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Practice English Speaking&Listening with: Balancing Love & Anxiety in Marriage | {THE AND} Ivo & Kevin

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- What do I do that turns you on

that I am not aware of?

- Wow.

- Wow.

- Good one.

God, I wanna say this,

but it's really--

The way you masturbate.

- Ahh!

(both laugh)

- I guess that you didn't know that.

- No. - The way you masturbate.

Yep. - (gasps) I'm dying right now.

(Ivo laughs)

- Oh, this is kinda cute.

If for some reason I lost all my memories,

what is the first thing you'd tell me about us?

- Well, that I'm your husband. (laughs)

I mean, that would the--

Right? I'd introduce myself.

God there's...

That's a hard question.

And that we have a beautiful son.

That I love you.

That we built a bubble...

of love, and we have a family.

- Uh huh.

What are you hesitant to tell me?

When you have to tell me,

like what things are you hesitant to tell me?

- Anything that's a trigger for you

for your anxiety and OCD stuff,

like anything that have to do with problems with the house.

- Uh huh.

- I totally would keep it from you,

unless you know about it

when you first find out about it when I do,

I can't control it.

But I will not let you know about a problem

until I have...

taken it in, got my head around it,

and have a resolve planned.

Then I bring you in,

which happens usually within hours.

It's not like anything-- - So is that...

Do you get resentful for that?

It's like another burden in this relationship.

- I've been resentful.

I have.

Oh, here comes the emotions.

- I know.

- Because you're working on it,

I appreciate it.

And I know it's not gonna always--

I hope it's not gonna always be that way,

but it's been a lot on me.

- Were you gonna leave me?

- No. - Alright.

- Obviously not.

Thank God our lives aren't that chaotic

where things are happening all the time.

Yeah, this past month hasn't been the greatest.

- Alright.

- Oh dang. (laughs)

- It's your turn.

- What do I do that makes you feel like I understand you?

What do I do that makes you feel that I understand you?

- I don't know if I can put that into words.

'Cause you're like one of the only few people

who understand me.

You get my sense of humor.

You get my quirks.

Lately, you understand...

You may not understand

what causes me to anxious or upset, but...

you accept it.

So you're starting to understand that.

Like, you know

the irrational fears of floods in the house

or things falling.

You've been getting better at that.

- I understand they're real to you.

Is that what you're trying to say?

And I respect that...

- Yes. - it's real to you.

- Yes, that you don't dismiss it.

- I don't know where it comes from.

- No, I'm summarizing what you're trying to say.

- No, that understand me.

What triggers you to make me think that I understand you?

- Our history.

- Really? - Yeah.

- Uh huh.

- 'Cause you know,

you know our history.

So I mean,

it hasn't always been roses,

and I put you through a lot of crap

in the early years.

And you obviously saw through all of that,

and you saw who was in our my heart, truly,

and that what I was doing, wasn't intentional,

even though, at that moment,

you were being hurt.

But you just stuck-- - We're gonna agree

to disagree.

I think some things were intentional.

- You think so?

- I do.

(Kevin groans)

I know that's a big...

And it's my problem.

I have a lot of issues--

- Well, what I was saying

is it's not like I purposely said,

"I'm gonna hurt Ivo doing this."

Like it's not like I...

Why would I?

It's not like I'm one of those people that wanna hurt

somebody else.

That's what I'm trying to say.

- Okay.

Your lack of understanding and empathy there,

not even caring, I think.

That's what it comes out as.

- Okay.

- I'm sorry, does that hurt?

- Well, we're gonna agree to disagree.

- I am. - Again you have it

in your mind how something went, and that's not how it was.

- Okay, and you're right.

I've gotta get that-- (Kevin laughs)

It's one of the things, I think,

that we will probably never agree on

in our relationship. - Yeah, so...

Is it my turn?

- No, it's my turn.

Whoa, they really tailored these questions well. (laughs)

(Kevin laughs)

How do you think we manage our anxiety differently?

And how do you see it affecting our relationship?

(Kevin laughs)

- Oh yeah, that's to me, isn't it?

- That's to you.

- Oh man.


We are like polar opposites with handling anxiety.

I mean, they say opposites attract.

You involve me in every moment of stress and anxiety

in your life.

You feel like you have to broadcast it to me.

If I called you over all that stuff at your job,

you would flip on me.

You would flip beyond.

How I'm different,

I internalize.

I do not involve you in my anxiety at all,

unless it's something so great,

I have no choice.

- Uh huh.

- And that's because of your anxiety issues.

Like, you can't manage your own anxiety,

why would I even invite you into mine?

Because I actually have anxiety issues too,

but I internalize--

'Cause I'm the protector.

That's my role.

