[INTRO MUSIC]
*intense Michael rock song*
*rocking out intensifies*
♫Dead Bits is, the shit, you gonna play, the game
and then you gonna, get, HIT, get shot in the head
and now you are fuckin' dead, cause Dead Bit is the name of the game
it's just not the fuckin' same♫
This is Dead Bits.
A game made by Dead Bits for Dead Bits...
And
uhhhhhh
it's a first person shooter...
where you shoot dead people,
and you make them double dead.
Because being dead once isn't good enough, you fuck.
A long time ago in a galaxy far away
dead bits be chillin' at they home
when some shit rolled up
"Quilly!" he said "Getcho ass out here kid I's gonna abduct yooouuuuuuuuu"
Here we go so this is Dead Bits
and this is level one. Can you tell?
There's the 1 you shithead
There's a cliff...
Oh look at this fuck can I shoot this fu-
oh look at that I'm gonna fuckin'...
HEY
HEY
Youuu fuckin' prick
AAAAAHHHH gagagagagaga
I'm like fuckin' John Rambo
*gratuitous gun noises*
(slow -mo voice) Level 2 unlocked
Seriously
That was it? That was Level 1?
I'm amazing...
LEVEL 2. TWO GUNS
ooooooooHHHHHHHHHH
The quality of these games have really gone down
in the last several- OH SHIT, OH GOD.
I almost walked off.
Unless i can't, can you walk off?
Oh yea, you sure can.
AHHHHH FUCK.. OH GOD!
Oh oh, I landed on like this little bit of tree
It scared the shit out of me.
[Makes Zombie Noises]
Come on with the blocks!
Fuck.
So far the most annoying part of the game is that when you kill someone
their guts--
like explode and
fall over the floor and you can't walk past them
Oh let's put some fucking trees in the way!
Mother Fucker,
Why?!
I can't walk through this shit!
Look at this.
Ugh, I'm still at a hundred!
You can't touch me!
I fucking de-legged you or de-torsoed you! Your legs just fell apart! They had no where to go!
What are you gonna do-
Nothing! You're gonna disappear that's what you're gonna do about it!
Get the fuck out of my sight.
Is this... a three balled penis?
Cause that's what it looks like. It looks like the cock
Like those two are the cock. Maybe this is like the start of the cock.
Then its- the balls are really wide.
So maybe it's a normal dick.It's like three parts for the dick.
And then two balls.
Or, it's dick, dick and then three balls.
So...
I mean any way you slice it...
There's a dick and balls.
Oh! And I'm gonna fucking fight this guy with this. Okay.
Mmmm
Fuckin' take out your shins, you fuck.
Really? You su- OW! *Voice Crack* Oh my god!
*clears throat* Let me try that again. Hang on. Cut that out.
*Deep Voice* WOW! OH MY GOD!
That's better. Put that in.
OH GOD! UHHAHHH
OH SHIT. Are you serious?
Alright. Go fuck yourself. Get the fuck out of here.
You prick.
What does this do?
Is this like...
It's like a Rubik's Cube except if every single piece was red.
Look I solved it!
And made them all red!
Oh, full health.
FWA-PA!
Oh my god, the first one!
I don't need slo-mo on every fucking kill, you fuck!
Man, we're getting into it now. Gonna find the dungeon soon.
Holy shit.
You wanna just... slowly walk up to me, and I'll beat you down one at a time?
Alright. I'm glad we could come to this decision.
And I'm also glad the first guy... HAD to be a slo-mo death.
PRESS ENTER.
Oh, shit.
I uh- I got nothin'. Huh?
Is that what you're doing here?
What was that? What the fuck?
There's a tiny arrow... drawn into the wall. MY GOD.
Wait. Nevermind. It was outside.
So, I'm in space now. Um, I don't know that I wasn't ALWAYS in space, I guess I did get abducted, as I mentioned,
But this is SUPER SPACE.
I can even accept the no music here, because I'm in space, HOLY SHIT.
I have no fucking weapons.
OH GOD.
OH MY GOD!
Uhhhh, let's do a little uhh... "ring around the rosie" there...
Are they- oop yup, I assume they're still behind me, and there's more in front of me.
OH SHIT-OH GOD!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
'Scuse me, 'Scuse me, 'Scuse me, Ow ow ow ow, Is this health?
It's health.
Oh god, oh god, ow ow ow ow ow ow...
It's like I'm running by, high-fiving everyone I pass, except they're punching me in the fucking face.
OH! GODDAMMIT!
There was a gun! There was a gun at the end of the tunnel!
That's a metaphor for life, somehow.
Just my favorite part. This is just like... getting mentally prepared for the drop.
It's like that fuckin'... that ride at Six Flags?
You go way up high, freefall or whatever?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!
THE ARROW WAS A FUCKIN' WEAPON?!
NOT A JUMP?!
YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!
FUCK! YOU!
No fuckin' chance, son!
You give me this metal stick, and you don't stand a chance!
I just didn't realize it was an option.
