(rooster crows) (lion roars)
- Oh yeah.
- Wild gesturing.
- Welcome to "Good Mythical More."
- Okay, you ready?
I'm gonna go this time, okay?
- Go for it.
- (grunts) This one's real bottom-heavy.
- Should I get close?
- It's all down here.
- Okay, so you're traveling, traveling in time.
Yes, and you're
alien soccer players.
so that you can become mayor of
one of the
one of the mule towns.
Which is, oh my goodness.
Is that it?
You're gonna travel in time to the end of civilization
to become the mayor of a mule town?
- Travel in time to become the mayor, mule town,
alien soccer players, but, this last part,
I gotta use.
- And you're a seal?
- Got it.
Sometimes I just feel like we're on the same wavelength.
Hey, we got some 13 year-old mac and cheese.
We paid a lot of money for this.
- $65! (Rhett bangs table)
And we put it in more.
- Oh my gosh, how do, I can't even.
Oh there it is.
I sucked my thumb into that.
Now this is SpongeBob Square Oants.
- That's why they're $65.
- With a poster on the back.
- We gotta couple of things we that we gotta cover
while Link is. - Post-card on the back.
- What you need to do, Link.
Just set the cheese sauce aside.
Have you ever made mac and cheese for your kids?
- Now these mac and cheeses, of course not.
Of course so.
I know how to make mac and cheese.
You pour all of this in there.
- My 11-year-old makes his mac and cheese for himself.
- Yeah, well my kids make their own mac and cheese too.
Because I've never made it for them.
- Okay, we're gonna let that boil for 12 to 14 minutes.
- I'll read what it says.
- You know what, we have time to get to these.
- Also add milk.
Add the milk.
And the butter. - You don't add milk yet.
- Water, milk, and margarine.
- You don't add that until later, trust me.
I've made this before.
Okay, lots of things are gonna happen
because we're teaching Link how to make mac and cheese,
as he stares at it and fogs his glasses up.
- Feels good though.
- Little uh.
(tripod snaps) Whoa!
- This really opens up the pores.
Did something just pop?
- Casey just adjusted something on our tripod
and I thought her knee broke.
- You alright?
- We wanna give a big thank you
to our loyal Mythical Society founding members,
and we're doing that with a Mythical Society founders' ring.
- [Link] So if you've been a society member
from the beginning and you're continuing on,
you get to ring it up.
- You can go to mythicalsociety.com for details
and in addition to that we wanna welcome new members
to this growing secret society with a special gift.
During the anniversary month of February
any purchase of 3rd degree annual plan
will receive one of the past quarterly items
of their choice, while supplies last.
- Yeah, we got some extras of stuff.
Like if you want the Merle record,
chia pet, all that type of stuff,
as supplies last, as you said, so,
get in on that in February.
- And today's more is also a s'more,
voted on by the Mythical Society.
- Do I need to stir this?
- Nope, just let it go.
You guys voted, the winning thing that you suggested
was Rhett and Link randomly receive
pieces of romantic poetry
which they must read to each other.
51.96% of you voted for that.
- We must read to each other.
- Thanks a lot for that.
- My love is as a fever, longing still,
for that which longer nurseth the disease.
- You talking to me?
- Feeding on that which doth preserve the ill.
Then certain sickly appetite to please.
- Are you talking to me?
- My reason, the physician to my love,
angry that his prescriptions are not kept,
hath left me and I desperate now approve.
I've lost the rhyme scheme.
What rhymes with approve?
Still, disease, ill, please, love kept,
approve, accept, desire is death, which psychic did accept.
Past cure I am, now reason is.
What language is this?
- It's like English words, but I don't understand it.
- Yeah, that's Shakespeare.
- And frantic mad with evermore unrest,
my thoughts and my discourse as mad men's are,
at random from the truth vainly expressed,
for I have sworn thee fair and thought thee bright.
Who art as black as hell and dark as night.
Sonnet 147, by Bill Shakespeare.
- Well thank you, Link.
- You're welcome. - Was that to me?
Your soul is dark as night. - Dark as hell?
- I mean, when Shakespeare was doing this,
this is not just how the people talked?
How did they understand it?
