( door opens )
Jake, I've got a terrific surprise for you.
Oh, yeah? What is it?
The two of us are going to Bajor
for the start of the Gratitude Festival.
What's the Gratitude Festival?
It's the biggest Bajoran holiday of the year.
Major Kira says it's pretty spectacular.
And I figured while we were on the surface
we could visit those fire caverns
you've been wanting to see.
Sounds great. When do we leave?
This afternoon, right after school.
For how long?
Computer, orange juice.
Dad, do I have to go?
not if you don't want to.
Nog and I kind of have plans for tomorrow.
What kind of plans?
There's an Andorian freighter
due in for a maintenance check tomorrow night.
An Andorian freighter?
Uh, it's supposed to be carrying a shipment
of those new antigrav tractors.
We're hoping we'll get a chance to see one.
Uh, let me get this straight.
You would rather hang around a cargo bay with Nog
than visit the Bajoran fire caverns with the old man?
Nog's my friend.
No need to thank me, madam.
Here at Quark's
customer satisfaction is our primary concern.
Now, you run along back to the dabo table.
Rom, that lady tells me
she misplaced a fat currency pouch.
And that you found it.
And that you returned it to her intact.
I was dazzled by her beauty.
You worthless, tiny-eared fool.
Don't you know the First Rule of Acquisition?
Then say it.
"Once you have their money, you never give it back."
You can ponder its meaning this evening
while polishing every rail in the place.
Now get out of my sight
before I toss you out the nearest airlock.
( growling )
( crashing and clattering )
Is this what they teach you
at that human school of yours?
Sloth and indolence?
We'll see about that.
Tonight, you'll polish every rail in the place
until they sparkle.
Is that clear?
Yes, Father, tonight--
And, so, the Andorian says
"Your brother? I thought it was your wife."
( laughing )
Had to think about that one, didn't you?
I'm looking for Quark.
You found him.
and this is my father, Grand Nagus Zek.
Tell me, is the Grand Nagus here
on business or pleasure?
Is there a difference?
No, of course not.
My father will reveal the purpose of his visit
when he sees fit.
As for now, he desires the use of a holosuite.
He's heard that some of your programs
are quite alluring.
Oh, they are, they are.
But, uh, they may prove a touch energetic
for his advanced years.
Are you refusing his request?
Not at all, not at all.
Is there a particular activity he'd like to sample?
The Nagus dislikes having to choose
between so many delightful possibilities.
In that case...
( snaps fingers )
Here's a list of five programs
that rank among my personal favorites.
I'd be happy to select one for him.
That won't be necessary.
The Nagus has decided to try all five.
( chuckling )
( kids laughing and chattering )
Sorry I'm late
but the transporter in Ops needed a minor adjustment
in its upper molecular imaging scanner.
( laughter continues )
But never mind that.
All right, let's settle down.
Let's settle down!
What we do is....
Now, we only have two more weeks to get through
before Mrs. O'Brien returns from Earth.
So that shouldn't be too difficult.
Right. Let's get out our homework padds.
We'll begin with the older students.
Your last assignment
was to write an essay defining the term "ethics."
Let's start with...
I don't have my essay.
My padd was stolen.
Is that a fact?
Any idea who stole it?
It happened at Quark's.
I put it on a table
and there were some Vulcans nearby...
You're saying Vulcans stole your homework?
Any idea why?
Because they don't have ethics?
( kids giggling )
All right, that's enough.
It's the truth.
He was with me.
I guess so.
You guess so?
They took it.
I was there.
All right, but I want that essay in tomorrow.
Is that understood?
I hope so.
( Nagus laughing )
Did the Nagus happen to mention
how long he'd be using the holosuite?
The Nagus will be done when he's done.
What if he injured himself?
My father left specific instructions
not to be disturbed.
Are you suggesting we disobey him?
Forget I ever said anything.
The Grand Nagus-- here under our roof.
I've never been so proud.
I hope you can live on pride
because that's all we'll have left
once he's through with us.
You think he's here to take over the bar?
Why else would he have come all this way?
To buy me out
for a fraction of what the place is worth.
You could always refuse to sell.
Oh, why didn't I think of that?
The Nagus doesn't take "no" for an answer.
( moaning )
My father requires rest.
I would imagine.
