COMMUNICATE NOT GOOD."

OH, COME ON, LOIS.

THIS IS GOING TO BE WORSE

THAN THAT TIME WE HAD TO SIT THROUGH

YOUR UNCLE JERRY'S SNUFF FILM.

ARE THEY REALLY GOING TO KILL THAT GIRL?

PETER, PLEASE.

PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO WATCH.

JUST GIVE IT A CHANCE.

Hello. I'm Dr. Amanda Rebecca.

BY PURCHASING THIS VIDEO, YOU'VE TAKEN THE FIRST STEP

towards strengthening your relationship

through better communication.

I'D LIKE TO START BY ASKING THE WOMEN TO LEAVE THE ROOM

BECAUSE THIS PART OF THE TAPE IS FOR MEN ONLY.

WE'LL SEE YOU IN A LITTLE WHILE.

I CAN SEE THIS IS GONNA BE VERY INTENSE.

HA! HOW FUN!

MAKE SURE YOUR WIFE IS OUT OF THE ROOM.

SO, YOU WANT TO TALK

OR YOU WANT ME TO TAKE MY TOP OFF?

THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.

OH, MEN, YOU'RE MAKING ME SO HOT.

I HOPE YOU LIKE BIG BREASTS BECAUSE MINE ARE SO BIG

THIS ITTY BRA CAN BARELY CONTAIN THEM.

Do you want to see more?

YES, PLEASE.

Then you'll have to order my next tape.

Man 1: YOU GOT THE STUFF?

Man 2: YEAH, I GOT IT.

WHERE'S THE MONEY, HUH?

I WANT TO SEE THE MONEY.

NO, NO, NO.

YOU DON'T SEE THE MONEY TILL I SEE THE STUFF.

OH FOR GOD'S SAKE, THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO PUT AN END TO THIS NUISANCE.

( shouting ): HE'S WEARING A WIRE.

WHAT? YOU SON OF A...

( gunfire, body thumps )

( yawning )

OH, THAT'S IT, MR. GIRAFFE.

GET ALL THE MARMALADE.

( phone ringing )

OH... HELLO...

( screaming )

DAMN IT TO PUS-SPEWING, BLOOD-GUTTED HELL! OH...

WHAT?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, OUR CREDIT CARD WAS DECLINED?

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

THERE'S NO NEED TO COME UP.

WE'LL... OH, BLAST.

DAMN IT!

OH, COME ON, YOU.

GET UP.

COME ON. GO FOR A RIDE IN THE CAR?

BLAST!

OOH, A PENNY.

WAKE UP!

WH-WH-WHAT?

OH, MY HEAD.

OH, GOD, WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?

OH, WE NEEDED A WEEKEND AWAY FROM THE KIDS, YOU KNOW, JUST US.

WE HAVE TO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!

( knock on door )

Man: MOTEL MANAGER. OPEN UP

OR I'LL HIT YOU WITH THIS BLUNT INSTRUMENT

I USE TO HIT DEADBEATS WITH BAD CREDIT CARDS.

WELL, IT'S NOT AN INSTRUMENT.

IT'S MORE OF AN OBJECT.

BUT IT'S BLUNT.

HARD AND BLUNT.

AND, WELL, IT'S KIND OF LIKE A BAT.

I FOUND IT OUT BACK ONE DAY

WHEN I WAS RAKING.

LET'S GO!

ALL RIGHT, WE NEED SOME WHEELS.

THIS ONE'S UNLOCKED.

AN S.U.V.?

LOOK, WE'RE TRYING TO ELUDE SOMEONE.

WE'RE NOT DRIVING TO SOCCER PRACTICE.

LET'S TAKE THIS ONE.

YOU LIKE THAT COLOR?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE COLOR?

I DON'T KNOW. IT'S SO DARK.

YES, BUT IT DOESN'T SHOW DIRT.

WHAT?

IT DOESN'T SHOW DIRT.

I... I GUESS.

THIS REALLY IS THE FIRST PLACE WE'VE GONE TO.

PERHAPS WE SHOULD TRY ANOTHER LOT.

SOLD!

WELL, GO ON, HOT-WIRE IT.

HOT-WIRE?

