Practice English Speaking&Listening with: Overbuying books on Booktube ?/ Thoughts and My journey

so if you're one of the ten people who happen to be subscribed to me and you

see me pop up in your feed on YouTube and you're like who is this and when did

I subscribe to her um probably like three years ago I decided to link my

booktube videos and then because i'm a flaky ass bish

I stopped randomly and never kept going but now you know got nothing else going

on and as a Leo you know I constantly need attention that's a joke okay it's a

joke so I was like you know what I'm gonna make a video and so it's recently

watching a video by ReadwithCindy who I stayed up until 5:00 a.m. to binge

all her YouTube videos cuz she's amazing an icon we Stan um

so I stayed up to watch her videos and the video that I found her through was, I

found her like she was in the woods waiting for me, the video that led me to

her was her talking about consumerism on booktube and that's a topic that I think

about it a lot just because growing up as a reader I would always like I need

to own my books I can't borrow from the library and it's

not because I'm being like elitist or whenever I'm like oh I buy my

books. I struggle a lot with being a germophobe like I'm legitimately a, I'm

legitimately germaphobic, and so since I was young I always felt very

uncomfortable reading library books because my imagination would play out off

control and I'd be like ah what if someone sneezed all over this

and I just wouldn't want to touch it and just, i mean, it gave me anxiety so if I

could, I would buy my books or borrow them from people that I trusted to not

be disgusting, which wasn't many cuz I didn't really

have many friends. Also, okay, this is gonna be

scatterbrain because I'm not as eloquent and smart and amazing as Readwithcindy

so if you thought that you're wrong. So that's one thing that led to

me always buying books and not borrowing from the library. Because you know, even now just

thinking about library books... um but hold on things change, and two

since I was also very young, you know this is just gonna turn to me about

talking all the issues that I've had since childhood, no, that would be like a

seven day long livestream, but also since I was very young, I struggled a lot with

compulsive buying and I don't just like throw that out there like, "oh yeah I'm a

compulsive shopper", it was really bad like I would buy things, mmmm, that's... let's

not get into that but let's do it because that's kind of what this video

is about so. I would always impulsively buy stuff if even when I shouldn't have,

couldn't afford it, wasn't that interested in it, but I would

buy things because like some- it made me feel happy which is really depressing

but good thing I'm on Zoloft hashtag anti depressant Queen. um I hated

that. I'm probably gonna edit that out, maybe not, I don't know probably not

gonna edit it out cuz I'm lazy. So I would, if I felt sad or depressed or in

a bad mood I'd be like I'm gonna go buy something and then I felt better for

about two hours and then I was like why did I do this?

mmm- but that all changed last December when I was going over to stay at

someone's house for a few days. and when I walked in to their house, I found out

that they were a hoarder. um I found out, you know with my eyes and my nose. That was

a weird way to say that but after that it kind of traumatized me because I, mmm,

because I saw a lot of myself in that person, um, a lot of my habits.

Then I did a lot more research into hoarding, you know as a mental illness,

and a lot of the reasoning and the logic that they have, I saw myself going down

that path and I was shook! I hate using that word but I was literally I came

back and I got rid of half of all my clothing and so I started reading like

the life-changing magic of tidying up by: can't remember (something marie kon I don't

know) but the whole thing actually shoutout to thoughtsontomes, one of my

favorite booktubers, cuz she did a unhauling video where she was talking about the

method. I was like what the fork is that? So then I googled it... anyways it's about-

I realized I would keep books even if I didn't love them because part of me was

like 'I want to be the type of person who owns this book or who has read this book'

not because I genuinely care for it or felt happiness that I had the book.

For example I kept Catcher in the Rye and I read it like five years ago and I

forking HATE it! I know a lot of people love it but... (gagging noise) I kept it because I was

like oh I have Catcher in the Rye, I've read it. like I don't care, I don't want

it anymore. So that led me to be- to work a lot more

on my compulsive shopping habits and also what helped me is I discovered

libby or you know overdrive, which is ,um, you can borrow books from your

library. Like you can borrow ebooks and audiobooks. so I can read from

the library now without having an anxiety attack!

Cool right! You know, in my head, I had an idea of what this video was gonna be and

how it would go and now it just seems like I'm all over the place. If you're

watching this I'm sorry. umm I don't know what else you want from

me right now... I definitely do think that when you're on booktube you see all

these book calls all these bookshelves, sprawling bookshelves, it's- you know what

I like looking at it. I love books. I'm a bibliophile I love looking at books, so you know.

and there is this sense like "oh we need to buy books, I need to do this ..." you don't

have to. I've, through in this whole year I've bought four books two of those, you know

what, that's- let's not go there right now. There is this sense of 'oh I need to have

all these books to be valid, a valid booktuber' you know like I really just

don't care if you have a lot of books. Like do I pay

you bills do I pay your rent do I pay your Netflix account? No so just

your problem or your fun time. It doesn't bother me at all and if

you own one book I mean that's cool. I mean minimalism is better for the

environment yeah and also it leads me into my next point. You know, owning a

lot of books isn't great for, you know, trees. But I shouldn't talk because how many

dead trees are on my shelves. When you discover booktube or the book community

on youtube you definitely like feel like encouraged, not encourage directly from

people but there's this sense of like I need to buy all these books, and for me

when I first started watching booktube years and years ago I bought all these

books. but it was because before booktube, I would feel like this anxiety

buying books cuz I'd go into barnes and noble's and look around and be like ugghhh I

don't know what book I want to read and my mom's rushing me because she's like 'if

you don't pick something out then we're just gonna go and you're not gonna get a

book' and it was like random and then through booktube I had like a lot of

recommendations from people who are reading a lot of books that I liked and

heres like all these recommendations and I wanted them all at once.

If you have the means and even if you don't you know it's really your life but

yeah this was just me talking about how I changed

, um, through a mildly traumatizing experience. uh I'm back, my mom, I'm

filming on my phone and my mom just called me. How dare she?

I'm just kidding she pays my phone bill this video was me talking just because

apparently I love the sound of my own voice and have nothing else to do. If

you related to anything I said about, you know, your buying habits and like me

have like this weird need to buy books especially when you discover booktube or

when you watch a lot of videos, umm yeah comment down below and you know you

don't feel bad if you can't buy all those books or you don't really like to

do that like do you. Like the older I get, every year then I get closer to death I

give less of a fudge about everything else.

So and you should too cuz we're all gonna die someday maybe tomorrow if

WWIII starts, cuz of you know who. Wow this is really going off the

rails. Let's see if I can salvage anything from this footage when I edit

it or maybe it's all just me being a freaking dumbas*

probably the latter. um bye, you know in the videos that I made like three years

ago I'd be like okay bye have a nice day, links on my bio like, comment down below,

subscribe now like it's just sorry um I really don't care like I haven't washed

my hair in a while man, so do what you want

i I hated that. Like my Snuggie? it's really cold in my room and also I'm not

wearing a bra and I kind of didn't want to show that so I just decided to put

this on.