-Hmm... Hey, Oscar?
-Yeah? -When you get a loan,
you don't have to use it for
exactly what you say you're gonna, right?
-Yes, you do.
-No, but, I mean, once the bank gives you the money,
it is your money.
You can use it for whatever you want, right?
-No, Kevin, that would be fraud.
Every few weeks we have the same conversation.
"Can I pawn off stuff from the office and sell it on eBay?"
"Um, no, Kevin, you can't.
"Can I say I was an astronaut and sell the movie rights?
"What do you think, Kevin?
"Can I sell time shares in my garage?"
"Can I rent out my mom's car when she's in Florida?"
"Can I be the heir of uh.. and and inherit lots of money?
What is he talking about?
-Let's say that you tell the bank that you're gonna
open up an ice cream store
but instead you buy an ice cream cart?
Technically you are still selling ice cream.
-I know you have gambling debts.
-Promise me you will not take out a small business loan
and use that money to pay of your bookie.
-What's a bookie?
I don't even know what you're talking about.
You are a really weird dude, Oscar.
Okay, Malone's Cones.
This is going to be awesome.
-So, uh, this would be a loan for an ice cream store?
Like Baskin Robbins?
-We will be selling ice cream.
-Well, I would hope so.
-The business will have a mobile component.
-Yeah, I see you've underlined that several times here.
Uh, what does that mean, you'll deliver?
-In a way.
-Okay, so other than deliver and the rhyming name,
what are we looking at exactly
-We have flavors.
"Fudge the Magic Dragon."
What are the ingredients in that?
-Uh, ice cream?
-And you would make the ice cream yourself?
-We would just buy the ice cream in a store.
Or we would make it ourself.
-Do you know how to make ice cream?
-Well, I'll be honest,
this stuff's going in the recycling.
If he's lucky we'll shred it first to...
protect his social security number.
I have a lot questions.
-I have a lot questions for you too.
-Really? What kind of questions?
-If you grant me this loan
about how long will it take
for me to have cash in hand?
-Not something you're going to have to worry about.
-We got exposed wires up there
You can actually hear them sparking, okay?
I said, "Gimme a budget for repairs,"
they said, "Fix it yourself.
And we got metal beams touching metal shelves.
First rainstorm it's gonna be warehouse full of dead people
up in here.
What the hell?
-So do you have it? -I've got it.
Kevin, this is just paper.
-Oh, my God, I think we've been the target of a sting operation.
-Come on, Kevin, where's the money?
-Are you wearing a wire?
-Come on, stop playing games
Get me the money. -Please do not hurt me.
-I'm not going to hurt you
Do I look like I would hurt you?
-W-well... -This is a terrible situation
you gotten me into. -I'm sorry,
just don't be mad at me. -I'm not going to be mad
at you if you give me the money! Come on, man!
You have a nice new car, Kevin
Look at my car, it's so old.
-Hey! -Get it!
Look at this car!
-That little dude may hurt me if I don't get that bank loan
What's your business plan?
-I'm gonna sell ice cream out of a cart.
-That's mad solid.
You're never gonna get that loan.
-Why not? -Cause, you're a nervous,
sweaty looking man, you know You project failure.
-Come into my warehouse, we'll talk.
I get $100 up front plus another $500 more
once I score the loan.
Any other nervous. sweaty people having money trouble,
you know who to call.
-We need a secret signal that lets me know
if I'm talking too much.
-If you hear words coming out of your mouth...
that's your signal.
-Hi. Thanks for waiting.
So, Malone's Cones -- sounds delicious.
-So, you enjoy ice cream. -Oh yeah,
maybe a little too much.
-I can tell by your perfume you are a woman of distinction
-You have a great... vest.
-Indeed you do...
have a vest of very high quality.
-Oh, well, thank you.
-I want you to experience something now.
Taste the ice cream.
It tastes like Breyers.
-Hi, uh, I'm sorry,
we've already passed on this application.
-Hi, Brad, h-how how are you Great to see you again.
-Mr. Malone. -Hi, I don't believe we've met
-Uh -- [ Clears throat ] This is the ice cream franchise?
Yeah? We're not interested
-Before you say another word
I want you to taste the ice cream.
-I'd rather not.
-Look, if you taste this and turn us down like a man,
cool -- we walk out of here like none of this ever happened
-Can I ask you something? Did you...
make that or buy it from the store?
-It's cool, we don't even need y'all.
I sure my man has a back up plan.
[ Bell ringing ] -Ice cream!
Good ice cream!
[ Rings bell ]
-You got the loan? -No.
I decided I would pay off my debts by selling ice cream
-Good luck. -How much for one?
-Ten dollars. -Goodbye.
Good ice cream!