Practice English Speaking&Listening with: Grandma Theft Auto

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[bright classical music]

- I love a mall.

I can find all kind of stuff in a mall.

I got me a magic back massager.

- Back massager?

- Yeah, it's a back massager.

- You been having problems with your back?

- Yeah. It's gonna feel good on my neck and my back.

Mm. It kinda rattles your teeth and it's just doing it.

It feels good. Mm-hmm.

I just found my nightly routine.

[massager humming]

Mm.

- I don't know.

- Where did you get that?

- We bought it at the mall.

- You wanna see what I got?

Look at these.

Night vision goggles.

- You know, people look back across their life with regret.

- Why?

- Let me wear 'em. Oh, yeah.

Well this is ought some.

- It's what? - This is ought some.

- Ought some? - Yeah.

- The two of y'all are never going to the mall again.

[bright classical music]

- Is your food good? - My food is really good.

- You wanna try my cheeseburger?

- Yeah, of course.

I mean, Savannah better get here.

If she doesn't, we're gonna look stupid

sitting on the same side of the table.

- We used to make fun of people like this.

- We still do make fun of people.

- About how insecure they are

in their relationship. - Yeah. Uh-huh.

- Hey, y'all.

Y'all, I am so hungry.

Hello.

- This food looks so good. You have no idea

how hungry I am. - Who are you?

- What are you talking about?

- Is that a wig?

- You don't like my hair? I think it's so fun.

- I mean, it's just so sho-- short.

- What are you doing?

- Are you having a breakdown?

Why would you do something like that?

- It was very liberating.

- Cutting all your hair off was liberating?

- Yeah. 'Cause it's what I wanted to do.

- That's just a situation, is what you have.

- I think it's great.

- I mean, what is Savannah doing

getting liberated right before a wedding?

I mean, that's some [bleep] you do after a divorce.

- Let's not make a big deal out of it.

It's just a little haircut.

- No, that's a lot of haircut.

There's no damn hair left.

You should've consulted with me before you did that.

- How are we supposed to attach your veil?

- Oh, my God.

- Every one of our kids is bat[bleep] crazy.

Every one of 'em. - Wonder where we get it from.

- Right? They all have one thing in common.

[both laughing]

- I love fall. I love fall and spring.

- Why do you like fall so much?

- 'Cause it's my favorite time of the year.

It's out with the clear and in with the beer.

- I just love how everybody else's grandma

loves the fall and the winter

because you get to dress warm and cozy.

But no, not mine.

She likes it 'cause she gets to change her liquors.

- Well, you've got a lot to learn.

- [laughs]

- I appreciate you taking me to the movies.

- Of course, Nanny.

- And I love your car.

- Yeah, I love it, Nanny.

- Mm-hmm. You know what? I'm the only Chrisley

that don't have a new car.

You got one, Sassy's got one... - My--

- Julie's got one, Todd's got one.

I'm only one, and I'm the oldest,

and I deserve one more than y'all do.

So I think it's time

that your daddy buys me a brand new luxury car.

- Well, Nanny, I paid for mine.

So how do you deserve one?

- 'Cause I'm damn grandmama, that's why.

- Listen, I don't think that you're in the best position

to be asking for a new car

when you're consistently getting tickets

or running stop-- - I haven't got a ticket.

- Did you not run the stop sign and the cop pulled you over?

- That must've been three years ago.

- No, it was not three years ago.

It was six months ago. - And he didn't--

- He lied on you? - He stretched the truth.

- The cop did? - Yeah.

- I think he had a bad day,

and he wanted to take it out on me.

- [laughs]

- You know what? I think I've missed my calling.

- You did? - Yep. I could've been

a wedding planner.

- Do you understand you would be

the only wedding planner

in the history of wedding planners

who was more high maintenance than the bride?

I can't believe Savannah's late.

I mean, this is important.

She needs to be here on time.

- My daughter knows that I've got this.

