Practice English Speaking&Listening with: Are They Gonna Hit Trump with the 25th?

OBVIOUSLY, WE'RE STILL DOING THE SHOW FROM INSIDE MY GARAGE.

YOU KNOW, I DON'T LIKE IT, YOU DON'T LIKE IT.

NONE-OF-US ARE HAPPY WITH THIS, BUT THINK ABOUT IT, YOU HAVE THE

UPPER HAND HERE.

YOU CAN GO AND WATCH "THE CROWN" AGAIN.

I HAVE TO BE HERE.

IF IT HELPS, JUST THINK OF TONIGHT'S SHOW AS AN HOUR-LONG

CAMEO GIFTED TO YOU BY YOUR SISTER-IN-LAW WHO DOESN'T KNOW

YOU VERY WELL.

LOOK AT IT THAT WAY.

REGGIE, THE BAND, AND IAN ARE HOW WILL WE GUYS, ARE WE GOOD.

>> Reggie: AND AGAIN WE HAVE MATCHING SHIRTS.

>> James: YOU DO, YOU AND IAN.

>> Reggie: THE KIND OF GRAY GOING ON RIGHT THERE.

>> James: YOU WANT TO TELL THE SECRET.

YOU SEE I'M WEARING THIS THREE PIECE SUIT.

>> James: IT'S ACTUALLY A TWO PIECE SUIT.

>> SHOW US THE GOODS, COME ON.

YOU CAN'T TEASE US LIKE THAT.

>> James: LOOK AT THAT.

NOT JUST ANY SWEAT PANTS.

"LATE, LATE SHOW" SWEAT PANTS.

SO I STILL FEEL LIKE IT'S OKAY.

LOOK AT TIM, ON THE TREADMILL.

JUST GOING FOR IT.

>> Reggie: HE IS A TREADER, HE DOESN'T FEAR TO TREAD.

>> YEAH, THE TREADMILL.

I'M HERE, HAVING A GOOD TIME.

>> James: HANG ON, DID YOU BUY ONE-- IS THIS ONE OF THESE

T-SHIRTS THAT I SEE AN AD FOR ON THE INTERNET.

>> IT IS A TOTAL INSTAGRAM PURCHASE.

>> Reggie: I REMEMBER THOSE, T-SHORT.

>> James: BE CAREFUL, TIM, TIM, BE CAREFUL.

>> I HAVE NEVER TRIED THAT BEFORE.

>> James: I HAVE ALWAYS LOOKED AT THOSE T-SHIRTS.

HANG ON, IS THIS THE IDEA THAT THERE IS A TUNNEL THROUGH YOUR

BODY?

>> YEAH, THERE SAY HOLE, I FEEL EMPTY INSIDE.

>> James: ALL RIGHT, LET'S MOVE TO THE HEADLINES YESTERDAY

WAS A TOUGH DAY FOR MANY OF US BUT ONCE THE CHAOS SETS DOWN.

IMMEDIATELY WENT BACK TO WORK, AND WORKED LATE INTO THE NIGHT,

OFFICIALLY CERTIFYING JOE BIDEN'S VICTORY AT 3:30 IN THE

MORNING.

MAKING THIS THE ONLY GOOD DECISION TO EVER HAPPEN

AT 3:30 IN THE MORNING.

A SMALL GROUP OF REPUBLICANS PUSHED BACK ON CERTIFICATION,

BUT THE REST OF CONGRESS WAS LIKE, "IT'S 3:30, JUST PACK IT

IN, YOU PRICKS."

3:30 A..M!

THEY DEBATED THE ELECTORAL VOTES, CERTIFIED THE ELECTION,

AND THEN JUST FOR FUN THREW ON "JURASSIC PARK" AND ORDERED A

COUPLE PIZZAS.

AND NANCY PELOSI HAD ALL THE ICE CREAM.

THEY ALL TUCKED INTO THAT.

>> NICE SOON AFTER THE CERTIFICATION,

PRESIDENT TRUMP RELEASED A STATEMENT, SAYING THAT THERE

WOULD BE AN "ORDERLY TRANSITION OF POWER" ON JANUARY 20.

UNFORTUNATELY, THE STATEMENT WAS WRAPPED AROUND A BRICK AND

TOSSED THROUGH A CAPITOL BUILDING WINDOW.

TRUMP ALSO USED THE STATEMENT TO MENTION THAT HE DISAGREED WITH

THE OUTCOME OF THE ELECTION.

WELL, THANK GOD!

OTHERWISE THERE WOULD HAVE BEEN NO WAY TO KNOW!

TRUMP JUST CAN'T HELP HIMSELF, CAN HE, IAN?

EVEN WHEN HE'S SAYING THE "RIGHT THING," HE STILL HAS TO SLIP A

LITTLE GRIPE IN THERE.

