Arin: Hey I'm Grump!
Dan: I'm Not So Grump!
Both: And we're the Game Grumps!
Arin: Hi, welcome to Game Grumps.
Dan: Arin just started this session by saying "I have swollen lymph nodes" and then just started Game Grumps
And I'm like "I have so many questions!"
Arin: I don't know what lymph nodes are, first of all.
Dan: They're the nodes that hide under your lymphs.
Arin: What are lymphs?
Dan: They're the place where your nodes are!
Arin: This really cleared up a lot for me!
Arin: How does he not see me?
Dan: I don't know.
Arin: These guys are dumbasses.
Arin: So I'm here storming Hyrule Castle
Arin: Hoping for a delicious meal - Wow, okay!
Dan: You just got a delicious meal of fucking, flaming torch sword to the face.
Arin: Ha ha!
Arin: You motherfucka! I got a steared- seared prime steak because I lit that bitch on fire!
Dan: Ew, you'd eat fucking moblin meat?
Arin: Yeah, why not?
Arin: What's wrong with moblin meat?
Arin: I think it was just sittin' around.
Dan: Like if it was -
Dan: You just had it on his person.
Arin: Well I think this was... because this is like the dinning room.
Arin: So I think it was just sittin' around some king,
Probably just left it out in the open.
Dan: I'm sure that turkey's still good.
Dan: Being there since the castle fell.
Arin: The "Question Mark Turkey".
The "Raw Turkey".
Arin: Yum yum! Dan: What is this,
Dan: A hundred years old? Excellent!
Arin: I've never gotten a Razor Shroom in this playthrough, are you kidding me?
Arin: Woah dude, watch out, he's gonna get me! (Sarcastically)
Arin: Watch out dude, he's really gonna get me! (Sarcastically)
Dan: Actually they do have a uh.. Arin: Ohhh!
Dan: You had to talk shit. Arin: He got me.
Dan: You had to talk shit, didn't you?
Arin: Well, it saved right before I went in there, probably.
Dan: *sighing* Oh boy.
Arin: I just wanted a - I just wanted a delicious snack from the room, but -
Arin: - these guys.
Dan: You did it.
Arin: I didn't know I had to pay a fucking toll.
Dan: Unless your plan was to get a fucking raw, hundred year old turkey and then be murdered,
Dan: I wouldn't say things went according to it.
Arin: What if that was my plan?
Dan: Well then, you nailed it.
Arin: Everything was great! Dan: You crushed it.
Arin: I got a big smile on my face because everything went exactly how I wanted it to go.
Dan: *makes a weird sound* Arin: Look, it even saved my progress from killing that guy.
Arin: And I got a Big Hearty Truffle out of it.
Soooo. Dan: It's the same Big Hearty Truffle you got before.
Arin: I don't think that's accurate. Dan: *laughs*
Arin: Aww, did he fall over?
Dan: Mmmm. Your Steel Lizal Bow is damaged.
Arin: Yeah, well, that's his problem.
Dan: I used to have two little anole lizards when I was a kid
And they were named Lizzy and Lizel.
And they fucked, once. Arin: As pets?!
Dan: Yeah, they were awesome.
Dan: I - not all of us grew up in Florida where those things just stick on your door. *laughs*
Arin: They sure do.
Dan: Aw, man, I had never seen one - um - before, until I saw one like at a pet store in the mall
and I was like *whispers* "Oh my God, I love them.
They're like little mini Godzillas."
They are. And they do the little *wohm* with their throat.
Dan: Yes! And it gets all red and puffy. Arin: Yeah.
Dan: To attract a mate.
That's what Lizel used to do. He'd be like *makes throaty noises*
Arin: *laughs* And Lizzy would be like "Oh, fuck yeah." *laughs*
Arin: God, look at that fucking plumage.
Dan: And I'm like, you guys -
You're both in a fu- you're the only living things in a little plastic cage that's the size of my foot.