Uh, please feel free to use my own...
for as long as you're with us.
That should be satisfactory.
Now, uh, is there
anything else I could do
to make your stay a pleasant one?
Invite me to dinner.
I'd be honored.
Chief, I just heard Airlock 9 is jammed again.
I'll get a crew on it immediately, Commander.
So, how's school?
We'll muddle through, I imagine
though I'm counting the days till Keiko gets back.
Are the students giving you a hard time?
Well, you know how it is, sir.
Kids-- there's nothing they like better
than to take advantage of a substitute teacher.
I always did.
I hope Jake's behaving himself.
He's a fine lad, sir.
It's just, if he were my son
I'd find a friend for him other than Nog.
I'm afraid that's easier said than done.
The two of them have become inseparable.
I'd find a way to separate them, sir.
That Nog's a bad influence.
I appreciate the advice, Chief, but I trust my son.
Besides, if I get between them now
it would become me versus Nog
and I'm not going to force Jake to choose between us.
Because I'd probably lose.
Oh, I doubt that, sir.
That's because your daughter's three.
Wait until she's 14.
Are you sure?
My compliments, Quark.
Mmm! These tube grubs
are chilled to perfection.
Did I say I was finished?
Please, help yourself.
I ran into your cousin Barbo recently.
Barbo? I thought he
was still in that Tarahong detention center.
They finally released him.
He told me how the two of you sold
those defective warp drives to the Tarahong government.
Oh, it was nothing.
The Tarahongians are an incredibly gullible people.
He also told me
how you betrayed him to the authorities
and left him to rot behind bars while you kept all the profits.
The Sixth Rule of Acquisition expressly states...
"Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity."
I certainly never have.
I told you he had brains.
You've done very well for yourself, Quark.
Not that well.
Don't contradict your elders.
I suppose I'm doing quite well at that.
It was a stroke of brilliance
to open a bar so close to a stable wormhole.
He didn't even know the wormhole existed!
That's what makes it so impressive.
He had the instinct, the ears
to make the smart move before anyone else did.
You could learn from his example.
Can I go now?
I have homework.
Did he say...
KRAX: There's a Federation school here
run by a hu-man, a female.
And you allow your son to attend such a place?
Nog, I never want you to step foot in there again.
Now, go to your room.
And no studying.
My apologies, Nagus.
It's those Federation do-gooders--
always sticking their ugly noses in other people's business.
Yes, Nagus, most distressing.
Now, speaking of business--
Quark, I've come to ask a favor of you
and one that would be very important to me.
I need your bar.
I knew it.
And your services as host
for an important conference to be held here tomorrow
at 9:00 sharp.
I would, uh, consider it a privilege.
And the purpose of this conference is, uh...?
ZEK: The future
and for Ferengi business interests
the future is already here
and its name is the Gamma Quadrant.
Ferengi Transport Sepulo
has put in at Docking Bay 5.
That's the third Ferengi ship
to arrive here in the last 18 hours.
Maybe it's Quark's birthday.
My advice is to lock up the silverware.
I don't think we have to go that far.
Sisko to Odo.
Go ahead, Commander.
About all of these Ferengi visitors we've been getting...
I'm already on it.
( genial conversation )
No, no, no!
QUARK: Is something wrong?
You can't seat Turot next to Hoex.
They've been bitter rivals
ever since Hoex bought out Turot's controlling interest
in the cargo ports on Volchok Prime.
Rom! Change these seating arrangements immediately.
Quickly, you fool
before I toss you out the nearest airlock.
I thought you understood
this was to be a private meeting.
What's the delay?
We await the Grand Nagus.
Well, he better show his ears soon
or I'm leaving.
No one leaves
until the conference has concluded.
Still hiding in your father's shadow?
The Nagus casts a very long shadow.
Careful you don't disappear in it!
I see we're all here.
All right, I'm going.
No, you stay.
Gentlemen, be seated.
JAKE: Hey, Nog.
Where were you this morning?
I'm through with school.
What do you mean through?
I mean I don't have to attend those boring classes anymore.
Is this your father's idea?
It's the right decision.
Look, if you want, I'll talk to Mr. O'Brien.
I don't belong there.
Don't you want to learn things?
You mean like ethics?
Yeah, and other stuff.
You don't understand.
