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Practice English Speaking&Listening with: The One With the Dirty Girl

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THANK YOU FOR THE DELICIOUS DINNER.

YOU'RE WELCOME FOR THE DELICIOUS DINNER.

HEY! WHAT ARE YOU GUYS LOOKING AT?

Chandler: OH, THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD.

YEAH, COME TO PAPA!

I KNOW!

PROBABLY THE ONLY TIME I'LL EVER SAY THIS

BUT DID YOU SEE THE ASS ON HER?

WHERE DID YOU...?

WHEN DID YOU...?

HOW DID YOU...?

HOW DID YOU GET A GIRL LIKE THAT?

YEAH, SO, WHAT IS SHE...

LIKE, A SPOKESMODEL?

AEROBICS INSTRUCTOR? WHAT?

ACTUALLY, SHE'S A PALEONTOLOGY DOCTORAL CANDIDATE

SPECIALIZING IN THE CENOZOIC ERA.

OKAY, BUT THAT'S, LIKE, THE EASIEST ERA.

I'VE SEEN HER AT WORK

BUT I ALWAYS FIGURED...

( snorting )

BUT, UH, I MADE HER DINNER

WE HAD A GREAT TIME

AND WE'RE GOING OUT AGAIN TOMORROW.

MAYBE SHE AND HER FRIENDS ARE HAVING A CONTEST

TO SEE WHO BRINGS HOME THE BIGGEST GEEK.

FINE BY ME.

HOPE SHE WINS.

[Captioning sponsored by WARNER BROS. TELEVISION, NBC

and OCEAN SPRAY. REFRESHINGLY HONEST.]

SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY

YOUR JOB'S A JOKE, YOU'RE BROKE

YOUR LOVE LIFE'S D.O.A. ♪

IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ALWAYS STUCK IN SECOND GEAR

WHEN IT HASN'T BEEN YOUR DAY

YOUR WEEK, YOUR MONTH, OR EVEN YOUR YEAR

BUT I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU

WHEN THE RAIN STARTS TO POUR

I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU

LIKE I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE

I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU

♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME, TOO. ♪

DO YOU GUYS HAVE ANY WRAPPING PAPER?

OH! IS IT FOR MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT?

PHEEBS, IT WAS YOUR BIRTHDAY, LIKE, MONTHS AGO.

YEAH, BUT REMEMBER YOU SAID YOU ORDERED SOMETHING SPECIAL

AND IT JUST HADN'T COME YET?

WELL, I HAVE A CALL IN ABOUT THAT.

OH, OKAY.

ACTUALLY, THIS IS FOR KATHY'S BIRTHDAY.

IT'S AN EARLY EDITION OF HER FAVORITE BOOK.

OH!

THE VELVETEEN RABBIT.

OH, MY GOD. WHEN THE BOY'S LOVE MAKES THE RABBIT REAL...

OKAY, BUT DON'T TOUCH IT

BECAUSE YOUR FINGERS HAVE DESTRUCTIVE OILS.

OH.

WELL, THEN YOU BETTER KEEP IT AWAY

FROM ROSS' HAIR.

THIS IS PRETTY RARE.

HOW DID YOU GET THAT?

IT WASN'T A BIG DEAL.

I JUST WENT TO A COUPLE OF BOOKSTORES

TALKED TO A COUPLE OF DEALERS

CALLED A COUPLE OF THE AUTHOR'S GRANDCHILDREN.

OH... HONEY, THAT'S SO SWEET.

YEAH, AND WHAT A GREAT WAY TO SAY, "I SECRETLY LOVE YOU

ROOMMATE'S GIRLFRIEND."

IT DOESN'T SAY THAT.

DOES IT?

HOW DO YOU THINK IT WILL LOOK WHEN YOU GET HER

SOMETHING INCREDIBLY MEANINGFUL AND EXPENSIVE

AND HER BOYFRIEND JOEY

GIVES HER AN ORANGE?

