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Practice English Speaking&Listening with: Jessie J

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- Help, I got a flea-flicker here.

- Go!

Go.

- Ooh!

[Devo's "Uncontrollable Urge"]

♪ ♪

[cheering]

- Oh, oh!

♪ ♪

- Oh!

♪ ♪

- Oh!

- ♪ Yeah yeah yeah yeah

Yeah yeah yeah yeah Yeah yeah yeah yeah! ♪

♪ ♪

[cheers and applause]

- Welcome to "Ridiculousness." I'm Rob Dyrdek.

With me, as always, Steelo Brim and Chanel West Coast!

[cheers and applause]

- All right, our guest today is a multi-platinum

singer/songwriter. Welcome, Jessie J.

[cheers and applause]

- Hi. - Welcome, welcome.

- Hello. - Hi.

- Hi. - Hello.

- Okay, let me ask you this.

How many millions of records did "Bang Bang" sell?

- I don't know. I've never personally counted,

but... [laughter]

Imagine, on a day off, right? [laughter]

I think it went quadruple platinum.

How many is that?

- That's four, and I believe it went five times platinum.

- Okay. - Yeah.

[cheers and applause]

- Oh, now is my time to be a rock star!

I'm like, yes, well done, me.

- Look, look, when you're not counting,

you flip off an extra mil.

- You always got to start a little bit lower

so someone goes, "Actually, it was five."

And you go, "Oh, was it? Lovely."

[laughter] Great.

- Well, we decided that we would start the first category off

with an ode to the song "Bang Bang."

But it's--it's not about bang banging all over somebody.

- What was that?

- That is how you do it.

- "Bang banging all over somebody."

- Well, instead of that, it's two hits at once

in a single video. Take a look at Bang Bang.

["Bang Bang" playing]

- ♪ Bang, bang into the room

- Oh, uh-oh! - Ooh.

- Bam! - Oh.

- But he-- He did it really cleanly.

It's like he just literally parked in the shop front,

like-- where did he go?

- ♪ Bang, bang, into the store! ♪

[laughter]

- He did! He, like, slid right into that door.

- Yeah, he was like, "Hmm, did it well, though, didn't I?"

[laughter]

- ♪ Oh, bang, bang, watery grave! ♪

- God, oh! [audience exclaims]

- ♪ But I'ma show you how to graduate

- That big one is the one that really hurt him.

- Oh, yeah. - He just gave up right there.

He knew. He knew it was over with.

- I'm dead.

[all exclaim]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Bang, bang into the room

[all exclaim]

- His face went right in her butt.

Like, look, watch, watch, right there.

Ooh! - Ooh.

- ♪ Wait a minute till ya

- I don't care. I'm taking this couch.

[all exclaim]

- What is he doing?

- That's, like, everybody left the party,

and he's by himself again.

- I'm always left to clear up. Ahh!

[laughter]

- Coming in hot... Oh!

[all exclaim]

Oh, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good.

[all shout]

- Can we show this?

Can we show this?

- I mean, it really is, like, final destination.

[laughter]

Bang, bang compressing my spine

[all exclaim]

All right, there you have it for Bang Bang.

[cheers and applause]

Okay, so...

I know all the words to "Masterpiece," man.

- What? - Now I will go as far as

it's potentially embedded in my soul, right?

- That's intense. - It's at the top

of my wife's playlist.

So every time we get in the car, the Bluetooth connects,

and, you know, I start to get emotional, right?

[laughter]

Because it's like, I fall down sometimes, you know?

I get a little out of pocket by not being able to color

between the lines, you know?

[laughter]

Okay, this category is dedicated to people

that are ruining people's masterpieces.

We call it Masterpiece Killers.

Take a look.

[cheers and applause]

[tattoo gun buzzing]

- [laughs] This joke's forever.

[air horn blares] - Oh, [bleep]!

- Why would you do that? - Oh, not my tribal tat!

[laughter]

Oh, man. - He is so pissed.

- Don't touch. - Don't touch those.

- Don't touch! - What?

[shatters] [all exclaim]

- Oh, man, - Why?

- It ain't art if you can't break it.

- That's how he felt. - Don't touch.

- She said, "Don't touch it." Now put it down.

[shatters]

- She wasn't that serious from the other side of the room.

She's like, "Don't touch."

He's like, "You're not talking to me."

- My life's dream is to stack Bud Light to the sky!

Hey, what's up, guys? Your dream's over.

[all exclaim]

- He did them a favor, though. - Did he?

- They're wasting their time, bro.

