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Practice English Speaking&Listening with: You Hate This Show Because You Hate Yourself

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♪♪

One people, one planet.

Do you see what I see?

-We are one people. -We are one people.

United in a social movement.

Woman: We are one people.

Woman: We are one people.

United in a social movement.

I'm Sam Hyde, and this... [ Snaps fingers ]

...is the Toss It Project.

Unh!

♪♪

The premise is simple.

Just take the most hurtful thing anyone's ever said to you,

and write it down on a Styrofoam cup...

[ Man sings indistinctly ]

...and just toss it.

Toss that.

Just throw dat.

-Boom! -Boom!

[ Muffled shout ]

Playgrounds, schools,

a river -- anyplace.

Just throw it out. You got an iPhone?

Record yourself and upload it to social media.

Boom! You're gonna be famous!

Aah!

Friend requests from all the top celebrities.

If just one person would do this,

start paying it forward today,

the whole world would stop bullying right now.

Boom!

Yo, it's 2016,

and if you're not cool with homosexuals in your schools

teaching your kids about butt sex...

♪♪

Peace, because hate is wack, dude.

My race is done. You're inheriting the Earth,

along with some other undesirables,

and that's cool, bro. High five.

But check it out --

just remember who built this place, all right?

Remember to pay homage to the white man.

Thank you, whitey.

Yo, but you're better.

All: We are one people united in a social movement.

We can all be victims. [ Makes whoosh sound ]

♪♪

[ Hard rock playing ]

So, guys, you're back in the studio.

You know, album two. What's going through your heads?

It's important at this point that we, like,

give back to the fans, 'cause are fans are

the most, like, loving --

So important.

They're so awesome. Like, they support us so much.

They're good to us.

They're, like, so...sexy.

When the city falls tonight

When the city falls tonight

I'll be by your side! ♪

Just as... [ Shouts indistinctly ] ♪

Just as... [ Shouts indistinctly ] ♪

[ Shouting indistinctly ]

Uhh! [ Groans ]

What's, like,

the craziest gift a fan has ever given you?

This girl Sarah, uh, after a show,

walked up to me -- and she was probably, like, 14,

and it was important.

And she walked in, uh, right up to me

and she had her underwear in her mouth.

She couldn't even talk.

Oh, my God.

I'm sure that everyone out there wants to know...

Who's available? -[ Laughs ]

-Oh, shit. Oh, shit. -Oh, no.

I eat girls' [bleep], like, right away.

And it's like...

I don't even know why I subject myself to that,

and, like...

you don't even know if a girl's got something.

Like, what are you gonna.. I don't know. It's just --

When I was a kid, I was in a beauty pageant.

Tell us about that.

♪♪

Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Uhh!

Ohh!

-[ Shouts indistinctly ] -Are you [bleep] kidding me?

I'm outside, and this guy's [bleep] jawing at me, right?

And his girlfriend's [bleep] like this. [Bleep]. He's like --

I come up to him, I knock him right in the [bleep] eye, dude.

[Bleep] straight through the [bleep] jersey,

drop the gloves on him.

[Bleep] shit his [bleep] pants.

[ Lamp shatters ]

[ Speaks indistinctly ]

You know what it is about these [bleep] people,

is, like, there's no [bleep] loyalty.

-Dude, you know I would -- -No [bleep] loyalty.

Dude, I would take a [bleep] baseball bat

for anything.

[ Both laugh ]

So I'm trying to just [bleep], you know,

find my niche and get, you know, in the [bleep] groove.

Dude, I got a narrow window.

Bomb! Blast over the thing.

It's like this [bleep] kid's looking at me over there.

I [bleep] hate when people look at me.

I don't even know what the [bleep] he thinks he is doing.

[Bleep], get the [bleep] off my mom's couch.

Dude...

[Bleep] Six years, I still can't even

kick through a [bleep] armoire.

[ Loud bang ]

Dude, you almost ready to blow outta here?

I'm ready to get out of here

because it's [bleep] aggravating.

-Move. Move. -Move, move, move.

Joe Rogan taught me -- Joe Rogan taught me this thing.

You look over your left shoulder,

and [bleep].

[ Vase shatters ]

[ Laughs ]

No, I'm serious right now.

Like, I'm always the guy that was doing coke and stuff.

I know.

And I'm always gonna be that guy, dude.

[ Voice breaks ] Like, she can't take that away from me, dude.

♪♪

[ Muzak playing ]

[ Laughs ]

-Wow! -[ Whispers ] Come on in.

Hello.

Hiya!

Welcome to Hyper Gen X.

My name is Chos. How may I help you today?

Well, we waited some time,

but I think it's about time to have a child.

So we're hoping to --

No.

We're here because we need to find suitable genetic material

for commingling with my own. Okay?

Not necessarily using my husband's DNA.

-[ Clears throat ] -Let me show you what we got.

Oh, shit!

Meet my friend Vermouth.

He's a bit odd. I think you might like him.

What do you think?

Well, I mean, I think he's a start.

Um... [ Clicks tongue ] Is he funny?

Funny? Hmm. Well, if you want him

to perform for you like a little jester,

you just give him a little... in the balls right there.

You give any guy a kick to the balls like that,

he'll be on his knees. You can sit on his head.

You can ride him like a dog or a pony.