I DON'T EVEN PUMP MY OWN GAS.

OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE!

HURRY UP.

( radio ): ♪♪ Do you really want to hurt me? ♪♪

YOU DID IT!

WAIT! PUT IT BACK. I LIKE THAT SONG.

MONTGOMERY CLIFT WAS IN FROM HERE TO ETERNITY

WITH BURT LANCASTER WHO WAS IN ATLANTIC CITY

WITH SUSAN SARANDON WHO WAS IN WHITE PALACE

WITH KEVIN BACON. THERE.

NICE, NICE.

EXCEPT THAT WAS JAMES SPADER IN WHITE PALACE... MORON.

OOH, MR. SNIPPY.

LOOK, I JUST NEED SOME TIME TO THINK.

YOU'VE GOT LOTS TO THINK ABOUT, HAVEN'T YOU?

PUBLIC DRUNKENNESS, GRAND THEFT AUTO...

YOU LEFT OUT THE PART

WHERE I MADE YOU SMASH YOUR HEAD ON THE WINDSHIELD.

I DON'T RECALL...

( grunting)

YES, WELL, I SUPPOSE I WALKED RIGHT INTO THAT ONE.

( phone ringing )

UH, HELLO.

LOIS, HI.

IT'S BRIAN.

LET ME TALK TO HE.

BRIAN.

WE WERE JUST ON OUR WAY TO THE AIRPORT.

IS EVERYTHING OKAY?

YEAH, YEAH.

YEAH, EVERYTHING'S FINE.

STEWIE AND I TRADED IN

OUR PLANE TICKETS FOR TRAIN TICKETS.

YEAH, YEAH.

APPARENTLY, YOU CAN DO THAT.

GIVE ME THE DAMN PHONE!

LITTLE FELLA'S SOUND ASLEEP, BUT I'LL GIVE HIM THAT KISS FOR YOU.

YOU SUCK!

SEE YOU IN THREE DAYS.

( sighs )

LET'S GO.

OH, CRAP.

WE GOT TO DISAPPEAR... AND QUICK.

MAYBE WE SHOULD HAVE JUMPED ON THAT TRUCK.

STEWIE AND BRIAN ARE TAKING A TRAIN HOME.

GEEZ, CAN WE NOT TALK ABOUT CURTAINS FOR TWO SECONDS.

I GOT ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE RELATIONSHIP TAPES.

$49.95?

THAT'S THREE TIMES AS MUCH AS THE FIRST ONE.

LOIS, OUR RELATIONSHIP

CANNOT BE MEASURED IN NIPPLES AND DIMES...

I-I MEAN, NICKELS AND BOOBS...

MONEY.

I'LL BE UPSTAIRS.

PETER, WHY ARE YOU SO...

GET OUT!

THIS IS A PART JUST FOR THE MEN.

I SAY, THERE'S A PLANE.

Brian: YEAH...

AND IF THERE'S A PLANE, THERE'S PROBABLY A PILOT.

IF THERE'S A PILOT, THERE MUST BE A BAR.

I CAN FINALLY GET A DRINK.

I DON'T TRUST YOU.

YOU PUT YOUR SEED IN MY DAUGHTER'S BELLY.

YOU'RE FIRED.

BUT, PA, YOU CAN'T FIRE ME.

YOU'RE LUCKY YOU'RE MY BROTHER, TOO, OR I'D KILL YOU.

UH, E-EXCUSE ME, SIR, UH...

I'M AN EXPERIENCED CROP-DUSTING PILOT.

YOU CAN TRUST US COMPLETELY.

MY FRIEND, HERE, IS TOO YOUNG

TO PUT A SEED IN YOUR DAUGHTER'S BELLY

AND I'M OF A DIFFERENT SPECIES.

YOU'RE HIRED.

( Stewie grunts disapprovingly)

BOY, WILL YOUR FACE BE RED

WHEN THEY FIND THE BLACK BOX ON THIS ONE.

SO, REALLY SATURATE THE SOIL TWICE A DAY?

THAT'S WHY MY TOMATOES HAVEN'T BEEN COMING IN.

HOLA.

UM, M-ME-ME LLAMO ES BRIAN.