OKAY, I'LL JUST MAKE SURE

JOEY GETS HER SOMETHING REALLY GREAT.

IT'S GOT TO BE BETTER THAN THAT BOOK.

OOH! LIKE A CROSSBOW!

YEAH.

ONCE AGAIN, I AM SORRY.

THANK YOU.

BYE.

I JUST HAD TO TURN DOWN A JOB

CATERING A FUNERAL FOR 60 PEOPLE.

( gasping ): OH, MY GOD!

WHAT HAPPENED?

60 GUESTS.

SO, UH, WHY'D YOU HAVE TO TURN IT DOWN?

BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE

THE MONEY OR EQUIPMENT

TO HANDLE SOMETHING THAT BIG ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE.

THERE'S NO WAY.

WHAT IS WITH ALL THE NEGATIVITY?

YOU SOUND LIKE "MONI CAN'T", NOT "MONI CAN."

"MONI CA."

YOU HAVE BEEN PLAYING AROUND WITH CATERING

FOR OVER THREE YEARS.

DO YOU WANT TO BE A CATERER OR NOT?

I DON'T KNOW.

THERE YOU GO! THAT'S THE SPIRIT!

NOW IF YOU NEED MONEY

I WILL LEND YOU MONEY.

BUT JUST GET MOVING!

REALLY? I NEED $500 FOR FOOD AND SUPPLIES AND STUFF.

IT'S WORTH IT IF IT'LL GET YOU MOVING.

YOU HAVEN'T WORKED IN MONTHS.

YOU'RE NOT WORKING, EITHER.

YES, BUT I'M DOING THIS.

THAT'D BE GREAT.

THANK YOU.

HEY.

HEY!

HEY.

CAN I BORROW THE KEYS TO YOUR APARTMENT?

WHY?

( chuckling )

( whispering )

YOU CAN PEE HERE!

( chuckling nervously )

YES, I CAN.

OF COURSE.

IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME.

IT'S OKAY.

THE DUCK'S USING OUR BATHROOM ANYWAY.

HEY, JOE

WHAT ARE YOU GETTING KATHY FOR HER BIRTHDAY?

WE'VE ONLY GONE OUT A COUPLE OF WEEKS.

YOU THINK I'M GETTING HER SOMETHING?

YES, YOU HAVE TO GET HER SOMETHING REALLY NICE.

OH! I KNOW.

AND NOT ONE OF YOUR COUPONS FOR AN HOUR OF "JOEY LOVE."

OOH! A CROSSWORD! CAN I HELP?

NO!

I'M SORRY, HONEY.

LAST WEEK, I GOT ALL BUT THREE ANSWERS.

I WANT TO FINISH ONE WITHOUT HELP.

FINE.

BUT YOU CAN'T HELP ME DEVELOP

MY NEW UNIVERSAL LANGUAGE.

HEY.

HOW'D IT GO?

OH, MY GOD!

IT WAS THE BEST FUNERAL EVER!

EVERYONE LOVED THE FOOD

AND GUESS WHAT?

I GOT ANOTHER FUNERAL TOMORROW--

THE DEAD GUY FROM TODAY'S BEST FRIEND.

IT IS LIKE I AM THE OFFICIAL CATERER

FOR THAT ACCIDENT.

GOD, I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!

OH, THANKS.

CHECK OUT MY NEW CATERING STUFF.

( gasping )

LOOK! I'M AN OMELET STATION!

"OMELET, MADE TO ORDER."

( laughing ): I'LL HAVE ONE, PLEASE.

PLUS MY MONEY.

OH.

I DIDN'T REALIZE YOU NEEDED IT BACK RIGHT AWAY.

YOU TOLD ME TO GO BE A CATERER.

SO I WENT, I BE'D.

I USED IT TO BUY

ALL THIS STUFF.

I GOT ANOTHER JOB TOMORROW.

I'LL PAY YOU BACK WITH THE MONEY FROM THAT.

OH! OKAY.

