(cheerful instrumental music)
- [Google] Next.
(door squeaks)
- Google.
- Six feet away, please.
- Am I glad to see you.
- I'm sure you have questions
about the pandemic. (paper rustles)
- Are rhinos elephants?
- Are what? (hand thuds)
- Toilet paper in bulk.
- Sold out, sorry.
- Ah, paper towel in bulk.
- Sold out, too.
- Tissue paper in bulk.
- Sold out.
You know, in olden days we just used rags.
- Underwear in bulk.
- Very gross. (hands tap)
- How do I Zoom?
- Video conferencing (paper rustles)
is a great way to stay connected.
- Do I Zoom on Facebook?
- Where to begin. (paper rustles)
- How do I Facebook?
- How islands stay put?
- Nothing about coronavirus.
The quarantine.
- Islands have anchors?
- Mojito recipe.
- So you're going to (paper rustles)
need mint.
- Don't have it.
- Lime. - Don't have it.
- Club soda.
- Don't have it.
- And rum. (paper rustles)
- Woo, mojitos. (rum splashes)
- Online yoga class.
- Good for you (paper rustles)
staying in shape.
- Online Zumba class.
- Regular exercise (paper rustles)
is a great stress reliever.
- Online crossfit class.
- Just be careful to-- (paper rustles)
- Online chiropractor class.
- Pace yourself. (paper rustles)
The rate of spread in foreign countries.
The U.S. government response.
- Exclamation point
but for quiet. (hand taps)
- Chicken.
- A lot of grocery stores are sold out
so you're gonna need (paper rustles)
to get creative.
- Farms near me.
- Good thinking.
Some farms will deliver vegetables right to your door.
- Stealing chickens.
- Uh, not that creative.
- How to wash hands--
- Soap is one of the best (paper rustles)
weapons we have against the virus.
- Memes.
- Ugh, these are pretty funny, actually.
- Jewel's "Hands" but for how to wash hands.
- Ah, she didn't.
- Calculate volume sphere.
- Why not ask a parent for some homeschooling?
- Uh, calculate volume sphere.
♪ These hands are washed like so ♪
♪ With water first ♪
♪ And then with soap ♪
- This slaps.
- Dow Jones.
- Bad news. (paper rustles)
- S&P 500.
- Ooh, yikes.
- NASDAQ.
- Sorry.
- Animal Crossing real estate.
- Not a real thing.
- Dollar to turnip exchange rate.
- How long quarantine?
- This says two months. (paper rustles)
- Months.
- This says six months.
- Oh my God.
- And this says 2021.
I have longer, if you want. (hand taps)
- Animal shelter.
- Animal shelters are struggling right now
so it's a great time (paper rustles)
to bring home a quarantine buddy.
- Adopting a chicken.
- Not that creative. (paper rustles)
- Time of day.
- 4 p.m.
- Day of week.
- Thursday.
- Month of year.
- April.
- 2020 can suck my-- (feet thud)
- Ah, so you know the year.
- What do I do?
- Do the five. (paper rustles)
Wash your hands often, (hands clack)
cough into your elbow,
don't touch your face,
keep a safe distance from others,
and stay home.
You're touching your face.
- I suddenly can't stop.
- Flat curve theory.
- Finally.
(chart clacks) Flatten the curve means
that if we practice social distancing
we can control the spread of the virus over time,
keeping hospitals from being overwhelmed
and saving lives.
- Sorry, flat earth theory.
- Oh God, I need a mojito. (rum splashes)
- Miami beach parties.
(hand taps) - You realize
how irresponsible this is.
- I'm 22.
- You could still give the virus to someone older than you
or someone immunocompromised or die from it yourself.
No one is completely safe.
- Sexy HAZMAT suit.
- Stay home.
- How to feel normal?
- Look, it's normal (melancholy music)
to not feel normal.
We've never gone through anything like this
as a modern society so go easy on yourself
and look for pleasant distractions.
- Exclamation point but for quiet.
(Google chuckles)
(fist thuds)
- Let's find out.
(paper rustles)
♪ These hands are washed liked so ♪
♪ With water first ♪
♪ And then with soap ♪
♪ Scrub back and forth ♪
♪ And to and fro ♪
♪ For at least 30 seconds ♪