UH, UH, UH, LET'S SEE, UH...

NOSOTROS QUEREMOS IR CON USTEDES.

HEY, THAT WAS PRETTY GOOD

BUT, ACTUALLY, WHEN YOU SAID, "ME LLAMO ES BRIAN"

YOU DON'T NEED THE "ES"; JUST "ME LLAMO BRIAN."

OH, YOU SPEAK ENGLISH.

NO, JUST THAT FIRST SPEECH

AND THIS ONE EXPLAINING IT.

YOU-YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT?

¿QUE?

SENOR, PARE EL AUTO.

WHY THE HELL DID WE GET OFF HERE?

MY MOTHER LIVES IN AUSTIN.

DON'T YOU SEE?

FATE'S BROUGHT ME BACK HERE FOR A REASON.

I HAVE TO FIND MY MOTHER AND MAKE PEACE WITH HER.

OH, YES. SO, SHE'S IN AUSTIN, HMM, EIGHT MILES THAT WAY?

YES.

ALL RIGHT, S-SO

INSTEAD OF DRIVING

DOWN THIS SUN-PARCHED HIGHWAY, WE'VE NOW GOT TO WALK?

UH... PRETTY MUCH, YEAH.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?

YEP.

I SAY, WALK SLOWER, DOG.

MY HUGGIES ARE ALREADY HOLED-UP IN BOX CANYON.

( dogs barking )

HELLO, LUKE.

UH, HAVE WE MET?

MY NAME'S BRIAN. I WAS BORN HERE.

SORRY, SON, LOTS OF DOGS BEEN BORN HERE.

REFRESH MY MEMORY.

WHICH ONE WERE YOU AGAIN?

I WAS THE ONE WHO COULD TALK.

BRIAN!

COME ON IN.

BETTY, LOOK WHO IT IS.

IS THAT BRIAN?

OH, AND YOU BROUGHT A LITTLE FRIEND.

WELL, I'LL BET YOU'RE A HUNGRY LITTLE FELLA.

YES, AND I'LL BET YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY

TO A MECHANICAL BULL.

NOW, CHANGE ME.

LOOK, I'VE... I-I'VE BEEN THINKING A LOT

ABOUT MY MOTHER LATELY, AND, UH...

AW, SHE WAS A GOOD DOG.

"WAS"? Y-YOU MEAN...

LAST YEAR.

SHE WENT REAL PEACEFUL.

OH.

WELL, SHE-SHE PROBABLY WOULDN'T HAVE WANTED

TO SEE ME, ANYWAY.

THAT'S NOT TRUE.

BISCUIT LOVED ALL HER PUPPIES.

( snickering ): "BISCUIT."

BRIAN, YOUR MAMA GAVE YOU UP

BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT YOU'D HAVE A BETTER LIFE

IF SHE LET YOU GO.

WAS SHE RIGHT, SON?

DO YOU HAVE A GOOD LIFE?

YEAH, I R... I REALLY DO.

I HAVE A GREAT LIFE.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE HER?

"SEE HER"?

I-I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

WELL, WE LOVED BISCUIT SO MUCH

WE WANTED TO KEEP HER WITH US ALWAYS.

SO, WE HAD HER STUFFED.

( gasps )

MOM!

WELL, I SAY, SOMEONE MUST'VE SAID A FUNNY

BECAUSE YOUR MOTHER'S IN STITCHES.

( laughing )

OH, I'LL LEAVE YOU TO GRIEVE.

COME ON, BETTY.

WHY DON'T WE GET THESE FELLAS SOME SANDWICHES?

LOOK AT JESUS STANDING OVER THERE ALL BY HIMSELF.

YOU'D THINK THOSE BULLDOGS WOULD INVITE HIM

TO THEIR CARD GAME.

YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS, MOM.

YOU KNOW, THIS IS ACTUALLY A RATHER ELEGANT SOLUTION

FOR MY PROBLEM OF WHAT TO DO WITH LOIS.

( grunting ): SHUT UP AND HELP ME.

I'M NOT LEAVING HER LIKE THIS.

OH, RELAX.

THE OLD GIRL DOESN'T HAVE TOO MUCH

TO WAG ABOUT THESE DAYS, ANYWAY.