- I think they did speak moreth like that,
than we doeth now.
- We were never taught to get into this stuff,
you know like, Shakespeare, poetry, that type of stuff.
- That stuff.
This says smell me.
- I re-watched True Grit, like the Coen brothers re-make.
And, like, they decidedly spoke in a different way.
Like Jeff Bridges' character, he didn't use contractions.
Some people did, but he didn't.
- He did not?
- I don't think he used any contractions,
everything sounded a little more proper,
it was more of a proper speech in that Wild-West situation.
- We've got a few more minutes on that boiling pasta.
- That's hot.
- And in the meantime,
"Shall I compare thee to a Summer's day?"
- You shall.
- Thou art more lovely and more temperate,
rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
and Summer's lease hath all too short a date.
- Shaking your buds.
- Sometime too hot the eye of Heaven shines
and often is his gold complexion dimmed,
and every fair from fair sometime declines
by chance or nature's changing course untrimmed.
You need to trim those nose hairs, man.
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
nor lose possession of that fair.
I broke. - Yeah, it'll do that to you.
- Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st,
nor shall death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
when in eternal lines to time thou grow'st.
- So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
so long lives this, and this gives life to thee.
Sonnet 18. - What could that mean?
Smell me, it says smell me.
It should've said, smell of that.
- Well, hold on, you know what, let's figure it out,
I think we can break this down.
- I think this a new series,
"Rhett and Link figure out Shakespeare."
- Compare thee to a summer's day, no, no, no,
you're more lovely, and more temperate.
You know, rough wind? (crew laughs)
- You know.
- Shake the darling buds of May.
You know that's buds and like, flowers,
and just fertilization, birds and bees.
We're talking about sex.
- Rough sex.
And summer's (laughs) lease hath all too short a date,
meaning that summer comes and goes but when summer leaves,
you're still there with your buds.
Your rough, ripe, buds, hanging.
- I think it means.
- And sometimes summer is too hot, it's too hot!
When the eye of Heaven, the sun, shines!
And often, his gold complexion is dimmed,
meaning that sometimes, sometimes, the sun goes away.
But you don't go away.
You're right here at this desk with me.
And every fair from fair sometime declines.
You have fairs during the summer, you know that.
You get together, you sell things.
The state fair happens in October,
which isn't even in the summertime.
- That's only in our home state.
- North Carolina, which is the only reference
I have for a state fair.
And by chance or nature's changing course untrimmed.
This part, I don't know, I think
it's either the pubes, or the nose hairs,
and I went with nose hairs,
- Just manscaping in general. - Right.
By thy eternal summer shall not fade nor lose possession
of thou fair, thou.
That fair thou ow'st?
Ow'st, where's your ow'st?
- If Shakespeare were here, I'd slap him.
- Nor shall death brag thou wander'st in his shade.
This is really losing me.
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st.
- It's like it builds on itself,
it's like he's trying to make a point
but halfway through, it's like, you lost me.
- Yeah he got off track, but as long you keep
everything closely trimmed I think you're gonna be okay.
I think is the main point.
- Says Link, is this to me?
Or for me to read, 'cause it says Link.
- [Producer] Let's find out.
- We'll find out, 'cause you don't know, okay.
- You can stir the pasta.
That's not a euphemism for anything.
- Stop being so dirty.
- I'm not, it's Shakespeare, man!
Shakespeare's the one doing it.
You don't know that, you don't know Shakespeare.
- I like a good wooden spoon.
- See, there you go, he's doing it too.
- We put our spoons in the drawer, except if they're wooden,
we put those out.
- You shouldn't boil wood.
I wood is (babbling) (Rhett laughs)
- Okay, this a work, by me,
which I wasn't aware that I'd written.
Ode to my redwood tree, by Link Neal
Turns out, I'm a poet.
Didn't know it. (crew laughing)
Oh my redwood tree, so solid and so strong,
your stature majestic, as tall as the day is long.
I sit beside you daily,
for it's you I admire,
I listen to you closely, for your words they inspire.
Your beard is thick. - Yes it is.
- Like a juniper shrub. - Whoa.
- I'll always protect you, my little bear cub.