>> IT'S ALMOST LIKE HE'S AN ABSOLUTE SCHMUK OR SOMETHING, I

AM BEGINNING TO THINK OF THAT.

>> James: YOU KNOW WHAT I LOVE, ALL THESE PEOPLE ARE GOING

THESE PAST 24 HOURS HAS REALLY MADE ME DISLIKE TRUMP.

(LAUGHTER) AND AFTER THAT UGLY DAY

YESTERDAY, PRESIDENT TRUMP'S MENTAL STATE HAS NOW COME INTO

QUESTION, WITH ONE SENIOR ADVISER SAYING TRUMP HAS "LOST

IT."

I'VE GOT TO SAY, IT'S VERY BRAVE OF REPUBLICANS TO START SPEAKING

OUT AGAINST TRUMP ONLY 99.9% OF THE WAY THROUGH HIS TERM IN

OFFICE.

NOT TO QUIBBLE, BUT FOR SOMEONE TO "LOSE IT," FIRST THEY MUST

"POSSESS IT."

MUS NT THEY.

YOU CAN'T LOSE SOMETHING YOU DIDN'T PO SESMS I LOVE HOW WE

ARE TALKING ABOUT THE PRESIDENT'S STATE OF MIND THE

SAME WAY WE ARE TALKING ABOUT LOSING CAR KEYS.

"I KNOW THE PRESIDENT'S HUMANITY IS AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE.

IT WAS THERE-- I PUT IT THERE."

I HAVE LOST IT, GONE.

MEANWHILE, FACEBOOK AND TWITTER SUSPENDED THE PRESIDENT'S

ACCOUNTS.

TWITTER LOCKED HIS ACCOUNT FOR 12 HOURS, AND FACEBOOK ANNOUNCED

TODAY THAT IT WOULD BLOCK TRUMP UNTIL AT LEAST THE END OF HIS

TERM.

SO, YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

LOOKS LIKE TRUMP IS FINALLY ABOUT TO START POPPIN' ON

TIKTOK, BABY!

STOP THE STEAL.

>> THAT IS TIKTOK, THAT IS WHAT IT IS?

>> THAT IS ONE OF THE THINGS, IT LIKE PULL THE FRAME.

>> SOMETHING LIKE MAR SELL MARCEAUX.

>> >> James: IT.

>> IT TIME TO MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN, STOP THE STEAL.

>> TOP, STOP.

>> EXACTLY, STOP.

>> STOP THE STEAL.

>> James: YEAH, THAT'S T IAN'S GOT T STOP THE STEAL.

(LAUGHTER) >> DID YOU HAVE TO DANCE IN

THERE,.

>> THAT'S GOOD, YOU'RE TOO GOOD ALREADY.

>> TOO GOOD, JAMES, TOO GOOD.

>> TO DO THE TRUMP, YOU HAVE TO POINT TO SOMEBODY IN THE CROWD

WHO YOU JUST MADE UP LIKE AH, I SEE YOU, AND THEN YOU GO BACK,

OH, YOU.

>> THAT'S IT.

>> DO IT.

>> YOU ROCKED IT, YES.

THAT'S IT.

THAT'S IT.

>> James: TRUMP'S LOCKED OUT OF FACEBOOK?

THAT'S ROUGH.

LOCKED OUT OF FACEBOOK HOW'S HE GOING TO KNOW WHEN IT'S

ONE OF HIS FRIEND'S BIRTHDAYS?

WOULD ANY OF YOU GUYS CARE IF YOU WERE PERMANENTLY LOCKED OUT

OF FACEBOOK?

>> HELL NO.

>> James: ANY ONE.

>> I HAVEN'T LOOKED AT FACEBOOK IN THREE YEARS.

>> I HAVEN'T LOOKED AT FACEBOOK IN NINE YEARS.

>> James: CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING I'M VERY PROUD OF,

VERY, VERY PROUD OF THIS, I NEVER JOINED.

>> YEAH.

NEVER JOINED.

NEVER DID IT.

>> James: NEVER DID IT.

AND I DO FIND ALL OF-- DO YOU REMEMBER LAST WEEK ON TWITTER,

HASHTAG DELETE FACEBOOK WAS TRENDING? AND I LOOKED AT IT ON

TWITTER AND ALL THESE PEOPLE DELETE FACEBOOK.

I LOOKED AT A FEW OF THE PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT IT, AND THEY ALL

HAD THEIR INSTAGRAM IN THEIR BIO.

THEY BOUGHT IT, YOU CAN'T-- IT IS ALL-- THE SAME POT OF MONEY.

IT'S ALL THE SAME, YEAH, NEVER JOINED.

NEVER JOINED FACEBOOK.

I SAW ALL OF THIS COMING.