- You know you can tell me. - I know you.

You've talked about this. - You can tell me

these things. - But I can't.

Maybe when you're--

Well, you're not gonna ever be perfectly healed,

but maybe when we make more progress down this journey.

But I can't right now.

I can't.

I'm not there,

but I want to be.


That's the goal. - Okay.

- 'Cause I don't wanna do this by myself.

- Do you feel like you are doing all this by yourself?

- Well, with my anxieties, yeah.

- Okay.

- Like I wanna get your help, but...

I can't yet.

But I will.

- Okay.

- 'Cause it will come.

- Okay.

So do you see me getting help as a big--

Do you see that a big...

step forward in our-- - Are you kidding?

- No, like I'm being honest.

- It's nuclear.

When you finally said,

"I'm going to talk to a professional,"

and be put--

Here I go again.

It's been hard.

- I feel bad, 'cause I'm not

getting teary-eyed. - And I love you.

- Go ahead.

- Well, we're very different there too.

- We are very different there. - I'm very emotional.

- You are.

This is actually very sweet.

'Cause you see that as a big-- - Huge.

That's why I'm like don't-- - 'Cause you know it's

something I don't want to do.

- I know.

But you also see the value of it,

'cause you see it working.

- I do see the value.

- What is the pain in me, you wish you could heal?

- Oh wow.

I wish I could heal that you felt you had to be...

the rock as a child.

I wish I could

take all that away from you.

I wish I could go in and just remove all that,

and replace it with nothing but being a kid.

Like, the fact that you

knew things,

as a child,

that no child should know...

in regards to that.

That, yeah.

- Okay.

Well, thank you.

- You're welcome.

- Now, I'm getting all teary-eyed.

- Oh wow!

- That's one thing I wish I could really do for you.

- Well thanks. - 'Cause I don't...

It bothers me,


I don't think...

Maybe the person--

The people who are responsible for those things,

I don't know if they feel remorse,

or if they would do things differently.

And that's one of the things that bothers me about it,

is that.

Like I say this all the time.

I wish I could erase both of our pasts,

and it could just always be me and you.

You know what I'm saying?

No bookstores, no hookups,

no this, no that

like for me.

And to know your past for you.

And it just always be us,

because I think we would be together.

I think we could've been together forever.

- I know.

- We would've been able to

lock and key kinda thing.

- Got it.

- Alright.

(Kevin laughs)

How do you love me?

- How do I love you?

Like how do I show you I love you?

- Well how do you think this question's supposed

to be answered?

How do you love me?

- By making you feel safe.

And that every day you wake up,

you know I love you unconditionally.

That I prove to you that I love you unconditionally,

and that I don't judge you.

- Alright.

- I want you to feel safe.

Like, that's how I love you

is making you...

I cradle you.

- Oh you wanna go-- - I think it's a given

at this point. (laughs)

- I'm there for you.

I try to be a rock when it's not my role at all. (laughs)

At all.

I try to be there for you

that I try to be your rock

for you to come onto.

I try to love you that way.

I try very hard.

I think how I love you, I try to do the things

that are against my...

I don't wanna say nature,

but I try to be romantic.

I try to be...

other things than me

in regards to--

I'm trying to be more.

I'm trying to fix myself.

- Mmm.

- Trying to go and get help for my anxiety.

I went medication for my anxiety.

- No, I get it.

- I know that you have a--

You carry a bigger burden in this relationship than I do.

- Thank you.

- I know that.

- Thank you for acknowledging that.

- And I appreciate it.


Hence why I say,

I would be lost without you.

Beyond lost.

I don't know what I would do.

I mean I would pull myself up by my boot straps,

and take care of and plow through life.

I can't even think about that.

But I understand.

You do beyond.

And I appreciate everything that you do.

- Thank you.

- And I understand that it's not easy.

- To summarize...

everything that's been brought up today.

And we don't have to agree on anything.

We'll just talk about the emotions and the facts

from my stand point to you.

I know I hurt you.

- Okay.

- You know I regret it.

And if I could change it,

I would.

I get mad at myself.

I've told you so many times

that I get so mad at myself

for doing certain things,

and how selfish I could--

I wanna smack myself,

'cause I'm not that person.

It's frustrating to me.

Just know that for a very very long time,

way more than where I was selfish and...

I don't know, just like...


I've been a grown ass man.

I think I know that my actions...

give you feeling.


And that I love you with all my heart.

I know you know that,

but I want you to know it through and through.

- I do feel it.

I know it.

I feel it.

I love you.

- I love you too.

(lips smooch)

- Jaydin here from The Skin Deep.

Thank you guys so much for watching.

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The Description of Balancing Love & Anxiety in Marriage | {THE AND} Ivo & Kevin