HEY, MEG, TRY TO GUESS

THE WORD I'M THINKING OF RIGHT NOW...

AND IT'S NOT "KITTY."

( sighs )

"CAR"?

NO.

I DON'T KNOW, "APPLE"?

NO. GIVE UP?

YEAH.

IT WAS "KITTY."

( laughing )

PETER, ISN'T...

OH, MY GOD, THE NEW VIDEO!

OH, LIFE IS SWEET!

How about some whipped cream...

OH, THAT'S ALWAYS GOOD.

...and some cinnamon...

( gasping ): OH, THAT'S GOOD, TOO.

...and, then, guess what I'm going to add?

OH, GEEZ, IF SHE SAYS "MRS. DASH"

I'M GOING TO LOSE IT.

We're going to add a...

Peter.

( gasps )

I know what you've been

doing here and I'm very upset with you.

WOW... USUALLY, BEAUTIFUL WOMEN DON'T TURN BACK INTO YOU

UNTIL AFTER I'M FINISHED.

These tapes are about communication.

If you wanted to see a woman acting nasty

you should've told me.

THIS IS HOT.

Turn around.

LOIS!

UH, THIS IS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.

SHE MEANS NOTHING TO ME.

PETER, IT'S OKAY.

YEAH?

I WAS TRYING TO BE SEXY FOR YOU.

AH...

COME HERE, YOU.

( tape rewinding )

...you should've told me.

( tape rewinding )

...you should've told me.

( tape rewinding )

WAIT HERE.

I'M GOING TO GET DIRECTIONS TO THE NEAREST PARK

SO WE CAN GIVE MY MOTHER A PROPER BURIAL.

COME ON, DARLING, STIFF UPPER LIP.

( laughing)

I'M WRITING THAT ONE DOWN.

( sighing despairingly ): SAY SOMETHING.

WHAT?

JU-JUST SAY SOMETHING, PLEASE.

OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE.

UM, UH, YEA, AND GOD SAID TO ABRAHAM

"YOU WILL KILL YOUR SON ISAAC"

AND ABRAHAM SAID, "I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

YOU'LL HAVE TO SPEAK INTO THE MICROPHONE"

AND GOD SAID, "OH, I'M SORRY.

"IS THIS BETTER?

"CHECK, CHECK, CHECK.

"JERRY, PULL THE HIGH END OUT.

I'M STILL GETTING SOME HISS BACK HERE."

SAY SOMETHING ABOUT MY MOTHER.

OH, YES, UM, SORRY.

UM... AH.

I NEVER KNEW BISCUIT AS A DOG

BUT I DID KNOW HER AS A TABLE.

SHE WAS STURDY...

ALL FOUR LEGS THE SAME LENGTH...

THANKS, THANKS, THAT'S ENOUGH.

YES, YES, UH...

REQUIEM AND TERRA PAX AND SO FORTH, AMEN.

( train whistle blowing )

WOW, LOOK AT ALL THOSE STARS.

Stewie: YOU KNOW, I'VE READ

THAT STARLIGHT GIVES YOU CANCER

BUT, THEN AGAIN, WHAT DOESN'T THESE DAYS, HMM?

LISTEN, KID, THERE'S-THERE'S SOMETHING

I'VE BEEN MEANING TO TELL YOU.

IT'S NOT EASY FOR ME TO SAY.

OH, GOD, YOU'RE NOT COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET, ARE YOU?

OH, GOD, WHY DOES EVERYONE ALWAYS COME OUT TO ME?

I JUST WANTED TO THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU DID TODAY.

I KNOW THIS WHOLE TRIP HAS BEEN A MESS.

WELL, IT HASN'T BEEN ALL BAD.

I MUST ADMIT, THERE HAVE BEEN SOME MOMENTS

THAT WERE-- DARE I SAY-- FUN.

♪♪ WE'RE OFF ON THE ROAD TO RHODE ISLAND ♪♪

♪♪ WE'RE HAVING THE TIME OF OUR LIVES ♪♪

TAKE IT, DOG.