Arin: Yeah, but you know what -
Dan: You don't need the courtship.
Arin: No, but, you know, it's like - if you're like, married and you're just sittin' around - Dan: *laughs*
Arin: Sometimes it's like: "Hey, you wanna..." and it's like "Hehe, yeah, I'mma do a little dance for ya."
Dan: Yeah, mix a little romance in there.
Arin: *makes trumpet noises*
And then you're like - Dan: Nothing wrong with that.
Arin: shit, baby. Like, you gotta get the gears turnin'.
You gotta get the pumps cleaned. Dan: Primed.
Yeah. Arin: You gotta get the gears turnin'.
Dan: Yeah, that's exactly right.
I was watching an interview with Geddy Lee, lead singer of Rush,
and he was saying - he's been married to his wife for, I think, fourty years now.
Arin: And did he?
Arin: Did he Geddy Lee?
Dan: I don't even know what that means.
But fine, we'll move on. Arin: *laughs*
And they asked him like, how are you, like, what's it like to be in a relationship that long?
And he was like
"My wife and I - I'm always very careful, even after all this time to treat and think of my wife as a girlfriend.
Instead of as a wife."
Um, and he was like, that's very important so you don't take them for granted, you know?
Arin: I mean, I just - I just treat my wife like a person.
Dan: Also that.
Arin: Cause I respect people.
Dan: Yeah, alright, don't - don't take the high road where the road was already high.
Arin: Well, I'm just sayin', I don't have to, like, well, you know, it's like fuckin' -
Dan: No, that wasn't directed at you, I was just like, thinking like it's kinda -
It was a cool way to look at it.
Speaking as someone who's never been in a relationship that's been longer than like, three years?
Like, the idea that um - someone would, uh, be in one for fourty - Arin: Wanna hang out with you?
Arin: No! I'm not -
Dan: Oh, God, Arin. Arin: No, I didn't mean it -
Dan: Oh! The -
Arin: That wasn't a slight, that was a - Dan: The straighted
edge of your truth sword Arin: *laughs*
Dan: is hurting my soul hard.
Arin: I was just saying, like, you know, I can't imagine somebody wanting to hang out with me
for fucking fourteen years, but lo and behold, somebody did.
Arin: So that's pretty cool.
Dan: And you got me, too!
I mean, we're only like six or seven years deep but I'd go another seven.
Arin: Yeah, but I don't live with you.
Dan: Yeah, I mean, it only feels like - Arin: I don't come home everyday
and be like: "What's uuuup?"
Dan: You do sometimes. Sometimes you show up at my house and you're like: "What's uuup?"
And I'm like... I don't love you.
Arin: *whispers* "How could you say that? Dan: *laughs*
You promised you'd never say it in front of the lovelies.
Arin: You're being a real meanie right now. Dan: (laughing) I'm sorry.
Arin: I don't want to bring our bedroom courting - Danny: *laughs*
Arin: into the *laughs*
Arin: You're really embarrassing me right now. Dan: Oh, man. Sorry.
Yeah, our nonexistent bedroom troubles *laugh*
Arin: Look at all this shit, dude!
Oh my God, Royal Guard's Shield!
Dan: You'd think they would've bothered to plunder this place in a hundred years.
Arin: Naw man, who's gonna plunder it, the fucking Moblins? They don't know shit.
Dan: Yeah, that's what I mean.
Arin: They just stand around and don't eat the food that's right in front of them.
Dan: Yeah, I know.
It's like they took the place over and they were like
"Leave the weapons and the food."
We'll just kinda wander around for a while.
Arin: We'll just use the cool air, I guess. Dan: Yeah.
And make sure that this place falls into a state of disrepair.
Arin: Yup, doing a great job at it!
Arin: I'm looking around and this disrepair is getting on.
Dan: What are the little floaty red things?
Dan: Yeah, is that just what it is?
Arin: I think it's just concentrated evil.
Dan: Yeah. Those little evil chunks.
