Practice English Speaking&Listening with: Teen Titans Abridged: Episode One

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(static)

The HIVE School for Extraordinary Youngsters

Training the finest in evil minions for over thirty years.

Let's take a look at this year's top three graduates!

First we have Gizmo, a dwarf with a magic backpack

that violates the conservation of mass!

Jinx! With the power of PINK!

And Mammoth, who looks like the bastard offspring

of Sabretooth and The Juggernaut.

In order to hide their forbidden love the banished him to a different comic book universe

and just think, this ideal team can be yours for as little

as four payments of $99.95!

(static)

So, Slade, what do you think?

Are you offering to sell me your students as slaves?

Headmistress: Yes.

Slade: Excellent. I'd like to take delivery right away.

I can use them to destroy my greatest enemies

The INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE!

Headmistress: They're not allowed to fight the IRS. It's a union thing.

Crap.

Then just have them go

kill the Teen Titans or something.

T - E - E - N

T - I -T - A - N - S

Teen Titans, Let's Go!

Cyborg: I can't believe you lost the remote!

Beast Boy: Like you never lost anything.

Aside of arms and legs? Nope.

Oh, Nietzsche.

If I were a necromancer, I'd make you my bride.

(indistinct arguing)

And so, that is the story of the one time at the band camp.

Hey, what are you idiots doing?

Child Services are on their way to pick up Beast Boy.

Our friends are having a pointless argument at the start

of the episode, so that we can make up and learn

a lesson about The Teamwork.

We shall feast on leftovers to repair the friendship!

(thinking) That is it my pet

continue growing and soon we shall rule

this pathetic dirt-ball together!

Slime: Who needs you?

Eek!

(Robin thinking) New rule: world domination doesn't happen in the kitchen.

Let's just go get a pizza.

Well I'm a manly man, I like meat. We need to eat meat.

Well I'm a little green man who's a Vegan so I say we eat Tofu.

Oh yeah, this won't get repetitive.

Gizmo: Gizmo to Jinx. Begin stage one of my overly-

-complicated plan.

Jinx: You know, I could just kill them all from here if I had a rifle.

Gizmo: Just push the damn bus already!

Pink sugar hearts!

(horns honking)

(gasp)

(honking horn)

Incoming bus! Save yourselves!

Watch out!

(crashing)

Nice work, Titans. Now let's steal this teddy bear

while we're at it.

Gizmo Through Bear: And they call US the bad guys.

(laser zap)

Beast Boy: Why do they get heat vision?

Cyborg: So the bear's behind this!

Raven (thinking, sarcastic): Yes, Cyborg

that evil bear is a mastermind.

(crash)

Well that was surpisingly easy.

It looks like playing dead worked.

They're leaving us alone now.

Announcer: Meanwhile at the Hall of Justice

Beast Boy: We're the worst superheroes ever.

Raven: Yes. Yes, you guys are.

Now let me irradiate your crotch so that you

can never breed.

Beast Boy: What was that?

Raven: Nothing

(door creaks open)

The way I ran away from that one just call me FLYBORG!

So where's Robin? After a beating that bad we could

use a little pep-talk.

We searched for a couple of minutes until I got bored.

We found this.

What, you gave up?

Do you know how hard it is to find a rich guy

who is not turned off by orange skin?

There there, Star. I'm sure you'll find another colorblind heir to Bruce Wayne's fortune.

(knocking at the door)

I bet that's him now.

Robin!

Mammoth (poorly imitating Robin): Hey guys

it's me, Robin!

you should totally come over here in the range of Gizmo's plasma cannon.

Starfire: Okay!

(boom)

(imitating Cobra Commander) Titans, retreat!

Nice retreat everyone.

"Nice retreat?" Nice retreat?

They stole my freaking arm while we were off-camera!

That's better than what they did to me off-camera.

Tee Em Eye, Starfire.

So what are we supposed to do now?

That runt is supposed to be the brains of this here outfit

Robin OS: Wow...

You guys completely fall apart

without me around.

Cyborg OS: Hey man where were you?

Hey, I don't have super powers. Once there's heat vision and flying busses, I'm out of there.

But now I have a plan.

Announcer: Meanwhile at the Hall of Doom

Gizmo: Oh yeah. I'm the world's greatest interior decorator.

Hey, does this utility belt make me look fat?

Nah, you're a stick as it is. You need to eat more, like me.

Mmm. Blue.

Jinx: Ewww!

Oh would you just look at this music collection!

Paris Hilton, Wolfmother? Garbage.

Cyborg: Man I'm glad my machines can do anything the plot calls for.

(the Artist formerly known as Prince)

Cyborg: Haha, I'm givin' everyone the finger.

(typing)

(sirens begin)

Bright lights and sirens? It must be a rave!

And me without my crystal meth...

Aaaaahhhh!

What do Iook like, a Japanese school girl?

(sirens continue)

Jinx: Aaagh! It's the hand of God!

Raven: You wish!

Starfire: Sneak attack!

(sounds of a struggle)

Robin: That's my belt!

Now everyone get in for a dramatic pose.

DRAMATIC POSE!

This is the worst rave ever.

Ha!

I'm the Mammoth, bitch!

Gizmo: I want a piggy back ride.

Get off me. Get OFF me!

(EMP)

EAUUUGHHHH!!!!

(muffled ranting and profanity)

Jinx: I finally got that monkey off my back.

Beast Boy: Gravity trumps pink, bitch.

(thinking) But NOTHING trumps Pink!

(crashing)

(steam hissing)

(crashing)

Starfire: Masenko---HA!

Mammoth: Woahwoahwoahwoah!!

Beast Boy: I thought you didn't have superpowers

Robin: I lied!

(thwack)

(crash)

Oh, Mister Slade isn't gonna be happy.

he paid top dollar for us.

Who is Slade?

Oh he's some one-eyed old man who bought us

as slaves.

Lying won't help you.

What's your refund policy?

I'm sorry but all sales are final.

Curses.

Ah well. At least now I have some close-up footage of Robin

Now go away, it's my alone time.

Headmistress: Ewwwwwww.

Boy, teamwork sure does rock.

No, outnumbering the enemy 3 to 5 rocks.

Teamwork just gets in the way. Let's watch TV.

Awright, as long as it's none of that

wannabe-anime crap.

That stuff is ruining Cartoon Network.

(tv switches off)

(Porky Pig Voice) Abethebethebethe... That's all, folks!

The Description of Teen Titans Abridged: Episode One