OOH, SORRY I ACTED

LIKE A BANK.

HMM...

UM...

WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME IN?

DID HOMO ERECTUS HUNT WITH WOODEN TOOLS?

ACCORDING TO RECENT FINDINGS.

( both laughing )

( snorting )

HERE, MITZI!

HERE, MITZI.

UH...

MITZI IS...?

MY HAMSTER.

I HOPE SHE'S OKAY.

I HAVEN'T SEEN HER IN A WHILE.

HAVE A SEAT.

( no audio )

UH...

OH, HEY!

DO YOU, UH...

( crunching )

DO YOU HAVE ANY, UM...

CINNAMON FRUIT TOASTIES?

WHAT?

WELL, I DO.

WHY DON'T WE GO BACK TO MY PLACE

LIGHT A COUPLE OF CANDLES

BREAK OPEN A BOX OF CINNAMON FRUIT TOASTIES.

I'D RATHER NOT.

OH, YEAH?

WHY NOT?

OKAY, UM...

DON'T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY?

BUT YOUR PLACE KIND OF HAS A WEIRD SMELL.

IS EVERYTHING IN THE CAR?

YEP.

DID YOU SETTLE THE BILL?

NO.

I HATE THIS PART.

( gasping ): OH! LOOK WHAT WE ALMOST LEFT!

THAT'S NOT MINE.

OH, ALL RIGHT.

OOH! LOOK WHAT WE ALMOST TOOK!

EXCUSE ME, MISS BURKART.

WELL, WE'RE ALL CLEANED UP IN THE KITCHEN.

OH, GOOD.

THANK YOU.

( sniffing )

UM...

( clears throat )

AND, WELL, THERE'S JUST...

THE SMALL MATTER OF THE, UM...

DEAR?

JUST THE MATTER OF...

THE PAYMENT?

JACK USED TO HANDLE THE FINANCES.

( sobbing )

( sighing )

YOU KNOW WHAT WE SHOULD ALL DO?

GO SEE A MUSICAL.

SURE.

AND YOU KNOW

WHICH ONE WE SHOULD SEE?

THE 1996 TONY AWARD WINNER.

DO YOU HAPPEN TO KNOW

THE NAME OF THAT ONE?

I DON'T KNOW, UH...

GREASE?

NO.

RENT?

YES!

RENT.

OKAY, SO WHEN DO YOU WANT TO GO?

WHAT?

OH, I'M SORRY, I CAN'T.

I'M BUSY.

HEY.

MAN, IT IS SO HARD TO SHOP FOR GIRLS.

( groaning )

YES, IT IS-- AT "OFFICE MAX."

WHAT DID YOU GET HER?

A PEN.

IT'S TWO GIFTS IN ONE.

IT'S A PEN THAT'S ALSO A CLOCK, HUH?

HA-HA!

YOU CAN'T GIVE HER THAT.

WHY NOT?

BECAUSE SHE'S NOT 11!

AND IT'S NOT

THE SEVENTH NIGHT OF CHANUKAH!

HONEY, WHAT HE MEANS IS, WHILE THIS IS A VERY NICE GIFT

MAYBE IT'S JUST NOT SOMETHING A BOYFRIEND GIVES?

SURE, IT IS.

SHE NEEDS A PEN FOR WORK

SHE'S WRITING, SHE TURNS IT OVER--

"WHOA! IT'S TIME FOR MY DATE WITH JOEY!"

LOOK, WHAT DID YOU GET FOR ANGELA DELVECCHIO

FOR HER BIRTHDAY?

SHE DIDN'T HAVE A BIRTHDAY WHILE

WE WERE GOING OUT.

FOR THREE YEARS?

WELL, LOOK, IT'S TOO LATE, AND I GOT AN AUDITION.

( whining ): I CAN'T SHOP ANYMORE!

ALL RIGHT, I WILL GO OUT

AND I WILL TRY TO FIND SOMETHING FOR HER, OKAY?