- Yeah, there's no point in life

can you ever judge another individual's choice of mastery.

[laughter]

- Let's go, let's go!

- Oh, goodness, it's juggling.

Stupid! [laughter]

- Hey look, look. [laughter]

I love--He's so privileged he thinks he's innocent.

He's like, "I didn't do it." You clearly did it.

- Like, this literally is, like, the privilege starter kit.

- Yeah. [laughter]

- Me? Ow, that's my Bluetooth ear.

[laughter]

[upbeat music]

- We are the carrot brothers.

- Ooh, the tension.

[music stops] - Oh.

[laughter]

- Wait, wait, what just happened?

- I want you to rewind all the way back.

This is a carrot man.

This is a carrot man and a carrot

that literally ruined a man's epic winter party.

Carrots! Carrots!

[music stops] Oh.

- How did he unplug everything with one carrot?

- Don't ever bring a carrot to a party.

We'll be right back with more "Ridiculousness."

[cheers and applause]

[Devo's "Uncontrollable Urge"]

- ♪ Yeah yeah yeah yeah

Yeah yeah yeah yeah Yeah yeah yeah yeah! ♪

- Get him on the three spin!

[Devo's "Uncontrollable Urge"]

[cheers and applause]

- Welcome back to "Ridiculousness."

Give it up for our guest, Jessie J.

[cheers and applause]

- All right, so since it's really easy to make

categories based off of your songs,

we decided to take it back even further

to a song called "Do It like a Dude."

- Ooh. - I love that song.

[men whooping] - Thanks.

- Okay, the--the dudes were like, "Yeah, [bleep] yeah!"

Like what? [laughter]

And now, was that your first, like--was that, like,

your break out hit?

- Um, yeah, I didn't write it for me.

I wrote it for Rihanna.

Obviously that wasn't actually gonna happen.

I just in my mind, wrote her.

[laughter]

Gotta keep it real with the dreams, you know?

- Yeah. - Um, and I sent it

to my record label, and, like, "I want to send this to Rihanna.

What do you think?" And they're like,

"We think this should be your first single."

Yeah, so, basically, for, like, two years, I wore, like,

crystals on my lips, crumped everywhere I went

even though I couldn't really crump, and wore really

pale makeup and scared everyone.

[laughter]

- Well, look where it took you. - It got me so far.

- You're like a rocket. Well, look

it's an incredibly easy category

to make fun on this show... - Good.

- 'Cause there's a lot of women acting like guys.

Do It like a Dude. - Whoo!

- Take a look.

[cheers and applause]

What, bitch? [yells] [bleep] it!

- So aggressive.

It's like a woman's retreat though,

like... - Yeah.

What's up, girls? Let me show you how to do it.

- But, like, no one else wants her to do it.

Everyone else has a straw, and they're like, "Stop it.

Just stop it." She's like, "ahh!"

- I got this one. [all exclaim]

- I got this one. - Oh, that is aggressive.

- Who's next? Who's next? - That is aggressive.

I want her to smile. I wanna see her teeth.

- She's not got any teeth. It's just really hard gum.

- Coming in hot! Oh!

[laughter]

- But, like, why? - Yeah.

- Why? - Yeah.

- It's perfect, though, it really is perfect.

A little star.

[all exclaim] - Right in the ole tickle jar.

- Does that hurt? Is the real question.

Does that hurt? - Yeah, of course it does.

- I don't know-- - Yeah, like, if it's,

like, hard enough, like, in your pelvic bone, yeah.

- Okay. I just wanted to know.

- Yeah, 'cause it just kind of seems like...

You know? [laughter]

- Like it should be a high-five or something, like.

[laughter]

- It's almost like a, you know, a high-five.

[laughter]

[woman screaming]

Oh, no, oh! [all exclaim]

Oh, there she is.

- Go, Cubs, yeah! - Yeah!

Let's go and climb up a lamp post.

- I trust Cubbies fans more than anything.

Go, Cubbies! Oh, Cubbies!

There you have it for Do It like a Dude.

[cheers and applause]

All right, Jessie J, tell us about your experience

performing at the Olympics. How was that?

- It was--It was amazing. It was a lot of pressure.

It was live. I performed with Queen.

We sang "We Will Rock You," and I was wearing

this big yellow, like, looked like a duvet cover.

Is that what you call them? - Yeah.

- That's right. - Yeah.

- Basically in rehearsal the choreographer

just didn't say anything to me and then,

on the actual performance, I was terrified.

