Batman: Arkham City is the most overrated game
in 300 years!
For some god-forsaken reason, this hybrid between...
Splinter Cell and a "beat 'em up"
is being paraded as a "Masterpiece" of video gaming.
Every time someone describes Arkham City, they say
[Clueless Scrub] "Oh man! That game makes you feel like Batman!"
[Dunkey] Now, I never read the comic books,
but, uh
was there really an issue where Batman became
A FUCKING
BALLERINA?!
This man is a HUMAN TANK!!!
He can't see his own feet because his pectoral muscles
weigh 300 pounds EACH!
How is he sliding across the ground
like a goddamn Olympic ice-skater?!
I wouldn't mind that Batman jumps around
like a total asshole,
if the combat was actually engaging
in any way whatsoever...
CRIMINAL: There's a fight goin' on over there!
*mashes Δ*
CRIMINAL: Whaddya gonna do Bat?
*shallow combat mechanics*
CRIMINAL: This will be easy Batman!
*repetitive metascore*
CRIMINAL: I'll kill you freak!
*button mashing continues*
*new tilt combo attack*
For the stealth parts, you have like 12 gadgets,
10 of them are worthless.
But still...
the best thing to do is just
sneak up behind people...
...and hit the Δ button like always.
It's brain dead gaming. There's no challenge.
You can't really be creative in how you take people down
It's just...
BATMAN: A Batarang will hold enough charge to overload the fuse box.
DUNKEY: Oh really?!
I thought I just fucking hit it with a goddamn Batarang!!
The story actually starts out really interesting
and then, uh...
something happens with the Penguin...
and then Robin shows up...
I don't care anymore.
I think what sucked me out of the story the most
is when I realized Batman was an uncharismatic
mental
RETARD!
DEATHSTROKE: So it's the world's greatest detective
versus the world's deadliest assassin?
Who's going to win?
BATMAN: Not him.
*the crowd goes wild*
You can never defeat me Batman!
...unless you have Mr. Freeze's suit!
The only way to defeat the Penguin...
...is to use my Mr. Freeze Suit dude.
OFFICER: And that's the famous Freeze Suit.
BATMAN: Unfortunately.
Didn't I already beat Penguin anyway?
This game is also loaded with AGLs;
just shit to waste time.
Dino...
Something dino...
Just take each screw out real quick...
and just...
place it gently next to the vent...
so I don't lose it.
What's an 8 letter word for "penguin?"
Batman! It's me: Morgan Freeman.
You'll have to rip out all 3 screens
on the communications towers
to stop Penguin's plan.
He... uh...
put 3 screens on there...
as a hilarious joke.
Also, there are 10 towers.
Is this the new Gameboy OneDS?
MR. FREEZE: What man?
BATMAN: His name is...
DUNKEY: He can't even say Ra's al-Ghul right.
What a fucking idiot.
*ANGRY BIRDS THEME SONG*