Arin: Just sort of having it's way with the place.
Dan: Just evil flakes, floating in the air. By the way -
Arin: Just imagine the scenario if there weren't evil hanging around everywhere.
Dan: not a good breakfast cereal, evil flakes.
Arin: Aaah! Dan: Kellogg's, that was a misstep for them.
Arin: If you put a little sugar on it -
Then it's not so evil, is it?
Arin: No. Then it's tasty.
Dan: It's like fucking Grape-Nuts.
Dan: You put sugar on those jams and you're like oooh, now it's like sugarcoated pebbles that are breaking
Arin: I love Grape-Nuts.
Hey, you gotta let them soak in the milk for a little bit Dan: You sure do. Arin: so they're not so hard and hard.
Dan: Grape-Nuts are incredible, dude.
Their soaking potential -
Like, you can put three Grape-Nuts - which are each the size of, you know
Uh - just - just - what are they the size of?
Just the smallest pebble in the ocean.
Um, you can put three at the bottom of your bowl
and then pour in a gallon of milk
and just wait two seconds and it's like *slurping sound*
And then you just have three spongey ass Grape-Nuts Arin: *laughs*
Dan: at the bottom of your bowl.
Arin: Three spongey ass Grape-Nuts.
I'll eat them all! Dan: Yeah.
Arin: I'll eat - dude, have you ever fucking -
Okay, so I'm like, I'm doing the calorie counting thing right now.
Arin: Cause I'm like fuck it, why not try some other stuff? Dan: Sure.
And it's fine, whatever. But uh,
I'm like, what foods can I eat, but like in regulation - I'm like, what about cereal?
So I'm fucking - I pour myself a bowl of cereal without looking at the -
Well, I did, I looked at the calories - Dan: *laughs*
Arin: And it's like - Dan: I counted, I counted them.
Arin: And it's like a 120 or something, and I'm like
that's nothing! Dan: Is that - okay.
Arin: So I pour myself a bowl, I ate it
and then I looked at it again
and the serving size is like a fourth of a cup. Dan: *laughs*
Arin: So the cereal that I had ended up being like fucking 500 calories or something like that.
Dan: Is that a lot?
Arin: Yeah, well, the daily recommendation is 2000.
Arin: And my TDE is about 2200.
Dan: What does that mean?
Arin: It means how much you burn during the day just by existing.
Arin: Because I'm a bit fat man, 6'2" - Dan: *laughs*
Arin: I weigh 220 pounds.
Arin: So, uh -
I require a lot of calories to operate on the levels that I operate on.
Arin: I walk around, I carry around this big lump of coal in my body.
Dan: I eat a lot.
I burn a lot of calories eating *laughs*
Arin: You know what I fucking learned the other day? Dan: What?
This is gonna blow your fucking mind.
Dan: I'm ready, I've got my helmet on.
Arin: This is gonna rock your dick off, dude.
Dan: Hold on, let me lay some fucking paper towels down on the couch (laughing)
Arin: Hold on, hold on.
I'm serious though.
Dan: for when my brains are -
Arin: This is gonna - this is gonna
like, make your dick shatter in two.
Dan: Oh, well.
Let me layer uh, some extra paper towels, then. /s
Arin: This is gonna flatten your skull so that your brain is on a one dimensional plane.
Dan: Oh my God, I'll go two ply. /s
Arin: Where do you think - Dan: Uhu.
Arin: when you lose weight,
where do you think it goes?
Dan: Into heaven?
Arin: But seriously though.
Dan: When you lose weight?
Arin: Where does it go?
Dan: I thought it just - ...I don't know.
Arin: Did I ju - Fucking Siri.
It's - Oh. Dan: *laughs*
Arin: Oh, it's because I said 'seriously'.
Dan: Oh! *laughs*
Arin: Okay. Dan: Is Siri sticky, is that why you threw her down?
Dan: Is that why you threw Siri down, cause -
Arin: No, because I said 'seriously'.