THANKS, MAN.

OH, WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, COULD YOU GET HER A CARD?

WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO WRITE HER A LITTLE POEM, AS WELL?

OR JUST GET A CARD THAT HAS A POEM

ALREADY IN IT.

YOU HAVE TO GET OUR MONEY!

PHEEBS, SHE COULDN'T STOP CRYING.

WITH THOSE THICK GLASSES, HER TEARS LOOKED GIANT.

I KNOW IT'S TOUGH.

YOU KNOW THE FIRST THING I DID AFTER MY MOTHER'S FUNERAL?

WHAT?

PAY THE CATERER.

LOOK, I'VE HAD A LOT OF JOBS

AND THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE

WHO JUST ALWAYS TRY TO GET OUT OF PAYING.

IT'S EITHER, "THAT MASSAGE WASN'T LONG ENOUGH"

OR, "I DON'T RECOGNIZE ANY OF THOSE SONGS"

OR, "THESE SOMBREROS AREN'T BIG ENOUGH.

BAD LITTLE WHITE GIRL."

OKAY.

SO YOU-YOU THINK SHE'S FAKING?

IT SEEMS LIKE THERE WEREN'T ANY TEARS

TILL YOU SHOWED HER THE BILL.

SHE SOUNDED PRETTY UPSET TO ME.

YOU'RE A GRAND OLD FLAG

YOU'RE A HIGH-FLYIN' FLAG

AND FOREVER IN PEACE MAY YOU WAVE... ♪

SHE SEEMS FINE NOW.

THE LAND I LOVE

THE HOME OF... ♪

SO YOU JUST LEFT?

HER PLACE WAS REALLY THAT BAD?

YOU KNOW HOW YOU THROW YOUR JACKET ON A CHAIR

AT THE END OF THE DAY?

LIKE THAT, ONLY INSTEAD OF A CHAIR

IT'S A PILE OF GARBAGE.

AND INSTEAD OF A JACKET, IT'S A PILE OF GARBAGE.

AND INSTEAD OF

THE END OF THE DAY

IT'S THE END OF TIME

AND GARBAGE IS ALL THAT HAS SURVIVED.

HERE.

WOW. THANKS.

SO, UH, WHAT HAPPENED?

NOTHING HAPPENED.

I HAD TO GET OUT OF THERE.

ALL RIGHT. NEXT TIME, YOU TAKE HER TO YOUR PLACE.

NO. I TRIED THAT.

SHE SAYS IT HAS A WEIRD SMELL.

WHAT KIND OF SMELL?

I DON'T KNOW-- SOAP?!

ALL RIGHT. LISTEN, ROSS.

YOU LIKE THIS GIRL, RIGHT?

YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN?

YEAH.

SO YOU'LL HAVE TO DO IT

IN THE MESS!

YEAH, OKAY. YOU'RE RIGHT.

YEAH.

I MEAN, UH, WHO CARES ABOUT A LITTLE SLOPPINESS?

YEAH.

IT'S, UH...

IT'S ENDEARING, REALLY.

ALL RIGHT.

NOW, YOU GO GET THAT BEAUTIFUL PIG.

( snorts like pig )

OKAY, ALL RIGHT.

I JUST SPENT THE ENTIRE AFTERNOON

LOOKING FOR A PRESENT FOR KATHY

THAT WOULD BE BETTER THAN THE RABBIT.

ANY LUCK?

OH, YEAH.

I FOUND THIS GREAT PLACE CALLED

"INVISIBLE THINGS FOR KATHY."

CAN YOU GIVE ME A HAND WITH ALL THIS STUFF?

ALL RIGHT, LOOK.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST RETURN THE BOOK

LET JOEY GIVE HER THE CLOCK PEN AND YOU GET HER SOMETHING

WORSE THAN THAT LIKE... A REGULAR PEN.

SHE'S REALLY GOING TO LOVE THIS, YOU KNOW?

