- Fuck me.
- Roller derby.
- [Keith] What's better than a whole gang
of girls skating down and knocking you over?
- I love rollerskating because it's basically
having cars on your feet.
- We're going into a ring with a bunch of buff women
who are going to beat the shit out of us.
This is a terrible idea.
What do I know about roller derby?
- [Keith] It's a sport where tough ladies push each other
for an hour while skating?
- You put wheels on your feet.
- Get someone in the shoulder,
they fall you stand up, it feels good man, feels good.
- This seems like it was imagined
in a 1980's science fiction novel.
- It sounds like a sport I'd love to watch.
But today we're doing it and we're doing it
with the Derby Dolls, the most famous group of girls
who push over other girls.
- Roller derby is a full contact sport.
And it involves two teams on the track.
You field two jammers, one from each team,
every opposing blockers hips that she passes
is a point.
- So skate and turn left and don't fall.
- You can fall but just get up right away.
- The Derby Dolls, are the Derby Dolls a team?
Are the Derby Dolls the league, how does it work?
- We are a women's bank track league based in Los Angeles.
We have four home teams, Fight Crew, Sirens,
Tough Cookies and my team Varsity Brawlers,
which is the best team ever.
So we are gonna teach you first to fall small,
some basic stops.
- How to skate the track, how to hit people.
That's the fun part of derby.
- I've probably played the most contact sports
out of the Try Guys but this is the first time
I've played against only women.
- I have the structural integrity of uncooked pasta.
My body is jut waiting to crumble and blow off into wind.
- [Jager] Injuries are kind of common in roller derby
it is a full contact sport.
- I actually enjoy getting beaten up.
Like I really like physical pain.
- I'm getting married so I'm very concerned about all of me.
My fiance told me not to do this video.
Not because she cares about my face,
because she cares about that wedding.
- Professor Jager, I've never skated before
is this a good place to start?
- Well I've a better idea for you guys.
- Got any tips?
Don't fall, great.
♫ Sometimes the world seems cruel
♫ Nothing ever goes your way
- You're okay, you're okay.
- Teamwork, teamwork.
♫ Time is on your side
- And we're supposed to like bump people like this?
- So after an hour of learning how to skate,
now is the time to go to a ramp where the Derby Dolls
are gonna kick the shit out of me and my friends.
Let's do, ah!
- [Jager] So everyone's basically doing the exact same thing
to get around the track.
- Come to momma bird.
- You're slightly athletic I've been told.
Good luck little buddy.
- [Keith] Good job!
- So in two days, we're gonna go from beginner
to no skating experience, to playing a roller derby match.
How fucked are we?
- That's pretty good, I'm mean, or is 10 bad?
- 10 is normally good.
- We're like super fucked.
- Point five more fucked.
- Fell off the scale.
- Like fucked up.
- Were point five more fucked than most count.
- For stability reasons we have a stance
called derby stance which means you're basically in a squat
the whole time, there's two different kinds of falling
so it's your knees and then you will
eventually fall backwards because that's just what happens.
So you're gonna go, one, two.
And that's it.
You just want to be sure that you don't put your hands down
because your wrists have a tendency to break.
I like to always, whenever I train, hold a box
of kittens, if you drop the box of kittens,
you run them over and they're dead and you're sad.
- [Keith] The kitties safe.
You definitely did.
After falling a thousand times your body will learn
how to do it safely.
- Fuck me that one hurt so much.
- The more time you spend on the floor,
the more you are a hazard to yourself but mostly others.
- Hazard to myself and others is like my bi-line.
- Were gonna fix that.
The roller derby community, we're super diverse
and we're really tightly knit, like I would never have met
any of these people because I'm actually really nervous
and like socially anxious
but roller derby, you all bond over like sweating
It is something for women that women didn't think
that they could do because it's something so physical
and it is really violent, a lot of what we get
when we first start is I'm sorry, I can't do it,
I'm not strong enough and those are all lies.
You guys are gonna fall on your ass a lot.
But we're just gonna try and get you to have muscle memory
to do it safely.
So it's called the slide out, you're skating,
you're skating, you're like
'oh shit I'm gonna fall backwards', right?
You want to pick a cheek,
both feet out and off to the side.
It's gonna hurt just deal with it.
- Choose a side.
Well I mean being tall does have it's advantages
for those great.
Both feet out.
okay, that looked straight down the middle,
- [Zach] Did that hurt?
- Sure did hurt Zach.
But thank you for the compliment.
- Oh can you swear at each other?
- The official ruling is, you can swear in general
but you cannot swear at a specific skater, ref
- So I can scream, 'oh shit on my dick'
- But I can't say, 'shit on your dick'.
- Yeah, just a general anyone's dick.
We always say, high on the straightaway,
low on the turns, that just maximizes your speed
and it gives you more bang for your buck,
so you don't have to exert that much energy to go fast.
So you go low on the turn.
You shoot up on the straight away, so as high as you can,
and shoot down as close as you can,
and that's how you skate the track.
- High on the straight away.