I'm a Ferengi.
For me, school is a waste of time.
Why is that?
Because there's no profit in it.
So why are you getting mad at me?
Because you're a stupid hu-man
and I don't know why I bother with you.
You're the one not going to school.
See if I care.
And lastly, I would like to salute Nava
whose takeover of the Arcybite mining refineries
in the Clarius System is now complete.
I congratulate you all.
Profits are better than ever.
Nevertheless, it is becoming more and more difficult
to find truly lucrative business opportunities
here in the Alpha Quadrant.
Because no matter where we go
our reputation precedes us--
a reputation tainted by the lies of our competitors
who maliciously spread the erroneous impression
that we are not to be trusted.
( outraged grumbling )
But now, thanks to the discovery of the wormhole
for the first time, we can now avoid such falsehoods.
The Gamma Quadrant, gentlemen--
millions of new worlds at our very doorstep.
The potential for Ferengi business expansion
And best of all
no one there has ever heard the name Ferengi.
Our reputation will be absolutely stainless.
Our word can be our bond.
Until we decide to break it.
( all laughing )
It'll be the good old days all over again.
And who shall lead us in this great endeavor?
Who else, but my father?
The Grand Nagus! Yes! Yes!
I thank you for your confidence
but I must decline the offer.
The fire dims.
I'm just not as greedy as I used to be.
Yes, you are, more so.
No, my mind's made up.
I've already chosen my successor.
whose vision, imagination and avarice
will oversee Ferengi ventures in the Gamma Quadrant.
The new Grand Nagus...
( shouting )
He's a lobeless amateur!
Father, have you lost your mind?
I won't stand for it!
This is outrageous!
I know you'll do a wonderful job.
( laughing )
Oatmeal lumpy again?
No, I'm just not hungry.
Want to talk about it?
His father's pulled him out of school.
It's not fair.
Nog can't even read.
School's not going to be much fun without him.
You can still get together with him after school.
Maybe. I don't think he wants to be my friend anymore.
Did he say why?
He says humans and Ferengis don't get along.
Usually they don't.
But you're the one always saying
that we should make friends with other cultures.
I believe that, and I'm glad
you believe it, too
but human values and Ferengi values
are very different.
We've never been able to form a common bond.
So Nog goes his way, and I go mine.
These things happen.
Hey, how about after school, we play a little baseball?
I have something to do.
Grand Nagus Quark.
I love the sound of that.
I'm afraid we were never formally introduced.
I am Gral, your new best friend.
You wish to serve me?
I wish to protect you.
From those who are jealous of your position
and wish to take your place.
They can be very dangerous.
How do I stop them?
Leave it to me.
I'm not going to allow anybody
to harm such a grateful friend as yourself.
How grateful am I?
Grateful enough to make sure that I have my pick
of the most lucrative Gamma Quadrant opportunities.
And if I refuse?
Nagus, I'm in desperate trouble.
So am I-- and please, call me Zek.
Now, which would you choose-- Risa or Balosnee VI?
I don't quite follow.
For my vacation.
My first in 85 years.
I'm told, on Balosnee
the soothing harmonies of the tides
can cause the most stimulating hallucinations
but when I think of those voluptuous Risian females...
Gral just threatened my life.
So he's the first, is he?
Well, he won't be the last.
But what am I to do?
You picked me for your successor.
Surely, you must have some advice.
To survive, you must surround yourself
with loyal men.
But not too loyal.
Never trust anyone who places your prosperity
above their own.
And remember, when in doubt, be ruthless.
Yes. I can do that.
I didn't do anything.
I don't know, Krax.
20 bars of gold- pressed latinum?
Uh... I'll need to think about it.
In a year, it'll be worth twice as much.
All right, I'll take it.
You want me to be your bodyguard?
Think of it as a promotion.
But why me?
You're the only one left I can trust.
You're my closest associate.
My friend, my brother.
But I thought...
since you'll be so busy being Grand Nagus
I could take over running the bar.
( laughing )
You-- run my bar?
Not exactly overcome by grief, are we?
This is a private funeral service.
Hmm. You have my sympathies for your loss.
Nevertheless, when someone dies on my station
there are questions that must be answered.
There was nothing suspicious about my father's death.
It was caused by a massive infection
of the tympanic membrane--
a chronic condition.
