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Practice English Speaking&Listening with: Daniel’s Best Musical Parodies - Tosh.0

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- And the Masters of the Universe.

I'm Adam, Prince of Eternia

and defender of the Secrets of Castle Grayskull.

This is Kringer, my fearless friend.

Fabulous secret powers were revealed to me

the day I held aloft my magic sword

and said, "By the power of Greyskull."

I have the power!

- And the 2016 Arthur Ashe Courage Award goes to.

Something tells me he may have a couple

Skeletors in his closet.

That's not Ellen DeGeneres on steroids, that's Angelo.

And sure, flawlessly lip syncing

in a homemade He-Man costume is impressive

but it barely scratches the surface

of what he has to offer.

Angelo is a former teen heart throb that was in Manudo.

The Latino boy band

not the tasty Mexican soup

made from cow stomachs and cilantro.

Unlike Ricky Martin

he wasn't able to parlay his traumatic childhood

into Living La Vida Loca money.

I don't have any repressed memories

because I haven't allowed some therapist

to dig through my brain and plant any.

A repressed memory can be triggered by anything.

A smell, a taste, an episode of Fat Albert.

Nostalgia was invented by BuzzFeed

to trick you into clicking on their poorly written articles.

I refuse to use the work listicles.

And stop saying your childhood

is being destroyed by Hollywood reboots.

If your favorite memory as a kid is a cartoon

your past isn't worth remembering.

But Angelo and I have a lot in common.

We're both 80s kids who attended UCF

and now entertain the masses

by squeezing our hot bods into tiny costumes.

That's why I flew him to West Hollywood

where I couldn't believe he didn't live already

for this week's celebrity profile.

(audience applauds)

God bless ma and pa

and that adorable brunette in the AT&T commercials.

And as always, please send my favorite member of Menudo

Ricky Martin to come visit me.

If not Ricky then Draco Rosa.

Or in a pinch, I'll even take Angelo Garcia.

Amenudo.

(wind chimes tinkling)

Are you a fairy?

- We don't really like to use that term.

- No, like an actual fairy.

- Oh yeah!

Sorry. - I have some extra pjs

if you wanna get in bed.

Explain to me what Menudo is.

- Menudo is a boy band based in Puerto Rico

and we were the biggest selling Latin boy band

in the history of music.

As soon as you began puberty

and started growing facial hair and body hair

they would give the oldest member a farewell concert.

And they would introduce a new younger member.

- A guy with no hair.

Would you let your kid be in Menudo?

- No.

- Why?

- When I got in Menudo my childhood ended

and I had to begin the schedule of an adult.

Waking up at 5:00 AM to do the 6:00 AM morning show.

- You were on Regis.

- Are the girls leaving you alone?

- Of course not, they take care of me.

I love them.

- Are you gay?

- Bisexual.

- Did you have these feelings when you were 11 in Menudo?

- I did have feelings.

I was attracted to both sexes

however, when you're 11 you don't understand

what that is. - Of course not.

You were in Menudo with Ricky Martin.

Were you so happy when he came out?

- I was so proud of him.

- 'Cause he waited a long time.

- I feel that he was protecting his music career

and at the time, I think Melissa Etheridge was out

and KD Lang and that was it.

- KD Lang?

You don't wanna compare Ricky Martin to KD Lang.

- Lesbianism was a lot more accepted.

The thought of two women together is actually appealing to--

- Unless it's KD Lang.

- (laughs) Unless it's KD Lang.

- When's the last time you spoke to Ricky?

- I ran into him and it was totally serendipitous.

I was staying at a mutual friend of all of ours

and all of a sudden I hear this voice

and I'm like that's Ricky.

Or, as we call him, Kiki.

- Kiki?

- That's his nickname, Kiki.

- (groans) To be on the inside of this.

- [Angelo] Kiki. - Kiki.

- I woke up and I open the door and he's standing there.

- Huge boner?

Just a normal boner in the morning?

- You know what, I actually do get morning wood.

- Of course.

I'm gonna name my boners Kiki.

(Men laugh)

Talk about some of the bad things

that have happened to you in your life.

Go ahead.

- Like, what do you mean?

Like, for real for real?

- Okay, yeah, give something real.

Let's see how I handle this.

- I was bullied as a child.

My dad died two or three days before Christmas.

I was sexually molested--

- Multiple times?

- A neighbor when I was eight.

And Menudo was somebody

that was friends within the administration.

And then it was a teacher.

All of a sudden one of those Orthodox Jews

with the curls walks in

and he starts fondling himself.

- Everything you say is a huge downer.

You should have your own Songza station.

You've done so many covers.

If I leave here tomorrow

I ain't afraid of no ghost

Can it be

So call me maybe

Walk like an Egyptian

Here on Gillian's isle

- Delusions of Grandeur, that's an original?

- Yeah, I wrote that. - You wrote that.

Delusions of grandeur

Oh

- It's so, so sexual.

There are people licking you.

- [Angelo] I'm a naturally sexual person.

- I think we all are.

- And so many people don't own that.

The reason why we exist

is because our parents (beep), you know?

- Whoa, don't talk about my family like that.

(Angelo laughs)

I wanna talk about your He-Man

but first of all, your cover song.

- It's had over 10 million views.

- Yeah, that's 'cause it's amazing.

- Of course, you got the haters

calling you (beep) and gay and this and that

but it's like, hello.

He-Man's like the gayest superhero ever.

