From Comedy Central's
World News Headquarters in New York,
"The Daily Show with Trevor Noah" presents...
- We're learning things about what President Trump does
before bed at night, and...
It's even worse than you think.
- This week's "New York Magazine" reports that Trump
and the Fox News host Sean Hannity
speak on the phone most weeknights.
The report also quotes a former White House official
who says Hannity and Fox create a feedback loop
that puts Trump in a "weird headspace," adding...
- Okay, okay, you have to admit,
it's cute that these two talk before bed every night.
Yeah, they're like eight-year-old
tree house buddies with those cans on strings,
you know, gossiping about which girls they secretly paid off.
You know, or whether it's "yanni" or "laurel."
It's laurel, by the way.
But that feedback loop part is really weird for me, right.
They're saying that President Trump
says something outlandish to Hannity on the phone.
Hannity then repeats it on TV
and then Trump watches that and goes, "You see?
Exactly! That's what I was saying!"
Trump is like that gorilla getting riled up
on what he's doing in the mirror.
He's like, "You see what he did?"
And here's my favorite part of this story.
White House staff know that the calls happen,
thanks to the president entering a room
and announcing "I just hung up with Hannity."
Or even ringing Hannity up from his desk in their presence.
How are you both the president and a star [bleep]?
How? Like, no other world leader does that,
you realize it. Putin's never talking
to his assistant like, "[Russian accent] Not big deal,
"but I was at party with actor who play Sheldon
"on 'Big Bang,' yeah.
"Yeah, Elon Musk and Grimes there too.
Just saying. Yeah. Yeah."
So lawmakers in both parties
are against Trump separating kids from their parents.
And more surprising, even Trump is against Trump
separating kids from their parents.
- We want to solve this problem.
We want to solve family separation.
I don't want children taken away from parents.
- Now, I know you might be a little confused right now.
Like, why would Trump hate the policy that he himself made?
But let's be real. You don't always love
everything you make.
And also--and also--
[cheers and laughter]
The president can't just change this policy.
I mean, well, he can,
but not without the approval of his most trusted advisors.
And the problem is, the members of Trump's TV cabinet team,
like, they seem to be fine with everything that's happening.
For instance, here's the Secretary of Inhuman Services,
- Since more illegal immigrants are rushing the border,
more kids are being separated from their parents
and temporarily housed in what are essentially
or as the "San Diego Union Tribune" described them today,
as looking like basically boarding schools.
- Yo, what--what kind of freaky-ass summer camps
did she go to?
Was her family just dropping her off every June
at state prison?
She was coming out like, "Camp was so fun!
"We made license plates and shivs!
And I-I got this teardrop tattoo!"
You only get that if you kill people.
But just to be clear, once again,
the point is not how nice the places are
that they're keeping these kids in, right.
The point is that the federal government
is snatching kids away from their parents.
If you kidnap someone's kid,
but you keep them in a really nice basement,
that's still not okay.
Liam Neeson wasn't like, "What kind of food
"are you feeding her?
Well, I guess she has been taken... care of!"
That's not how it works.
[cheers and applause]
So Laura Ingal--Ingraham--
So Lauran Ingraham clearly won't be advising
the president to stop separating these families.
And neither will Director of False Equivalencies
- This is one of those moments that tells you everything
about our ruling class.
They care far more about foreigners
than about their own people.
They don't care
because no matter what they tell you,
this is not about helping children.
Lot of people yelling at you on TV don't even have children,
so don't for a second let them take the moral high ground.
This angry McNugget seriously just said,
"You can't care about kids unless you have kids."
That is the dumbest logic I have ever heard.
How does Tucker not get that you can care about things
that don't directly affect you?
And I'm just glad that he's a TV pundit and not a doctor.
It'd be like, "Dr. Carlson, what should I do
about my cancer?" Well, I don't have cancer,
so really, I don't give a shit.
Yeah, I, uh, I just don't.
But, uh, but...
If you ever get hemorrhoids, gimme a call, yeah.
So top advisors Tucker and Laura
clearly won't let the president change this policy
that he hates so much,
and it's gonna get even worse
if he watches "Fox and Friends"
because Brian Kilmeade was making every single argument
in one sentence at the same time.
- And as Nancy Pelosi steps over the homeless
in San Francisco to hop on a plane
to go to the border to have a heart bleed
for the--for people from other countries
that are coming here, understand
we are $20 trillion in debt.