Whatever you want.

I like that.

I call this guy Chigger.

He's gonna come over here

and he's gonna give ya a deck to the face.

-This guy... -[ Whispers ] Stop it.

...he's a little bit darker.

He's got tattoos.

He's got no underwear, you know?

Ooh.

He, uh, can just pull down his pants really quick.

You can play him like a guitar. You know?

See?

A doll's eyes. Okay, how's he doing it for you?

My ovaries feel like hot soup, looking at my future son.

[ Deep voice ] Hey.

I mean, I'm -- I'm obligated...

-[ Deep voice ] Hey. -...to tell you this --

this is going to be a mix for your son.

But in this, you know, in this current year...

Hey, little baby man.

[ Continues indistinctly ]

You got your little baby suit on?

I want to feel tingles.

[ Thud ]

I'm gonna swing ol' Chigger over here.

Right there to the bike.

And I'm gonna have my man Skip come on down over here.

Whoo! And he's gonna take you down to the containment unit.

And we're gonna commingle your genes, splice 'em up,

to see if they're compatible

with the standards that you hold yourself to.

-Sweetheart. -Come over here. Right there.

-Sweetheart. -You just wait there, honey.

We don't have to do this.

We can just do it, just you and me.

♪♪

Be safe, baby.

♪♪

Oh, yeah, you'll be speaking Sputnik

after she blows your [bleep] brains out.

[ Screaming ]

Oh, looks like your wife is out of the oven.

[ Loud buzzing ]

[ Continues screaming ]

♪♪

[ Crowd shouting faintly ]

[ Bat cracks ] -Whoo!

Come on! Man, get up! Catch the ball!

Line drive!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Don't embarrass me!

♪♪

Come on!

Danny!

Are you kidding me right now, man?

-Get the ball, bud! -Sure thing, Coach.

Get the ball, bud!

Get the ball, bud. I'll get the ball, bud.

-Get the ball, bud. -I'm getting the ball, bud.

Just get the ball, bud.

Hey, bud, why don't you get the ball?

Coach: Use your thigh muscles.

I'm getting the ball, bud.

You gotta listen to Coach, man. This is trophy season.

Yeah, Coach King, he's the best.

Coach: Okay?

Hurry.

To tell you the truth, though...

We're waiting.

...he kinda does kinda look at us sometimes.

That's fine.

He's scouting us for, uh, private school.

-Expensive private school, free. -Is that really what you think?

-That's what I think. -Are you serious, dude?

Yeah.

Why did he make me dye my hair blonde?

Coach: I'm not allowed to be on the field.

I don't know. Doesn't look bad.

Can I tell you something privately?

I think Coach King might be a pedophile.

-There's no way. -No?

No way. He's -- he's looking at us closely

'cause he's got private schools in his pocket,

because he deals with a lot of different private schools.

Okay, no conversation! Just -- just the ball!

Trophy... private school...

Duke...

Mercedes.

Coach: Just get the ball.

All right, I'll get the ball.

Coach, check it out!

Is this what you want?

Is this what you want, you old [bleep]?

Good job.

[ Sighs ]

What are you doing?

What the [bleep] is he doing?

♪♪

Hey, welcome back.

We're scribbling with Cody Celibate.

-Why are you up there? -Um...

I'm being a monkey?

Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad! ♪

I was molested by a doctor

for, like...six years when I was in a coma.

It was, like, a female doctor.

No, it wasn't.

She --

It was an old guy doctor.

The thing is, it was, like, hot.

Like, blonde, 35-year-old doctor.

She was, like, always giving me such good head.

No.

♪♪

The police report said it was a 60-year-old Jewish guy.

You wanted to walk out with him

But I had grabbed your hand

♪ 'Cause if I see you looking at him

I'm gonna bust his teeth

And put him in the ground

If your personality was a drink, you know...

[ Fabric rips ]

...what would you be?

I like to think of myself as a little bit of Yoo-hoo.

It's always something I loved as a kid,

and, uh, everyone always got it for me.

Like, my parents got it for me

when I was down in hell -- daycare for years.

What is Yoo-hoo? Is that, like, chocolate?

Nah, yeah, it's like chocolate water.

You don't know what a Yoo-hoo is?

I don't know.

[ Laughs ]

You dumb [bleep] bitch.

No. [ Laughs ]

[ Forced chuckle ]

I'm just kidding.

♪♪

Boy: I have to take 54 milligrams of Concerta

every morning, and it's making me different.

My mom says soldiers are hyper masculine

and bad for the world.

I post pictures online.

Boy: I'm owned by the state. I'm owned by the state.

I'm owned by the state.

Boy: My parents are totally misinformed.

[ Boy laughs ]

Boy: My teachers have been discussing sex in class,

and my mom and dad think it's just fine.

[ Boy laughs ]

♪♪

Boy: I think bad thoughts.

♪♪

[ Boy laughs ]

Boy: I don't wanna be a soldier anymore.

I wanna be a marketing executive,

like my mom.

Boy: My mom told me that Donald Trump is a racist,

so I have no choice but to believe her.

♪♪

[ Voice echoing ] Brian, dinner's ready!

♪♪

Boy: I wanna be a graphic designer like my mom.

I'm scared of growing up.

Made in Georgia.

The Description of You Hate This Show Because You Hate Yourself