Like, there's billions of people watching, and I started walking.

He's like--They're like, "Uh, Jessie J to the lines."

I stand in line, they're like, "And what?"

He's like, "Yes, yes, get it, get it, oh, ah, sha, sha!"

And I was just like, no, no, no, no.

Stop talking. I don't know how,

but I know instantly I'm holding a pretend mic.

It was one of the kind of surreal moments in my career,

and then I went home and watched a cooking show

eating a cheese sandwich.

- Whoo! - Right. Right.

It makes sense--It's a-- - I'm like--

- It's a juxtaposition. - Yeah, it's like

complete opposite, but yeah, it was an amazing experience.

- Well, you had an opportunity to do something incredible,

and you knocked it out of the park.

Just like everybody in this next category

'cause they got the Clutch Gene. Take a look.

[cheers and applause]

All right, so I'm gonna line up,

I'm probably gonna do a couple flips and do a shot!

[all exclaim]

- She should be on the team. - Come here.

- You know, he don't know her at all.

- Yeah. [laughter]

- He don't know her at all. I got her!

[laughter]

- I used to play this with Roosevelt.

[all cheer]

- It's her hundredth birthday?

- Look though, it's, like, time to drink

a whole bottle of Tito's, grandma!

- Oh, my God, no, no! - Aww.

- They're there to murder her. - Can I cut it off?

Cut it off, cut it off.

- Make it count. Make it count.

I'm down, I'm up, I'm down, I'm up, I'm up, I'm down.

all: Ooh!

[applause]

- Come on, bro. - Come on, bro.

- One strike, we're done.

- This is Sterling on Tuesday nights right here.

- It really is. - That is you?

It's him talking at the beginning?

- It's--It's Sterling in his commitment to bowling.

If you know anything about Sterling, like, once a week,

it'll be like 240.

[laughter]

- Come on, baby!

- Wow, wow, wow! - Oh, it was me.

It was me. - Hit him on the three spin!

all: Oh!

- That was so beautiful, wasn't it?

- Coming in hot. [cheers and applause]

- That's a good-ass throw.

- Take that, Lee Harvey Oswald.

[laughter]

Stand up, sir, stand up. [cheers and applause]

That was me. I played in high school.

[laughter]

[indistinct shouting]

Oh, no.

[all exclaim]

This is the most exciting thing to ever happen

to all-white basketball.

[laughter]

Oh, my God!

We'll be right back with more "Ridiculousness."

- ♪ Yeah yeah yeah yeah

Yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪ ♪ Yeah yeah yeah yeah

- Superhero powers!

- Better get your ass down before you get

a super ass whooping.

[Devo's "Uncontrollable Urge"]

- Welcome back to "Ridiculousness."

Give it up for our guest, Jessie J.

[cheers and applause]

- Okay, so I understand that you had a bit of a misspelling

on--on a tattoo you got... - Oh, wow.

- And your mother had to inform you what happened.

- Yeah. - What happened?

- So, um, I wrote a song called "Who You Are"

when I was 18, and I got a lyric of it tattooed

quite big from about here to here.

About four days later, my mom woke me up, and she was like,

"I need to tell you something."

- And I was, like, I thought someone had died, you know?

I was just like what's happened?

She was like, "Your tattoo is spelled wrong."

And it's supposed to say "Don't lose who you are,"

and it says "Don't loose who you are."

- Oh, no. - [laughs]

- Oh, man. - And it's still there.

[laughter]

And it's so funny 'cause I always wear

high-waisted stuff 'cause I can't be reminded

of how stupid I am. [laughter]

- Well, look, at least your mom stepped in...

- Yeah, my mum. - And let you know

so that you would not have to find out from somebody else.

You know what I mean? - Yep, exactly.

- This whole category is dedicated to having a great mom.

- Aw, I love my mom. - Like yours.

We call it Mom-splaining. Take a look.

[cheers and applause]

[laughter]

- Nah, nah.

[laughter]

- I love her, I love her. - I just feel like, nah,

like, you're being interrogated and shamed...

- Yeah. - At the same time, like...

- Superhero powers!

- You better get your ass down before you get

a super ass whopping.

[laughter]

- Like, I just love that the mom is the villain.

- Yeah, like, literally dream-killer on the spot.

- Superhero powers!

- You better get your ass down before you get

a super ass whooping.

[laughter]

- One. - You said "one thing"

and it was "Ghostbusters" for 60 bucks.

Get a job.

- [crying] I'm trying to.

- [fake crying] I'm trying to.

There's no work right now.

all: Aww.