Then I hope you won't mind
if I ask Dr. Bashir to examine the body.
( giggling )
That would be difficult.
My piece of Zek.
You see, when a Ferengi of my father's stature dies
the body is automatically vacuum-desiccated
and sold as a prized collectible.
I know there's...
It wasn't important.
I guess humans and Ferengis
don't have a lot to talk about.
That's what my father says.
That doesn't mean they're right.
We always had stuff to talk about before.
So, what do you say--
you still want to be friends?
When my father finds out, he won't be happy.
Neither will mine.
Come on, I have a great idea.
What is it?
So, what exactly does it mean becoming Grand Nagus?
It means that, from now on, if you wish to speak to me
you must first make an appointment with Rom.
Don't be ludicrous.
It is also customary to show respect
by kissing my scepter.
( snorts )
( chuckling )
I suppose I could make an exception in your case.
( coin clattering )
( screams )
You see the discoloration around the impact perimeter?
These are sorium and argine traces.
Aren't they Ferengi explosives?
Exactly. What we have here is a Ferengi locator bomb
designed to lock on to a target's pheromones.
You mean they're attracted to body odor?
Mm-hmm. Very deadly and very accurate.
If Quark hadn't lowered his head at the last second...
I've just given Quark a thorough examination.
He's a bit shaken up, nothing more.
I guess it's time to have a little chat
with the Grand Nagus.
ODO: I'd be delighted.
( boys laughing )
When are you going to get it through
your twisted little brain that we
are trying to save your life?
You're trying to interfere in Ferengi affairs of state.
Which are none of your concern.
Now, look here, Quark...
Uh-uh-uh-- Grand Nagus Quark.
Those locator bombs are damn near foolproof.
You were lucky once.
Next time, we could be scraping you off the walls.
The Grand Nagus does not ask for help from outsiders.
ODO: I'm sure whoever tried to kill you is counting on that.
You must have some suspicion who that could be.
I'm suspicious of everybody.
But who would you say
stands to benefit the most from your death?
That would have to be Krax.
Yes, if anything were to happen to me
Krax becomes Nagus.
True, but let's not forget that it was Gral who threatened you.
( snarls )
That's none of your concern.
Besides, Gral and Krax were at the funeral
when the bomb went off
which means that neither one of them could have set it.
Whoever planned this could have had an accomplice.
You're sure all of Zek's associates attended the funeral?
Yes, yes, they were all there.
Look, this is getting us nowhere.
What about Zek's servant?
ROM: You mean Maihar'du?
What about him?
Was he at the funeral?
I don't recall seeing him there.
Now that you mention it--
no, I don't.
Hupyrian servants are renowned
for their devotion to their employers.
For Maihar'du not to have shown up
at Zek's funeral is very odd indeed.
You were out pretty late last night.
You came in after midnight.
Uh... I guess I got kind of busy doing stuff.
What kind of stuff?
Nothing important, just hanging around.
We weren't doing anything wrong.
Good. Then you can tell me all about it.
I got to go, or I'll be late for school.
I want you home in time for dinner.
The thing is, uh... Nagus
I feel I've done all I can in the field of gouge mining.
You wish to find profit elsewhere?
Where would that be?
I'd like the chance
to introduce synthehol to the Gamma Quadrant.
A very lucrative opportunity.
Tell me, Nava
when Zek announced I was to succeed him
were you pleased?
Uh... no, Nagus.
Did you come to me and offer your support?
Yet now you call me Nagus
but is it out of true friendship?
No, you only pretend to show me respect
so I will grant you this immense opportunity.
Which I'm willing to split with you-- 50-50?
Well, in that case
let's hope the Gamma Quadrant develops a taste for synthehol.
( laughs )
A very smart deal, Nagus.
I seem to have a knack for it, don't I?
ROM: Yes, Nagus.
The rest will have to come back tomorrow.
All this benevolence wearies me.
KRAX: As you wish, Nagus.
I think I'll head over to the bar
and check the receipts.
If he keeps handing out these choice opportunities
he's going to become very popular.
We'll just have to come up with a new plan.
Something more reliable than a locator bomb.
Something that can't possibly fail
to kill my dear brother.