- Jager what if going fast is scary
and I don't want to do it?
- Get over it.
- Keep your hands up.
And then keep your fingers, feet and then just stay there
until you, yup.
- Roller derby y'all.
- What if you find that fear always wins?
- [Jager] That's why you have pads.
- Try again.
- [Jager] Try again, just keep trying.
Just keep your knees bent,
getting a little better.
- Remember, we're the Try Guys,
not the do it the first time guys, let's go.
(cheers and encouragements)
- [Jager] Hold your kittens.
Bend your knees.
- It's hard to not feel really shitty right now,
like I can't stop, I can't play this sport,
'cause I don't know what I'm doing here.
- [Jager] Go ahead and grab water.
- This is super exhausting, but,
per my fiance's request, did not break my face,
did not break my wrists, I can still walk down the aisle.
- I was kind of excited to hit people
but know I'm a little worried about it
like it's hard enough just skating.
- What we learned today was basically the equivalent
of running across the football field
without actually doing anything.
I don't know what's going to happen when we actually
put it in the strategy, the blocking, the hitting
and the actual game.
- I hope that when we have Jager, we don't bomb.
- Now that we're totally dope at this,
how do you actually play the game?
- Gather around.
There are 10 people on the track,
there are five from each team.
- We only have four, do you think you could still win,
even on a team with us?
- No but I'll do it.
- Yes, that's the spirit.
- [Jager] So you have four blockers,
and then each team fields a jammer.
She's the one who collects the points.
So what you do on the whistle, everybody starts moving
the jammers go forward and they try to go through the pack
which is the largest group of opposing blockers
from each side, first one to get out legally,
is the lead jammer, the second pass
is her first scoring pass, and that means every opposing
blocker's hips that she passes with her hips
is a point.
- And you can't score points til you've gone around once.
- And how long does a round usually last?
- 60 seconds or less.
- How many do you have?
- As many as you can fit within an hour.
- How do you hit people?
- With your hips and your shoulder.
- So no elbows to the face?
- Does it feel good to knock over a jammer though?
(imitates gun shot)
- Your center of gravity is here.
When somebody hits you, the lower and the more grounded
you are the better, but the sweet spot
to hit is right here.
- That's not fair, the sweet spot is so accessible on me.
- Yes it is.
So I would go punk, and I would hit him.
But I'd pop him up.
I'd pop him up.
- Do I like really knock over one of these dudes?
- Yeah, knock over Eugene.
- Eugene you want to get knocked over?
Alright Eugene's good.
- Booty bump.
Work that butt.
Show him yeah.
Was that a foul?
- [Chata] Yes.
I think you guys should work on walling up.
- What did you say, walling up?
- Yes, so it's like a wall of four people.
So you get together, chest up, eyes up, butt down.
Ready, roll out, the person on the high, which this case
is Eugene, is gonna go faster,
person on the low slows it down.
In the straight aways it's the opposite,
Eugene slows down,
and Zach picks it up.
That is not a wall, you lost a man.
If Keith is behind you guys gotta slow it down
to catch up with Keith.
- Wall link up, Try Guys assemble.
- You're almost there.
Stay with your wall.
I'm gonna find a hole.
- [Chata] Sorry.
- Yo Jager I feel like we got this, let's kick some ass
and take some names.
♫ You can be my champion
- We are given roller derby names.
It's basically an alter ego, that everyone chooses
once they start skating.
- So I'm a Habersbasher, what do you think?
- Okay, I'll take it.
- She loves it, she loves it, she loves it, she loves it.
- So the importance of bout makeup, it's a way
to pump yourself up, some people like to have
the same thing over and over,
kind of like a lucky rabbit's foot,
or you wear the same underwear.
Will you help us put our bout makeup on today?
- In honor of you being our coach,
I would love something horizontal,
but I want it just straight across my eyeball,
all the way here and all the way here so it's just almost
like a smoky eye but so smoky it's like volcanic.
- I'm called Nasty Ned, because I got a good booty
and I'm a perfect 10.
Look back, mailed it.
What do you think?
It's printed on the shirt so we can't change it.
- So I'm hoping this look
will scare my opponents from ever wanting to even hurt me.
- I think you don't need glasses for people
to pity you.
- So my last name's Yang, which rhymes with a lot
of fun words and I decided to go for Yang Bang
which describes what I'm going to do today,
I'm gonna bang people.
- So I was thinking like a fancy man mustache.
'Cause I'm a fancy nasty man.
Or maybe like angry eyebrows.
- My last name is Kornfeld.
- So I went with like you know, there's creamed corn.
So I'm gonna cream my competition.
- So how do you think I'm gonna do,
you've watched me progress.
- You're gonna be there.
And you're gonna do things.
- It goes, it should go like.
- They're like two separated, I know what I'm doing.
- Okay, okay, okay,
- Wait oh that, I mean, (laughs)
- Up, not down!
- [Jager] It was.
- How do I look?
- [Jager] You look so good.
- If you saw me coming down the track
would you feel bad hurting me?