Look at his head. Look at his head go bye-bye.
Headshot. Headshot. Headshot. Killing spree! Running riot!
Running doo-doo! Doo-dootastrophe!
Doo-doomanjaro.
Alright. Dude. Alright, okay. I'm gonna back up, I'm off a cliff soon!
Oh God!
Hooooly sh-OH THERE'S ONE MORE IN THERE!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Oh. I guess I was nowhere near the cliff.
Look at this stupid ass. OH!
REALLY?!
WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!
Oh, don't mind me, I'm just doubling as
PETER FUCKING PAN.
JUST FLYING THROUGH THE FUCKING SKY!
ARE YOU-WHAT?!?!
Holy shit!
That was close.
I also realized during the slo-mo, I was trying to turn around, and it kept jerking me forward,
the game MAKES YOU watch the slo-mo.
It's like, "HEY SHITHEAD, NO, THIS IS REALLY COOL AND YOU'RE NOT LOOKIN'. CHECK IT OUT."
"Check it out!"
"CHECK IT OUT!"
"LOOK AT IIIIIIT!!!"
Wha-What was amazing? Did I do something?
Sounded like DDR.
BWA BWA BABABABWHA
AMAZING JOB! Walking away, with a gun, and then shooting him in the head!
OH NO! He's almost dead! WhhaAAAAT? AMAZING!
*Slo-mo voice* Slo-mo kill...
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!
I shot your fucking head into SECOND space, son!
OH SHIT!
Oh, they're tiny! I thought they were underneath me.
*Weird voice* 'Cause that's where I like 'em to be, AWWWW YEAHHHH!
*Normal voice* Yeeeaahhhh! AW YEAAAHH!
Like steppin' on ants! WITH A MACHINE GUN!
Now they got snowballs? Alright I'll just fuckin' shoot 'em.
Oh, they're probably gonna be throwing them at me from other directions, aren't they?
Fu...Fucking shot him, right in his ball!
Except, it apparently still hit me in the face.
So, getting hit in the face with a snowman's ball, is a third of your life.
Just so you know.
Bap! Bap! Bap! Bap!
Babababababababababababababababababa
Bop bop bop bop bop bop bop!
♫You're dead, I'm dead, He's dead, we're dead♫
♫everybody's fucking dead! Oh my god, Michael killed us all, we're fucking dead!♫
♫I'm in a hall, hey, oh my god, where did you go?♫
♫Oh! I'm just dead right next to you!♫
♫Oh my god! Did you die too?!♫
♫Yes, I did die, 'cause he shot me in the eye, and it wasn't very nice♫
♫And I do like spice!♫
Test 6...We're getting there, almost twO THIRDS THROUGH THE GAME!
THIS MAP SON!
Oh... I'm in Hell now... I guess.
This is REALLY starting to look like DOOM.
Is the lava gonna burn me?
The answer to my question is yes, the lava burned me, and I died in one hit.
You know, it really- it started out so promising.
It's like, level one? Gun #1.
Level two? Gun #2.
I'm like, "Yeah, this is how we're gonna do it!"
And then... no more guns.
Also, where am I- OH FUCK, FUCKING MOVING PLATFORMS?!
FUUUUUUUUUUCK!
These guys are like Titans.
I feel like this is a "God of War" game, there's just a bunch of Titans floating in the background,
On these, these giant monolith creatures, on floating pillars,
Mother...Fucker, I have 30 health left.
Just fucking, whipping fire balls at me!
MOTHERFUCKER!
I'M JUST RUNNING TO THE END!
COULD I GET TO A FUCKING WEAPON, OR SOMETHING?!
Ay, well, here we are, back at the beginning of Test 6.
Uh, this might be familiar to you, because, uh, it... is.
And I can't beat it, and it's pissing me off.
Throw your ball. There you go, you hit the fucking ceiling.
THAT'S WHY YOU DON'T THROW BALLS IN THE HOUSE, DUMBASS!
Dumbass GEEK!
Uh... didn't even fucking get hit!
Fucking FLAWLESS!
So far, I'm FLAWLESS!
I can't wait to fuck it all up and not be FLAWLESS!
Just kidding! That's impossible...
OH! OOOHHH!
FFFUUUCCCKKK! *Slams fist on table*
Alright. It MIGHT be possible.
SLIGHTLY.
MAYBE.
For me to fuck it up and not be flawless, and that might have just happened, but I'm not saying that it did...
This is the perfect time for my game to just keep fucking- Alright, there we go, only 65 health.
Solid.
Aw, not wasting any time, this time though!
Hwah!
Ohhhhh god, we gotta be close, right?
Right? Like, I'm TELLING YOU... we better be close.
Make- Make me close, if we're not, change the game right now.
FUUUCK!
I'm gonna get killed. (x6)
Oooooh shit...
Oh shit oh fuck oh shit!
OH GOD! OH MY GOD!
Did I lose 5 health, or did I not get hit???
I couldn't even tell I had-
*Inhale* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(End music)