♪♪ WE'RE QUITE A PAIR OF PARTNERS ♪♪

♪♪ JUST LIKE THELMA AND LOUISE ♪♪

♪♪ 'CEPT YOU'RE NOT SIX FEET TALL ♪♪

♪♪ YES, AND YOUR BREASTS DON'T REACH YOUR KNEES

GIVE IT TIME.

♪♪ WE'RE OFF ON THE ROAD TO RHODE ISLAND ♪♪

♪♪ WE'RE CERTAINLY GOING IN STYLE ♪♪

♪♪ I'M WITH AN INTELLECTUAL

♪♪ WHO CRAPS INSIDE HIS PANTS ♪♪

HOW DARE YOU!

♪♪ AT LEAST I DON'T LEAVE URINE STAINS

♪♪ ON ALL THE HOUSEHOLD PLANTS ♪♪

OH, PEE JOKES.

♪♪ WE'VE TRAVELED ♪♪

♪♪ A BIT AND WE'VE FOUND

♪♪ LIKE A MASOCHIST IN NEWPORT

♪♪ WE'RE RHODE ISLAND BOUND... ♪

CRAZY TRAVEL CONDITIONS, HUH?

FIRST CLASS AND NO CLASS.

WHOA, CAREFUL WITH THAT JOKE.

IT'S AN ANTIQUE.

♪♪ WE'RE OFF ON THE ROAD

♪♪ TO RHODE ISLAND ♪♪

♪♪ WE'RE NOT GONNA STOP TILL WE'RE THERE ♪♪

MAYBE FOR A BEER.

♪♪ WHATEVER DANGERS WE MAY FACE ♪♪

♪♪ WE'LL NEVER FEAR OR CRY ♪♪

THAT'S RIGHT.

♪♪ UNTIL WE'RE SYNDICATED

♪♪ FOX WILL NEVER LET US DIE

PLEASE.

♪♪ WE'RE OFF ON THE ROAD TO RHODE ISLAND ♪♪

♪♪ THE HOME OF THAT OLD CAMPUS SWING

♪♪ WE MAY PICK UP SOME COLLEGE GIRLS ♪♪

♪♪ AND PICNIC ON THE GRASS

MM-HMM.

♪♪ WE'D TELL YOU MORE ♪♪

♪♪ BUT WE WOULD HAVE THE CENSORS ON OUR ASS ♪♪

YIKES.

♪♪ WE CERTAINLY DO ♪♪

♪♪ GET AROUND ♪♪

LIKE A BUNCH OF RENEGADE PILGRIMS

WHO WERE THROWN OUT OF PLYMOUTH COLONY...

♪♪ WE'RE RHODE ISLAND BOUND

OR LIKE A GROUP OF COLLEGE FRESHMEN

WHO WERE REJECTED BY HARVARD AND FORCED TO GO TO BROWN...

♪♪ WE'RE RHODE ISLAND ♪♪

♪♪ BOUND... ♪♪

LOOK WHO I FOUND AT THE TRAIN STATION.

MY BABY.

MOMMY MISSED YOU SO MUCH.

MMM.

OH, YES, GOD FORBID

YOU SHOULD'VE PUT A LITTLE EYELINER ON

FOR MY HOMECOMING.

DID YOU HAVE A NICE TRIP WITH BRIAN?

OH, YES, SMOOTH SAILING THROUGH CALM SEAS.

HEY, UH, KID... LISTEN, UH...

THANKS FOR NOT RATTING ME OUT.

IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO TO PAY YOU BACK?

OH, YES. YOU REMEMBER THAT EPISODE OF THE BRADY BUNCH

WHERE BOBBY SAVED GREG'S LIFE AND GREG BECAME HIS SLAVE?

YEAH.

IT'S ON THIS AFTERNOON.

YOU CAN TAPE IT FOR ME...

AND PUT A NICE LABEL ON IT.

OKAY, MEG, I'M THINKING OF ANOTHER WORD.

THIS TIME, IT'S DEFINITELY NOT "KITTY."

CAN YOU GUESS WHAT IT IS?

IS IT "KITTY"?

( gasps )

GET OUT OF MY HEAD!

GET OUT OF MY HEAD!

The Description of Family Guy - Road to Rhode Island