- Oh, yeah. That's what it is, Todd.

Keep lookin'.

- So we're helping Savannah today

to pick out bridesmaids dresses,

and it's important to get the style

and the color right.

I mean, let's face it, not everyone has Todd's DNA.

- You know, today, Todd,

they don't all have to be identical.

- Oh, that's so sweet.

We're not doing that.

Now, see, this one wouldn't be bad.

- I love those blushy colors.

I just think they're so pretty.

- Well, they're very forgiving.

- Is that why you wore it today?

[cell phone ringing]

- Savannah, my darling, where are you?

- You know what? Something came up

that I've gotta deal with, and I am sorry.

I really am. I'm gonna be here a little bit longer,

so I'm not gonna be able to make it today.

- You're not gonna what?

- I'm not gonna be able to make it today.

- Savannah, what's going on?

You knew that Dad and I were coming here.

It's just not like you not to--

- I really am sorry. - Yeah considering

that this is the most important day of our lives.

- Picking out bridesmaid's dresses

is the most important day of your life?

- We can do it another day.

- Mm-hmm.

- I know that Savannah's been super busy,

but she's gotta get focused on this wedding.

And it's just not like her to blow us off.

- And it's not like her to blow all her hair off either,

but yet, here we are.

- Okay, we'll talk later.

- All right. Have fun. - All right, love you.

Bye. - Mm. That is disrespectful.

- I'm gonna talk to her, though.

I'm gonna figure out what's going on.

- Unless she is losing a lung or a limb,

she should've been here. - [laughs]

- Daddy, I need you to help me.

- Help with what? - My math.

- Grayson, we don't do math in this family.

- None of you can get past threes.

- Well, hey, buddy. - Hey.

- What are you doing, honey? - I've been looking for you.

- Mama, any time you're looking for me,

it makes me nervous. - Well, I got a deal for you.

I'm gonna show you a car.

- A car? - Yeah.

- I don't need a car. - But I do!

So I brought you the title to the car you gave me.

- And my restoration and-- - "And my--" what?

- The restoration. - Registration?

- Yeah. And the title.

You see this right here? This is the car that I want.

- You're not getting another car.

Your car was just serviced.

They said it's in perfect condition.

- Todd, every one of y'all have brand new cars.

I want one, too.

- Mama, be grateful that I gave you a brand new car.

- It was new when you gave it to me,

but it's not new now.

- You know, my mother's car is only a few years old,

and here she is hitting me up for a brand new car again.

I mean, it's somewhat insulting.

- Well, I mean, it is your mom.

- Don't talk about my mama. - [laughs]

- I wouldn't mind buying my mother a new car

if she had taken care of

the one that I had already given her.

But she drives that like she's in the demolition derby.

- Todd, you have everything that you need there

to sell my car and buy me another one.

And if you don't, hell will be hot.

- [laughs]

- Now Mama, you know that I always try to do

what you ask me to do for you.

- I know it, but you don't really have to

go out of your way too much.

- Do you really feel that way? - No.

- [laughs] Well, I got you something.

- [gasps] Oh, Todd.

- This is--[laughs] This is your new car.

But it's not new. It's a classic.

- What the hell, Todd. That ain't my car.

- That's your new car. - No.

- It's new to you.

I am thoroughly enjoying teaching my mother a lesson

about this whole car thing.

Maybe now she'll appreciate what she already has,

or in this case, had.

- You're evil. - An evil genius.

- Todd, I said a luxury car.

This is ancient.

I'll just take my other one back.

- No, you're not gonna get the other one.

That's off the table. - Well, we'll see.

- You need to be grateful

for what the good Lord's blessed us with.

The good Lord has blessed you with the green bean.

- I'm not driving that car.

- Listen, this car is an insult.

- Nanny. - Don't "Nanny" me.

You haven't seen it,

But I'll get him back,

'cause you know, payback is a bitch.

And I'm queen bee.