THE BOTTOM LINE IS I WANT HER TO HAVE IT

EVEN IF I DON'T GET TO BE THE ONE

WHO GIVES IT TO HER.

OH, HONEY, THAT'S SO SWEET.

YEAH? YOU DON'T THINK IT'S JUST PATHETIC?

OOH! PATHETIC.

HEY! I'M MEETING KATHY IN TEN MINUTES.

I BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU.

WHERE?

OUR PLACE, THE HALL!

I... WE...

I GOT SOMETHING FOR HER.

IT'S A BOOK.

A BOOK?

( gasps )

IS IT, LIKE, A BOOK THAT'S ALSO A SAFE?

IT'S A BOOK; JUST A BOOK.

IT'S AN EARLY EDITION OF THE VELVETEEN RABBIT.

IT WAS HER FAVORITE BOOK AS A KID.

SO, UH, JUST LET ME KNOW IF SHE LIKES IT, OKAY?

OH, YOU GOT IT. THANKS, MAN.

THANKS FOR DOING THIS. I OWE YOU ONE.

HEY! THERE WASN'T CHANGE FROM THAT 20, WAS THERE?

NO. IT CAME OUT TO AN EVEN 20.

WOW.

THAT'S ALMOST AS MUCH AS A NEW BOOK.

( brisk piano )

JEEPERS, CREEPERS

WHERE'D YOU GET THOSE PEEPERS? ♪

JEEPERS, CREEPERS... ♪

YOU DIDN'T GET THE MONEY, DID YOU?

MAYBE I CAN TRY AT INTERMISSION?

OH, PHOEBE, COME ON.

LET'S JUST GO.

NO! HEY, WE'RE NOT LEAVING TILL WE GET PAID.

WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS?

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

HEY, WIDOW.

COME ON ALONG AND LISTEN TO

WIDOW?

THE LULLABY OF... ♪

EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME!

THANKS.

UM, CLEARLY, THIS IS A VERY, VERY HARD TIME FOR YOU

UM, BUT WE PROVIDED A SERVICE AND WE DESERVE TO BE PAID

BECAUSE YOU ATE THAT SERVICE

AND, UM, WE ARE NOT LEAVING HERE

UNTIL WE ARE PAID EVERY PENNY, 'CAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT, LADY?

WE'RE PART-TIME CATERERS AND WE HAVE NO PLACE ELSE TO GO.

OH, ALL RIGHT.

I'LL GET MY BAG.

GOOD.

I'M GOING TO LEAVE SOME CARDS HERE.

PLEASE THINK OF US FOR YOUR NEXT EVENT.

SO YOU WANT TO COME INSIDE?

( hesitantly ): YES.

( firmly ): YES, I DO.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE.

GUESS WHO?

UH... DEPARTMENT OF SANITATION?

IT'S ME.

OH.

OH!

WHAT?

OH, CHERYL!

OH, ROSS!

OH! OH!

( wails )

OH... GOD.

( rustling )

( yells )

OH, NO! NO!

NO, NO, NO!

IT'S MY... IT'S MY...

IT'S MY HAMSTER! IT'S MITZI!

OH, MY GOD.

I'M SO SORRY. I MUST HAVE FREAKED OUT.

OH, THANK GOD, IT'S NOT MITZI.

( sighs )

IT'S JUST A RAT.

I DID IT.

OH! I FINISHED IT!

I DID IT ALL BY MYSELF!

AND THERE'S NOBODY TO HUG.

( clattering )

MOVE!

HEY.

HEY, YOU GUYS!

I FINISHED THE CROSSWORD BY MYSELF. HUG ME.

YAY! THAT'S SO GOOD.

CONGRATULATIONS.

THANK YOU.

HOW'D THE CATERING GO?

OH, IT WAS GREAT.

THE WIDOW WOULDN'T PAY

SO PHOEBE YELLED AT HER TILL SHE DID.

YEAH. I'M A HARDASS.

AND I'M A WUSS.