NOW LOOK, AND SURE, THIS IS A LITTLE

OFF-TOPIC, BUT HAVE YOU GUYS NOTICED THAT MARK ZUCKERBERG

LOOKS LIKE IF MITCH McCONNELL HAD A BABY

WITH A GHOST?

HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT?

>> Reggie: INTERESTING MEANWHILE, ANGRY REPUBLICAN

LEADERS, AS WELL AS NANCY PELOSI AND CHUCK SCHUMER, ARE NOW

CALLING ON THE VICE PRESIDENT TO INVOKE THE 25th AMENDMENT TO

REMOVE TRUMP FROM OFFICE, BECAUSE HE'S UNABLE TO EXECUTE

HIS PRESIDENTIAL DUTIES.

WELL, YEAH, OF COURSE TRUMP IS UNABLE TO EXECUTE HIS

PRESIDENTIAL DUTIES-- THEY TOOK AWAY HIS TWITTER!

EXPERTS SAY THE 25th AMENDMENT APPLIES HERE BECAUSE TRUMP

IS DISINTERESTED IN DOING THE JOB AND NOT IN THE RIGHT FRAME

OF MIND TO CARRY OUT ANY OF THE NECESSARY TASKS.

WHICH, I'M NOT GOING TO LIE, ALSO DESCRIBES ME DURING THESE

GARAGE SHOWS.

BUT THIS IS HUGE.

IF I UNDERSTAND THE LAW CORRECTLY, AND I THINK I DO,

MIKE PENCE WOULD THEN ASSUME THE OVAL OFFICE, AND THAT FLY ON

HIS HEAD WOULD TAKE OVER AS VICE PRESIDENT.

YOU KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO IF I WAS PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED

STATES FOR TWO WEEKS, GET A PS5.

>> THAT IS WHAT IT WOULD TAKE.

>> Reggie: FORGET THE VACCINE, RIGHT.

>> James: NO, THE VACCINE IS ROLLED OUT.

I WOULD JUST GO GUYSK I'M ONLY HERE FOR TWO WEEKS.

I WANT TO MAKE THE MOST OF THIS, HANGING OUT, ORDERING ROOM

SERVICE.

I JUST NEED A PS5.

>> Reggie: GOOD LUCK.

>> YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO KEEP IT, THAT IS THE THING.

>> James: OH, OH, YOU THINK?

>> Reggie: THEY WOULDN'T GIVE IT TO YOU, IT WOULD BE

GOVERNMENT CUSTODY.

>> James: THEN I DON'T WANT THE JOB, THEN I'M NOT

INTERESTED.

AND YESTERDAY'S EVENTS SEEMED TO BE THE FINAL STRAW FOR MANY

TRUMP ASSOCIATES, THERE HAVE BEEN MULTIPLE RESIGNATIONS

YESTERDAY AND TODAY INCLUDING ONE CABINET MEMBER, TRUMP

NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISOR AND EVEN THE FIRST LADY'S CHEF OF

STAFF AGAIN, A LITTLE LATE, BUT OKAY.

PEOPLE WERE COMPARING THIS BIG WAVE OF RESIGNATIONS TO RATS

FLEEING THE "TITANIC," BUT I REALLY DON'T THINK THAT'S FAIR.

AT ONE POINT, THE "TITANIC" ACTUALLY HAD SOME DIRECTION.

IT WAS GOING SOMEWHERE.

IT MAKES SENSE, THOUGH.

YOU WANT TO GET OUT INTO THE JOB MARKET BEFORE THE TRUMP

ADMINISTRATION GETS BLOCKED ON LINKEDIN, AS WELL.

IN OTHER NEWS, A CITY IN SOUTH PARNS IF DENMARK ARE OUTRAGED

AFTER A NEW CLAYMATION CHARACTER, THERE WAS OUTRAGE

BECAUSE THE MAIN CHARACTER HAS A RATHER LONG PENIS.

HOW LONG?

TAKE A LOOK FOR YOURSELF.

LOOK AT THAT FIRST I WANT TO SAY YES, I GAVE THEM THE RIGHTS TO

MY LIFE STORY BUT I DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD BE AIMED AT YOUNG

CHILDREN, SECOND I THINK AIMED AT YOUNG CHILDREN WOULDN'T BE

THE BEST WAY TO FRAME THIS.

I THINK IT WOULD BE CONVENIENCE ON THAT BUT ON THE OTHER HAND,

YOU HAVE A-- FOR LIFE.

>> I THINK IT IS GOOD, AFTER EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN

WASHINGTON YESTERDAY, MAYBE DENMARK CAN TEACH US A THING OR

TWO ABOUT HOW TO DEAL WITH A GIANT DICK.

WHAT?

(APPLAUSE)