- [laughs]

- Ooh! - Does it sit--

- Springs--oh, yeah. Springs is gone.

- The springs?

- Lord have mercy, I fell to the bottom.

Mm, somebody vomited in it.

- I'm gonna get you an air freshener

with that new car smell.

Enjoy your car. - Hell, I done forgot I had--

my arms is weak.

I can't hardly roll up a window.

- Well, just crank. Crank it!

- Oh, Lord have mercy.

- You got it, Mama.

- Todd, I'll beat the [bleep] out of you.

- [laughs]

- So how are you liking your new haircut?

- I love it. - I like mine

'cause I look like Brad Pitt.

- No, Chase, you do not.

- Yeah, from "Mr. & Mrs. Smith,"

yes, I do. - No. [laughs]

- You've seen the movie. You know it's true.

- Yeah.

- So is that why you've called this meeting of the minds

to talk about fashion?

'Cause I can set a trend.

- I mean, look what I did. - I wish it was--

this is what--I really do, but it's not.

- Is it bad?

- [sighs] - I can't take any bad stuff.

- Well, it's bad.

- Nic and I have decided to call the wedding off.

- What do you mean?

- We decided to take a couple steps back.

Things just moved way too fast.

Like, we started dating, it was long distance,

so obviously, when we saw each other,

it was gonna be nothing but the good stuff.

It was easy.

- So once y'all started living everyday life together,

you realized he just got on your nerves?

- No, I wouldn't say that.

We just suck at communicating with one another.

That's what it comes down to.

So then it always leads to an argument.

- Well, it's a terrible situation,

but you have to call it off if you're not happy.

- And that's the thing.

It's hard to hurt someone that you love.

Like, I love Nic, and I care about Nic--

- Are you in love with Nic?

- And that's what we're trying to figure out

I am honestly so confused right now.

Like, I thought that I wanted this wedding,

but I can't ignore where things are with Nic and I right now.

- How do you think Daddy's gonna take that?

- I don't know at this point.

- Ohh. - Yeah.

- I mean, it is gonna crush them.

Especially Daddy, 'cause, I mean,

this is his dream wedding.

And you know he's got so much stuff planned.

- Trust me, I know.

I was actually hoping that you could help me out

and be there when I tell them.

- Oh, no, no, no. - I need you to come help me.

I need you to come and sit. - I can't.

- Why? - Daddy doesn't even like me.

- [laughs]

- All right, Chloe, before we leave, do you--

you've got your leotard on. - Yes.

- Got your drink. - Yes.

- Do you have your shoes? - Yes.

- So you got everything you need.

- Yes. - All right, do your dance.

Okay, that's not what ballerinas do.

What do ballerinas do? - [humming]

- Do your points. Point, point.

- Who the heck car is that?

- That's your Nanny's.

- Todd. - What?

- Why is your mama's beater in the driveway?

- Where's my car? - You tell me.

Obviously, your mom has it, 'cause she left you this note.

She says, "If you wanna play bumper cars,

you can drive this one."

I think you've been played. - By Nanny?

- Yeah, I think so. - Okay.

- Todd, I know you're trying to prove a point,

but making your mom drive this car is kinda mean.

- Mean? I'm teaching her a lesson in gratitude.

- No, I think she's giving you a lesson in karma.

Chloe, we gotta get to dance.

You need to get this moved out the way.

If this is what you're driving now,

then you need to, like-- - I'm not driving this.

Nanny's driving this. - Okay, obviously not.

Obviously, Nanny's driving a Range Rover.

- Okay, well, that's all right,

but she's not gonna keep driving one.

- Well, I can assure you in that car,

once it gets close to empty, she'll bring it back,

'cause she won't wanna fill it up.

- Exactly, 'cause she's cheap.

[laughter]

- You nervous? - 100%

I'm, like, freakin' out, honestly.

- [sighs]

I might eat my feelings away here.

- Yeah, that's all I've been doing.

Do you know what I had for breakfast this morning?