AND WE SHOULD BE PARTNERS.

YEAH-- HARDASS AND WUSS.

WE COULD FIGHT CRIME.

WAIT A MINUTE, PHOEBE.

WE SHOULD BE PARTNERS.

WE SHOULD BE CATERING PARTNERS.

THINK ABOUT IT.

YOU'RE NOT WORKING RIGHT NOW

AND WE HAVE SUCH A GREAT TIME TOGETHER.

OKAY.

I COOK, YOU TAKE CARE OF THE MONEY.

OH! IT'LL BE LIKE I HAVE A WIFE IN THE '50s.

( both screaming )

( scratching )

HEY.

HEY. HOW'D IT GO?

HOW'D SHE LIKE THE GIFT?

MAN, SHE LOVED IT.

SHE'S SHOWING MONICA AND RACHEL NOW.

OH, YEAH? THAT'S GREAT.

LISTEN. I GOT TO TELL YOU.

I FEEL KIND OF BAD TAKING CREDIT FOR THIS

BECAUSE, MAN, AM I GOING TO GET

A LOT OF CREDIT FOR THIS.

( both chuckle )

HEY.

HEY.

HEY. HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

THANK YOU.

YOU KNOW, UH, CHANDLER GOT YOU A GIFT, TOO.

NO, HE DIDN'T.

YEAH, HE DID.

LOOK. IT'S RIGHT THERE ON THE COUNTER. HO-HO-HO!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

I'M SORRY.

YOU REALLY DIDN'T HAVE TO.

WOW.

SEE, YOU THINK IT'S JUST A PEN

BUT THEN YOU TURN IT OVER AND IT'S ALSO A CLOCK.

YEAH.

NO. THIS IS GREAT.

THANK YOU, CHANDLER.

OH. Y-YEAH.

AH.

WANT TO GO TO BED?

I'LL BE IN IN A MINUTE.

OH, UH, DON'T FORGET YOUR COUPON.

GOOD NIGHT.

UM, THANK YOU FOR THE GIFT.

OH, UH, YEAH.

I JUST KNEW THAT SOMETIMES WHEN YOU'RE WRITING

YOU-YOU DON'T ALWAYS KNOW THE EXACT TIME.

NO. I DIDN'T MEAN THE PEN.

THANK YOU FOR THE BOOK.

UH, THE BOOK?

THE VELVETEEN RABBIT?

I HAVE THE FEELING YOU HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WELL, WHEN JOEY GAVE IT TO ME

HE SAID, "THIS IS 'CAUSE I KNOW YOU LIKE RABBITS

AND I KNOW YOU LIKE CHEESE."

( sighs )

THANKS. I LOVE IT.

AND I KNOW HOW HARD IT MUST HAVE BEEN

FOR YOU TO FIND.

( mutters ): OH, WELL.

BY THE WAY, IN CASE YOU MISSED THAT, THAT SOUND WAS:

( mutters ): OH, WELL.

YOU MUST REALLY LIKE JOEY

TO GO TO ALL THAT TROUBLE FOR HIM.

OH, YEAH! HE'S MY...

HE'S MY BEST FRIEND.

OH, WELL.

GOOD NIGHT.

HEY, THAT COUPON EXPIRES, YOU KNOW.

( both giggle )

( knocking )

HI.

UH, YOU DON'T KNOW ME.

I'M MONICA GELLER, ROSS'S SISTER.

OH, YEAH. YOU KNOW, IT'S TOO BAD

THAT DIDN'T WORK OUT.

YEAH.

ANYWAY, HE TOLD ME ABOUT YOUR APARTMENT

AND, UM, WELL...

I COULDN'T SLEEP THINKING ABOUT IT.

SO, UH, WOULD IT BE OKAY IF I CLEANED IT?

[Captioning sponsored by WARNER BROS. TELEVISION, NBC

and OCEAN SPRAY. REFRESHINGLY HONEST.

Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation]

The Description of The One With the Dirty Girl