I've gotten people that are like, oh my childhood's ruined.

(chuckles) Stuff like that.

- Wait'll they see what we're gonna do.

- [Announcer] Coming this fall

from Culver City's seedy downtown area

He-Man The Musical

The Sexual Masters of the Universe.

Starring Angelo Garacia.

- I am Adam, Prince of Eternia

and defender of the many secrets of Castle Gayskull.

Fabulous secrets were revealed to me

the day I held aloft my magic sword

And learned there's a sexy buff dude

Waiting to come out

I just had to shout

By the power of Gayskull

I have the power

- [Announcer] And Daniel Tosh as Skeletor.

How I long for yesteryear

When I was a ripped god with a sick bod

But years of wars and reckless sex

Have wasted me away

Help me, Beast Man.

- [Announcer] Don't miss all of your favorite

homoerotic characters from Eternia.

He-Man is a gay man

He's perfect

He's hairless

He even has a cat

He-Man is a gay man

- [Announcer] Action.

Adventure.

Abs.

Battle Cat advance

Fisto stay behind me

As ever, you've got Fisto

Deep within your hiney

- [Announcer] All the intrigue you'd expect

from something like this

with even more gay undertones than the original.

Sometimes I forget why we even fight

Sometimes I think of you

When I go to bed at night

Kneel before me and surrender

Take off your pants, your ass looks tender

I don't have lips or much of a face

I could do worse

I want to be the master of your universe

- [Announcer] Relive your childhood

exactly as you remember it.

Will you take this He-Man

To be your man

I do

(adience applauds)

- [Announcer] Featuring special guest

Ricky Martin as Orko.

Un, dos, tre, ole, ole, ole

Un, deux, trois, ole, ole, ole

- [Announcer] Get your ticket today.

Special discounts available for US military

and biracial beefcakes.

- Just more proof that I'm part of Hollywood's master plan

to turn your children into a bunch of queers.

(audience gasps)

Tasting that food you left me

(adience shouts)

Our town

(set crashes)

- Ah, the theater.

Has anyone ever actually enjoyed a play?

Of course not.

But when I found out those South Park guys

have made over 300 million dollars

from The Book of Mormon

I knew that musical theater was my true passion.

So I adapted my favorite TV show

into the stage production you're about to see.

Ladies and gentleman, I give you House Hunters The Musical.

(door bell rings)

- [Narrator] Jan is a school teacher

who is hoping her macaroni necklace line will take off.

Husband Martin is the food stocker for vending machines.

They live in Raleigh, North Carolina.

The most interesting thing about Raleigh

is that there are 42 people named Melinda

living within the city limits.

These are our must haves

Our old place was feeling cramped

We need at least a two car garage

And we need four bedrooms

- Why?

You've already had two miscarriages.

Your body doesn't want you to conceive

I want Colonial

I want outta this marriage

No carpet and a room to make macaroni necklaces

- Oh brother.

But what is your budget

300 to 350,000

(Daniel grimaces)

I'll try

- [Narrator] House number one.

Notice open concept, hardwood floors

Back splash, the pantry

Pocket doors, it's everything you're looking for

Turn key, turn key

I'll finally have my weekends free

That's not a breakfast nook

It's just a corner of a kitchen

Maybe some bar stools will make it look bigger

- Gross, I can see the neighbors.

You know I'm not fond of stained glass

When I was an alter boy a priest licked my ass

I just need that wow factor

- The last owner was a hoarder.

She had 459

Cats

- Wow.

(doorbell rings)

- [Narrator] House number two.

It's got good bones, yes it does

It surely drank its milk

(shoes tapping)

There's room left in the budget

To get rid of the termites

There's room left in the budget

To add tray ceilings

There's room in the budget

To do some black mold tests

I think we'll build a skylight

I think we'll add a loft

I think we should just save the rest

- (beep) that.

We are building a macaroni necklace studio.

- [Narrator] House number three.

This one's over budget

But maybe they'll negotiate

Location, location, location

And good Christian neighbors

Who only believe in creation

The master bedroom's teeny tiny

The en suite's super grimy

Don't like the mix of tile and wood

Gut the floors, it'll do some good

God, please don't make me live my life on carpet

If it'll stop your bitching

We'll put in a nicer kitchen

I hate the paint

You stupid skank that's just cosmetic

- Compromise!

Or pray you have a wealthy relative who quickly dies

Check out the sink

Triple vanity bitches

Wow factor, you think

But there's more

Wait until you see what's behind that door

It's a bonus room

Did ya see the bonus room

It's a room that wasn't 'sposed to be there

Oh my lord, it's a bonus room

A macaroni necklace ♪ ♪ A man cave so I can jerk off

Room ♪ ♪ In peace

We've seen all the houses

And what they have inside

Now let's get drunk

and make the biggest decision of our lives

I want house number three

I want house number two

Three

Two

Three

Two

Three ♪ ♪ Two

Three

I'm paying for it

We'll go with one

- [Narrator] Three months later

let's check in on our happy home owners.

Jen is dead

I guess live threw me a curve

She choked on macaroni

So she got what she deserved

Now my man cave is haunted

(man screams)

- [Narrator] Next, House Hunters International

travels to Italy.

Our dumb house back in Kansas

Was a giant stinking turd

And now to think we could have our

Very own vineyard

(audience applauds) - Thank you.

HGTV better send me a free house for that.

The Description of Daniel’s Best Musical Parodies - Tosh.0