- No son of mine's gonna wear a fedora.

- [hisses]

- Take that hat off.

[all exclaim] - [meows]

- Smacked the [bleep] out of that kitten.

[laughter]

- Mom, mom, what do I look like?

- A disappointment.

[all exclaim]

- [laughing]

- That was some deep-- No, that was--

- Like, look at the smile. - That had nothing to do

with the face mask. - Look at the smile--

Go from smiling.

- A disappointment.

[laughter]

- We'll be right back for more "Ridiculousness."

[cheers and applause]

- ♪ Yeah yeah yeah yeah

Yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪ ♪ Yeah yeah yeah yeah

- Did you eat a cupcake? - No.

[Devo's "Uncontrollable Urge"]

[cheers and applause]

- Welcome back to "Ridiculousness."

Give it up for our guest, Jessie J.

[cheers and applause]

All right, so I understand you have an ironic story

about stealing.

- Imagine, I was like, "This isn't in my contract."

No, um... [laughter]

So I--me and my friends, when I was younger,

used to like playing pranks.

And the song, Shaggy's song, "It Wasn't Me" was out.

- Yeah. - So there was this shop

that sold hoodies and, like, t-shirts

that said "It Wasn't Me."

So I pretended to steal one, and then just said, "It wasn't me."

[laughter]

- You tried to explain it then. Like, no, this is a joke steal.

- Yeah.

- And they just weren't-- - You know how many dudes are

in prison right now saying that? - Right?

- No, I was just [bleep] around, G.

[laughter]

- All right, well, everybody in this category

has had the same feeling.

Simply titled It Wasn't Me. Take a look.

[cheers and applause]

I know you're not digging out there again.

- Oh, busting him.

[door clicks]

[laughter]

- Chilling, chilling. What are you up to?

[laughter]

- In my head, under the grass, he's like this.

- Yeah, yeah.

- Hey, Jack. Did--Did you eat a cupcake?

- No. - You didn't eat a cupcake?

- No, I wasn't at home. - You sure you

didn't eat a cupcake? - I wasn't at home?

- No. - Hmm, I thought you maybe

had a cupcake. - No.

- No, I would like to speak to my baby lawyer, please.

- Worst criminal ever. - Okay.

- Like, fully committed.

- I don't know.

- I love him. - Oh, my God.

I would let him do my taxes, like.

Like, look at him.

I would trust him.

- Was it you? - No.

- Who was it?

- Oh, "It's Batman."

- Batman did it? - Batman did it.

[laughter]

- It's happening! - What is you watching?

What is you watching? - Whatcha, oh!

[all exclaim] - Oh!

[laughter] - Was she sending out nudes?

- Like she was like, Go, go, go, go!

- Oh, so aggressive. I'm sorry, it's so aggressive.

- Aw, she pretended to go to sleep at the end.

- Did she? - Go back, look.

[laughter]

- Going to do the monkey bars! Da, da, da!

- Da, da, da!

- I think I can jump here. [thuds]

- Oh. Uh-oh.

- I can't see me.

- Uh-oh, okay, what can we do?

Should we tell Mom? Should we tell Dad?

Okay, should we try to get it fixed?

What should we do? What should we do?

Okay, let's--let's bury it. Let's bury it.

- Oh, man. - Let's bury it.

Let's bury it. There you go.

There you have it. No body, no proof.

It Wasn't Me.

[cheers and applause]

All right, we're at the end of the show here

where we give you two choices and let you pick

how you'd like to end the show.

Would you like to see a video with goats or notes?

- Goats. - Goats it is.

Go ahead.

[all vocalizing]

Whose billy goat is this? ♪ - [vocalizing]

all: ♪ Whose billy goat is this? ♪

- Billy goat. - This is amazing.

[all vocalizing]

Whose billy goat is this? ♪

[all vocalizing and clapping]

Whose billy goat is this? ♪

- ♪ Baa, baa, baa

[laughing]

all: ♪ Whose billy goat is this? ♪

- All right, that's it for our show today.

Give it up for Jessie J, Steelo Brim,

and Chanel West Coast, I'm Rob Dyrdek.

We'll see you next time on "Ridiculousness."

[Devo's "Uncontrollable Urge"]

- ♪ Yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪ ♪ Yeah yeah yeah yeah

♪ ♪

[vocalizing and clapping]

all: ♪ Whose billy goat is this? ♪

[vocalizing and clapping]

Whose billy goat is this? ♪

- ♪ Baa, baa, baa

The Description of Jessie J