Arin: and then she thought I was talking to her.
Dan: No, but you threw the phone down after you picked it up, like in a very like ugh kind of way.
Arin: No, because I didn't want to deal with her.
Dan: Oh, okay.
Arin: I don't want to deal with her fucking bullshit. Dan: I thought it was sticky, cause when I walked in to the Grump room today,
you were like, "Dude, everything is sticky, man." Arin: *laughs*
Dan: "And I don't know why."
Dan: I was like, I don't know either Arin, I haven't been here in days!
Arin: Pretty sure it had to do with the half opened can of Monster that like was dripping -
And it wasn't mine, by the way, I know that's the -
Dan: The first thing that people are gonna say. Arin: Yeah.
Arin: Okay, okay, okay, back to the topic at hand. Dan: Okay.
Arin: Where do you think
Dan: I don't know, I never really thought about it, I just thought it's - it just kinda vaporizes.
Arin: Okay, but, wh - but if you had to guess?
Dan: If I had to guess? Arin: Yeah.
Dan: I don't know, my guess is it will probably make me sound stupid.
Dan: Wouldn't it just be converted into energy?
Arin: Well - because nobody gets it right. Dan: Okay.
Arin: Because it's so weird.
Dan: Where does it go?
Dan: You poop it out?
Dan: Do you...poop it in?
Arin: And you were afraid of sounding stupid! Dan: *laughs*
Yeah, tell me.
Arin: You breathe it out.
Dan: No shit! Arin: Yeah!
Dan: You breathe out fat? Arin: Yes!
Isn't that nuts?
*panting sounds by Dan*
Arin: Exactly - well, so, if you do that, you're just hyperventilating.
Arin: So, what cardio does, whenever somebody says like, you know
if you're working out to lose weight, do something that makes you breathe heavy. Dan: Okay.
Arin: Because your body needs the oxygen, right.
Arin: So, if you're just breathing like that, it's like your body's not using that.
You'll end up giving yourself a headache. Dan: Right.
Arin: But if you're breathing heavy because your body needs more oxygen, then it'll use that oxygen and you won't get a headache
from breathing heavy.
Dan: Get out of here.
Arin: See what I'm saying?
Um. But anyway. Yeah!
So fat is like a really simple chemical compound.
It's like carbon and hydrogen or some shit,
and then when oxygen is introduced to it, it gets converted into,
carbondioxide and water.
Arin: Yeah! Like fucking, like straight up chemistry.
Dan: I - wha - I'm sure that's why sex burns so many calories, too
cause you're doing all that heavy breathing. Arin: Yeah.
Arin: Isn't that nuts? Dan: Yeah.
Next time I'm with a girl
and she's breathing heavily on my person, I'm gonna be like: "Yeah,
breathe your fat unto me."
Arin: But so, okay, so -
Dan: This took a weird turn. Arin: Where the fuck am I going?
It's actually 85% br - uh - air
and or carbondioxide
and then 15% water, and nobody knows what water that is. If it's sweat, if it's pee, whatever, they haven't figured that out yet.
Arin: But - Dan: Woah. Arin: So if you lost ten pounds
8.5 pounds of that
is just fucking - you breathed it out.
Dan: What - uhm - Arin: Isn't that nuts? Dan: Where did you learn this?
Arin: Uh, it was a TED talk.
Dan: No shit! Arin: Yeah.
Dan: Wow. Arin: The science of losing weight.
Isn't that nuts? Dan: That is superfascinating and weird. Arin: It's so cool!
It - it - it - so that's why when you like wake up in the morning, you're like "Oh shit, I lost like fucking
2 pounds in my sleep." Dan: Mhm.
Arin: Cause you're just breathing for 8 hours.
Dan: So I'm - I'mma - Arin: *mutters* Wow, what the fuck am I doing, man?
Dan: That's an excellent question.
You are really retracing your steps here.
Um. Maybe through that opening?
