Practice English Speaking&Listening with: Arkham City Sucks

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Batman: Arkham City is the most overrated game

in 300 years!

For some god-forsaken reason, this hybrid between...

Splinter Cell and a "beat 'em up"

is being paraded as a "Masterpiece" of video gaming.

Every time someone describes Arkham City, they say

[Clueless Scrub] "Oh man! That game makes you feel like Batman!"

[Dunkey] Now, I never read the comic books,

but, uh

was there really an issue where Batman became



This man is a HUMAN TANK!!!

He can't see his own feet because his pectoral muscles

weigh 300 pounds EACH!

How is he sliding across the ground

like a goddamn Olympic ice-skater?!

I wouldn't mind that Batman jumps around

like a total asshole,

if the combat was actually engaging

in any way whatsoever...

CRIMINAL: There's a fight goin' on over there!

*mashes Δ*

CRIMINAL: Whaddya gonna do Bat?

*shallow combat mechanics*

CRIMINAL: This will be easy Batman!

*repetitive metascore*

CRIMINAL: I'll kill you freak!

*button mashing continues*

*new tilt combo attack*

For the stealth parts, you have like 12 gadgets,

10 of them are worthless.

But still...

the best thing to do is just

sneak up behind people...

...and hit the Δ button like always.

It's brain dead gaming. There's no challenge.

You can't really be creative in how you take people down

It's just...

BATMAN: A Batarang will hold enough charge to overload the fuse box.

DUNKEY: Oh really?!

I thought I just fucking hit it with a goddamn Batarang!!

The story actually starts out really interesting

and then, uh...

something happens with the Penguin...

and then Robin shows up...

I don't care anymore.

I think what sucked me out of the story the most

is when I realized Batman was an uncharismatic



DEATHSTROKE: So it's the world's greatest detective

versus the world's deadliest assassin?

Who's going to win?

BATMAN: Not him.

*the crowd goes wild*

You can never defeat me Batman!

...unless you have Mr. Freeze's suit!

The only way to defeat the Penguin... to use my Mr. Freeze Suit dude.

OFFICER: And that's the famous Freeze Suit.

BATMAN: Unfortunately.

Didn't I already beat Penguin anyway?

This game is also loaded with AGLs;

just shit to waste time.


Something dino...

Just take each screw out real quick...

and just...

place it gently next to the vent...

so I don't lose it.

What's an 8 letter word for "penguin?"

Batman! It's me: Morgan Freeman.

You'll have to rip out all 3 screens

on the communications towers

to stop Penguin's plan.

He... uh...

put 3 screens on there...

as a hilarious joke.

Also, there are 10 towers.

Is this the new Gameboy OneDS?

MR. FREEZE: What man?

BATMAN: His name is...

DUNKEY: He can't even say Ra's al-Ghul right.

What a fucking idiot.


The Description of Arkham City Sucks