- Oh Jager, you're really good at derby but
I don't know if you have a career in makeup.
- It does look like I got run over by a tire on my face.
- Yeah this is awful, thank you.
- Nasty Ned, ready for your close- oh no.
What, what, what happened to my mustache?
I don't, I love it.
- I look like Daryl Hannah in Blade Runner.
- I look like one of the little rascals.
- It's nasty.
- Thanks a lot, thanks for teaching us
and I'm so sorry for the performance you're about to see.
(bell dings) (dramatic music)
- Try Guys on three.
- One, two, three.
- [All] Try Guys.
- [Announcer] 30 seconds to the track.
- [Jager] Pop back up, pop back up, boy pop,
gotta get here.
Walls up, blue wall up.
- [Keith] Wall up, wall up.
Wall, wall it up, wall up.
- [Guy] That's so fun.
- Fun, fun!
What part of that is fun?
- [Eugene] So should we have Zach be jammer now?
- Let's do Zach.
- So which one am I?
- You're jammer.
- [Keith] You're the jammer now.
- I'm the go fast guy?
- You're the go fast in the back of the line.
- [Announcer] Jam two.
- [Jager] Pop up pop up, don't apologize.
Get up there get up the track.
You got it, pop back up, pop back up.
You need to be on the track.
Pop back up Kremer get back on the track.
- [Zach] Ow.
- [Jager] Nice Kremer, go go go.
Kremer down the track!
- [Announcer] Black Jammer first.
- Did I score a penalty?
- She cut, which means like you know cutting in line,
she just went ahead of you.
- How did I do?
- So good.
- I fell a lot.
- The next jam is a power jam which means we
are the only ones with a jammer,
and we're the only ones able to score.
- [Keith] Shit,
- Who wants to jam?
- Don't waste it on me.
Power play give it to Eugene.
Give it to Eugene.
And we're gonna try to not fuck it all up.
- [Announcer] 30 seconds.
- [Jager] Nice slide Eugene, go go go.
Go again, go again, go again.
- [Keith] Going back baby.
- [Jager] Again Eugene.
One more pass.
Get back up.
- What's up!
That's our Eugene.
Roller derby baby.
- These things are happening.
- I'm really getting hurt out there.
I took some bad spills.
- [Ned] Go for it Keith, before you get more injured.
- Yeah give me last run.
- Before you get more,
if you need to, you can take it off and pass it to me.
You're already confused but I might as well say it,
so say, Eugene is a pivot right,
put it on your helmet but say like I'm a jammer,
I can't get out because you guys are so good at blocking.
I can actually take off the panty, hand it to Eugene,
take it, and now he becomes the jammer put it on top
of the helmet, double panties.
- Oh wow so I can,
- And now you are the
- Wall into a jammer?
- Yes, he is just a jammer.
- Don't throw it.
- Do a panty pass.
- That's what we're gonna do.
- Everyone jam take it off, but you have to make it
to me though because I can't go back.
- I get it, I got you hard.
- [Announcer] Jam four.
- [Jager] Yes Keith, yes, you got this.
Catch up you guys catch up.
Make a wall blue, make a wall.
- Go somewhere else, go somewhere else.
Go somewhere else.
- [Announcer] Blue one zero, low block.
- Come on.
- [Keith] Penalty!
- [Jager] Do not take your helmet off and skate around.
- Are you serious right now ref?
- Yeah I'm sorry.
- Are you serious?
I went low.
I was falling, I was hurt, that was all her.
She's pushing me, (groans)
- I'll jam.
(whistle blows) (dramatic music)
- [Announcer] Jam five.
- I can't do anything.
- [Jager] Last one 'cause it got.
- Redemption baby, I'm ready to come out of that penalty box
what do I do?
Really really fast, okay.
- [Announcer] Okay this is our last bout,
we believe in you baby let's do this.
- Let's go, one two three.
- [All] Try Guys.
- [Jager] Don't disappoint me.
- [Man] Go Ned.
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
Catch her nasty catch her.
(pulsing heart beats)
High on the straightaway, low on the turns.
Stay with your wall.
- [Ned] Gotta good booty and I'm a perfect 10.
- [Zach] Structural integrity of uncooked pasta.
- [Jager] That was excellent.
Yes, fuck yeah.
(shouts and cheers)
- Wow what a rush.
- You know how hard it is to be on wheels
on a really sharp incline and go slow?
- You think that's a traditionally male thing
so like put yourself in harms way, nope,
women can do that just as well.
- They fell just as much as I thought they would.
- Falling is actually kind of fun.
- I'm very surprised that no one died,
there was a panty pass, which was really exciting.
Ned got out.
- That was sad, not good team work.
- So if these four guys can learn how to skate
within the last couple of days,
go straight into a scrimmage
with the Los Angeles Derby Dolls,
anyone who sees this video can come look us up,
find the warrior within themselves
and figure out who you are through skating.
- So many of us fall on our butts
and pretend like it never happened
but derby, roller derby, teaches you how to do it
and get back up, and that's a life lesson we can all take
with us, male or female.