Pickles. Pickles and sour gummies.

- That's disgusting. That's your therapy?

- Yeah.

I mean, I am dreading this conversation

because I feel like I'm about to break Daddy's heart.

- Because you are.

- Really not funny.

[knock at door]

Oh, gosh.

- Hello. - Hi!

- How are you? - Hey.

- Good, how are you? - Hi.

- Good. - Oh, it smells good in here.

This looks so good.

- Really good!

- What have you guys been up to?

- We don't discuss what we do in private.

- Oh, here we go. That joke get so old.

- Is this mine? I know. -Yes.

- It's only a joke if it ain't happening.

- My Gosh.

- I'm actually glad that I've got you both in the same spot

because we've got a lot of decisions to make.

Everything for this wedding, I mean, I'm handling all of it.

I'm doing everything. I mean, I feel like

that I am the lone soldier here.

You didn't even show up for the bridesmaid's

dress appointment.

- You just need to slow the roll a little bit.

- No, if I slow down, then that means

we're not gonna have everything done

in the time that it needs to be done in.

- I think what she's trying to tell you is, like...

we need some more time. - I mean, I understand

that you get overwhelmed in life.

I got-- that's why you have me.

- I think it's bigger than that.

- Daddy, we've got something to tell you.

- Problem?

- Yeah.

The wedding is off...

and so is the engagement.

- Where is this coming from?

- I mean, what--wa--was there something that happened?

- Well, I mean, it happens when you rush into things.

From the time we started dating to when we got engaged,

it was not even a year.

- But I think it-- - It's so easy

to be in the honeymoon phase of things.

And then when the real world hit,

we weren't prepared for it.

And so we made a life long adult decision

on basically the relationship of kids.

- Right. - Well, you both understand

that life is gonna throw something different

- at you every day. - I mean--no.

This is so much deeper than that.

- I mean, has she lost her damn mind?

- I get it, Todd, but let's not make this

harder than it already is.

- Harder than it already is?

I mean, hell, I feel like I've been left at the altar.

- We've got some work to do,

but thank you guys for understanding.

- Where am I gonna wear the suit?

- [sighs] Oh, my God.

- You might wear it to your own funeral

if you don't hush.

- You lost, old lady?

Who comes up with a plan to steal my car

and then lose it, and then have to call me

to help her find it.

- Well, at least we know she's not

a criminal mastermind. - Yeah.

I can deal with grandma theft auto.

[laughs] - Don't start that.

- What have you got into now?

- I come to shop. - Clearly.

- Well, then I got turned around,

and I can't find my car.

- So what you're telling me is you don't know where

this car that you stole is. - I don't know

your car is. - That you stole.

- Yeah. Mm-mm.

- You should've just stuck with the green bean.

- I don't really like to drive that car.

- It don't have no GPS,

it doesn't have no seat warmers,

and Miley gets cold.

- [laughs] Well, okay.

I understand after driving this car

why you don't want it.

But your car that you have now is fine.

Everything on it works.

- I know it does, and it gets me anywhere I want to go.

- So then be careful, 'cause you're going to end up

saying you appreciate it.

- Ah, well, I do appreciate

anything that you've ever done for me.

- Okay, so why did you start all this?

- Because everyone of y'all got a new one.

Why wouldn't I have one?

- Now, do you see where jealousy got you?

- Well, I wanna apologize for being jealous.

So...can I have my car back?

- Well, say you're sorry one more time.

- I'm sorry. - On more time.

- I'm sorry. - For the people in the back.

- I'm sorry! - Get in the car.

Well, the green bean did its job.

My mother will not be asking for a new car anytime soon.

- Are you gonna miss the green bean?

- Well, no, 'cause I figured you could drive it around now

and that way we could save on car insurance.

- [chuckles] No. I'm not driving it.

- All right, old lady. Let's go find my car.

- I just wanna tell you before we get to your car,

I might've put a little dent in it.