We have-- classrooms that overrun,
we have teachers buying their own supplies.
These kids come in fantastic, Oprah Winfrey.
I'm glad you're upset about it,
but what--these kids get fanned out to working-class
neighborhoods into our society and then they have to be
paid for by-- English as a second language,
and then they gotta be schooled
and a lot of them, uh, sadly... - Right.
- In my neighborhood, turn into, uh, um,
- MS-13. - MS-13.
the [bleep] was that?
I'm sorry, that's not an argument.
That was just like conservative slam poetry.
Just like, Pelosi, Oprah Winfrey,
killing the American dream with MS-13, teen, teen,
teen, teen, teen.
[cheers and applause]
the fact of the matter is,
separating kids from their parents is heartless, okay.
And the only way that we can stop the government
from doing it is to demand change.
So get on the phone
and call the people who can actually do something
about this, and I'm not talking about Congress.
I'm talking about the policymakers at Fox News.
Yeah, call them, 'cause they can do something.
They work for the president, which means they work for you.
- Today was a very bad day for President Trump.
Not only was his favorite comedian found guilty,
but then the man he picked for Veteran's Affairs
was forced to withdraw from consideration.
And on top of all of that,
Trump's 23andMe results came back
and they confirmed that he's 50% Eric.
So Trump did what everyone does
when they're feeling down.
He called in to a Fox News morning show
and it was honestly epic,
because normally when Trump has a bad day,
we know Trump watches "Fox and Friends"
and yells at the TV,
but today he did the same thing
but we all got to listen in.
And you could tell from the start
that this was going to be special.
- Thank you so much for being with us, Mr. President.
- Well, good morning, and I picked a very,
very special day because it's Melania's birthday.
So I said, "Let's do it on Melania's birthday."
So happy birthday to Melania.
- All right, hopefully there'll be visits in between,
but have you decided on, or do you want to tell us
what you got her?
- Well, I better not get into that
'cause I may get in trouble.
Maybe I didn't get her so much.
I'll tell you what, she has done--
I got her a beautiful card.
- How did Trump mess up the world's easiest question?
It's like they threw him a softball,
and he swung and hit himself in the dick.
And I mean, it's her birthday.
I can't believe that Donald didn't get Melania anything
for her birthday.
Now she might think he's not a very good husband.
Also, I would pay anything
to know what he wrote inside that card,
that he definitely didn't actually get.
Like, "Roses are red,
"love is a mystery,
I had a historic Electoral College victory."
Why did Trump say he called in to "Fox and Friends"
because it was Melania's birthday?
Like, what does that mean?
He's like, "Honey, I've got a great celebration
"planned for us today.
"I'm gonna talk to some TV people
while sitting on the toilet."
Like, "Oh, thank you, Donald.
My life is a beautiful dream."
Okay, so--so the interview
didn't get off to a great start,
but then it got worse.
- I get along with Kanye.
I get along with a lot of people, frankly.
But Kanye looks and he sees black unemployment
at the lowest it's been in the history of our country.
- Have Republicans done a bad job
ignoring the black community up until now?
- You know, I think it was just a custom.
Uh, people don't realize, you know,
if you go back to the Civil War,
it was the Republicans that really did the thing.
Lincoln was a Republican.
- Republicans did the thing?
Trump would make a dope history teacher.
It would be so easy to pass.
"Class, what was the turning point in the Civil War?"
Uh, the thing?
Like, he's the first sober person I've heard
doing drunk history. That's amazing.
Now, this interview was so long and incoherent and rambling
that even Trump's friends on "Fox and Friends"
and you could tell by the looks on their faces.
- That I will not be involved with the Justice Department.
I will wait till this is over.
It's a total-- uh, it's all lies.
- All right. - It's an absolute disgrace.
And by the way... - I want to ask you--
- No, no, but think of it.
With their loss of the Electoral College,
that they should never lose,
because the Electoral College is set up...
700,000 from a group...
Years to approve them. Years.
- But-- - We have judges that are...
You would think that these guys would treat me great.
I made them a fortune, so-- but they treat me horribly.
- Okay. - And certain people say,
"You're still looking good, Mr. President."
- All right. Right. Okay.
- There is no collusion with me.
- All right. - Right.
