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Practice English Speaking&Listening with: Trump's Rally in El Paso, Mexican Drug Lord El Chapo - Monologue

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-Let's get to the news.

President Trump held a rally in El Paso last night

where he spoke to reporters while standing in front of

a banner with the words, "finish the wall."

Oh, finish the wall.

Well, it sounds like they're making great imaginary progress.

[ Laughter ]

So we don't have to give him any money, and a year from now,

he'll be at a rally in front of this banner.

[ Laughter ]

President Trump said yesterday that 69,000 people had signed up

to attend his rally in El Paso, but that only 10,000 people

were allowed inside before later claiming that 35,000 people

actually attended, while law enforcement said

only 6,500 were inside the arena.

So, yeah. We do need to see his tax returns.

[ Laughter ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

Not a numbers guy.

"Oh, what happened was I carried the one,

and I threw it out the window."

[ Laughter ]

A verdict was reached this afternoon in the trial of

Mexican drug lord El Chapo,

who now faces life in prison for 10 counts,

including engaging in continuing criminal enterprise,

conspiracy to launder narcotics proceeds,

international distribution of cocaine, and use of firearms.

Or as Trumps calls it, "A pretty good résumé for my cabinet."

[ Laughter and applause ]

"Secretary of Cool Guy Stuff."

[ Applause ]

"Be a lot more fun than you, Steve Mnuchin."

[ Laughter ]

El Chapo allegedly made almost $14 billion

during his time as the head of his cartel.

Wow. $14 billion.

So either he's going away for life,

or he's about to announce he's running in two-2020.

Twenty. [ Laughter ]

I'm sorry, guys.

I think what happens is I'm scared of El Chapo.

[ Laughter ]

I think I realized it was making light of El Chapo,

and I'm pretty just scared of him, so.

[ Laughter ]

I purposely [bleep] up that joke, so.

[ Laughter ]

So El Chapo don't come for me.

If anything -- if anything,

I think he should come for the audience.

[ Laughter ]

I don't know why they think this is so funny.

You got to go to jail. That sucks, man. That sucks.

[ Laughter ]

President Trump's former lawyer Michael Cohen yesterday

postponed his scheduled congressional testimony

for a third time due to post-surgery medical needs.

Apparently, a suspicious mole had him removed.

[ Laughter ]

The head of a flight attendants union yesterday

called for demonstrations at all major airports

if lawmakers fail to avoid another government shutdown,

and warn that labor groups may call for a work stoppage.

The flight attendants are threatening to walk out

here, here, here, and here.

[ Laughter and applause ]

According to the latest numbers,

the Grammy Awards had around 20 million viewers this year.

The only person who didn't see it

was the guy sitting behind Cardi B's dress.

[ Laughter ]

"Excuse me, Miss B?"

[ Laughter ]

A new app has launched in the UK that allows farmers

to swipe through profiles of cows

in order to find good breeding partners for their cattle.

It's called Grindr.

[ Laughter and applause ]

Amazon announced today it will launch

a dedicated Coachella Music Festival page

on its site where customers can shop for festival needs.

That story again, Amazon sells drugs now.

[ Laughter ]

A start-up is seeking funding to create a product

that allows couples to press a button in order to let

the other person know that they are in the mood to have sex.

Just don't get them mixed up.

"Dad, what's up with the garage door?

It's going crazy!"

[ Laughter ]

"Dad!" [ Laughter ]

And finally, after fashion brand Gucci came under fire

for selling a sweater that critics say resembled blackface,

rapper Soulja Boy said that he's in process of

removing his Gucci face tattoo.

Said Adam Levine,

"Man, I hope California doesn't do anything too bad."

The Description of Trump's Rally in El Paso, Mexican Drug Lord El Chapo - Monologue