- You put a dent in my car,

and you gonna have one in your ass.

- Well, that won't be the first time.

- You know, it's just a shame.

- What's that, Todd?

- All the effort that I put into her wedding.

- It's gonna be okay.

- I mean, the hours that I spent sketching.

- Right. - Matching fabrics,

getting the stance right. - Getting the what?

- You know, how I was gonna stand.

- Oh, okay. Yeah. - I mean, real tragedy here

is that no one's gonna get to see me

walk down that aisle.

I've lost almost 11 pounds.

- Oh, my God, that reminds me.

Have you called to cancel the church?

- I'm not canceling the church

because you know how Savannah is.

I mean, she changes her mind like I change my underwear.

So, I mean, I'm not gonna be getting rid of my location

until I know that this horse has no legs.

- Listen, I am sorry that your dream wedding

is postponed, but it's not about you.

Let Savannah figure it out.

Whatever decision that she makes

is the decision that we're going to stand by.

And I'm actually grateful

that she's able to figure it out

before there's a marriage.

Things are going to work out

exactly the way they're supposed to.

- But Julie, this wedding means everything to me.

- You need to stop.

This is one of the most difficult things

that Savannah's ever had to go through,

and surely to God, you can remember

back when you were her age

and what you were going-- - I was miserable

when I was her age. - Okay.

- I was already married to a ball and chain.

- And y'all were so young, and look what it got you--

this awful divorce.

Do you want your daughter to experience

those same struggles when she didn't have to?

- Julie, you know, you're right.

I am grateful that Savannah does not want

to rush into something.

I would rather her have cold feet now

than to have a hot head later,

and now I gotta hate Nic,

'cause I gotta side with my daughter.

And here we are in divorce court,

fighting over custody of children

and now I gotta pick out an outfit for that.

- But you gotta go find Savannah,

and you gotta go make this right.

- I'm gonna go talk to her. - Okay.

While you're at it, you need to cancel the church.

- Julie, let's not-- listen, one thing at a time.

I mean, what will God do to me

for this fashion to go to waste?

- Oh, my gosh, you've just said

"God" and "fashion" in the same sentence.

You are going straight to hell.

- If I do, it'll be with Tom Ford on.

[organ music]

- Thank you for meeting me here today.

- You're welcome.

- 'Cause, you know, if I'm going to appeal

to your good senses, I mean, I'm gonna need the Lord

to help me with it. - You really do.

I need the Lord to help you with it.

- No, you need the Lord to help you with that haircut.

- Oh, my gosh. It's growin' out, okay?

- It ain't growin' out that fast.

- [sighs] - Now, I brought you here

because this is the hardest venue

for me to cancel, but I want you to be happy.

And whatever that happiness looks like for you,

that's what I'm willing to endorse.

Live your life. Walk your walk.

And you walk your walk with whoever makes you feel whole.

- I know how important this wedding is to you,

so I appreciate you understanding

where I'm coming from,

and just kinda taking it day-by-day with me.

- Well, the wedding has never been the top priority.

I want you to be happy.

So I'll cancel this for the time being.

You figure out-- you and Nic--

exactly what you need to do,

and if it's God's plan

that y'all walk down the aisle together, then so be it.

And if it's not, then God had a greater plan

than what you and I knew about.

But you and God's gonna have to hurry up.

- Oh, my gosh. - Because I cannot be

walking down the aisle, old and decrepit.

I can't be three facelifts in.

- Well, God doesn't care about how you look.

- That's--not unless I get foolish.

- [laughs] - Come on.

I love you. - I love you. Thank you.

- You're welcome.

- I'm hopeful that Nic and I will figure things out,

and we'll see what happens.

- Savannah, when I was 22,

I didn't have the world figured out.

But you'll grow as you get older.

- Chase, you were 22 five months ago.

- Six. - Five.

- Yeah, five.

- We'll be back.

- What are you doing? - I'm leaving it

for somebody else who can actually complete the task.

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