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Practice English Speaking&Listening with: If Smart Watch Commercials Were Honest - Honest Ads

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[Cracked logo intro]

Hi, I'm Roger, and I have one question:

Are you ready to become the best you can possibly be?

The answer is no, no you're not. So buy this doodad.

I call it the Horton Phone Bracelet.

It's a fitness related status symbol that's smart, in the sense that it talks to the internet.

And you can use this do-dad for everything, theoretically.

Which makes it your fault, if it doesn't change your life.

Once you shackle yourself to this electric jewelry, you can track your steps, mileage,

heart rate. And other data you never

tracked before, because who cares?

No one cared before. Caring about it, is a need

I invented to sell this kind of stuff,

and once you invest in this kind of stuff,

you'll feel that need - which you'll

decide is good! And as soon as you sync

your Horton Phone Bracelet to your much

more boring pocket-computer-phone.

If you use a uHorton XPhone Generation 8

(otherwise go jump in a lake, you loser)

Anyway this doodad on a necklace, for your wrist,

lets you use your phone (without touching your phone) by touching this instead,

once you've made it your phone's tiny friend.

And for just a couple months rent,

you can back-order this, receive one when

we're done making enough of them, slap it on your wrist

and fumble at it with your big hammy screen tappers.

And did I mention it's waterproof? (for the most part)

You're welcome! (for the most part)

Close a business deal from any location, no matter how illogical.

Stay notified of your familiar humans activities,

while you're with different, more familiar humans.

Run places!

[Fit guy]: That's amazing! It does all that?

[Business woman]: I could really use one!

[Old lady]: Oh ho! I'll take two!

Everybody wants one, because our tech companies target market is humanity.

And we can't sell people our phone twice!

So we build a-not-phone phone,

that everybody could use and ended up

with this health centric TV for mice.

That we need you, to tell yourself you need,

Or tell yourself and make a good gift!

- that's how most people end up with these things -

So why not one of your close familiar humans?

Courage,

Bitiflexity, that's meaningless.

But it sounds like the top thing, doesn't it?

Those words and even more words describe the Horton Phone Bracelet.

Because we say they do!

And the wearable health gizmo market is so new, no one can prove we're wrong yet.

But we might be right, and you like stuff!

Hell you can't get e-BEEP-nough of it!

So grab yourself a Horton phone bracelet!

And wear something the past's idea

of what a detective from the future would wear. Today!

I'm still Roger, by the way.

[Fit Guy] Wow, I can even use this to catch Pokemon.

[Roger] Sure, whatever that is, go nuts.

[Business Women] I just caught a Pidgey!

[Roger] Okay...

[Old lady] I wish my Blastoise was better against the grass types!

[Roger] (What nightmare future have I created?)

[Subtitles by Alex Angel and SubtitleYouTube]

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The Description of If Smart Watch Commercials Were Honest - Honest Ads