( chuckling )
( door chimes )
I was going to ask you
to join me in a round of Jokarian chess
but I can see you're just sitting down to dinner.
I sat down half an hour ago
about the time Jake was supposed to be home.
So, where's Jake?
Going through my own adolescence was difficult enough.
Surviving my son's is going to take a miracle.
Maybe it's time you had a little talk with Jake.
Children need to know their boundaries.
I should know.
I've been a mother three times and a father twice.
Which was easier?
Actually, I wasn't very successful either way
so... feel free to reject what I'm about to say
but if I were you, I would go find Jake
and bring him here to eat his dinner.
Computer, locate Jake Sisko.
Jake Sisko is in Cargo Bay 14.
Thanks, old man.
( quiet voices )
NOG: ...are four... teen, fourteen...
"...planets in the Bajoran s..."
What's that word?
That was pretty good.
Want to try some more?
"largest planet is Bajor.
"It has... three...
You got it!
( both laughing )
Keep going, keep going.
"The third... moon...
( gagging )
You clumsy idiot.
You want to strangle me?
My apologies, Nagus.
Pay attention to your work.
When do we leave?
Just as soon as you're ready, Nagus.
I've always wanted to take a trip
through the wormhole.
Still, it's odd...
Zek never mentioned
that he'd traveled to the Gamma Quadrant
let alone opened negotiations with one of its worlds.
Negotiations that you will have the honor of completing.
According to Krax
Stakoron II contains rich deposits of mizainite ore.
A very lucrative opportunity.
About the bar...
you have so much, and I have so little...
Which is exactly how it was meant to be.
Let's not keep our new partners waiting.
May I say, Nagus, that my father himself
never looked more commanding.
I've been thinking
maybe it would be wise
to take a dabo girl along with us.
A pretty woman by my side would only add to my prestige.
the importance of a first impression.
One look at your imposing features
and the Stakoron negotiators
will give us everything we ask for.
If you really think I won't need her...
Believe me, you won't.
( door panel beeping )
This is an historic moment.
There must be some mistake.
There's no ship docked here.
Rom, you idiot!
QUARK: Krax, what are you standing there for?
What's the matter with you two?
Open the door!
Do you hear me?!
You must obey your Nagus!
Sorry, Quark, but you've just been voted out of office.
So, you were going to toss me out an airlock.
I never meant it.
ROM: Well, I do.
Nice name for a bar, don't you think?
Let's get this started.
Would you like to do the honors?
Or should I?
QUARK: Let me out!
Let me out of here!
looks like you needed my help after all.
ZEK: Don't you recognize your father?
I saw it happen.
You saw me enter a Dolbargy sleeping trance.
Maihar'du taught it to me.
But why, Father?
It was a test
to see if you were ready to take my place
and you failed... miserably!
But, Father, I am ready.
I am ready.
You saw for yourself
I was about to grab power!
You don't grab power.
You accumulate it quietly without anyone noticing.
But I don't understand.
The bar, you fool.
That was the key.
All those visitors stopping by
on their way to and from the wormhole.
You could have sat there quietly at your leisure
and gathered up all the information you needed
about the Gamma Quadrant.
What about him?
Oh, you could have let him hold the scepter
while you controlled everything from the shadows.
And then, when everything was running smoothly
only then would you take over.
No! I'm not interested in excuses!
Go back to the ship.
We'll be leaving here shortly.
it's like talking to a Klingon.
QUARK: I guess this still belongs to you.
It looks like I'll have to remain Grand Nagus
long enough to establish a Ferengi presence
in the Gamma Quadrant.
And I was really looking forward to retirement.
If I hear of any good Gamma Quadrant deals
you'd be right for, I'll let you know.
You know where to find me.
You've done a very profitable job
with this place.
Who knows, maybe one day
I'll come back and buy it from you.
( laughing )
( laughing )
you were going to toss me out an airlock.
Forgive me, brother.
I didn't think you had the lobes.
Such wonderful treachery deserves a reward.
I'm going to make you the assistant manager
of policy and clientele here at Quark's.
What exactly does that mean?
How should I know?
I just made it up.
Come on, I'll buy you a drink.
So what time tomorrow?
How about as soon as you get out of school?
What are you doing here?
I was waiting for you.
( chuckling )
You're a great boy, you know that?
Now go be with your friend.