Arin: Yeah. I think I'm gonna try that.
Yeah, like - and I'm pretty much skinny to the point where it'll be dangerous for me to lose any more weight.
So maybe I just need to stop breathing! Arin: Yeah, you should - yeah.
Dan: Maybe that's the healthiest choice. Arin: Put a kibosh on that shit. Dan: Yeah.
Arin: Cause...Lord knows we don't need breathing. /s
Dan: Here I go.
Arin: Thank God.
Dan (while holding breath): Oh, I can actually feel myself getting fatter.
Arin: Yeah, man. It's uh - it's heavy shit.
Dan: Are you - oh, boy. You're close to Ganon.
Arin: I'm close to Ganon, dude. Dan: Oh my God,
so exciting. Arin: Calamity is almost right around the corner.
Dan: That's what my horoscope said today!
Arin: Uh, you're a pisces and it says "good luck and fortune will bestow upon you."
Dan: "Calamity is right around the corner!"
Arin: I'm a capricorn and it says "Death and forever sadness will always be there for you in a pinch."
Arin: Ow! A pinch!
Dan: Leonardo DaPinchi! *Arin laughs* Dan: Our pet hermit crab.
I fucking love that shit. I still think about that every now and then and giggle.
Arin: Leonardo Da Pinchi. Dan: Yeah!
*Dan giggles* Arin: It's something I said and I forgot.
Dan: Yeah, I believe so, actually. Arin: Hahaha, goddamnit.
Arin: Why don't I have a fucking handle on the funny shit that I say?
Dan: Why - why - Arin: Everything I remember is like, man, I wasn't funny that day.
And then you bring up something and you're like "Man, I remember this one time you were funny."
Arin: And I'm like, why don't I remember that?!
Dan: I remember hundreds of thousands of times you were funny.
Arin: Like, name one?!
Dan: Game...Grumps. *Arin laughs*
*Arin makes buzzer sound*
Dan: Oh, boy.
Arin: Game Grumps is not funny, Dan. Dan: Uh-oh, uh-oh.
Arin: There's nothing funny about Game Grumps (laughing).
Dan: Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, look out. Oooh, I'm scared.
Arin: There it goes. Dan: Oooooh.
Arin: Oooooh. Dan: That was just in time.
Arin: That sucked for you.
Arin: Dan, Game Grumps is no joke, okay! Dan: Okay.
Arin: It's not just a thing you can make jokes about.
You can giggle over.
Dan: Oh, there's the eye.
Arin: It's the eye of Saruman.
Dan: Sauron, but it's okay.
Arin: I've - I've - *laughs*
Dan: There actually is another character named Saruman -
Arin: George Clinton?
Dan: in, in the Lord of the Rings, so.
Arin: Is there somebody named George Clinton?
Dan: Uh, no - Arin: Did we talk about this? Dan: - he was in Parliament Funkadelic.
Arin: Okay, yeah, we talked about him. Dan: Yeah, you might be thinking of George Clinton.
Arin: Have we talked about uh - Randall Wilson?
Dan: Who's that? Arin: Exactly, who is that?
Dan: Next time on Game Grumps. Arin: Just a name I made up.
Dan: Oh, boy.
Arin: Look at how close to Calamity Ganon I am! Dan: Oh my God! That's exciting!
Arin: I'm about to get zapped!
Dan: You're about to - *Arin yelling*
Arin: Here we go. Dan: Look how close to Ganon I'm about to die.
Arin: Oooooh, no, more zappies! Dan: No, drop down the thing! Oh, you'll never make it.
Arin: Ooooooooh! Dan: What a terrible idea.
Bye! Arin: Drop down what thing?
*Dan laughing* There's lasers coming at me from every which way!
Dan: There - holy shit.
Arin: Oooh. Dan: Okay.
Arin: Next time, we're gonna walk up down the scary corridor. Dan: Oh my Lord.
Arin: He's my Lord too, Dan.