Practice English Speaking&Listening with: If Google Was a Guy: Quarantine Edition

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(cheerful instrumental music)

- [Google] Next.

(door squeaks)

- Google.

- Six feet away, please.

- Am I glad to see you.

- I'm sure you have questions

about the pandemic. (paper rustles)

- Are rhinos elephants?

- Are what? (hand thuds)

- Toilet paper in bulk.

- Sold out, sorry.

- Ah, paper towel in bulk.

- Sold out, too.

- Tissue paper in bulk.

- Sold out.

You know, in olden days we just used rags.

- Underwear in bulk.

- Very gross. (hands tap)

- How do I Zoom?

- Video conferencing (paper rustles)

is a great way to stay connected.

- Do I Zoom on Facebook?

- Where to begin. (paper rustles)

- How do I Facebook?

- How islands stay put?

- Nothing about coronavirus.

The quarantine.

- Islands have anchors?

- Mojito recipe.

- So you're going to (paper rustles)

need mint.

- Don't have it.

- Lime. - Don't have it.

- Club soda.

- Don't have it.

- And rum. (paper rustles)

- Woo, mojitos. (rum splashes)

- Online yoga class.

- Good for you (paper rustles)

staying in shape.

- Online Zumba class.

- Regular exercise (paper rustles)

is a great stress reliever.

- Online crossfit class.

- Just be careful to-- (paper rustles)

- Online chiropractor class.

- Pace yourself. (paper rustles)

The rate of spread in foreign countries.

The U.S. government response.

- Exclamation point

but for quiet. (hand taps)

- Chicken.

- A lot of grocery stores are sold out

so you're gonna need (paper rustles)

to get creative.

- Farms near me.

- Good thinking.

Some farms will deliver vegetables right to your door.

- Stealing chickens.

- Uh, not that creative.

- How to wash hands--

- Soap is one of the best (paper rustles)

weapons we have against the virus.

- Memes.

- Ugh, these are pretty funny, actually.

- Jewel's "Hands" but for how to wash hands.

- Ah, she didn't.

- Calculate volume sphere.

- Why not ask a parent for some homeschooling?

- Uh, calculate volume sphere.

These hands are washed like so

With water first

And then with soap

- This slaps.

- Dow Jones.

- Bad news. (paper rustles)

- S&P 500.

- Ooh, yikes.


- Sorry.

- Animal Crossing real estate.

- Not a real thing.

- Dollar to turnip exchange rate.

- How long quarantine?

- This says two months. (paper rustles)

- Months.

- This says six months.

- Oh my God.

- And this says 2021.

I have longer, if you want. (hand taps)

- Animal shelter.

- Animal shelters are struggling right now

so it's a great time (paper rustles)

to bring home a quarantine buddy.

- Adopting a chicken.

- Not that creative. (paper rustles)

- Time of day.

- 4 p.m.

- Day of week.

- Thursday.

- Month of year.

- April.

- 2020 can suck my-- (feet thud)

- Ah, so you know the year.

- What do I do?

- Do the five. (paper rustles)

Wash your hands often, (hands clack)

cough into your elbow,

don't touch your face,

keep a safe distance from others,

and stay home.

You're touching your face.

- I suddenly can't stop.

- Flat curve theory.

- Finally.

(chart clacks) Flatten the curve means

that if we practice social distancing

we can control the spread of the virus over time,

keeping hospitals from being overwhelmed

and saving lives.

- Sorry, flat earth theory.

- Oh God, I need a mojito. (rum splashes)

- Miami beach parties.

(hand taps) - You realize

how irresponsible this is.

- I'm 22.

- You could still give the virus to someone older than you

or someone immunocompromised or die from it yourself.

No one is completely safe.

- Sexy HAZMAT suit.

- Stay home.

- How to feel normal?

- Look, it's normal (melancholy music)

to not feel normal.

We've never gone through anything like this

as a modern society so go easy on yourself

and look for pleasant distractions.

- Exclamation point but for quiet.

(Google chuckles)

(fist thuds)

- Let's find out.

(paper rustles)

These hands are washed liked so

With water first

And then with soap

Scrub back and forth

And to and fro

For at least 30 seconds

The Description of If Google Was a Guy: Quarantine Edition