(Rhett laughs) (crew laughs)
Sometimes I write in my sleep I guess.
- Yeah, right.
- 'Cause I don't remember writing this.
My love for you is as strong as your love of beans.
I'll stay by your side forever, by any ways and means.
- Okay, that's a stretch.
- Yeah, that kinda fizzled out, in that line.
I met you as a wee lad,
and you've grown only taller,
my existence without you would be so much smaller.
Well, maybe, maybe not.
(Rhett laughs) (crew laughs)
'Til the ends of our days, you will remain a gentleman,
and a scholar.
Aught, my gentleman caller.
Should I keep going?
- I like the fact that you gave yourself an aught.
- 'Til the ends of our days you will remain,
my gentleman caller.
- Always give yourself an aught.
- Hey, you listen, you might be critical of it.
- You listen.
- But listen, at least you can understand it.
- Well you know what Link,
I also wrote a poem for you in my sleep.
- It's called, are you there, Link, it's me, Rhett.
- Okay. (crew laughs)
- It's kinda like that Ray Stevens' song.
- I kinda know what you're talking about but.
- No one else knows.
- Not enough to speak of it.
- Sparkly blue eyes, your sense of wonder,
innocent, and childlike.
When I think of Link, my cheeks turn pink.
(crew laughs) (Link laughs)
- You are my favorite soft drink,
I'll never pour you down the sink.
I'll look after you daily and feed you your zinc.
I can't take my eyes off you, I don't even wanna blink.
For I cannot miss a moment of staring at my Link.
And if you ever left me, my heart would dink, sink,
and forever miss its Link.
- Wow. - I don't have an aught.
That's it, that's it from me, man.
- You do have a wife though, so.
- Yeah I do, she understands.
(Rhett laughs) - We all have
our roles to fill.
That was good penmanship.
- Here's what we're gonna do now Link,
I want you to take that pot, that hot pot,
it's hot, remember, okay, no, no, no, no,
you take the pot, the pot is hot.
- I was gonna stir so it doesn't stick.
Stick to the trick.
- You can do that, it's probably unnecessary at this point,
but what I want you to do, is I want you to take the pot,
I want you to pour the hot water into this strainer.
- It's so heavy though.
- Use both hands.
All right, gently pour it.
Get all the pasta in there.
- [Link] Oh yeah, that's some old pasta.
- (Rhett) Get all that pasta out of there.
- [Link] You can unplug that hot plate too, if you would.
(Link sings a single tone)
- Now, you know what I want you to do, take this,
this again, pour that back in the pot,
let's make it in the bowl so people can see.
So take the hot water, and pour it back into the pot.
- Put the hot water in the pot?
- Yes, because I wanna make it in the bowl
so everybody can see.
- Oh, I get it.
Look at that.
You know we have a whole cooking channel,
and we're not really on it.
- For a reason.
- Now we're gonna take.
- This is what our cooking show would be like.
- The milk, we're going to take the butter.
- So that's where the milk, and can I stir?
- You can stir, yeah, but really what we wanna do is
we wanna get the cheese sauce in there.
- Now this is the problem, 'cause that stuff's old.
- Smells good.
- I don't think it smells good.
- I think the shelf life,
I think the shelf life for this stuff.
Gotta melt that butter. - Jam that butter.
All right, let's get ready to taste.
Should we use this as a spoon?
Let's see, do we have.
- There's forks right here, forks and plates.
♪ Forks and plates and forks and plates and ♪
♪ Forks and plates and forks and plates and forks and plates ♪
♪ And forks and plates and a fork in place. ♪
- Don't put another fork in place.
- All right.
That's good enough.
(pasta squelches) (bowl clangs)
- Okay, here you go, take you in, for you to have some.
Right there on your plate.
(spoon thumps) (bowl clangs)
- This is all I need.
'Cause I'm afraid of actually eating this, this is from.
- 13 years is not that long.
- $65 mac and cheese.
- Tastes a little off.
- It's not right, it's not good.
- Tastes a little off.
- It's bad.
It's bad, food goes bad.
- Food goes bad, we proved it.
I don't think it's gonna hurt me,
I mean it shouldn't, I hope it doesn't,
'cause I already swallowed it.
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