- I would rather have the popular vote
because it's-- to me, it's much easier to win...
- It's a--yeah, it's a totally different set of goals,
as opposed to Electoral College.
- But we have an Electoral College.
- Right. - I got 306 and she got what?
223. So remember... - Right.
- There was no way to break 270.
I heard that on CBS and NBC and ABC--
they're all fake news.
- Well, Mist-- - I heard that for so long.
- Right. - At CNN.
- Let's talk about-- - Better than people think--
- Mr. President, the--right.
We could talk to you all day, but it looks like
you have a million things to do.
[cheers and applause]
Oh! Oh, wow.
I can safely say
that I've never seen a news anchor try to bail on
an interview with the President of the United States.
Like, how is it that he's the Commander in Chief,
but it's the couch people who have better things to do?
We--we'd love to keep chatting,
but there's a video of a dog skateboarding
that we have to get to, Mr. President, good-bye.
Like, I never thought I'd say this,
but I actually almost feel bad for "Fox and Friends."
Because if you're at a party and some boring-ass dude
wouldn't stop talking to you, you could just be like,
"Uh, I have to go get a drink."
But these poor guys are on live television.
The only excuse they could come up with was
that Trump probably had important things to do.
When it was pretty clear that he absolutely did not.
He was like, "No, I actually have the whole day free.
After all, it's Melania's birthday."
- It came out last week
that Trump's personal lawyer, Michael Cohen,
who is now in deep federal investigation shit,
only had three clients in the past year.
All right, the president,
who Cohen helped to pay off a porn star
that he had an affair with.
His second client, a major GOP fundraiser
named Elliott Broidy,
who Cohen also helped to pay off a Playmate
that he had an affair with.
All right, and then Michael Cohen had one more client.
All right, out of 7 billion people--
7 billion people, who could have wanted to join this club
and use Michael Cohen as a lawyer last year?
Only one other person did.
And this person's identity was a complete mystery
- This is CNN breaking news.
- We are now getting word the lawyer for the president,
Michael Cohen has just disclosed in court
that the client who had requested to remain unnamed
was Sean Hannity of Fox News.
- Thank you.
[laughter and applause]
[cheers and applause]
Yeah, it turns out, Michael Cohen's secret client
was Sean Hannity, which, I'm sorry, is not a good look.
You know right now, Sean Hannity's probably
on the phone with his wife like, "Hey, honey,
"it's so weird how I used the guy who pays off mistresses
"to get me out of that parking ticket.
"[laughs] It's funny, right?
Hello? Hello? Hello?"
Just think about how une--how unethical this is for a moment.
Right, Hannity has been reporting on this Michael Cohen
story from the beginning-- from the beginning,
but he conveniently never mentioned
that Cohen was his guy.
And I'll tell you what else. I'll tell you what else.
Once you know that Hannity has personal skin in the game,
like with Cohen, it's fun to go back
and look at everything he said about the FBI raid
because now we can see that Hannity wasn't just mad,
he was scared.
- President Trump's longtime personal attorney
Michael Cohen just had his office, his home,
and his hotel that he was staying in raided
by the FBI today.
This is an unprecedented abuse of power.
Cohen's payment is a perfectly legitimate business move.
Mueller's witch hunt investigation
is now a runaway train careening off the track.
Spinning out of control.
If you voted for Donald Trump,
you better get buckled up
'cause this is gonna be a rough ride.
- You know, now that we know he was working with Cohen,
that looks less like a news show and more like a guy
really stressed, giving himself a pep talk.
He's just like, "Come on, we gotta get buckled up.
"This is gonna be a rough ride. Hoo-ha!
- Tonight, from Washington,
no one else is talking about Sean Hannity today,
but he's here any-- [laughs]
Anyway. I'm really glad to see you.
Hey, Sean. - Is there any news?
Anything happening? - [laughing]
- All right, thanks, Tucker.
- I'm just-- say this.
I--you're like my brother,
but I'm glad, for like a millisecond,
the heat's off me and on you.
Okay, so I'm--I'm feeling-- - Oh, I appreciate that.
- You know, it says a lot about your news network
when all of your top anchors are playing scandal tag.
It's like, "I made fun of the Parkland kids.
Tag, you're it! I'm out! Thank God!"
Now, what people are really wondering is this:
whatever legal advice was,
why didn't Hannity get it from his regular attorney?
