How are you?
It's good to see--
I'm so good.
It has been a long time since you've been here.
But you know, I watch you almost all the time.
I saw your show, Relatable.
Oh, the stand-up special.
The stand-up special.
It was so, so good.
Thank you very much.
I couldn't stop watching.
It was late at night.
And I should be going--
I should be going to sleep.
And I couldn't.
I watched the entire thing.
In fact, I wrote you an email.
All right, we have a mutual friend.
I know that you know Adam Levine.
And so I wrote him, and I said, hey,
can I write a note to Ellen?
And you can send it to her.
And he was like, Sure, yeah.
I said I loved her show.
I wrote you a note, I said, I love your show.
And then he wrote me back, and he was,
like, I can't send this to her.
I haven't seen her show yet.
Did you get it?
How long ago did you send that to him?
Like two months ago or something.
So he-- somehow it came up.
And I said, have you even seen my stand-up special yet.
And he goes, no, and when you were over the other night,
I felt so bad that you were going to bring it up
And Jake Gyllenhaal loves it.
And I didn't know you wrote him.
Because Jake Gyllenhaal was talking about how great it is.
And I said, I can't believe you haven't watched my special.
You're my friend.
He goes, I will, I will.
I'm going to watch it right now.
And so I went to bed.
And I woke up to a million texts of like, oh, my god.
This is so great.
Oh, my god.
This is-- on and on and on.
Like, and then at the end, because I'm not responding.
It says, good talk.
But anyway, he never did pass it on.
Even though he saw it now.
And also you're comedians cars, coffee getting cart.
Cars getting coffee.
Somebody's getting coffee.
Jerry Seinfeld show.
Well, so you do watch me when you're not around.
Like, weirdly nonstop.
I like it.
Maybe you shouldn't give me--
you should give me your email.
Yes, you should, yes, you should.
I'll give you my number.
You text me directly.
Because I like to text you.
Because I like to text you when I see you doing something,
and not wait for you to be on the show to tell you.
I thought that you hadn't been here because we scared you.
Last time you were here, we had someone--
it's empty, just so you know.
Well, watch your fingers.
But that was smart to check that.
But no, I thought that's why you hadn't come back.
Because we did scare you, and you did curse.
I mean-- Yeah, and it is something people
talk to me about a lot.
Like they talk about it.
Well, you almost punched--
I think you almost--
Yeah, it was pretty frightening.
The thing that's weird about that is, like
is that what I would be like in a serious situation?
Do you know what I mean?
Like, if something really serious
happened where I was scared?
Do you know what I mean?
It seems like you would.
Not really the man you want to be with that for that.
Yeah, probably not.
No, probably not.
Putting her in front of you.
Yeah, what noises I make.
hey you joined Instagram since you've been here.
And you're doing well.
What does that mean?
Well, if you have--
you can tell by the amount of followers you have--
Oh, right, right, yeah, yeah.
Because they're responding to what you're posting.
I noticed that you don't follow me.
You follow a bunch of people.
Justin Timberlake and Jimmy Fallon and Amy Schumer.
I mean, there's other--
Hold on, hold on.
And you just told me how much you like me.
That is not true.
I do follow you.
You do not.
E-L-L-Y N D, right?
You are a fan.
Why don't you follow me if you like me so much?
It's just-- like, it was--
I don't know.
I don't know how to do this.
I don't know.
Amy Schumer, but--
I mean, I don't.
I'll follow you.
It's the Ellen show.
You have to do that--
OK, no problem.
Let's talk about the movie.
That's why you're here, not for me.
So what is your character you play in this movie?
He's called Mysterio.
And so, you-- yes.
It's pretty cool.
There are-- If you haven't seen Endgame, which makes--
probably there two people in the world who haven't-
At this point.
But if you haven't seen, there's a little bit of spoilers.
But you know, Peter Parker find himself
in a different position, trying to figure
his way through the world.
And he wants to kind of push aside the Spider-Man identity
and just hang out with his friends.
And so they go on a school trip.
And he just wants to do that.
But stuff happens.
And he has to be brought back.
And Nick Fury tries to bring him back in.
And we're part of a team trying to fight
these elemental creatures together.
So Peter Parker finds himself in a pickle?
Waiting that whole time for a joke.
Do you see why I don't follow you now?