Right, instead of turning to a guy who's specifically known
for paying off mistresses?
Why did he go to him? But according to Hannity,
"Baby, this is not what it looks like."
- To be absolutely clear,
they never involved any matter, any--
sorry to disappoint so many,
matter between me, or third party,
a third group at all.
And are my questions exclusively almost focused
on real estate?
- Wow, he really slipped in the "almost" there.
Did you hear it? Yeah, it was super quick.
It was super quick. He was like,
"All my questions to Michael Cohen
"were exclusively, almost, real estate.
Yeah, he sounds like the voice
at the end of those medical ads.
Zernax is exclusively almost side effect free.
You can't say "exclusively almost."
"Exclusively almost" is the kind of phrase
that makes people ask more questions.
If someone tells you that they exclusively almost
have sex with adults, you're not hiring them
to babysit your kids.
That's not what you're thinking of right now.
But okay, fine. Okay, fine.
Hannity claims he was just getting
some informal real estate advice from Michael Cohen,
which makes what he said a few hours earlier
on his radio show all the more confusing.
- Okay, okay, okay, whoa. No, no. Whoa.
Whoa. Okay, wait,
So he's not your lawyer?
All you had was a few chitchats about real estate,
but you definitely wanted attorney-client privilege.
Yeah, you definitely want that.
What the [...] did you bury under that house?
No, I'm just saying, I've had a lot of conversations
about real estate.
At the end of it I never went, "This never happened."
What Hannity did was so shady,
even when he tried to talk about other things on his show,
his own guests had to call him out.
And please, do enjoy.
- A foreign national using, uh, Russian sources, of all things,
to get it. Is that a crime
in Alan Dershowitz's book?
- Well, first of all, Sean,
I do want to say that I really think
that you should've disclosed your relationship
with, uh, Cohen when you talked about him on this show.
I think it would've been much, much better
had you disclosed that relationship.
You were in a difficult situation, obviously.
- If you understand the nature of it, professor,
I'm gonna deal with this later in the show--
- No, I understand. - It was minimal.
I put out a statement about it. - You should've said that.
And that would've been fair to say.
- It was such a minor relationship
in terms of... - You should've said that.
- You--you should've said that.
You--you should've said that.
- I beseech our American lawmakers
from Congress and Senate to stop slinging mud
across the aisle and come up with a bipartisan solution
to an obvious epidemic of gun violence
and mass shooting in America.
- I think, uh, that last kid is very relatable.
I too do not wish to be shot in the [bleep] face.
Yeah. Wherever Malala is right now,
she's like, "That's what I've been saying, yeah.
We're all on the same page."
Now, most people who see those kids
are impressed by how articulate they are
and they're inspired by their passion.
Other people, like ex-congressman
and paid CNN contributor Jack Kingston,
they think it's suspicious that these kids
say they don't want to be shot in the face.
- I think it's a horrible tragedy
and I am heartbroken,
but I also know that their sorrow
can very easily be hijacked by left wing groups...
- But do you think it has been? - Who have an agenda.
I-I--well, let's ask ourselves,
do we really think that-- and I say this sincerely,
do we really think 17-year-olds
on their own are gonna plan a nationwide rally?
- I say this sincerely, get the [bleep] out of here, man.
[cheers and applause]
you think adults can convince teenagers
to do something they don't wanna do?
Like, you think these kids
were actually pro-gun,
and then, what, George Soros showed up
and he was like, "Who wants Skittles?
You're shocked that these kids can plan a few events?
Like, if this guy had even seen one movie
about high school, he would know that planning rallies
is at least 30% of being a teenager, right.
Yeah, the other 70% is falling in love with vampires.
That's all it basically is.
Now, some pro-gun advocates
are taking the opposite approach, right.
They do believe that these kids are acting
without adult supervision, and for them,
that's exactly the problem.
- The media's focused more on a teenager's expertise
in supply-side control measures for guns,
which, Tucker, let's be candid:
they probably have not studied
a very complicated, layered issue.
- Yeah, you know what? Yeah, you're right.
These kids may not be professors in guns,
but maybe being in a mass shooting
gets you an honorary degree, yeah?
Maybe? Just maybe?
You do realize-- you do realize that if people
weren't allowed to share their opinions,
unless they'd studied the issue,
then Donald Trump would never be allowed to speak.